How to Avoid Frame Wars
Men often inadvertently spark frame wars with women they’re courting. Ways they do this include over-playing their tactics, failing to make the girl feel special, and more.Hey guys. Welcome back!
Insights from the Mind of a Seducer
Men often inadvertently spark frame wars with women they’re courting. Ways they do this include over-playing their tactics, failing to make the girl feel special, and more.Tactics Tuesdays: When Girls Try to Lead, Be the Prize
Sometimes you’re trying to get somewhere with a girl but she’s just so assertive. What can you do with girls who take the lead? Simple: you just be the prize.A short while back, one of our forum members shared a report of his in which a girl at a club managed to pry a free drink from him, then keep him following her for much of the night.
He's not an inexperienced guy, and was a bit confused at what happened with her. It seemed like she was into him... however, she continually deflected his requests while making her own (and getting him to comply).
Sometimes you will meet girls like this, who aren't interested in all at following, but will try to lead with you.
These may not always be girls who are disinterested in you. Sometimes they may just be very strong, assertive personality-type women.
If you leave things in their hands, you'll rarely end up with them.
What you must do instead with girls who want to lead is to switch up your strategy:
You must focus, even more than usual, on being the prize.
Easily Approach Girls... by 'Happening to Be Near Them'
Ever have a girl just pop up next to you? Well you can do the same thing to girls too. Women will present 3 opportunities to do it… and you can easily pop up in 4 simple steps.Girls use this one all the time.
Well guess what? So can you.
What's the most magical way to meet someone? It's when two people bump into each other as if by magic.
Actually that's the second most magical. The most magical is when two people are checking each other out, anticipating meeting each other, then both drift toward each other and meet. But you won't always have that drawn-out 'both checking each other out' situation.
As far back as junior high I noticed how often women who liked me magically appeared around me.
I was too shy to approach (much) then, so I started doing the next best thing:
I'd magically appear around women I liked too.
As you would expect, it led to us 'just happening' to end up in conversations sometimes.
And sometimes these girls would ask me out.
Eventually I got into approaching women a lot more directly. But I've still always had a place in my heart for happening to find myself near women I want to meet.
It makes life easier.
Don't Hate the Player. And Don't Hate the Game
It’s normal to feel frustrated when you don’t get what you want. But rather than let yourself hate “the game”… why not just get good at the game instead?On my article about your opinions about women betraying your success (or lack thereof) with women, a reader comments:
When it comes to bitterness it's usually not towards women as a whole. Sure some of the negative qualities of women can irritate me like not being consistent with their emotions/feelings/thoughts and their obliviousness in general. But I still have love for women and I always remind myself of this.
My bitterness is more directed towards the game and the dynamics of the sexual marketplace where women are buyers and men are sellers and to get attractive quality women men have to do a lot of work and grinding just to increase the probabilities of getting them. In addition to that they gotta deal with the bs society throws at them with their man shaming,masculinity draining tactics,"empowerment" of women which makes it harder for men to play their role as the aggressor,and makes women even more difficult to have as a ltr. Even if you become a high value man with good fundamentals you never ever really stop becoming a seller you just have a better product,but you still have to go around and market it and hope women like what you have to offer. You've probably heard the peasant/begger analogy before do you believe it's a bad comparison? I don't feel like a begger when I cold approach,but it's still not efficient. Even when you're good there will always be assymetric returns.
Personally I know I need to get better and I still approach women occasionally. Although when I do I fight a lot of internal resistance and always have this attitude of "sigh I need to go approach women because I don't currently have any and I need to be smooth and perfect as I do it or I will just get flaky numbers at best.
Coaches say that you need to enjoy the process and have fun with learning seduction and treat it like a game,but how do you have fun with it? How do you have fun with doing something you suck at doing,can be unpleasant and difficult at times and don't know when or it will payoff?
You could be turning your wheels for nothing and put all that effort only to end up having to settle for average looking women who don't fufill you.
It's a good comment. "I don't dislike women, but I do dislike the game," we might sum our reader's comment up as.
Of course, most everyone who's successful at anything learns to enjoy it.
I think we all know naturally that guys who have fun meeting girls tend to do a lot better at it than guys who do not.
The challenge is, before you're getting great results, how can doing this thing, which is nerve-wracking, that exposes you to rejection, that often sucks up time before producing any results, be enjoyable?
What Is a Frame War?
What is a frame war? This phenomenon occurs when someone seeks to seize control of the frame from you and you seek to seize it back.Hey guys. Welcome back!
Last week we looked at the meta-frame and how to set it. To recap, the meta-frame is the “frame of frames,” a frame that must be respected and set to acquire the benefits from other key frames (social and sexual frames). This is the frame where you are the prize, and she chases you, which must be set and maintained. Every other frame you set must be coherent with the meta-frame.
The meta-frame positions you as the prize, and she chases you. All frame control becomes difficult or nearly impossible without it since the prize has the most power and compliance over the other, so that person will be the dominant one in the interaction.
Dominance is not about being a dick toward other men or acting like an obnoxious bad boy. It involves your ability to set and control the interaction's frames and having people accept them. That’s dominance. And women like dominant men, which means they like men who set and maintain frames.
The meta-frame makes her compliant to you – very compliant if strong enough. Yet something interesting happens sometimes: frame wars.
You are in a frame war when you have the meta-frame (she is chasing you), and the girl wants to turn it around and steal the meta-frame.
A frame war emerges when you both want the other to chase. Wars are always devastating, and the same applies here: it usually generates tons of collateral damage.
Today’s subject is frame wars and their implications. Next week I will discuss how to avoid them and deal with them when they occur.
So, first things first: how do you know when you are in a frame war?
