Tactics Tuesdays

Being the lover does not end when you seduce a woman into bed with you. Throughout your time with her, you continue to be her lover – the Perpetual Lover.

Recently, seasoned forum member of ours (and our upcoming Skilled Seducer of the Month) Devilicious suffered a painful breakup with an “absolute 10” for him he’d been seeing.

At one point, as she slept naked face down on their bed, Dev decided to “snap a few pictures of her beautiful body.”

A short while later, peering at his phone, she discovered the pictures, and it triggered complete emotional dissociation in her. She balked; he apologized; deleted the pictures for her; then, she asked him to leave and dumped him.

The girl herself was a codependent. Codependents have triggers that cause them to overreact to romantic situations, both blowing up excessively and disposing of relationships (as this girl did) as well as dropping all their requirements and chasing to get their lover back (as this girl would have, had Dev used the kind of manipulation tactics/gaslighting that works on codependents… fortunately, he’s too healthy to get sucked into that nonsense).

So, while I don’t recommend snapping photos of a sleeping naked chick (really, I recommend you keep as few pictures of women as possible. None, if you can do it. Just see your girls in real life, and if it ends, say farewell and replace them!), this girl’s overreaction was excessive/unhealthy.

Dev’s biggest screwup was not the picture-taking, however. It was that, when challenged on the pictures he took of her, he did not hold frame.

In particular, he should have held the frame he had originally when he took those photos – that of the lover.

Raise your rate of girls saying “yes” to dates with you by asking them out with a soft close. Be smoother, get more dates, & experience fewer rejections!

If you listened to my lengthy interview with legendary playboy Skills, you may recall a section of the interview (near the end) where we spent time discussing the use of a soft close.

(the gist of what we discussed was Skills’s approach to texting soft closes girls after he takes their numbers, while my approach to texting soft closes girls before taking their numbers; either one, by the way, works – it’s more a matter of stylistic/game preference)

A soft close is a way to create a short yes-ladder that eases girls into a date with you.

Rather than smack her in the face with a high pressure date request out of the blue, you baby step her into agreeing to a date – raising her comfort, your smoothness, and the odds you turn this girl you’re having a conversation with into, first, your date, and then, your lover.

Today we’ll look at how to use soft closes.

Too caught up in interview-style questions? Break yourself out of that pattern by turning your questions into statements!

One of the most common rookie mistakes men make in conversation is to ask too many questions.

When you’re talking to a girl you’ve just met and you BOMBARD her with questions, it makes her feel like she’s in an interview. That’s bad for a multitude of reasons:

• Interview-style is not how she talks with close friends. When you hit her with question after question, she gets the feeling that, “This man and I aren’t close.”

• Interview-style displays a lack of connection. When there’s connection, you and her just vibe, with minimal questions. If you have to keep asking each other questions, the connection isn’t there.

• Interview-style is more effortful. You are in ‘topical search mode’, looking for something to connect with her on. If you need to explore topic, after topic, after topic, that is a lot of work. You are in violation of the Law of Least Effort, and look socially weak.

You definitely do not want to overdo it with the questions.

So what CAN you do? Turn some of those questions into statements!

Pointing at yourself or others as you set emotional frames anchors those emotions to the pointee. Can you use this in seduction? You absolutely can…

A recent study examined US President Donald Trump’s use of pointing to connect with his audience. The study authors note

Results show that (i) inward points are associated with first-person references; (ii) outward points are associated with second person and third person/object references; (iii) downward points are associated with locative expressions; (iv) looping marks plurality and inclusiveness and (v) internal complexity is associated with expressions of number, time, sequence and comparison.

The authors further note that “Trump uses pointing in the kinesic performance of right-wing populism to entertain his audience, to engage with them more directly, to steer their attention and to align himself with them as a man of the people.”

While academia may just be catching up, the use of pointing has been with us since before we were human (apes, for instance, are known to point).

And one place we’ve long paid attention to the usefulness of the point is in neurolinguistics programming.

Prefacing lets you approach women or issues in ways that they’d push back on otherwise… yet, with you, thanks to you prefacing, they accept (& even enjoy!).

Tiny little tactic here that lets you get away with lots.

Generally there are some subjects in conversation you cannot touch. Certain sensitivities, criticisms, or, alternately, certain proposals. Things that if you accuse someone of them or suggest them raise so many hackles it can blow the whole conversation up.

Sometimes, too, you’ll meet hot-tempered people quick to jump to conclusions every time you manage to utter more than a few syllables. These individuals can be particularly hard to talk to, as they personalize nearly everything you say.

Finally, there are things you might say – including many of the openers you deliver to women during cold approach – that might be hard to swallow on their own. They seem incongruent or hard to believe. A woman might think you’re just yanking her chain.

The one tactic you can use to route around each and every one of these problems is prefacing; where you use a short prefacing statement to pace your listener’s understanding before diving into the juicy stuff.

If you want to get a girl to do what you want, it’s a lot easier if she thinks what you want is ‘what everyone is doing’ or ‘what the cool kids do’. That’s conformity framing.

Women are herd creatures. Women, far more than men, feel driven to conform.

You might be short, poor, bald, ugly, dumb, or out-of-step; we’ve all got drawbacks. Yet how do you deal with these when women bring them up?

It’s pretty common for men to feel insecure about whatever drawbacks they may have:

• Too short
• Too ugly
• Too bald
• Too broke
• Too young
• Too old
• Too much of a nobody
• Too unaccomplished
• Too awkward
• Too dumb
• Too out-of-step with the culture

Guys will put off approaching girls, skip approaching altogether, and otherwise remain stuck in safe spaces out of fear of rejection over their drawbacks.

When they do make an approach on a girl, they often look for ways to self-deprecate, which only highlights their weakness and makes them look insecure; or else they act defensive if it gets brought up, which again makes them seem insecure.

How, then, do you defuse your disadvantages when you approach new girls – or even when you go on a date, or are inside a relationship?

In this Tactics Tuesdays installment, I’ll provide you with three (3) separate (but each one of them useful) ways.