Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

7 Factors Behind the 2020s Dating Collapse

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

factors of the dating collapseDating has been on the decline in the West for some time. There are 7 main sociocultural reasons why. Together, they weave a web of complexity fewer and fewer daters break through.

I want to take a break from tactical articles to talk today about a broader topic.

While this won't contain how-tos, it will contain important perspectives I think will help shape the way you think about the dating landscape.

We've talked for a while about how dating is getting harder for people. We mainly talk about ways it is getting harder for men here, since this is a male-oriented site, but it's actually getting harder for both sexes.

It can be hard to put a finger on gradual changes, and even harder to name specific contributing factors to those changes. Generally what you will see is people who have one pet theory and blame it for everything: "It's due to feminism!" "It's due to porn!" "It's due to Hollywood brainwashing!" "It's due to a decline in morals!"

Social systems are complex systems though. They are hard to understand because they have many moving parts, and all those moving parts interact with each other. There is almost never one single cause for a major breakdown in function within a complex system.

Today we'll be looking at what I find to be the seven (7) most important causes of our contemporary breakdown in dating -- one that's led to an enormous reduction in romantic activity among men and women, and an explosion of bitterness among both sexes.

Easing a Guilty Conscience After Breaking a Girl's Heart

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

woman crying and man looking sadIf you’ve broken a girl’s heart, it’s easy to feel guilty. There are reasons not to let that feeling linger, though, because all things mend – broken hearts included.

On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated", reader 90210 comments:

Chase,

I had a wonderful two years relationshp with this amazing girl. We eventually broke up after a big fight and ended on good terms.

I got hold of her journal (we had a shared Google account, I think she forgot about it)

And what I read broke my heart. I saw the relationship from her perspective. All her hopes and dreams on me. She was convinced I was the one. She wanted to marry me and have kids together. Our fights hurt her deeply and she used the journal as an escape.

I saw her raw, unfiltered thoughts. How she thought I was the greatest guy she's ever met. How she was not sure about how serious I was with the relationship. How she would do anything for me. How she would be my greatest supporter in my mission. How she was so madly in love with me that she couldn't stop thinking about me.

She never told me about the marriage thing nor did I set the wrong expectations.

But I gave her the best relationship she's ever had. She never failed to mention it. She invester so much in that relationship. The gifts she gave me were so expensive that I had to swerve by my no gift policy.

She's a great gal but not a perfect girl, if you know what I mean. Focussing on pick up and bringing more beautiful girls in my life is something I really want. So the breakup worked in my favour.

She hasn't chased me down. While we ended on good terms, she's still very cold and distant.

But I just can't shake this feeling of sadness for her. That I might have broken her hopes of finding a decent guy.

I feel so much regret for unknowingly leading her on. I feel so much regret for giving her hopes and then shattering that promise of a shared future.

At this point, if I could pair her up with a guy suitable for her, who would give her what she wants and make her happy, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I just want her to be happy.

I know she isn't in my life anymore and I'm not responsible for her life choices. But she is such an amazing person, she did so much for me, I'm filled with so much pain and regret for what happened.

I certainly commiserate.

I've gone through the same thing (repeatedly).

It's gut-wrenching to see a girl you care about with a broken heart after you leave.

I've even done what 90210 talks about, working to fix past lovers up with guys I think are a match for them, to get them smiling again (and ease my troubled conscience).

Not every guy goes through this.

Maybe women don't attach to you too strongly. Perhaps your relationships end before they can get that deep. Or you might regularly leave your women on equal terms, the investment balance in the relationship never having become all that lopsided.

However, if you have experienced being a heartbreaker, you have probably also experienced the guilt that comes with it -- and the soul-searching that guilt kicks off:

  • "Did I do something wrong?"

  • "Have I ruined romance for her?"

  • "Am I just not cut out for relationships?"

It's more common than you might think, people with troubled consciences over relationships they left where the other partner was hurt and pining for them. There are a lot of folks who swear off relationships to greater or lesser extent as a result of this.

You just don't want to be causing that kind of hurt; you don't want to have that kind of responsibility for someone else's feelings.

Well today, we're going to look at how to ease the heartbreaker's troubled conscience -- and what duty you have to a broken-hearted ex, plus whether you really need to swear off relationships (or not).

