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Articles about sex.

First Time Having Sex with a Girl? Don't Be Too Rough

Chase Amante's picture
don't be too rough first time having sex with a girlFirst time sex that’s too rough or makes a girl feels slutty often backfires. The secret to passionate sex is to escalate to it over a series of encounters with her.

The first time you have sex with girls, you do not want it to be overly rough. Nor do you want to do anything to trigger feelings in a woman that you think she's a slut.

Yet I have noticed over the years that some guys are fairly (or even quite) rough during the first sexual encounter with a girl. They may do other things that imply to her they think she's a slut (such as using dirty talk where they might even tell her she's a slut. On the first night!).

Some possible reasons men do this with women include:

  1. They've watched a lot of porn and have conflated 'rough' and 'wild' with 'showing her a good time'

  1. They're just really physical, manly guys and think just being rough with a woman the first time is normal

  1. They may have had a girlfriend or FWB who liked it rough and gotten into the habit of being really rough during sex, and that's carried over into their hookups with new girls

  1. There's also the less-charitable interpretation is that they may not really care about the girl at all and are just using her to pump and dump (who cares if she has a good time or not!)

Regardless the reason for their roughness the first time they have sex with a girl, the fact is you should not be too rough the first time you bed her.

There are a variety of reasons for this. Some of them are quite important.

So, I hope you will read on -- and have better first encounters + avoid a lot of potential heartache for yourself and women.

Why Do Women Have Sex? The 10 Most Common Reasons

Chase Amante's picture
reasons women have sexWhy do women have sex – is it in hopes of a relationship or because the guy is hot? Urges, pleasure, loneliness, experimentation… women’s true sexual motivators may surprise you.

Lately I'm noticing more comments from readers who seem to conclude women have sex mainly because they're hoping for a long-term relationship.

One recent comment seemed to suggest a woman wouldn't have sex at all unless she thought it would lead to a relationship. Any sexual encounter not leading to one, this reader seemed to suggest, was a zero-sum loss on the woman's side of things.

Long-time readers here will know women have a variety of reasons for engaging in sex, and a woman angling for a relationship with a man is only one of them.

I've spooled off women's various reasons for going to bed with men numerous times on Girls Chase before.

Today, however, I figured I'd put some numbers to them.

So, I dug up a 1999 study that examined women's motives for engaging in short-term sexual encounters, including:

  • One-night stands (sex on one occasion)

  • Flings (sex more than once with the same individual)

  • Casual sexual relationships like friends with benefits

I ranked the top 10 most common reasons women say they slept with a new man, and also pulled out a few interesting bonus reasons and looked at how they compare to the top 10.

Put your seatbelt on, because we're diving into the sultry world of female desire.

Why Do Women Scream During Orgasm?

Chase Amante's picture
why do women scream during orgasmWhy do women scream during sex? One theory claims it’s to draw other males near for sperm competition. But does this actually happen in real life?

I had a conversation the other day with a friend about women screaming during orgasm.

He told me about a hypothesis he'd encountered in the (idealistically egalitarian-utopian, not to mention panned by scholars) book Sex at Dawn that women yell during orgasm to attract competing mates for sperm competition.

Right on the face of it, this hypothesis has always seemed obviously incorrect to me.

First off, not to brag or anything (although I guess it's going to sound that way... can't be helped though, eh?), I've made a lot of girls scream quite loud from sex, yet I've never had a guy knock at my door and ask if he could have her next.

Second off, I've heard plenty of women I wasn't having sex with screaming, yet never has the urge come over me to knock on the couple's door and tell the man to beat it because it was my round with her now.

Third, I have never heard a single story in all my life and all the very many sex stories I have heard from the tons of men I've known in the seduction space of even a single man being chased off by another man following the first man's woman engaging in orgasm vocalizations.

Not even among hunter-gatherers, who are the cheerily idealized subject of the Sex at Dawn book, have I come across any evidence of moaning women attracting competitor males who chase off the guy making the woman moan and take her for themselves.

The "female sex vocalizations attract competitor males for sperm competition" hypothesis seems to describe a behavior that is completely absent from humans from anything I have ever actually seen or heard both firsthand and from others from anywhere else in the world.

Yet, when I dug into the research on women's sex vocalizations a bit more, I discovered some interesting tidbits that do tie in, a bit, to the Sex at Dawn theory -- although, I think, not quite in the way the authors framed it (at least, not based on the synopses I've read, not having read the book).

