Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Why Women Make You 'Dead to Them' at Breakup Time

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By: Chase Amante

you're dead to me
Everything was great with her... and then out of the blue she went ice cold to you and treated you like as if you were dead to her. Why do women 'dead you out', and what can you do when they do it?

On the Girls Chase Boards, a forum member named Ramshead talks about a girl from work he's been sleeping with casually off-and-on for a year, who suddenly went ice cold on him:

So this girl seems to be mad at me for no reason. We work together and we have had issues in the past. We have been going out on and off since May 2018. No one knows we are seeing each other and it’s not in my interest since I’m fooling around with a few of the girls at the office and surrounding business. We both have made it clear we are not looking for a relationship. She has told me she cares about me a lot.

We went out this Saturday we had dinner at my place and went to the beach to talk everything was cool. We came back to my place and had sex and the next day we texted a bit.

But since Monday she has been ignoring me. We really don’t talk that much at work but we at least say hi or smile at each other. So im still warm to her and say hi but she ignores me or turns around. Yesterday an older lady coworker gave my department Hershey’s kisses. When the girl passed by my desk I said her name but she passed by really fast and I thought she ignored me or didn’t here but she came back and I offered her one and she accepted it and said thank you and left.

Today is when I confirmed she really is mad at me about something. We have an hour lunch and our lunches are 30 minutes apart. We usually run into each other on the street and walk around and talk for a bit. Today was different. I was waiting on the intersection for the light to turn green and I saw her on the opposite corner to my right walking on the green light. I wear sun glasses to walk around and I saw here look at me and pretend like she didn’t see me and kept walking. When my light turned green I crossed. I could have turned to my left and catch up to her but I decided to walk straight.

I’m not sure what’s going on. Is she already ending it, wants me to commit. I’m confused since nothing bad happened over the weekend.

This is a common female behavior that heralds an impending breakup. It won't necessarily always lead to breakup, if you catch it in time to resolve it.

But if it goes untreated too long, bad stuff is assured: cheating, breaking up, tantrums, etc.

I talked about this behavior before, in my article six years ago on emotional association and dissociation. When a woman loses enough faith in you and her relationship with you, she emotionally dissociates from you.

Today I want to talk particularly about the pre-breakup "you're dead to me" dissociation guys run into, though. Because it's an especially nasty sort of dissociation, can be quite distressing, and tends to blindside guys who don't know what it is or where it came from.

Tactics Tuesdays: The "Cook Dinner at My Place" Date

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By: Chase Amante

cook dinner at my place
Inviting a woman over for dinner is a great date… if you use it right. Get the timing right, get the positioning right, and you have an easy way to close with consistency.

Over the years, I've always found the "let's cook dinner at my place" date a great one for bedding new, delightful women.

Used right, it gets a girl over to your place, alone, doing something constructive and romantic with you... and its gets you in motion around your place together, which gives you lots of opportunities to 'corner her' and kiss, touch, and much more.

However, as excellent as this date is, I've noticed a lot of guys get this date wrong, in a variety of ways. So, for today's Tactics Tuesdays, we're going to look at the most effective ways to make the 'dinner at home' date work extremely well for you.

How to Never Have a Sexless Relationship (the Sex Trump Card)

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By: Chase Amante

sexless relationshipOver the years I've seen friends go through relationships where after a while their woman stops having sex with them. When it happens, the guy is shaken; his self-esteem slides hard. When a man needs something, and is denied it by the woman he thought was there to be his partner for that thing and many others, his view of himself can crater.

I've never had to deal with a sexless relationship for long. A few times in the rockiest parts of soured relationships, I've had female partners do their darnedest to avoid sex with me. I reached a point with one ex like this where it would take me an hour or more of me doing everything I could to break through with her every time before I'd finally get some bone-dry vagina. I've had partners sour enough with me they'd completely dried up for me for sex (like that one), or sometimes firmly denied me for stretches of time.

But in the end, they always ended up pursuing me for sex and initiating on their own again.

I've had some longer relationships... some past the point where other friends' relationships have seen the sex dry completely up. I've had girlfriends whose libidos have waxed and waned. But me getting enough sex with them, except for short tumultuous stretches before I fix whatever the issue is, has never long been a problem.

This is a thing most people dread, the sexless relationship / sexless marriage. It's something when people fall into it, they become lost, confused, lonely, and hurt.

They don't know how to remedy it... and can't find a way out.

Yet, the most reliable cure for sexlessness is a simple one.

It's a position you can adopt that will motivate any partner who wants to keep you to be a whole heck of a lot more flexible with her sex life with you.

That position is this:

I completely understand if you don't want sex. But I NEED sex, and I'm going to HAVE it. If you can't provide it to me, I'll be sad, but again, I understand.

You will find out very quickly at this point whether she wants you enough to change the sex life... or whether things are so far gone it's time for you to hit the eject button.

The Girlfriend Pickup Dip

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By: Chase Amante

girlfriend pickup dipIf you're exclusively a monogamous sort of guy, this article won't apply to you at all.

However, if you ever find yourself in situations where you have one or more women you see regularly for sex, yet you're still on the dating scene, looking for new girls to pair up with, you will encounter this.

It's a phenomenon we might call The Girlfriend Pickup Dip.

The Dip looks like this: once you have a woman or two to tend to your sexual needs regularly, your motivation to seek new sex partners begins to dry up.

