Males of every animal species must practice and learn courtship rituals before they’re able to mate. The art of learning to court is a ubiquitous one – it is not human-only! Images created with Craiyon.I’m reading a truly fascinating, mind-expanding book right now entitled The Mating Mind.
You’re hooking up with girls but it just feels so… empty. What’s the source of this hollowness? Have you outgrown hookups? Are women just too shallow? Actually… it’s something ELSE.Once you’ve put the work in to climb from unsuccessful with women to more and more successful, a funny thing can happen.
It begins as elation at your success: you’re doing it! You’re picking up girls! You’re having one-night stands!
You feel pride, because you’ve finally made it. You’re living the lifestyle you saw on TV or in the movies and imagined yourself living, but that always used to seem so out-of-reach.
Then you pick up another girl. Then another.
Something starts to bother you. It’s that… you just don’t feel a connection to any of these girls.
They’re just strangers you talk to, say/do the right things with, then have meaningless sex you don’t even enjoy all that much with. Then they leave. Maybe you could see them again after… but you don’t much want to.
You start to feel sour about the whole thing. Perhaps you’re picking up the wrong girls. Perhaps picking up in general is not really the right fit for you. In the back of your head you realized you were hoping for magical connections and memorable experiences, but you’re just not getting that, and you wonder if maybe it’s even possible to get with women… maybe it isn’t.
What you’re experiencing is something we might call ‘hookup detachment’: you’re hooking up, but you just don’t feel connected to any of these girls.
So what do you do?
What happens when a girl starts talking to you but you aren’t ready to talk? There must be a way to NOT blow this… well there is: with 3-step “chitchat jujutsu.”You’ve probably had this happen:
You went out somewhere, just in your head, not in much of a social mood.
Some girl then appeared out of nowhere, trying to get your attention, smiling, tapping you, telling you, “Hey!”
And you, stuck in your head, responded with a stiff, stilted, “Oh, hey. What’s going on?”
She said, “Not much! How about you?”
You stumbled through a few more awkward phrases. You could tell she liked you and wanted to see if she could get something going with you, but you were just too out of it.
Then the moment passed. She realized you weren’t going to do much of anything. So she left.
Damn, another layup missed, you think.
There must be a way to snap yourself to attention and shift into gear when unexpected “gimmes” like this fall into your lap – right?
If she implies she’s rejecting you, it isn’t always over. Follow this guide to know when to walk away… versus when to draw out her true objection & overcome it.Not every rejection you get from a girl is explicit.
Many will be implicit.
Explicit rejections sound like this:
Implicit rejections, though, sound like this:
Implicit rejections are a double-edged sword: they’re considerate, because they allow you to exit the conversation while saving some face… yet at the same time they deny you a clear objection to counter and can at times feel more like you’re bailing due to lack of skill or social pressure than due to rejection.
This article will be about when to push through implicit rejections and seek a true objection you can counter to improve your prospects with the girl, versus when to simply accept the implied rejection and walk away.
Lying is one of those things people get really irate about at times.
Everybody does. Guys do when girls do it. Girls get really upset about guys doing it to them, too.
This is just a human thing… telling lies… yet SOME people do it a lot more than OTHERS.
How do you know if the girl you’re talking to is as honest as they come… or if she’s a conniving little scamp?
Furthermore, why DO girls lie – and is there anything you can do to dissuade them from it?
Your luck surface area is the amount you expose of yourself for “lucky events” to happen. Men who open themselves up to more seductive luck enjoy more seductive “lucky breaks.”Luck plays a role in everything. In seduction, your passive attractiveness (fundamentals) and skill with women and the mating process (game) have a huge impact on your success.
Nevertheless, there is still always going to be luck involved: you have to stumble into a girl you like, she has to be at least somewhat open to having something happening with you, she must be logistically available to have something happen, and you need to avoid any seduction-killing wild cards (and if you’re fortunate, luck into some seduction-enhancing ones).
There are all manner of things that impact your “ability to be lucky”:
Perhaps your favorite venue just shut down for repairs (luck = lowered)
Perhaps a friend texts to invite you to a wild, girl-filled after party (luck = raised)
Perhaps your wingman’s out of town and you’re not good at solo (luck = lowered)
Perhaps you get off at the wrong metro station and discover this one crawls with good-looking women (luck = raised)
But you don’t really have control over random events like this… right?
As a matter of fact, there’s a neat concept known as “luck surface area” that you may or may not have heard of.
This concept is simple: one can increase one’s luck by increasing the ‘surface area’ one exposes for fortunate events to occur.
If that sounds abstract, worry not, for we’re going to make it a lot more concrete.
She broke your heart before. But now she wants to get back. Should you do it? Here are 9 reasons why you should NOT get back together with an ex-girlfriend.I’ve authored several immensely popular articles on how to get a girl back and how to get your girlfriend back. Both of these articles have been read millions of times apiece.
