Reading through posts in the relationship forum, as well as guys' relationship issues elsewhere on the Internet, there appears to be a lot of confusion over how and when to implement what I believe is the single most powerful tool in a man's relationship arsenal:
The NEXT.
Throughout this article, I'm going to provide you with the proper contexts in which to execute a NEXT, which situations make it impossible or ineffective, and how to do it. But first, a definition:
Sharing stories is a good way of conveying your personality, which is the pillar of what creates attraction. What attracts women are the elements, or we might call them the traits, of your personality that are attractive.
For example, you can display higher value by sharing a story of yours, which can be done by telling the girl you’re talking to a story in which you are experiencing an exciting event, or just simply communicating to her that you have an exciting life. Maybe the story communicates social proof, or preselection – where you meet other girls.
There are no doubts that all this works, but what I wanted to talk about today is the usage of storytelling as a tool to convey a sexual personality. Say, by sharing sexual experiences in order for you to be perceived by her as a sexually experienced man.
Further you can also share a story in order to make a girl horny – as your story will be like an erotic novel to her ears, allowing her to fantasize about the event by herself (women love pornographic literature – such as erotic novels).
And, sharing sex stories can also work to set the right frame. As I mentioned in my introduction post about sex talk: the frame will define her perception of you; which means that if she perceives you as a sexual man, she will treat you like one. How people perceive you plays a crucial role in defining their behavior toward you.
So now, in this article we will lay out the different steps in how you can pull this off properly.
How to transition into a sex story
How to actually tell a sex story
Short Recap
We will get right into the first step.
Alex writes in with a question about a follow-up article
to the one
on precedent: “Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s
So Very Important.” Here's his email:
“Hi Chase and friends at girlschase.com
Your articles are amazing! I found Chase's article on precedent to be thought-provoking:
http://www.girlschase.com/
content/dating-and-relationship-precedent-why-it’s-so-very-important
I was wondering if you guys think writing a secondary article on how to recover after precedent has been set poorly would be a good follow-up idea.
For example: Say with this particular girl, I've moved too slowly with her, been overly helpful, white-knighted her, and acted overly insecure. As a result, I ended up losing her. But what if I want a second chance? Do you have any suggestions on bouncing back after setting poor precedent?
I know it would be best to move on, and I wish I knew about setting good precedent back when I was inexperienced, but sometimes I just want a second shot. I think it would be excellent to have an article on bouncing back after poor precedent, if possible.
Let me know if you guys think this would be a good suggestion!
Best,
Alex”
This is a sticky issue, and it's not one with an easy fix... not even a remotely easy fix. It's also a totally irrational problem to have, in the grand scheme of things, and it's one that's rooted firmly into a scarcity mentality of some sort or another - it may be that you don't feel you can ever meet another girl as amazing as this one (you lack absolute abundance), or it may be that you don't know if you're ever going to find another girl at ALL (just a complete lack of abundance mentality) - or, at the very least, you've just plunged so much time and emotional investment into this girl that your psyche won't let you let go.
The rational option is always, "Go out, forget about the girl you've dug yourself into a deep pit of despair with, get more skilled with women, upgrade your game and your fundamentals, and go date and sleep with 10 more women hotter, cooler, and more interesting than this one."
Yet, it's a question that comes up SO MUCH from guys, that it's probably worth addressing on its own: how do you change a girl's perception of you when it's already pretty low?
It will require you to move mountains and pull off feats that few
men ever have, but if you're willing to give it your all, I may as well
lay out the tools for you. So, by popular request...
content="Inexperienced women can be a joy to date, or a pain to – it depends on your perspective and objectives. Here’s how to approach them.">
If you're out and about routinely meeting new women, you'll notice that the women you meet, of course, have a broad range of different personality types and characteristics:
Some are bold
Some are shy
Some try to take charge clumsily
Some take charge deftly and naturally
Some will wait for eternity for you to take charge
Some seem excited to meet you
Some appear indifferent
Others are reserved, and you have no idea what they're thinking
What this article is centered on is describing the inexperienced women you'll meet - those inexperienced with men, with dating, with sex, and with relationships. What we'll be examining in this piece is how you can tell them from more experienced women; what the differences are when you're actually with them, interacting with them, setting up dates with them, sleeping with them, and having relationships with them; and what are the main pros and major cons of inexperienced vs. more experienced women.