Dating with Herpes, Pt. 1: Dating Strategies

Alek Rolstad's picture
dating with herpesIf you get herpes, does it mean your dating life is over… or you’re condemned to “condoms forever”? In fact, you can be responsible, while still leading a good life.

Hey guys.

I will be deadly honest here. I never thought I would write this post. But I keep getting messages on forums about it. I even got emails about it, and very experienced seducers have asked me about this (I won’t mention names out of respect).

The herpes simplex virus causes herpes, a very contagious virus that gives those nasty bumps that ulcerate, and then you get those tell-tale sores. Yes, a cold sore is a herpes virus. There are two strains of herpes: herpes-1 and herpes-2. Herpes-1 is commonly seen on the lip, and herpes-2 shows up on your dick and balls.

However, you can get herpes-1 on your dick and herpes-2 on your mouth. So, the distinction between the two is not that important. What is important to remember is:

  • They both can be painful and have similar symptoms.

  • They are both very contagious.

  • They both have a pattern of flare-ups followed by periods of remission.

  • Herpes is almost not contagious during remission.

  • Herpes is very contagious during flare-ups (especially when you have a blister or an ulcer).

  • Condoms limit the odds of transmission but do not protect fully (unlike HIV and other STDs, for which condoms offer nearly 100% protection). Condoms are also not good protection against HPV (human papillomavirus), which can give you nasty warts.

  • Flare-ups usually last between one to two weeks but can last longer.

  • You are more contagious when you have ulcers and blisters.

  • Both types respond to treatment with Acyclovir or Valacyclovir.

Symptoms: Herpes usually starts with some redness, and you may feel a bit of itchiness. Then, a few large blisters form, or you may see a cluster of smaller blisters. The blisters burst and develop ulcers, which can cause scars if the sores break open.

You are most contagious during the ulceration phase, but during this entire phase, you will be contagious, too infectious in my opinion, for sexual intercourse.

In remission, the odds of transmission are minimal.

Tactics Tuesdays: Bedroom Role-Playing

Chase Amante's picture
bedroom role-playSpice up your sex life with a little bedroom role-playing. You might not realize it, but she’s got fantasies – and you can bring them to life with just a bit of imagination.

This is a pleasant tactic to spice up sex sessions with both short- and long-term lovers.

It's the bedroom equivalent of our more general seduction role-playing tactic (which you can use outside the bedroom as well).

It works because, well, women are naughty girls who enjoy a dirty man.

Odds are your woman conjures fantasies some of the time while you're railing her.

She may or may not have talked to you about this.

Not all women will. Many fear you'll judge them... or that they'll hurt your pride or make you jealous if they do.

But just like sometimes you might imagine the girl you're giving it to is actually some actress, porn star, or pretty female workmate of yours, or else some other more idealized fantasy woman from a scenario you've cooked up in your head, women do this too.

Rather than stick to your own private fantasies while she sticks to hers, you may opt to have your fantasies join forces... and behold the power of the joint bedroom role-play.

Tactics Tuesdays: Skinny Dipping with Dates

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

skinny dipping with datesIt’s easier to escalate to intimacy when you’re both already nude. Skinny dipping: great for breaking patterns, upping the novelty, and greasing the slide to getting together.

Want a fun little way to spice up the endgame of your dates and pickups?

Go skinny dipping...

It might sound silly, but skinny dipping (or 'nude swimming') gets you naked with a girl in a seduction location and allows you to skip a whole lot of normal steps in the end stage of a seduction.

It's also exciting for women, and breaks them out of the normal, regular, boring seduction pattern most guys take them through of kiss --> fondle --> undress --> repeat.

Where practical, it can make seductions smoother, for a variety of important (and pleasurable -- for you and her) reasons.

Tactics Tuesdays: Post-Sex Behavior After Mediocre Sex

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

mediocre sexYour first time in bed goes a long way toward determining whether a woman sees you again. But it’s not about your technical performance. It’s about how you make her feel.

I'm seeing a lot of cases recently where guys are laying girls, giving mediocre performances in bed, then not being able to get those girls out again.

They message them for a while, and the girls message back less and less enthusiastically, less and less frequently.

Eventually these girls drop off their radars altogether.

There are some common themes I'm seeing in both why these girls drop off and why the guys in question can't get them back.

I started this article wanting to talk about follow-up strategies, and I may get around to that.