Picking Up Girls Fast, Pt. 2: Compliance Pickups

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

woman flirting with man who is picking her up at the nightclubAnother way to pick girls up fast: get loads of (rapid) compliance. One of the most surefire ways to do this? By having girls touch you themselves and mutually escalate on you.

Note: Although this post is primarily about getting quick lays, you can apply the tools mentioned in other situations. They are great tools to learn, even if you are not looking to seal the deal fast

Hey guys and welcome back.

Previously, I provided a checklist with tools to increase your success picking up girls fast. Today, I’d like to expand on that by sharing what I consider the two “magic weapons” for getting quick pulls:

  1. Making the escalation mutual

  2. Constantly testing her compliance

Both are often linked, as you will see. This is the tool that will truly help you out. Last time, I gave you the basic tools (and a few advanced tweaks): the bread-and-butter toolset.

Today, you will get the magical tools used by the top guys who specialize in the field of quick pulls. You can (and should) use these tools in conjunction with the escalation tools discussed in the last post.

Today’s tools will increase the level of safety. If you remember, we reviewed the issues with quick pulls in earlier articles.

What are some dangers of quick pulls?

  • They happen fast, which may be too fast for you to screen well for the right girl.

  • They often involve physical game, which is a riskier form of seduction. It can be legally risky since uncalibrated physical escalation can lead to legal consequences, especially if heavy. Sadly, quick and more intense escalation is required to get fast pulls. So it is a catch-22 that we will try to solve here.

This post is about making physical escalation safer and more efficient: two very welcome benefits.

Seduction Frames: Outsider vs. Insider Framing

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

male student chatting up female student on stepsNearly every conversation you have frames you as an outsider or an insider to something. But have you framed yourself as such on the right things… and in the right way?

Often in seduction you will be presented with (or have the opportunity to present) group affiliation.

At this moment you're faced with three (3) choices:

  1. Show yourself to be an insider
  2. Show yourself to be an outsider
  3. Dodge the question altogether

Depending on the girl and the situation, your choice of what affiliation to show can make or break a seduction.

Group affiliation affects how similar a woman feels to you, a key aspect of the SAC seduction model. Make yourself too unaffiliated with a group she feels closely affiliated with, or too closely affiliated with a group she dislikes, and you may be too dissimilar for her to trust you.

On the other hand, sometimes being an outsider to a group she's a part of can work to your advantage... and sometimes being an insider to a group she isn't can too.

Talking to Girls Early On: Initial Light Approaches

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

man touching woman on the shoulder to say hiWhen you approach a new girl, what should you talk about? Deep topics… or light ones? The answer is: light conversation when you first talk to a girl, if you want success.

On my article “What an Average Girl's Dating History Looks Like” last year, reader 'Handome & Wealthy' commented:

Here's a quick Q on the part about not talking about yourself to a girl.

I do this a lot. My brand of game is the stong silent guy game. I've been told I'm "calm" "mysterious" "like a spy" and some girl even said I'm "distant" and "hard to get to know".

I'm still working on my calibration so I don't appear too detached.

But there's an issue I keep running into.

I meet girl. Hook. Then begin to deep dive without sharing much about myself. I'm careful not to go in too deep with the dives so the vibe is good. My conversations are interspered w/ a lot of flirting and mild cocky funny quips.

However after we part ways... the vibe changes. Changes bc the girl feels like she overshared and didnt get anything from me.

What goes here Chase? How do I stay detached without creating murky vibes after?

I referred him to my article on anchoring attraction, so that the emotions she feels in conversation with you don't evaporate once conversation ends.

But next I talked to him about something I see a lot of guys get wrong, especially guys who discover deep diving... which is to go straight into deep, contemplative conversation during that first initial interaction.

Early interactions should usually be fun, flirtatious, and light. You do not want them to be too heavy with meaty conversation and weighty emotions.

In today's article, I'll give you some tactics you can use to keep the initial interaction light and moving forward, without having to rely on deep dives (just yet).

Picking Up Girls Fast, Pt. 1: Quick Physical Pulls

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

fast pullsIt’s possible to pick up girls fast.. if you know what you’re doing. Pick the right targets, calibrate your approach, escalate expertly, and use your top seduction tools.

