Beginner daters, socializers, and seducers start here
My good friend David – who also goes by “Asian Rake” – made a point some time ago that set the gears working in my head. He said something along the lines of, “You know what I’ve realized all naturals have in common? They build up the energy of everyone around them.”
This was something I’d thought about a little before, but hearing someone say it outright hit me like a bolt out of the sky.
Guys with good jobs have a lot of good stuff going on. But, quite often, success with women isn’t one of them. Why is this so? For several reasons.We had a discussion on the Skilled Seducer forum recently where we talked about how a successful career intersects with a man's ability to succeed with women.
I shared my experience, as both a guy with a good corporate job, then as a guy with various artistic jobs, finally as a guy who was unemployed, and then again later as an entrepreneur, and how I found women reacted to that.
Basically: good corporate job or successful entrepreneur are the hardest things to present yourself as if you want to pick up girls. You are much better off being an artist or unemployed.
I figured this out pretty early on and presented myself as an artist even when I had a well-paying corporate job at a prestigious company. I simply avoided telling women about this... well, if I had any kind of sexual or romantic designs on them.
Why should this be so, though? Why would women be more attractive to an artist, or even an unemployed guy, than one who's holding down a solid, stable 9-to-5 at a respectable, well-known company, or forging his own path as an entrepreneur?
If she’s hot, sane, never-married, and under 30, it’s good odds she’s never experienced major heartbreak. Why’s this good? It means you can still be her first real, deep love.On my article "How to Be the Best Guy a Girl's Ever Dated," a reader named Lobster asks:
How many do you think [out of] 10 [girls] have had an exceptional man? And how does [this rate] change [as they] age? Thinking about it, however, the strongest are born already from young people and probably almost all who have had relationships will have someone in their hearts since when they are young they have a lot of time to spend together
I initially read his comment as "what do you think about 10-out-10 girls who have had an exceptional man", before I realized he was asking what portion of women on average have had one.
In this article I'd like to talk about why women hung up on their exceptional exes -- 'alpha widows' is the term that gets used for this a lot (I like this term; it has a nice ring) -- are not really as common as you might think, and why that means the playing field is wide open for you if you are (or are willing to turn yourself into) an exceptional man.
A quick pickup of a girl at a bar can seem like a gift from the sex gods. Finally! An easy lay! Yet if you are not that skilled with women yet, be wary of such “freebies.”Hey guys. Welcome back.
In my last article, I discussed extended seductions—dragging out the seduction process for increased compliance and sexual tension. I don’t recommend this advanced technique for beginners. It is difficult to pull off, with room for unnecessary mistakes that could ruin everything.
So beginners and even intermediate players should NOT opt for such a strategy. Cases when extended seductions are needed are few, and same night/day lays, rather than dragging it out over multiple dates, will generally increase your odds of success.
However, I’m writing this post because this strategy has a few caveats.
Even though going for the same night/day pulls increases your odds, it is important to mention that this does not mean going for “quick pulls.” Instant pulls or same day/night lays are NOT synonymous with “quick pulls.”
As most men spend time around women, they grow tamer. What causes this effect? The answer is: women themselves… and their leverage of disapproval and approval.If you look out across the broad range of men, you will discover men of all stripes:
... plus everything in between.
There is one thing you will discover that all these types of men have in common, no matter how they outwardly present:
Most of them, regardless the individual traits of their class, have been tamed by women.
The male sex is a sex particularly susceptible to taming.
A woman is never really tamed. She can be corralled, busied with tasks to accomplish, and made devoted to a man she feels she needs, but she is never tamed.
The female sex is the sex that does the taming.
The male sex is the sex that's tamed.
Yet, some men -- a rare set of men -- remain untamed in their hearts, minds, and deeds.
Why is it that some men are resistant to the taming of women, while most men, of all varieties, are so easily brought to heel?
Why do some people give out “bad vibes”? What is it they’re doing… why do people react that way… and is there anything you can do to make the bad vibes go?Commenting on my article "12 Mistakes that SCREW UP Conversations & Flirtations", yseult says:
Love your explanation on bad vibes.
Could you give a more in depth explanation of what drives vibes, where does it stem from?
Not necessarily the practical side of it but mostly an in depth view of how your inner world and beliefs shape your vibe.
I have a history of giving off bad vibes and I'm glad to say I've shaved most of it off.
Nevertheless, I doubt I understand what I was doign wrong from an intellectual level.
I think bad vibes is one of the things most newer guys have trouble with yet fail to spot it.
