Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How Playboys' Personalities Differ from Ordinary Men's

Chase Amante's picture
playboy agreeablenessPlayboys aren’t like ordinary men. Students must realize that while you can adopt the playboy’s material to have more success, his goals will tend to be different than theirs.

Yesterday I wrote an article on having healthier relationships by focusing on turning relationships mutual, rather than adversarial. Not 'compromise', not 'give and take', mind you; mutual.

When I wrote that article, I dove into the research on agreeableness. I thought agreeableness might play a big role in that article, but it ended up with a small part.

However, I did find it relevant for a different conversation I was in. It consisted of a few long-time players I know, both in their 40s, who are in the midst of their wife hunts. The discussion they had, which I joined in, was why do so few playboys and seduction coaches marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages?

Obviously there are men who marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages. But this is typically not seduction coaches or natural playboys. Instead these men normally do one of the following:

  • Marry a (sometimes beautiful) girl from their home country but have a non-monogamous marriage (i.e., they're swingers or they have an open marriage)

  • Marry a girl from their home country in a monogamous marriage, but the girl is very unattractive (even if the guy in question historically dated good-looking girls)

  • Marry a beautiful, wholesome girl into a wholesome relationship, but the girl is not from their home country (even if the guy has dated more girls from his home country than any other point of origin)

Their concern was, "Maybe the guys who are teaching this stuff and the guys who are learning this stuff are not so perfectly aligned."

The friends I had this discussion with are fairly advanced playboys, who have been in the seduction community for 15+ years, have perfectly respectable notch counts, and have studied under many of the more notable pickup instructors over the years.

Both are in the midst of 'wife hunts' and, struggling with this (i.e., they lay hot girls, but then those girls don't stick around... or they get girls who want to stick around, but those girls aren't hot, or they have problems), have started to question some of their methods and teachers.

The question I'll pose for today is... what is the difference between advanced seducers and ordinary men?

And does this mean if you are like 98% of men, and you are just an ordinary guy searching for an ordinary wife, you should be doing something different than what these teachers tell you?

Healthy Relationships Are Mutual Ones

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

healthy relationships are mutualAre your romantic relationships mutual… or adversarial? If you want a healthy relationship, you must seek to make yours as mutual (for both parties) as you can.

There has been this rise in what I'd term an 'adversarial approach' to romance.

In a way, the modern seduction community itself came from this. Women were out there, according to the seduction community, with their ' shields', seeking to resist men, to screen them, and test them, and men had to figure out ways to overcome these challenges and cause women to submit to them rather than brush them off.

(I never liked the terms 'bitch shield' or 'shit test', which is why we shortened them to 'shields' and 'tests' here. Even then these terms are still a bit too adversarial for my tastes, but when I began the site those terms were already established and I didn't want to totally reinvent the wheel, so we used them as-is)

It's not only the seduction community. Everything about Western romance has this touch of adversity to it.

Women advising other women say to 'never settle', as if love is this battle for the absolute best man and anything short of that is selling oneself up the river. Men talk about women not being 'worth learning all this', as if to enter a relationship one must learn a form of extreme combat that is no longer worth the reward one gets at the end of it. Women and men alike complain that the opposite sex is no good and not worth being with.

Modern relationship advice often talks about 'compromise', as if the two sides of a relationship are at war, and must come to an accord to move forward on things.

Yet a healthy relationship is not this way.

A healthy relationship is a mutual relationship.

It is one where partners do things together because it is mutually beneficial to do so, and because they enjoy being with and serving each other in their unique man and woman roles.

Tactics Tuesdays: When Women Break Rapport

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

women break rapportWhen women break rapport, it can be either a minor problem… or a major one. But how should you deal with it? Sometimes, more of the same. Sometimes, though, you must do the opposite.

"Come sit with me," you tell a girl. You've talked with her now for about 15 minutes and it seems like it should be that time.

"Are you always this demanding?" she tells you. She doesn't budge. "The benches here are sooo uncomfortable." She still won't budge.