Note: This post is for advanced or higher intermediate guys looking for advice on pulling quickly but may contain good advice for beginners, especially concerning physical escalation, screening, and calibration.

How Women Tame Men, Pt. 2: Tameworthiness

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

tameworthinessTaming a man is a lot of work. How do women decide which men are worth the trouble? There’s two things they look at: how tamable they are… and how tameworthy.

A principle challenge for any woman in life is in taming the man she's set her sights on to tame.

While the most tameworthy men busy themselves in their principle challenges of various life pursuits, with little interest on being tamed by a woman, women must find a way to insert themselves ahead of busy men's varied objects and wrest men into tamed relationships.

This is no small task for a woman. Because of the huge amount of time and energy the taming of an untamed man demands, and the risk inherent in the process (i.e., that she may not succeed in taming him, and instead only waste time -- time she could've spent taming another man to build a life and family with; time she won't get back), nature forces women to be selective in the men they choose to attempt taming.

In this installment, the second in our series on how women tame men, we will look at how women decide which men appear 'tameworthy', as well as what can rule men out.

Status vs. Comfort vs. Genes

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

status vs. comfort vs. genesThere are three types of men: those who want status, those who want comfort, and those who want genes. Which type of woman you prefer depends on which type of man you are.

There are three (3) kinds of people in the world when it comes to mate selection:

  1. Those who seek status: i.e., the flashiest, most popular mates

  1. Those who seek comfort: i.e., the coziest, most companionable mates

  1. Those who seek genes: i.e., the most genetically gifted, naturally elite mates

My experience in a decade-and-a-half instructing men in this space is that these preferences appear to be hardwired, whether by genetics or early life experiences. I've never known an individual to switch underlying mate selection paradigms.

The kinds of mates each type of individual is seeking and the most optimal ways to encounter them differs according to the mating paradigm. This introduces some subtle (and some not-so-subtle) differences in what styles of game each type prefers, and each type's opinions on which sorts of mates are the high watermark.

Clashes between the styles occur when a member of one or the other type insists his preferences are the best, and anyone who disagrees must be fooling himself.

Today though, we'll clear away the bullshit and look at things straight.

Tactics Tuesdays: Fielding Women's Counteroffers

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

woman standing with hand on hip thinkingWhen you propose a date or anything else, a woman may counteroffer her own suggestion. Should you take it? Or stick to your guns? This 4-part decision tree shows you what to do.

Responding to my article on guys not needing much money to get girls, reader Newyorkboy asks about women having 'resistance to doing' cheap or costless dates.

As an example, he cites this incident posted on SoSuave.net by a user named 'powersize':

Texted a latina girl in IG, after a short convo proposed to meet. She is 7/8 - not a dime for me. Below is our conversation:

Me: Are you free tonight?
Her: Maybe. Where would you like to take me?
Me: There is one hipster pub close to center
Her: I can’t drink alcohol. I prefer somewhere more relax.
Me: Coffee?
Her: No. A restaurant where we don’t have that much noise
Me: I do not go on dinners on the first date
Her: I do. That’s what gentleman should do At least that’s what I am getting used to.
Me: So you define if the guy is a gentleman if he brings to you to a fancy place?
Her: Who says it has to be fancy. I define a gentleman a man who takes his time to take me somewhere. A coffee is something I can do anytime
Me: Too bad. Cause I love coffee meeting that people can do anytime
Her: Enjoy your coffee then

I do consider her as a typical chick who is looking for guy. So no reply from my side.

What do you think?

In light of the abysmal text game on evidence here and the fact that this fellow is messaging girls in Instagram, the girl's reaction is pretty standard. Generous, even, I'd say.

Most of the time when you fail at game, you get a rejection. But sometimes when you fail at game, girls will still offer you a shot as a provider.

That's what happened here.

Of course, if you're going to be a provider, you have to provide. You cannot start talking about your rules of never doing dinner dates or talking up the glory of cheap dates once she's slotted you into the provider role.

So not only did this cat fail at game, he could not fulfill the provider role either -- and he at last received the inevitable rejection.

How could he have done things differently and achieved a different result?

One part of the answer lies in how he deals with fielding women's counteroffers.