Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

8 Friends with Benefits Rules You Must Obey

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By: Chase Amante

friends with benefits rulesFollowing up my piece yesterday on "The 4 Stages of Every Friends with Benefits Relationship", today I'm going to get into the nuts and bolts of running your casual relationships by giving you 8 friends with benefits rules that are absolutely mandatory you follow... to not have everything go to hell in a hand basket, that is.

Friends with benefits are lots of fun, but these relationships are also loaded with the potential to get messy on the turn of a dime. All it takes is a little bending of the rules, and you can very quickly find yourself:

  • With a friend with benefits who's falling in love with you

  • Falling in love with your friend with benefits yourself

  • Experiencing confusion in your social circle about where you stand

  • Enjoying reputation damage or drama or other bad effects from things gone awry

Break the rules, and you're playing with fire without a fire extinguisher handy.

Adhere to them, and, well, let's just say you're handling fire in a responsible, fun, and mostly safe way.

So what are these rules you've got to stick to, anyway?

The 4 Stages of Every Friends with Benefits Relationship

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By: Chase Amante

content="Every friend with benefits relationship goes through 4 distinct stages: fun, relaxed, restless, and decision. Here’s what each entails.">

In Colt's piece on female intrasex competition, several commenters asked about the problem of getting a girl into a casual relationship, and keeping her there. To quote Sam, one of the commenters there:

“Very few of them were ok with a strict lover arrangement. All others wanted more than that and whenever I had the nerve to show or say to them that I was not into more than a lover arrangement I simply lost the girl either because she would cut me off or because I would not further pursue her.”

The problem, of course, is that "friends with benefits" is not an end goal for most women. That is to say, a casual sexual relationship - where you are a lover and nothing more - just ain't enough.

friend with benefits relationship

You can maintain casual relationships for varying lengths of time, depending on a number of factors, mainly having to do with the stage in her life a girl is at, and your value relative to hers in the relationship. We'll talk more about both of these below.

But the main gist of this article will focus on the four (4) stages that every friends with benefits relationship must follow:

  1. The Fun Stage
  2. The Relaxed Stage
  3. The Restless Stage
  4. The Decision Stage

... and the varying details on each.

How to Avoid STDs Even If You Have Lots of Sex

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By: Chase Amante

avoid STDsRicardus touched on avoiding STDs a little in "Dodging the Dangers of Sex (and Dating)", though his focus there was more on some of the other dangers that can arise; and I have a post on the forums that covers a good chunk of what we'll talk about in this article here: "Re: The Dangers of Sex." However, I wanted to clean that information up and put it in a more presentable (and scannable) way - hence, this post.

When you're relatively inexperienced with women, it's easy to get freaked out about STDs. Typically, the more sexually experienced you get, the less of a "big deal" these seem like... and, generally, the more likely you are to run into them.

Yet, if you're smart, and you do your homework, it is possible to avoid STDs almost entirely, even while having lots of sex with lots of partners... BUT, you must do your homework, and you must be on top of the ball at all times, because if you're trusting your own sexual health will be looked out for by that pretty stranger you just met (after all, she seems so innocent...), you've got another thing coming.

3 Flavors of Sexy: Brooding, Smooth, and Talkative Vibes

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By: Chase Amante

In my travels, I've been fortunate to have met a number of different men with different personalities who've all found success with women their own unique ways. One of the patterns I've picked up on has been that each of these men's "vibes", if you will, fall into one of three rough categories:

  • Brooding / sad
  • Smooth / charming
  • Talkative / dynamic

No one of these vibes (or airs, or auras, or whatever term you like) is better than another, though each one appeals to different subsets of women. Some are more popular at different times of life - most of the teen male heartthrobs you'll see in books and movies are brooding, for instance, while the majority of mature (30+) male sex symbols hew more closely to the "smooth" way of doing things - but each can be used successfully at any point in a guy's life; there are plenty of talkative young guys who clean up with women, and I've seen my fair share of brooding older guys who do well with the vibe despite their lack of youth.