The way I spotted it was simply asking close friends direct, brutal honest opinions about the impression I give off. It sucked hearing it but man, Im glad they didn't spare my feelings.Im a much better man for it now.
Once upon a time, another lifetime ago, I used to exude some pretty unsettling vibes myself.
Women who met me said I was "scary" or that they thought I had "bad intentions".
Men who knew me told me outright they'd never mess with me because they thought I'd "go psycho" on them or that, like the girls said, I was "scary."
I was often taken aside to be searched by airport security (most people I knew never were; it must've happened to me half a dozen times in a few dozen flights).
I was even stopped by police walking down the sidewalk in nice neighborhoods because they were looking for a "suspicious person" and I matched the description. I don't know many men with skin my shade that's happened to.
In large part this was by design; I had decided to become a scary, intimidating man. I succeeded.
At some point though I realized terrifying other people wasn't so well aligned with my life goals anymore, at which point I had to undo the whole 'bad vibes' thing I'd so carefully put together, and construct a different kind of vibe altogether.
A few years later my vibe was so different that when I'd tell women about how people used to react to me in my bad vibes day they'd laugh and tell me they did not believe me.
I like that I went through that bad vibes period, because I know how to turn it on and be seriously, seriously scary to people now if I want to. At the same time, learning to get over that also taught me how to come across in a tranquil, charming, welcoming, seductive way, and turn that on more or less at will too. I have to be in a pretty bad place mentally to not be able to do that now (and if I'm in that bad a place, I probably ought to be worried about resolving whatever the issue is, rather than charming people).
This article will be about those bad vibes: what causes them, plus how to make them go away.
Want the people around you to treat you better? Here’s a very simple solution for that: treat THEM better, first. Pleasant people get pleasant treatment.I have observed over the past decade an explosion in argumentative, disagreeable, rude people.
There are people who are simply hot-tempered and combative by nature. That's not what I'm referring to here.
I am referring to an overall rise in ill-mannered, self-centered, socially stunted behavior. It is not just in young people, but in all people. I assume it is due to people spending more and more time on screens, plus the increasing divisions of society, in part due to those screens, and less and less time honing and practicing their social skills with real people.
At the same time that people behave bristly toward those they interact with, they complain about the bristled treatment they receive from others.
Today I want to address this trend, and throw a recommendation in there for you:
Be more pleasant.
Can you convince a girl to be your girlfriend by giving her stuff?
It's obviously not a strategy we recommend on this site. But LOTS of guys try to pull it off. So let's have a look.
A guy on Reddit talks about a girl who “let's just be friends”'d him six months ago, writing:
Earlier this week, I bought tickets for a musical next year that we both really want to see and she was over the moon. I really wanted to go with her but I thought maybe it could also be a good opportunity to ask her out again, seeing as it had been 6 months. She asked me how much tickets were and I told her, "Well, I was thinking maybe this could be a date. And in that case, no charge at all."
My friend told me she was sorry but still didn't have feelings, valued the friendship, etc. I told her it was fine and that I just thought I'd check in again and we moved on as usual. It hurt, but I was fine to just stay friends and hoped the feelings would eventually subside.
The next day, we started talking about the musical again. I mentioned the price of the tickets and she said something like, "Oh, I thought it was a gift?" I told her it would have been free if we were going as a date, but as friends, I'd want her to pay for hers. She got quite annoyed at me and accused me of trying to pay her back for not returning feelings. She told me she really didn't want to hurt me (and to her credit, her rejection was done as considerately as it can be) but this was really making her feel like I was trying to punish her for not reciprocating interest.
I tried to explain that I didn't mean it to come across like that, but these tickets were relatively expensive too and I just wasn't willing to spend that much on a friend. My friend told me she wasn't upset about having to pay for the ticket and she was always happy to do that, but she felt like this was me trying to get some petty revenge or even manipulation, that I didn't value her as a friend but just as someone I could maybe have a relationship with.
We see here the stereotypical nice guy / nice girl manipulation dynamic:
Nice guy pretends to be fine with being friends, only to keep trying sneaky tactics at moments he has leverage to try to get dates
Nice girl pretends to be surprised something nice guy offered her for free in exchange for a date is not still for free once she's turned down the date (and manages to get both tickets for free in the end -- see below)
In an update, the nice guy bends, giving the girl both tickets for free to invite whomever she wants. Meanwhile, the nice girl accepts the free tickets (of course... the actually gracious thing would be to say "No thanks, you keep them, take some girl you like instead" -- but this girl's not gracious), though says she will probably take the nice guy along. He's providing her free stuff and lots of fawning attention, without her having to give him anything in return... she is going to keep that going so long as it's still worthwhile to her.
