(2) Intermediate

A couple times over the past week, my girlfriend came to my apartment and brought some drama along with her. If you know me, you know I'm a pretty Zen kind of guy, and part of the reason I'm able to keep my calm is because I do my best not to be directly involved in others' drama. Help them out, give them a hand and some insight, by all means, but do not get involved in the swirling maelstrom that is the drama of other people. I have my own life to tend to.

Well, Saturday afternoon and Tuesday evening each ended up being among those rare occasions these days where the drama was pointed squarely at me. Where it came from, and how I handled it, and how you can do the same, is what I aim to address in this post.

In the seductions of every man, there comes a time when his woman begins to object. “What are you doing?” she’ll say. “I don’t think we should be doing this.” “We can’t do this, it’s too soon.” “We can’t do this, we’re friends.”

Most of the time, this stops men cold, freezing them in their tracks with no recourse and no idea what to say or do. “Crap,” the guy thinks. “She’s protesting. What do I do now??” So, rather than take uncertain action with uncertain effects, he does nothing, and nothing happens, and the girl leaves. The seduction is forfeit, and he has lost his girl.

But objections don’t have to mark the end of a seduction. In fact, you can actually use objections to make a girl want you more, and make her more certain that you’re the man for her. And it all ties back to some psychological basics to understand why.

A week ago one of the readers of this blog, Alex, requested I get a post up on physical escalation and getting on with the seduction once you’ve got a girl back somewhere private. Alex’s comment:

As for inviting her home, I would really love to see a post about transitioning to getting physically when she's at my place. Do you kino a lot before you invite her home or leave it like kissing for the right/better moment when two of you are all alone? Do you do more comfort stuff to make her feel connected and comfortable and then maybe some talking about sex topics to make her a little horny, how do you move closer to her both physically and mentally to have sex with her? How do you proceed and from your experience how much kino is needed before trying to sleep with her? Is it even required? On the other side, if there's no kino compliance before such as careessing, initimate hand holding (you know who puts much emphasis on it), but no problem with for example putting your hand on her lower back when shopping, should I be concerned about it?

All very good questions, Alex. I’ll share with you what I’m doing these days, and what I advise guys to do.

Just made it back to town after three weeks back home. Was great seeing family and friends; got to eat at a lot of good restaurants, hit the desert, and do some snowboarding. Fun trip.

Top priority on returning was seeing my new girl. Wonderful girl, very cute and pretty, dresses very fashionably, very smart, with an insatiable curiosity, educated, good career, very ladylike yet very confident and ambitious. Pretty inexperienced in the way of things; she’d only had one lover before me, and it’d been two years since she’d been with a man at all. She didn’t even like sex, and had some issues with dryness and chafing. I spent the weekend getting her comfortable with intimacy with me, taking her from reserved about it to throwing herself into it over the course of a few days. She spent a great deal of time opening up to me about all sorts of things, and we had a great few days together. At one point she mentioned wanting to give me a child, which is something that, at age 28, I’m becoming more and more interested in pursuing with a really great girl. It was a good weekend.

Yesterday at midday a close friend of mine called to ask if I’d like to grab some lunch with him, and I said sure and that I’d bring my girl along. I’d just helped my pal navigate a bunch of sticky situations with some women in his life, so I knew he was going through a bit of a rough patch, but he’d always been tactful before and I assumed he would be this time as well in front of my girl.

Towards the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009, I decided to focus my energies on a new thing I had to learn and get down: how to be sexy. I wanted to give myself a dangerous, edgy, exciting vibe, that compelled women to want me and desire me and be amenable to moving quickly with me. At the time, I didn’t really know how I was going to go about it, but I set to work on cracking the code of sexiness nonetheless.

Two years later, I bed women faster than ever, get strong initial attraction from most of the women I talk to, and get told all the time that I’m handsome, sexy, and good-looking. When I meet new women, they’re more likely than not willing to do as I command very early on in our interactions, and I can often suck them into an almost trance-like state of interest and desire. This was something I was doing only occasionally in early 2008, but am doing regularly and consistently now.

The process of how I went about revamping myself from a cool, friendly, neutral guy to a dangerous, edgy, sexy man is what I’m going to share with you in this post. So strap yourself in and let’s get you turning on some beautiful girls.

Was just talking with a good friend of mine about dating etiquette, and he asked me if I ever request that women turn their cell phones off on dates. He said he finds it quite annoying when girls are taking calls and texts while they’re spending time with him.

I can certainly understand that. I think it’s a common human reaction, feeling ignored or mildly disrespected when someone who’s supposed to be there for you isn’t entirely present in the moment and there for you; at the same time she’s on a date with you, she’s busy communicating with other people. How rude.

Me though, I never tell girls not to take those dating phone calls or not respond to those text messages they get when they’re out with me. The closest I’ve come is when things have been hot and heavy with a girl and someone starts blowing up her phone, and if she seems reluctant to answer it I’ll tell her, “Don’t answer it,” in a very seductive half-whisper. If she wants to answer it though, I’m not going to stop her.

And I have a few very good reasons why.

These days Sebastian Drake’s VAC attraction model is all but forgotten in the seduction community. There’s been a gold rush toward “natural game” and at the same time a supposed abandonment of the previously ubiquitous “routine-based game,” the ever-present 800-pound gorilla in pick up circles half a decade ago.

But in the rush toward “natural game” some of its pillars have been missed or marginalized by its new champions – the former routine guys who’ve turned over a new leaf. Nowadays, most everyone in seduction will tell you he practices “natural game”, but what many propose to teach quite often are routines that run a little more smoothly and aren’t called by the label “routines.” They’re dressed up a little and called “natural game” instead. But if you pay close attention… yep, they’re still routines.

That’s why you won’t see the term “natural game” anywhere on this site. In my mind, it’s become synonymous with slightly-evolved-but-thinly-veiled routine-based game. Nothing personal against routines or the guys who use ‘em; it just ain’t my style and I’d rather not be associated with them. The “natural game” pitched by most these days is a little smoother and a little more direct than the routine-based game of yore, but it’s lacking in a lot of the teaching of core concepts of what really makes guys who are naturally talented with women so successful.

One of those core concepts is the “A” in VAC: Attainability. Attainability is the measure of how readily a woman feels she’s able to get what she wants with you – if she thinks it’s in the bag with you and she’s got you hook, line, and sinker, your attainability is too high; that’s called being no challenge. Being no challenge is what happens when a guy makes it too easy for a girl, doesn’t challenge her, or comes across needy or low value.