This article is broken down into three major sections: one on each of the 3 flavors of vibe. So read on, and find out which kind of sexual vibe is best suited to you - and, how you can learn to adapt each of these vibes for your own use, where needed.

2013: The Year in Review + 49 Top Posts

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By: Chase Amante

It's been a prolific year for writing on Girls Chase - we've seen 250 new articles hit the site this year, from 10 different contributors. If you're curious about individual tallies, we're at:

  • 2 articles by Eric Reeves on power dynamics

  • 2 articles by Ross Leon on getting in great shape and stopping judgment

  • 3 articles by J.J. Jones on getting investment and being attractive

  • 6 articles by Richard Weddel on cold reading and various other techniques

  • 7 articles by Cody Lyans on low-profile under-the-radar seductiveness

  • 12 articles by Alek Rolstad, on sexual frames, threesomes, and sex reports

  • 12 articles by Drexel Scott on NLP, frame-setting, and threesomes with girlfriends

  • 14 articles by Peter Fontes on social circle and various topics

  • 25 articles by Colt Williams on everything from sexting to entitlement to party sex

  • ... and 167 articles by me, Chase Amante, covering the full gamut of things we cover on this site (and a few topics we usually don't)

(links to each writer's list of articles when clicking on his name above)

2013 year in review

Since I don't want to appear biased in deciding, but also since I personally have 3x as many articles on here this year as everyone else combined, I've decided to split a "Best of 2013" list into two lists - 17 of the best articles by our other authors out of the 58 they've written, and 32 of the best articles out of the 167 I've put out. I tried to narrow it down more than this, but this is about as whittled down as I could get this list - descriptions for each article follow links, to help you choose what to read right now.

Unless you've read everything on here as it's come out, you're likely to find at least a couple of gems in here you haven't yet read - and even if you have, there are probably a few you'll have forgotten about, but will be happy to stumble across once more.

Here we go.

The Wrapping and the Present

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By: Chase Amante

wrapping vs. presentsOver the past month, 340Breeze, one of our members and commenters here, has made a couple of insightful comments and asked a few thoughtful questions about a subject that can be fairly boiled down to "the wrapping and the present".

His first comment was in the article on specialness (comment here).

And his second was in the piece on reversing poor precedent (comment here).

The first comment discussed his experiences meeting women who seemed outwardly impressive at first, but lacking in substance after he got to know them; in the second comment, he asked whether it was better for a woman interested in capturing a good man to focus more on playing coy and drawing things out with men (what I'd term "game" and "fundamentals", or style), or on becoming such all-around awesome people that they were simply naturally already in very high demand (who you really are as a person, friend, and mate - your substance).

In fact, this dichotomy - of fundamentals and game vs. who you are, style vs. substance, or the wrapping vs. the present - is one that underlies all of social dynamics, whether mating and dating, or choosing whom you want to be friends with, or hiring employees, bringing on consultants, or selecting the company you want to go work for.

The key here, and what everyone's trying to do, is to avoid being suckered by nice wrapping that isn't backed up by an equally impressive present underneath... but also not miss the great presents hiding under crummy wrapping paper.

Yet, that isn't so easy to do.

Should You Buy Gifts for a Girlfriend?

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By: Chase Amante

gifts for girlfriendWe're in the midst of the gift-giving season, and one of the big questions that comes up this time of year is both whether you ought to buy gifts for a girlfriend - and, if so, what kinds of gifts... and how many?

My phys ed teacher in high school, a guy named Mr. Myers, was known for dumping his girlfriends a few weeks before Christmas because he didn't want to buy them presents - all the boys thought this was hilarious and badass, and the girls thought it was despicable (but still flirted with him anyway). He was one of those assholes who wasn't completely magnetic, but he had this half-sleazy, half-charming way of grinning that told you he probably did all right with the fairer sex regardless.

When I was younger, and a bit more white knight-y, I thought this was just poor behavior of his; "If I had a girlfriend, I'd sure buy her Christmas presents!" I thought to myself.

But when I got a little bit older, and picked up a bit more actual life experience with women, I began to reconsider that position: was it possible that Mr. Myers had a point?

Might it be better to be Scrooge than Santa during the season of holiday cheer and good will toward men?

