Relationships

Have you ever noticed how women sometimes launch into relationship drama, picking a fight for no logical reason at all… and how even their arguments themselves are completely devoid of logic? Or how women sometimes try to boss you around, just to see how much they can get away with?

And with 80% of guys, a woman can get away with a LOT… until she completely owns him and walks all over his dignity. Yet he’s grateful - hey, at least he has a real girlfriend that is not made of rubber! (Grab one of our programs, of course, and you won’t have that problem).

But why do women do this? What’s the deal with women and drama? We all know they don’t want a weak guy… so why are they undermining his strength and masculinity? And what’s the best way to deal with it?

You may have read on our blog before that women test men because they NEED to make sure their man is strong – so that’s one reason why they put his masculinity to the fire. But if you give a girl too much rope, she’ll hang you with it.

Another reason for drama, however, is one of the more insidious tricks of Mother Nature… women also need to gain a certain amount of relationship control over their men. If she’s not in charge, he might leave once she’s pregnant… she needs to be sure that she can access his resources, both for herself and for their offspring.

If she starts to hold TOO much control in the situation though, she will see that you’re not strong enough and lose all interest in you. On the other hand, if you hold too much control, you will probably lose interest in her – that’s the essence of the passion trap.

The secret is to strike the right balance… and to do that, you will sometimes have to disarm one of her tests.

Let’s pick up where we left off in “How to Build a Relationship” and “How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You.” As I mentioned previously in our relationship series, no matter how hot she is and how many options she has in guys, and no matter how much of an ice-queen she may appear to be on the surface… the reality of the situation is, it’s never an impossible task to figure out how to romance a girl because she’s likely not happy with her love life.

You cannot imagine how frustrating it is for women that they can’t seem to find a good guy!

If she’s very hot, this is even more frustrating… because now she really starts to question everything: “If I’m as beautiful as everybody always says I am, then where’s my prince? And what’s wrong with ME that I can’t find the right guy?”

I know, it’s outrageous… you’re probably thinking – what are they talking about? I AM a good guy… I’m right here… and I even approach them, what’s the matter with them?

The thing is, a good man, and one that is good enough for that kind of high-caliber girl, really IS exceptionally rare… and if you shape yourself into that kind of man - if you ask the question“ What do girls look for?” and then you go and become that - you will have a LOT of choice and power with women.

But that is exactly her dilemma… not only are these ideal guys one in a million, but they also have so many options that they’re very hard to nail down.

Now that we’ve covered a lot of the fundamentals of relationships - everything from love to relationship jealousy to relationship problems - I want to go explore with you the real backbone, the foundation you’ll need to understand in order for you to know how to build a relationship that will last… and last.

And the key, I have discovered, to building exactly such a relationship are something called the four pillars of relationships.

There are four pillars that hold up any healthy and functional romantic relationship… four pillars that I learned from a Senegalese Sage.

I met this guy on one of my travels, and I called him the “Senegalese Sage” because no matter what we talked about, he always had something profound to add to any conversation. A true fountain of wisdom, experience and insight.

And he was the one who taught me the four pillars that together are the key component of how to build a relationship.

Stepping away for a moment from the more cheery demeanor of most of our relationship series, I want to cover one very important, but potentially painful (for some guys), topic: relationship problems. Namely, identifying that you have them… as well as what to do to fix them.

What we’re covering in this post is permutation #2 that we talked about in “How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You.” In case you haven’t read that one yet - or it’s slipped your mind since we first covered it - that permutation was this: you have feelings for her, but she does NOT have feelings for you.

The mother of all relationship problems, this one is.

There are really two possible scenarios here, though. Scenario number one is that she’s not in love… that’s the one we were looking at previously, and in that case your best bet is to CUT BAIT ASA (frickin’) P! I won’t mince words on that one… if you can’t stop thinking about her but she doesn’t spend a moment thinking about you, GET OUT. It’s bad, and you won’t turn it around. The movies aren’t real life.

Scenario number two, however, is the situation where you both fell in love with each other… but the love has slipped out of balance and you’ve grown much more infatuated with her than she has with you.

That’s the one of these two related-but-different relationship problems we’re going to address here.

Last week, I talked a good bit about love: if you should say “I love you,” and a post about understanding love; the week before we discussed how to not fall in love.

What we’re going to talk about in this post is how to make a girl fall in love with you.

I probably don’t need to spend much time laying out why this one’s something worth knowing - for obvious reasons, being able to make a girl fall in love with you is a good thing.

However, you’ll find as we discuss below that having her fall in love when you aren’t in love isn’t necessarily an ideal situation, either. Why not, you ask? Well, read on, about the four Perumutations of Love, and how exactly you go about making girls fall in love, to better understand why this is the case when it comes to that most celebrated of emotions.

As we continue on with our relationship series, there are a couple of ground rules you might set for your relationship if you want to ASSURE smooth sailing, avoid relationship jealousy, and generally have a happy and productive romance. The best way to lay these rules is, as usually, not by explicitly stating them… you don’t want to give her a list.

“These are the rules, woman.”

Not so smooth…

Instead, use the power of frame control to convey what you value and expect from a partner. For example, you can bring it up in conversation, or you can inoculate against an undesirable behavior by telling her about another girl who behaved that way… and how that did nothing to further her relationship with you.

As I said, I believe the most important rule in any functioning relationship is that both partners be always honest with each other. At the same time, however, I recommend that you trust each other implicitly until there is a reason not to. It won’t improve your relationship if you’re constantly suspicious of her… and it won’t help your relationship jealousy any. Trust is one of the four pillars of a great relationship (more about that later on in our series).

And knowing how to maintain that level of trust – and avoid relationship jealousy – is what this article is about.

We’ve been talking a lot about love lately, including in the posts on how to not fall in love and answering the question should you say I love you. What I want to go into today is a focus on understanding love and how it works - more specifically, the chemicals in your brain that cause that temporary madness that comes over us when we find someone captivating, and the process we all go through as love matures.

The best book about this topic is probably Why We Love by Helen Fisher. Fisher is considered THE authority on the subject, and you would do yourself a huge favor by reading her book – it will really help you to understand a lot of what’s going on underneath the surface when we fall in love.

In the meantime, here are some of the biochemical substances that get released between two people who have a crush on each other: