Tactics Tuesdays

Some girls love to be teased. But some girls hate it. You find out who is whom (and how to proceed with each) by gauging her openness to teasing, right up front.

Some girls you can tease, flirt with, and bust on until you’re blue in the face, and they’ll love every moment of it.

Other girls, though? Well... not so much. Give her even a light ribbing and her body language turns icy. Try and flirt with her and she just gives you that stony look. You can feel your stomach muscles constrict as she bores holes into you with her eyes.

If you can figure out where on the spectrum a girl lies before you lay your flirtation on thick (or not at all), you can adjust properly.

But if you can’t, you may just find yourself boring the girls who want you to tease... Or sending the girls who can’t handle teasing into a spiral of auto-rejection.

This article is aimed at men who are intermediate with girls and up.

You can still use it as a beginner, but it’ll likely be a little too finesse to remember to do in the heat of the moment. That’s okay, you can circle back here once the game’s slowed down for you.

So how do you know when to start teasing a girl, and when to hold off?

In this article, I’m going to give you the ‘cautious method’ for figuring out how open a girl is to teasing. You won’t always use this, and in fact I don’t always use it too (especially when I’m trying to just ping a girl quickly and see how interested she is, and move on if she isn’t that interested – I’ll go straight to personal teases in that case).

However, if you want to not blow it with a specific girl, or you’re in a captive audience situation (like seated next to her on a bus or airplane, or in a class), this is perfect for not sending girls into auto-rejection by going too far with your teases.

And if she isn’t open to teasing? Don’t worry, I’ve got a solution for you there too.

Let’s dive in.

How to approach a girl eating alone – you must disarm her concerns of awkwardness first. Then you turn the tables.

This one’s a bit niche. But hey, I just covered a very broad topic (in great detail!) yesterday in my how to get a girlfriend article. So I think I can tackle a specific one here.

On our discussion boards, forum member CuriosityKillsTheCat asks:

“I’ve approached girls eating many times. It was difficult. Most of the time she had to stop and talked with me. Also I hadn’t find a way to move her to another place. Phone numbers were 100% flake.

Do you guys approach girls eating? My school’s cafeteria has many girls sitting alone eating there. I might miss out big opportunities.”

(here’s his forum thread on this)

It seems like a simple one to solve: she’s by herself, just go talk to her. Right?

Except it’s a little more complicated than that. Try it out, and you’ll find it’s often a bit awkward and a little intrusive to approach a girl who’s seated alone, eating her meal. You can make her feel trapped, and if there are ample places to sit, you look like you’re chasing her if you go all the way over to her. There are plenty of snares here for you to fall into.

Is there a way to consistently approach girls alone in large cafeterias (or elsewhere), and have it go well?

Touching girls can seem scary when you’re inexperienced with women. But even experienced guys get touch wrong. With these 7 rules, you’ll get touch right.

Do you get touchier with a girl in the club?

Do you have to kiss her to get to the next club?

Is “more the merrier” true when it comes to physical escalation?

These are some of the most common questions of beginners, and probably the biggest misconceptions from intermediates. Everyone is under the impression that the more physical you get, the more likely a girl is to go home with you.

Yet, get physical at the wrong time, and your touch may have the opposite of the desired effect.

Is physicality sinking your chances at sealing the deal?

How do you get a girl who’s resisting you to comply with your request? Provisional commitment: “I’ll give you X if condition Y.”

In Donald Trump’s master class on deal making, The Art of the Deal, Trump often mentions his use of provisional commitments as he assembles deals. For example, he may agree to purchase a given piece of real estate, contingent on him getting regulatory approval for what he wants to build there, being able to purchase an extended lease for the property the real estate sits on, etc. That means that if he can get these things, he gets the deal. If he can’t, the deal is off, and he doesn’t lose anything, or loses very little.

You might think this is just something you’d use in business and legal situations. “My client is willing to testify, contingent upon him receiving...” etc.

Yet the provisional commitment has a slew of uses in the romantic and social arenas as well – assuming you’re not afraid to negotiate with the women you’d like to bed.

You can sometimes do things for girls to make them more compliant. But you must be strategic in this – and you absolutely can’t supplicate.

Note right up front: this post is for somewhat more advanced guys. At least intermediate-on-up. You need to be fine saying no to girls and not have an overwhelming need to please before you’re ready for this technique. Otherwise, you’re going to end up sabotaging yourself with it.

If you’re a regular Girls Chase reader (or if you own my book), you know how important investment is to doing well with girls. It’s a cornerstone of your success with women. If you’re just catching up and need an investment primer, here’s my three-part compliance series, to wet your whistle:

1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
2. What If She Says No?
3. How to Say No to Others and Turn Down Compliance

In my article on Donald Trump persuasion, Lawliet asks a question about giving compliance to get it:

“When we give others compliance, does that increase their compliance in us? In social situations with friends? with meeting girls also? What about in sales? I notice some salesmen help clients do things.

If normally not (ex. Sad shopping guy, helpful guy, horny guy), is there a way to leverage it so it does? I somehow suspect it can (why else would so many guys use it as flirting?), but have not decrypt the key yet (they use it in the wrong way).

Some examples would be great! (love to hear your ancedotals stories)

Just my theory,
Lawliet”

So, yes – this is absolutely a thing.

In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini cites the example of giving free stuff (like a flower) to ask for a donation, a tactic which started at the airport with the Hare Krishnas – which if you’re too young to remember this scourge on American airports, as I am, you can still see preserved historically in the movie Airplane!:

The thing the Airplane! clip shows you is that this tactic is often pretty grating.

The thing it doesn’t tell you – and that Cialdini talks about – is that it can be (and in the case of the Hare Krishnas, it was) extremely effective.

Yet before you go running off to use it in your seductions, we have a few things to discuss about it, first.

“Well, the reason is because…” Lots of guys explain themselves to women. But should you ever explain yourself to her?

Commenting on my article "She’ll Do What She Has to to Get What She Wants", a reader named Mr. Shark notes (emphasis added):

“Hello, Chase

I noticed that girls start to ignore me when I explain myself. It kinda bothers me because when I screw up, its like... she is a human, why does not she care where I am coming from? I am sure that it can be done from position of strength just as from position of weakness.

I mean stuff like on Tinder, she asks me what am I looking for there. And I usually look at the girl and based on what I look for *with her*, I answer. And it usually goes downhill. So lately, just today actually, I said "well, I am not exactly looking for a scrabble partner, what about you?" and she sent me this 5 row long text with lots of stuff in it.

Or like, I had a girl in a social circle, it was going well with her over text, just had to ask her out but I wanted to see if she is single first because I did not know so we talked about how she only has one good friend and that its almost as hard to find a good, honest female friend as finding a great guy. And I asked what its like when she already has both. And she replied why do I assume she does. And I let it be there for the day, but then in the evening I sent her some bullshit, precise wording would be "Because that is the positive option, not having that would be negative. And you strikes me as a girl who would rather wait for the right guy rather than to be with a wrong one just to be with someone". And then, we met at campus, it was weird, it shifted to a nice conversation about school basically... kill me. This one I understand why it is bad, but sometimes, it just sucks. You misplan something and she seems bothered and you try to explain where you made the error but she does not care. All she cares about was the outcome and that I screwed up. And I guess the only option is to accept women are this way and simply not explain myself to them.

Cheers”

There are a lot of important realizations in this comment from Mr. Shark - I'll list them out:

• As you explain yourself, a girl gets bored with and ignores you
• She does not care about your (logical) explanations
• If you swap out explaining with flirting, she'll get interested
• She doesn't care about your reasons, only the outcome
  

Thus, the lesson of today's article is this:

Never, ever explain yourself to women.

At least not in a logical, boring, factual (or defensive) way.

Now, let me explain.

What happens if you just aren’t getting anywhere with girls? Should you grind it out? No – instead, enter the tactical reset.

Have you ever seen those a guy who tries to learn game, but no matter what, he just can’t get results?

He could spend months – or in the extreme, years – and never progress beyond getting phone numbers from girls (that never lead to dates) or make-outs with them (that never lead to sex).

Hopefully, you haven’t experienced anything quite so bad (the worst-case guys do seem to be a small minority). But maybe you’ve seen some flavor of this... You’ve hit a plateau, tried to grind it out, and just nothing was working. How do you deal with these situations?

In today’s article, I’m going to share with you the approach I’ve found most helpful for resolving this issue: it’s what I call a ‘tactical reset’.

Before we get to that though, let’s talk about why these hang-ups happen.