Reversing Poor Past Precedent with Girls You Like

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By: Chase Amante

reversing bad precedentAlex writes in with a question about a follow-up article to the one on precedent: “Dating and Relationship Precedent: Why It’s So Very Important.” Here's his email:

“Hi Chase and friends at girlschase.com

Your articles are amazing! I found Chase's article on precedent to be thought-provoking:

http://www.girlschase.com/
content/dating-and-relationship-precedent-why-it’s-so-very-important

I was wondering if you guys think writing a secondary article on how to recover after precedent has been set poorly would be a good follow-up idea.

For example: Say with this particular girl, I've moved too slowly with her, been overly helpful, white-knighted her, and acted overly insecure. As a result, I ended up losing her. But what if I want a second chance? Do you have any suggestions on bouncing back after setting poor precedent?

I know it would be best to move on, and I wish I knew about setting good precedent back when I was inexperienced, but sometimes I just want a second shot. I think it would be excellent to have an article on bouncing back after poor precedent, if possible.

Let me know if you guys think this would be a good suggestion!

Best,
Alex”

This is a sticky issue, and it's not one with an easy fix... not even a remotely easy fix. It's also a totally irrational problem to have, in the grand scheme of things, and it's one that's rooted firmly into a scarcity mentality of some sort or another - it may be that you don't feel you can ever meet another girl as amazing as this one (you lack absolute abundance), or it may be that you don't know if you're ever going to find another girl at ALL (just a complete lack of abundance mentality) - or, at the very least, you've just plunged so much time and emotional investment into this girl that your psyche won't let you let go.

The rational option is always, "Go out, forget about the girl you've dug yourself into a deep pit of despair with, get more skilled with women, upgrade your game and your fundamentals, and go date and sleep with 10 more women hotter, cooler, and more interesting than this one."

Yet, it's a question that comes up SO MUCH from guys, that it's probably worth addressing on its own: how do you change a girl's perception of you when it's already pretty low?

It will require you to move mountains and pull off feats that few men ever have, but if you're willing to give it your all, I may as well lay out the tools for you. So, by popular request...

What’s Great About Inexperienced Women (and What Isn’t)

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By: Chase Amante

content="Inexperienced women can be a joy to date, or a pain to – it depends on your perspective and objectives. Here’s how to approach them.">

inexperienced womenIf you're out and about routinely meeting new women, you'll notice that the women you meet, of course, have a broad range of different personality types and characteristics:

  • Some are bold

  • Some are shy

  • Some try to take charge clumsily

  • Some take charge deftly and naturally

  • Some will wait for eternity for you to take charge

  • Some seem excited to meet you

  • Some appear indifferent

  • Others are reserved, and you have no idea what they're thinking

What this article is centered on is describing the inexperienced women you'll meet - those inexperienced with men, with dating, with sex, and with relationships. What we'll be examining in this piece is how you can tell them from more experienced women; what the differences are when you're actually with them, interacting with them, setting up dates with them, sleeping with them, and having relationships with them; and what are the main pros and major cons of inexperienced vs. more experienced women.

Should be a fun read, and hopefully you'll learn a thing or two you might not have run into, noticed, or been made aware of just yet.

Can You Develop More Empathy? Science Suggests "Yes"

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By: Chase Amante

how to have empathyEmpathy is a twisty topic, and one that's often hung with mounds of cultural baggage. The politically correct party line at the moment is, "All empathy is good; all lack of empathy is bad, bad, BAD."

The truth of the matter is a bit more complicated than this (decidedly unempathetic) black-and-white thinking on empathy: strong empathy is a bit like a superpower and a crippling weakness, all rolled up into one.

In this article, we'll be looking at the full range of empathy profiles - from sociopaths, supposedly unable to feel empathy at all, to empaths, those souls so bursting with empathy that stepping on a bug makes them feel awful.

And what I most want to talk about in today's article is striking the right balance - enough empathy that you are able to perceptively know what other people are thinking, what they are feeling, and what they want, but not so much that you render yourself unable to take any action, out of fear of hurting, offending, or invoking the displeasure of someone else.