But as I got into it, it occurred to me that really the core problem is how guys are behaving with women in the bedroom.

So instead, in today's article, I want to give the reader some tactics he can use to reverse this trend in his own seductions, in the bedroom, and retain more of the women he takes to bed.

Women Are Totally Obsessed with Sex (in Many Ways More So Than Guys)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

girls horny all the timeSome guys seem to think women are ‘innocent’. The actual fact is women are obsessed with sex. They think, talk, and fantasize about it constantly.

Look closely at the picture on the right. What do you see?

I circled it for you. There just below this girl's hand. See it?

It's a dildo.

For all you guys worried about your penis size, you might want to pay attention to the size of that dildo too. That water bottle is 7". The dildo is at least an inch shorter than it... actually possibly a bit more than an inch shorter.

There is this misconception among sexually less experienced men that women don't actually get horny except in extreme situations.

"Only when she meets just the right guy... and he says just the right things... and takes just the right actions... does a woman get horny..."

Women do upkeep on this misconception themselves, talking about how "men are always horny, OMG" or "all men think about is sex" or "why are men so much hornier than women."

But the truth is, women are total horndogs themselves.

You might not believe it (yet) if you're not that experienced with them.

However, once you get out of the illusory la-la land men are in before they gain experience with women, your eyes will start to open more and more, and you'll realize the vast majority of women -- including the sweetest, cutest, most innocent of gals -- really love themselves some cock.

Things Guys Do that Cause Women to Resist Sex at the Last Minute

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

causes of LMRGuys do things all the time with girls they were 99% of the way there with that cause those women to resist sex. If you know what these mistakes are, though, they're simple enough to avoid.

I've been hearing a lot of "I got this girl right up to the point where we were about to have sex, then I hit a sudden unexpected wall of LMR and she left" stories lately.

I don't know if women have suddenly gotten a lot more finicky about closing for some guys due to lockdown reasons, or if it's just a random spike of these cases I'm hearing. Probably the latter.

However, I have found myself repeatedly reviewing guys' retellings of their bedroom seductions, then pointing out to them areas that I notice them doing stuff that is going to make women resist them.

Often when I point these areas out, they themselves say, "Yeah, I also felt like something was off at that moment."

So it seems like most guys pick up on when something happens during their escalations that isn't supposed to. They just aren't experienced or attuned enough yet to get out in front of it and prevent it. It's a semi-conscious right brain awareness rather than a fully conscious left brain one.

What we'll do here is review the primary things you need for a smooth escalation that avoids last minute resistance (LMR) and gives you a straight path to bed with girls.

You're going to want these tools in your arsenal for better, more effective seductions.

Sex Drive Compatibility, Drive Collapses, & Relationship Sex Issues

Chase Amante's picture
sex drive compatibilityYou want to date someone long-term. But is she sexually compatible? Most people don't check… yet this is perhaps the #1 most important compatibility of all.

I spoke recently with an experienced seducer who was having some issues with a girlfriend of his. The relationship had begun normally, with the girl having a normal sex drive, but then at one point it changed.

After the change, his woman almost never wanted normal sex with him. This was well-traveled girl who'd experimented sexually with all kinds of men and had a history of stopping having sex with prior boyfriends of hers.

The seducer would notice flashes of desire come across his woman in inconvenient and novel situations (like say a crowded dinner with friends in the heart of downtown). She'd suddenly want some spontaneous, inconvenient sex.

He'd instead try to get her somewhere private. But a 20-minute drive to privacy later and her sex drive would be gone, never to wake up again that night, no matter what he did.

This was a guy who's been with many women and never had a problem turning most of his prior girlfriends on before. But with this girl he was in a sexual desert.

There's a problem with incompatible sex drives that most guys do not realize until they find themselves in a sex drive incompatibility scenario.

Often even when they're IN that scenario, they refuse to see it.

They tell themselves they can fix it.

That they must be doing something wrong themselves.

The fact is we tend to assume that others' sexual reactions to us are a result of us.

When in actuality a whole lot of the way someone reacts is in large part directed by that person's underlying sex drive.

And sex drives are a thing you really cannot change.

You can't train them. You can't 'wake them up' long-term (yes, there is sexual awakening. But it tends to be fleeting; the sex drive spike it brings last maybe 5-10 years).

You can only enjoy drives if they're compatible... or gnash your teeth endlessly if they're not.