Nevertheless, I have consistently made my opinion on the topic clear over the years: do not take your ex-girlfriend back. Just don’t do it.
People being what they are, of course, there’ve probably been many more men desperately putting the strategies I share in those articles to use than there are considering the reasons to NOT use them. What can I say… people hate that feeling of “losing stuff.” Ex-girlfriends included.
Commenting on my article about easing your own guilty conscience after you break a girl’s heart, reader yseult asks about what reasons there are to not take an ex-girlfriend back:
Chase,
Could you write an article on the reasons not to get back with an ex-girlfriend?
I know you've written a lot on the subject already, usually emphasizing that there's always a better girl out there, so there's no need to get back the ex.
But could you explore the bad things that happen when you get back with an ex, other than limiting yourself from more beautiful women?
Like, if you get back together, is it as magical as it was?
How about if she's been with other men in between, does it affect how she perceives you? Does she submit as she used to?
I'm asking from a perspetive of a guy who's wonderful girlfriend broke up with him on the grounds that her mom will never accept a brown guy (kazkahs can be racist)
I agreed and moved on.
But now she contacted me again. She says she misses what we had, the guy she's seeing now is nothing compared to what we had. Basically, I was the best guy she's ever been with (and actually executed all of the points in your article quite naturally)
It was a blast to be with her. I do miss her.
But I also have a gut feeling it won't work.
yseult’s gut feeling is most likely right – it probably won’t work.
But gut feelings can be hard to listen to when powerful primal urges are dragging you back toward something your gut is telling you is best avoided.
To better arm you to listen to your gut – instead of your sex drive, scarcity, or loneliness – I’m going to lay out the nine (9) most important reasons to not take back an ex-girlfriend (or ex-wife, for that matter).
There are some things you just don’t want to let a girlfriend or wife do. Depending on how bad what she wants to do is, however, you’ll need to do that in different ways.Sometimes even the most wonderful girl will try to do things you don’t want her to do.
What you do then – and how you handle that – is what this article is for.
After all, you can’t just stand by and do nothing while a woman runs slipshod over your relationship rules. Neither can you keep her caged and in chains. You’re probably not going to have her chaperoned everywhere.
You need means to effectively put a stop to bad behavior and rule-flouting by a woman partner – and those means will depend on the severity of the upcoming (or already committed) infraction.
The pool of women you date and hook up from is the same pool you’ll select long-term girlfriends and wives from. But pickup pools aren’t always the best spots to find great LTRs…Every man has a certain pool of women he draws his dates and mates from.
This pool’s determined by where and how he meets women, and the kinds of women he attracts.
Men often choose dating pools for pleasure or convenience: the easiest girls to pick up; the sexiest girls to sleep with; the girls who are the best in bed. I recommend this while learning, and while building (or rebuilding) momentum.
There’s no faster way to learn nor build momentum than by picking up girls places that are easy for you, where women are in relative abundance, and ideally you really enjoy the pick up process.
However, there’s an issue here many men often don’t foresee until it is too late: you draw your long-term relationships from this same dating pool, too.
Yet the qualities you want in a long-term girlfriend will not always so perfectly align with the qualities the women you meet in the more convenient dating pools possess.
The seventh and final installment in my GirlsChase.TV video series “Picking Up Girls in Your Day-to-Day Life” is here.
In this (free) video I arm you with eight (8) great tips to bolster your results as you use the daily-life pickup tips we covered in the other videos in the series.
In the video, you’ll discover:
How ACTIVE (or not) you have to be to pull this type of lifestyle off. Hint: you don’t have to be a “super extrovert” to make daily life pickup a reality
What to do to keep your day-to-day life picking up even when you’re busy (or if you’re someone who simply doesn’t like socializing a lot)
An important “activities” tip that lets you avoid burn out. Follow this tip to keep your daily life picking up fun & easy!
The “burning the candle at both ends” problem – I ran into this while “integrating” and wish I knew then the advice I have for you here…
Why it’s so key you actually LIKE the people you’re building your lifestyle with (you can get into “volume” lifestyle building, but the liking consideration is very important)
Doing your socializing in “bursts” rather than always being the social guy all the time – how to do this (without losing momentum) and who this “uneven” style is suited for
One thing to keep an eye out for WHILE doing your pickup and socializing… many guys overlook this, but it gives the guys who don’t a great extra “edge” and benefit!
A final lesson on building an integrated pickup/daily lifestyle that suits YOU, not one that is completely carbon-copied from me or someone else
This final video is a FREE installment in the series, which you can watch even if you’re not a GirlsChase.TV Premium subscriber.
Of course, you’ll still need a subscription to watch the really meaty Parts 3-6 in the series… but if you don’t have one yet you can watch this video + Parts 1 & 2.
Here’s my video on daily life pickup bonus tips & tidbits:
