Beginner daters, socializers, and seducers start here
One big mistake I see a lot of men make when meeting new women is forgetting to allow for some mystery… a little intrigue. And a little bit goes a long way – it fascinates women, gets them thinking about you when you’re not there, gets them frustrated – in a good way! – trying to figure you out.
I'm almost finished reading a great book, called The Drunkard's Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives, by Leonard Mlodinow. Its premise is that all these things we attribute to skill are, most often, due to sheer luck.
My good friend David – who also goes by “Asian Rake” – made a point some time ago that set the gears working in my head. He said something along the lines of, “You know what I’ve realized all naturals have in common? They build up the energy of everyone around them.”
This was something I’d thought about a little before, but hearing someone say it outright hit me like a bolt out of the sky.
Guys with good jobs have a lot of good stuff going on. But, quite often, success with women isn’t one of them. Why is this so? For several reasons.We had a discussion on the Skilled Seducer forum recently where we talked about how a successful career intersects with a man's ability to succeed with women.
I shared my experience, as both a guy with a good corporate job, then as a guy with various artistic jobs, finally as a guy who was unemployed, and then again later as an entrepreneur, and how I found women reacted to that.
Basically: good corporate job or successful entrepreneur are the hardest things to present yourself as if you want to pick up girls. You are much better off being an artist or unemployed.
I figured this out pretty early on and presented myself as an artist even when I had a well-paying corporate job at a prestigious company. I simply avoided telling women about this... well, if I had any kind of sexual or romantic designs on them.
Why should this be so, though? Why would women be more attractive to an artist, or even an unemployed guy, than one who's holding down a solid, stable 9-to-5 at a respectable, well-known company, or forging his own path as an entrepreneur?
If she’s hot, sane, never-married, and under 30, it’s good odds she’s never experienced major heartbreak. Why’s this good? It means you can still be her first real, deep love.On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated," a reader named Lobster asks:
How many do you think [out of] 10 [girls] have had an exceptional man? And how does [this rate] change [as they] age? Thinking about it, however, the strongest are born already from young people and probably almost all who have had relationships will have someone in their hearts since when they are young they have a lot of time to spend together
I initially read his comment as "what do you think about 10-out-10 girls who have had an exceptional man", before I realized he was asking what portion of women on average have had one.
In this article I'd like to talk about why women hung up on their exceptional exes -- 'alpha widows' is the term that gets used for this a lot (I like this term; it has a nice ring) -- are not really as common as you might think, and why that means the playing field is wide open for you if you are (or are willing to turn yourself into) an exceptional man.
A quick pickup of a girl at a bar can seem like a gift from the sex gods. Finally! An easy lay! Yet if you are not that skilled with women yet, be wary of such “freebies.”Hey guys. Welcome back.
In my last article, I discussed extended seductions—dragging out the seduction process for increased compliance and sexual tension. I don’t recommend this advanced technique for beginners. It is difficult to pull off, with room for unnecessary mistakes that could ruin everything.
So beginners and even intermediate players should NOT opt for such a strategy. Cases when extended seductions are needed are few, and same night/day lays, rather than dragging it out over multiple dates, will generally increase your odds of success.
However, I’m writing this post because this strategy has a few caveats.
Even though going for the same night/day pulls increases your odds, it is important to mention that this does not mean going for “quick pulls.” Instant pulls or same day/night lays are NOT synonymous with “quick pulls.”
As most men spend time around women, they grow tamer. What causes this effect? The answer is: women themselves… and their leverage of disapproval and approval.If you look out across the broad range of men, you will discover men of all stripes:
... plus everything in between.
There is one thing you will discover that all these types of men have in common, no matter how they outwardly present:
Most of them, regardless the individual traits of their class, have been tamed by women.
The male sex is a sex particularly susceptible to taming.
A woman is never really tamed. She can be corralled, busied with tasks to accomplish, and made devoted to a man she feels she needs, but she is never tamed.