It dawns on you that this girl is breaking rapport.

You thought you had a good vibe going with her. But now she's refusing you, not directly answering your request, and driving the conversation in a different direction.

What should you do?

Ambitious Women as Mothers & Wives? Their Pros and Cons

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

ambitious women as mothers and wivesAmbitious women can be very attractive. They can also be a real handful. But: are they any good as wives and mothers – or are they too caught up in their ambitions to be?

Some time back, a reader commented that he, like me, found himself drawn to ambitious, highly educated, and/or high-achieving women.

Now, I know a lot of guys are really into submissive women and they don't care about education or the woman's career. If you're that way, you can safely pass over this article.

However, if you're the sort who prefers his women smart and driven, you're likely to face the question our reader had for me when he asked about this:

As attractive as these women can be, are they actually any good as wives and mothers?

That's the question we'll examine today.

The Patchwork Seducer

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

patchwork seducerDo you learn seduction by following a teacher or method you trust? Or are you “piecing together” a patchwork style taken from bits and pieces adopted from here and there?

I've gotta be honest: I can be a little closed-minded, at least while in my learning phase.

When I first discovered the seduction community, I fished about looking for a method or teacher that really resonated with me. I rejected a lot of objectively good teachers and methods, because I didn't feel they gelled with me, until I found one that did.

Then I mostly just followed that one system for years, while also studying guys here and there whose stuff did not conflict with it.

At times I'd try to study other guys I thought aligned with it, found they didn't align, and ended up throwing out almost everything I got from them, even though it was objectively good. I went on bootcamps with guys whose methods were too different from the main one I studied, had some success on those bootcamps, then abandoned the things I'd learned on them after because they didn't gel.

Most of the guys I know who became very good with girls were like this. They were single-minded about following a certain instructor or method that gelled very well with them, or developed their own from scratch with a single-minded focus on what they were seeking to develop, and were and are without fault picky about whom they listened to or incorporated ideas from outside their sphere.

(I love exploring different skilled guys' methods. There's usually something you can learn from anyone. That said, there is a limited amount to what you can glean from someone with a sufficiently different approach to yours, if you are trying to keep things within your own approach consistent and functional)

Now... there is another learning style some guys employ. One that is the bane of seduction coaches everywhere. It is both very open-minded in some ways, and totally obstinate in others.

It is the teacher's bane, because it invariably leads to confused students who aren't getting their desired results, and don't know why they aren't getting those results, who try blaming the various teachers they have studied, the methods they have learned, even women themselves, despite not fully following those teachers' instruction or methods' approaches.

It is what we might call the patchwork style of learning.

We might also call the men who use it the patchwork seducers.

What Is a Social Frame?

Alek Rolstad's picture
social frameShe has her own internal frame, and you would do well to reframe it, if it is in your interest to do so.

Hey guys, Welcome back!

Last week we looked at what a frame is and its importance in pick-up and seduction.

A frame is basically the same as a perspective - a lens through which you see and perceive the world. It stems from our own social constructions (i.e., internal frames – our sense of reality) and is deeply linked to our social identity.

Frames can be projected, becoming externalized. This happens when our internal frames are projected into the social space.

Since frames are socially constructed by default, they can also be deconstructed and reconstructed. This is key because it is the anvil upon which proper game is forged.

The interaction you have with someone has a frame – both you and the girl “convey” or “display” your own internal frames and contribute this way to the interaction. When your frames mesh, a new frame emerges.

Good pick-up skills involve being aware of your frames, her frames, and how to convey yours in a smooth way, reframing hers as negative (those that work against you at any rate) and so influence the new frame that emerges in the interaction between you and your interlocutors (for example the girl you're chatting with).

When You Open Girls, Keep It Low Pressure

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

open girls low pressureWhen you open a new conversation with a girl, it should be casual. You want to keep the pressure low to avoid spooking her and scaring her off.