Should be a fun read, and hopefully you'll learn a thing or two you might not have run into, noticed, or been made aware of just yet.
Empathy is a twisty topic, and one that's often hung with mounds of cultural baggage. The politically correct party line at the moment is, "All empathy is good; all lack of empathy is bad, bad, BAD."
The truth of the matter is a bit more complicated than this (decidedly unempathetic) black-and-white thinking on empathy: strong empathy is a bit like a superpower and a crippling weakness, all rolled up into one.
In this article, we'll be looking at the full range of empathy profiles - from sociopaths, supposedly unable to feel empathy at all, to empaths, those souls so bursting with empathy that stepping on a bug makes them feel awful.
And what I most want to talk about in today's article is striking the right balance - enough empathy that you are able to perceptively know what other people are thinking, what they are feeling, and what they want, but not so much that you render yourself unable to take any action, out of fear of hurting, offending, or invoking the displeasure of someone else.
Desire: it’s that all-powerful word that differentiates a smoldering romantic affair from a chain of text messages that leads nowhere. The difference between having to fight to convince a girl to go out with you – and having her flake… to her flying halfway across the country just to be with you for a few nights. It is the difference between her always being “busy” and her finding a spare five minutes at all costs just to see you.
The difference is desire. Desire can make your seduction as smooth as ice. A lack of it can make it jagged as rocks. Desire makes dating, seduction and relationships easy.
But how do you cultivate desire? And what does it look like when you successfully use it to get a girl to like you? Today we’re going to look at desire inside out. And I’m going to show you the true key to understanding desire, and inspiring it in the women in your life as much as possible.
Street
smarts are something that are invaluable to know, but that you won't
know if you haven't grown up in areas that expose you to dangerous or
dicey situations. You won't learn street smarts in the halls of a
private high school or the sidewalks of an affluent middle class
suburb. Instead, you learn them in the run-down, poor, impoverished
areas where people keep an eye out for anyone who doesn't belong, just
like you do in your
neighborhood - only, instead of steering clear of people who don't fit
the norm, like you may well, they come over to take a sniff or maybe a
little bite.
Each of us has a different level of "protect" and "get" interests in other people. For example, if you see a big, scary-looking man, you probably feel nothing but "protect" instincts - there's nothing you can get from him, but he is a real threat to you... so you protect yourself, and stay away. If you're a single guy walking down the street and you see a beautiful woman, your "get" instincts kick in hard - you probably go want to meet her. Likely, you have some "protect" filter still up - if she looks completely cold or uninterested, you won't approach, because you probably won't get much from her, and you might not be able to protect yourself from rejection and losing face socially.
In less safe places, the people you meet have lower "protect" mechanisms toward you (you're less of a threat than the people they usually encounter) and higher "get" mechanisms (you're an easier mark than the people they usually see)... which means you're a lot more likely to get approached by someone you don't want to meet, for something you don't want to have happen.
Street smarts are really about raising people's "protect" shields and lowering their "get" meters around you, the same as that cold, aloof beauty walking down the street does with men who might otherwise be inclined to approach her - if only she seemed a bit more inviting.
Lately, I have received a lot of interest and requests for an article on what we refer to as “fundamentals”. If you’re relatively good with women now, then the importance of having a solid base to work off of is probably at least somewhat clear to you.
Entering this field, having proper fundamentals should be your first and immediate concern, before you even attempt to learn anything else. Because if you aren’t attractive to women, then you oftentimes won’t even get a chance to practice the tactics and techniques that you’re learning.