The female sex is the sex that does the taming.
The male sex is the sex that's tamed.
Yet, some men -- a rare set of men -- remain untamed in their hearts, minds, and deeds.
Why is it that some men are resistant to the taming of women, while most men, of all varieties, are so easily brought to heel?
Why do some people give out “bad vibes”? What is it they’re doing… why do people react that way… and is there anything you can do to make the bad vibes go?Commenting on my article "12 Mistakes that SCREW UP Conversations & Flirtations", yseult says:
Love your explanation on bad vibes.
Could you give a more in depth explanation of what drives vibes, where does it stem from?
Not necessarily the practical side of it but mostly an in depth view of how your inner world and beliefs shape your vibe.
I have a history of giving off bad vibes and I'm glad to say I've shaved most of it off.
Nevertheless, I doubt I understand what I was doign wrong from an intellectual level.
I think bad vibes is one of the things most newer guys have trouble with yet fail to spot it.
The way I spotted it was simply asking close friends direct, brutal honest opinions about the impression I give off. It sucked hearing it but man, Im glad they didn't spare my feelings.Im a much better man for it now.
Once upon a time, another lifetime ago, I used to exude some pretty unsettling vibes myself.
Women who met me said I was "scary" or that they thought I had "bad intentions".
Men who knew me told me outright they'd never mess with me because they thought I'd "go psycho" on them or that, like the girls said, I was "scary."
I was often taken aside to be searched by airport security (most people I knew never were; it must've happened to me half a dozen times in a few dozen flights).
I was even stopped by police walking down the sidewalk in nice neighborhoods because they were looking for a "suspicious person" and I matched the description. I don't know many men with skin my shade that's happened to.
In large part this was by design; I had decided to become a scary, intimidating man. I succeeded.
At some point though I realized terrifying other people wasn't so well aligned with my life goals anymore, at which point I had to undo the whole 'bad vibes' thing I'd so carefully put together, and construct a different kind of vibe altogether.
A few years later my vibe was so different that when I'd tell women about how people used to react to me in my bad vibes day they'd laugh and tell me they did not believe me.
I like that I went through that bad vibes period, because I know how to turn it on and be seriously, seriously scary to people now if I want to. At the same time, learning to get over that also taught me how to come across in a tranquil, charming, welcoming, seductive way, and turn that on more or less at will too. I have to be in a pretty bad place mentally to not be able to do that now (and if I'm in that bad a place, I probably ought to be worried about resolving whatever the issue is, rather than charming people).
This article will be about those bad vibes: what causes them, plus how to make them go away.
Want the people around you to treat you better? Here’s a very simple solution for that: treat THEM better, first. Pleasant people get pleasant treatment.I have observed over the past decade an explosion in argumentative, disagreeable, rude people.
There are people who are simply hot-tempered and combative by nature. That's not what I'm referring to here.
I am referring to an overall rise in ill-mannered, self-centered, socially stunted behavior. It is not just in young people, but in all people. I assume it is due to people spending more and more time on screens, plus the increasing divisions of society, in part due to those screens, and less and less time honing and practicing their social skills with real people.
At the same time that people behave bristly toward those they interact with, they complain about the bristled treatment they receive from others.
Today I want to address this trend, and throw a recommendation in there for you:
Be more pleasant.
Many guys wish they could easily meet women as they go about their days without hesitation or fear. Well, you can, with the right strategy – however, it takes some short-term sacrifice.The Holy Grail of game for a great many men is the ability to be 'always on'.
If you can reach that point, the thinking goes, then you can just meet women anytime, anyplace. You'll never freeze from approach anxiety or not know what to say.
The reality of course is that, excepting when you're on a 'run' with girls, you are pretty much always going to deal with at least a little approach anxiety.
However, it is absolutely possible to become a more social man, and integrate this into your day-to-day life... then mix in daytime approaches to women as a part of that.
If you can do it, you can turn yourself into that man who really truly does meet girls as he just goes about his day.