I was checking Reddit and came across a few interesting posts by women. Here's part of one:

[W]hen a guy walks up to me on the street when I'm going somewhere and he outright says to me something along the lines of "Hey, you're pretty, what's your name", I'm almost always startled and want to leave asap. First, because I'm usually in a rush and need to get somewhere and he's stopping me and making me be late, second, because I already know what's on his mind. And don't get me wrong - it's really nice that someone thinks I'm attractive and I don't suspect every guy to constantly think of sex, it's just... he's already stating, in his very first words to me, that he's only talking to me because he's thinking of me in a "date material" sort of way.

...

On the other hand, I've also been approached in bars, in clubs, on campus and in supermarkets/shops. What those situations had in common was me not rushing anywhere and those guys starting a conversation with saying something casual, for example asking about the lettering on my tote bag (it's sort of a wordplay). One mentioned that he thought my glasses were really cool and then showing me his, which were almost identical; another one asked me if I knew what the bar's specialty was etc.

...

Basically what I'm trying to say is: all of the successful approaches were super laid back (I didn't feel 'hunted down'), gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I'm not interested (it's actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent). Those guys also made it really easy for me to get into a conversation with them and actually let me talk to them like I'm a normal person (not just an object of physical attraction), thus making it easier to either exchange numbers or just expand our social circles (without any pressure). They made me feel like a nice human being, worthy of their attention not just because of my looks but rather because they found me be an interesting person to talk to (girlfriend material or not).

I don't recall having seen posts by women on r/seduction in the past. But apparently nowadays women are going on there, making positive comments about approaches they've experienced, and encouraging men to approach. Fun to speculate on why, but that's outside the purview of this piece.

Regardless, this gal raises a topic I'd like to explore more today: that of not startling girls when you approach, by keeping your approaches lower pressure.

Men Need Their Own Space to Stay Psychologically Healthy

Chase Amante's picture
male spacesMen more and more find themselves enmeshed with women in every aspect of their lives. But this isn’t healthy for men – or men’s relationships with women.

In a recent comment, on the first article in my series on ghosting, a reader asked about feeling jealous over young women's seeming comparative ease in the dating market:

Chase when I read your analysis on how men ages 18 to 25 always struggle the most when it comes to relationships with women I just can't help,but feel cynical and jaded with how unbalanced the marketplace is. I'm headed towards the latter end of that age range and haven't had much of a dating life. I'm sympathethic towards women and know that they endure struggles of their own in life and in dating and I genuinely love women and recognize that most women are sweet and nice,but thinking about how much less women struggle compared to men and how they don't have to work as hard to improve their dating lives or even HAVE a dating life which a lot of men don't have I sometimes lack empathy for them and some bitterness will creep in if something reminds me of this imbalance.

I know in a old article you said we shouldn't compare ourselves with women because we're not competing with them,but it almost feels like men are engaged with women in a tug a war and men are at a disadvantage at least in the West. A moderately attractive woman will have significantly more options than a moderately attractive man and don't have to go through the lengths and struggles a man has to do to even be a viable dating option. Even a older less fertile women will still have suitors,but a older man may not.

I'm working on myself so i'm not just ranting about how difficult dating as a unestablished man is while not doing anything to change or improve. I've taken coaching,a bootcamp, and have a online group where I can discuss game with other people,set approach goals and hold each other accountable. Early on when you were learning pickup what helped you accept the uneven dynamics of dating in the West? Does it just take some success for you to be at ease with how the dynamics are?Do you really have to be in the 1% like some coaches suggest for dating to finally work in your favor and to be at an advantage over women?

Of course, the answer for me is that when I was clueless with women, a guy whom women unequivocally rejected, who could never get dates, and was always alone, I never felt jealous of women or felt like I was in a tug-of-war with them.

Instead, my competitors were men. Women were the objects of my pursuit; men were the competitors I was going up against (and losing against).

We don't envy the fox eluding us in a chase. We envy the other hunter who catches her.

However, this phenomenon of more and more men envying women, and on the other side more and more women envying men, is one I think worth a closer look.

Because it is affecting more and more people.

It is leading more and more people into some very weird and unproductive places.