And, that’s what I am going to teach you how to do today: become more instantly attractive to the women you meet.
Sound hard? Well, getting your fundamentals set is actually fairly straightforward and uncomplicated. It’s one of the reasons why guys should start off going down this path.
And, better yet, there are really not a lot of hard and fast rules either. There are literally countless ways to up your value via all the different aspects of the basics and fundamentals, so you can pick and choose what sounds easiest to you at the moment, and work on those things first. All of what I am about to tell you is completely doable for any guy who is just starting out.
Even if you’re brand new to all of this, you can still put these ideas and skills to use and start commanding women’s attention and getting the kind of immediate reactions that you want, while limiting the shrug-offs and confused glares that women will give you if you don’t quite have your foundation set just yet.
This is Part II of Drexel Scott’s series on sexuality game. You can read Part I here:
“Sexuality Game: Making Her Wet with Words”
Before I begin this article, I want to tell you guys about something absolutely fascinating I heard the other day. I was speaking with my coworker Brian, and he told me about this amazing book he was reading online. He was telling me that in the first paragraph, the author of the book wrote,
“As you continue to read, focus on the message and pay close attention to what I'm saying, you may… become aware of the stark contrast between the black letters and the white screen. As this contrast becomes more and more interesting, you may find yourself suddenly able to place your attention on your breathing. When you begin to pay attention to how you're breathing, notice the rise and fall of your chest as you continue to inhale and exhale. And as you notice your breath, you may begin to… feel a slight movement of your head.”
Whether you were able to notice what just happened and think about how I led you through that process, I want to make you aware of how Ericksonian language patterns work. There's a lot to them, and it can often be confusing at first. But if I were to ask you to… imagine yourself, a week from now, suddenly able to understand how they work, and looking back on this article as the beginning of that new understanding, how would it make you feel to know you had learned so much that you could begin to incorporate such patterns into the way you communicate?
Let's take this chunk-by-chunk. It's the only way to begin to make sense of what can seem like a brand-new way to think about language.
The basic idea is this: you want to capture and lead the imagination of your audience.
In order to do so, as I mentioned in my article on NLP basics, you need to have a goal in mind. You need to know where you want to lead, and want to end up, so that you can take the other person there with you.
Since the goal of being able to capture and lead a person's imagination is to elicit an emotional state, you need to first choose the state you'd like them to be in.
Poorly-set precedent: it's the scourge of relationships across the face of mankind. Every day, the whole of the male sex collectively writhes in agony at its own terribly-set precedent coming back to haunt it - and bit it right in the ass. Bad precedent is the unadulterated cause of:
Ending up the platonic, sexless orbiter trapped in a girl's friend zone
Becoming viewed as a promising boyfriend candidate instead of a lover
Finding yourself in a relationship where you're doing all of the work
Being endlessly browbeaten by an overly dramatic girlfriend
Losing a woman's respect and attraction in any kind of relationship
Some time back, I posted the article about operant conditioning here, and how this kind of relationship training and management is used for guiding and directing your relationships in the directions you want them to go.
We also discussed briefly in that article how incorrect use of operant conditioning actually reinforces and encourages bad behavior that is destructive to the relationship and harmful to both the man's and the woman’s levels of happiness and contentedness within it.
An understanding of operant conditioning - basically, that how you respond to good, bad, and neutral behavior from someone who's a part of your life influences how likely you are to see that behavior again, and how often, and how much it escalates - is necessary for an understanding of precedent: that what came before influences what is to come again.
And you will find that in your relationships, if you are perceptive enough, you can all but tell the future, simply by putting a microscope over the past - your past, your girlfriends' pasts, and the pasts you've shared together.
You can also determine the future, by building the kind of past precedent necessary to have the kind of future relationship you want, all by doing the right things now.
Yet, you'll find most people are not willing to do this, because a little more pain now for a lot more happiness later is a bargain 99% of people are unwilling to make.