While the whole thing is pretty cringeworthy, we must ask: does this technique ever sometimes work?
There's a new kind of coaching in town, and it's set to get you bowling your dates over right in their chairs in the coffee shop or restaurant.
First off though:
Have you ever taken a girl out, only to have things start well... yet go south... and as you walked away at the end of the date, certain you'd never see that girl again, you had no idea why?
Do you ever run out of things to say to dates (and end up with that super awkward feeling that you're watching your shot with this girl die in real time)?
Or do you sometimes mishandle the vibe (and suddenly a date that felt fine two minutes ago feels completely weird or off kilter)?
Have you ever been on a date where no matter what you tried, you just couldn't get you and the girl to 'click'? You talked, and she talked, and she offered plenty of polite laughter to your jokes... yet both of you knew you were just killing time out of politeness, rather than any kind of legitimate shared connection.
These things are maddening when they happen. And for some guys, they happen a lot.
Even if they only happen to you sometimes, you still want them to not occur.
The good news is, if you go on enough dates, you will figure it out eventually... probably...
However, the even better news is rather than take 6 months or a year to fix those problems, you can put that process on rocket boosters instead.
The way you do that is with coaching and practice, tied together, working together, to let you zero in on exactly what you need to do differently -- then get you doing it.
To give you exactly this, I've assembled an A-team of Girls Chase coaches... PLUS a bevy of lovely, fetching 20-something gals I've handpicked to serve as your 'practice dates' to let you get this stuff DOWN.
The chats are real. The feedback is real. The coaching is deep.
And the dating learning curve you're on, once you're on this program, gets SLASHED in half (or even less).
Not all men are born lady killers. Lucky for us, the seduction community has proven time and again that even YOU can get hot girls by focusing on what you can control.
Because most guys haven’t had success "just being themselves," they think verbal game is the only essential skill in seduction. There’s no possibility that a girl may be waiting to meet a guy who looks like you, right? You’re not good looking, or tall, or rich. There’s zero chance that she may be single, bored, lonely, or horny, and you’re just her type at the right time and place?
It’s the men who don’t try often enough who are the first to cry “Only looks matter!” They have inner-game issues related to their self-image (e.g., I’m ugly). So, I get them to record audio of their approaches with their phones, and unsurprisingly, their conversations are boring: no emotion, no insights, just surface level small talk. Then they wonder why they’re getting phone numbers, but not dates. It must be because they’re so ugly, they figure.
I also get these eccentric guys. They show up dressed like bums, or clowns, with nose hairs jutting out, loose, dirty clothing, or fashion from 1996 hip hop culture. They never run out of things to say, and their conversations are anything but boring. They also believe they’re the most handsome of all men. They have astronomical self-esteem. But the women don’t want anything to do with them because they feel embarrassed being seen with these guys.
So as a coach, I quickly slot men into categories:
Take the guy shopping (do a makeover)
He needs grooming
He must learn how to talk to women (female psychology)
He needs inner-game confidence coaching (lacks self-esteem)
He needs to tweak his fundamentals (body language, mindset, opening, etc.)
And so forth.
Every man can improve himself. But he has to believe it’s possible and be willing to put in the effort.
As far as these low-self-esteem cases, the one thing they have in common is that they’re “not enough.” They’re just not good enough (in their minds) to get the hot girls. They’re not good-looking enough, and they just don’t know what to say. They think if they could correct one of those issues, then everything would turn around for them.
That’s what they tell themselves, anyway. If they were better looking and had game, everything would work out. Well, isn’t that why we’re learning this stuff? Because we’re not all born handsome and witty?
It’s how I used to think, too: I wasn’t good enough for hot girls. I was too short, too fat, too skinny, too young, too old, too plain, and I had to talk myself attractive. Once I discovered the pickup community, it was like being handed a magic wand. All I had to do was practice these tactics and techniques, so I’d finally know exactly what to say to girls. Now, almost 14 years later, I still have no idea what to say to girls to get them to like me. But I’m a lot more confident, and women like that trait.
Here’s the truth about “Game.” As a science, it was made for average, frustrated chumps. Not good-looking, social geniuses.
We’ve learned:
Maximizing your physical attractiveness by going to the gym, dressing better, improving posture, body language, eye contact, and vocal tonality.
Female psychology, or what sort of behaviors are attractive to women: confidence, humor, bravery, ambition, social freedom, sexual liberation, being non-judgmental, etc.
Increasing the number of women you meet, through cold approach at night and during the day, social circle, and online dating sites