You grow less driven to secure new girls. Your tolerance for dating-related difficulties (like women flaking, testing you, or sending you mixed signals) erodes.

You may still go out, but the hunger isn't there. It's harder to get higher caliber women, too, despite everything you've been told: that high caliber women like guys who aren't needy, that women want men other women want, that women can 'smell' success... despite these things, when your drive isn't there, women can sense it, and that's the biggest thing. Because high caliber women want men who value them highly, and are willing to put a minimum level of investment in to get them.

Thus, as an almost inevitable consequence, as you bring more women into your life, and 'fill your pipeline' or 'fill up your rotation', you reach a point where your motivation to keep adding new women falls, and you are less-good at getting the really top notch girls you got at your hungriest, as well as just doing the same volume of new girls in general.

This is The Dip, and if you like multiple women in your life, it can be a thorn in your side.

Tactics Tuesdays: Group Invite Dates

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By: Chase Amante

group invite dates
Girl won't come out, or isn't sure about you… or you're too busy to meet her 1-on-1? Extend a group invite date to her, and get her doing something social with you.

My normal advice with you for dates is 'get her out alone with you'.

Don't make dates less intimate. Don't do party dates. Don't do things where there are other people around to distract.

In the typical scenario, where you have a girl who's already game to come out with you 1-on-1, this is the best advice for you. There's no need to overcomplicate things for yourself or introduce chaos by involving additional people. Make the date about you and her, and get everything else out of the way.

However... there are a few scenarios in which 'get her out 1-on-1' isn't practical or viable. And sometimes it just makes more sense to do something in a group.

For such cases, it can actually make sense to skip the 1-on-1, and invite a girl to a group event.

Because just like 1-on-1 dates, group invite dates have their upsides, too.

Female Attachment Profiles: Secure, Avoidant, and More

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By: Chase Amante

female attachment styles
A woman's attachment style determines whether she is clingy, or distant, or prone to upset at the most trivial thing. Know her style, and you know what to expect.

Early in life, the way someone's parents raise her shapes the way her brain deals with her relationships with other people.

If her parents are loving and supportive, and around enough, and not abusive or neglectful, she'll form a secure attachment style.

Secure attachment is the healthiest form of attachment: it's the ability to form real bonds with other people, free from either neediness or (on the other hand) an urge to 'get away'.

However, not all parents are loving and supportive, or present enough; some are neglectful, or even abusive. Some parents have attachment disorders themselves and simply aren't good at parenting. And when a child grows up with parents like this, she learns different lessons about close relationships, and her brain wires itself to respond differently to closeness.

Depending on her upbringing, she may learn to cling to others for dear life. She may flee closeness, and try to keep space in her relationships. She may have chaotic emotions toward closeness and vacillate between wanting it and pushing it away.

Once you know attachment styles, you can better grasp the women you bring into your life... and better grasp yourself.

What Caused the Trust Collapse Between Women and Men?

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By: Chase Amante

men women trustA recent article on loneliness exploded to the top of Hacker News (the Reddit-like programming and entrepreneurship newsboard). The article clearly struck a chord. The thrust of the article was that the decline of the family has led to an epidemic of lonely people.

In the comment section below the article, a reader had this to say:

After numerous attempts to find a reasonable/semi-normal female "life-companion" I gave up at 50. I tried to overlook the hostility and conceit they had towards men in general at first, until neurosis and personality disorders would reveal themselves later - if the relationship got that far. I felt like I was in a competition and she was determined to "win".

It's many things, but the enmity and distrust that feminism has caused between men and women is by far the most significant contributor. Men are the "enemy" that must be defeated. Why are the majority of homeless white men? They surrendered.

It's a sentiment that seems to be bursting out of the stitches among more and more people. Women express similar sentiments as often as men -- this isn't a purely male issue.

At the core of it, the real center of the issue, is the cultural phenomenon of 'trust collapse'.

The great tragedy of our time is this breakdown in trust between the people... and, particular to this website's mission, the breakdown in trust between the sexes. When the sexes trust each other, anything is possible. When they do not, society comes undone at the seams.

The sexes have battled throughout history; a little tension is nothing new. Yet rarely does the fight grow as embittered as it's today become.

Today more and more women are distrustful toward men. They worry there are rapists behind every tree. They opine that women are paid less than men (and thus, implicitly undervalued). They jump when a stranger approaches, or chide men not to walk up to them in the first place. At the same time, they wonder where the good men have gone, and instruct men that now that they are ready to marry, it's time for those men to be ready too.

Just as women's trust in men has crumbled, so too has men's in women. Many men fear false accusations of harassment (described as "sometimes just a different perspective" in this article), false accusations of sexual assault, or false accusations of rape. Men with good careers walk on eggshells around female colleagues, wary not to become easy prey for unscrupulous corporate climbers (all a woman has to do is say a man did something to her, the same way the football player feigns injury to penalize his opponent and benefit his own team). Many men fear the power women wield in marriage courts, and the loss of their children and assets and lives in the event of a divorce. Some swear off marriage under current Western law; others swear off dating entirely. In a recent 'sexual harassment backlash' survey by the very feminist Lean In organization, 60% of male managers report now being uncomfortable mentoring, working alone with, or socializing outside of work with female employees.

While not everyone has caught it as bad as the more sensitive (and paranoid) among us, everyone has felt it to some extent. And plenty have felt it to large extent... between 2008 and 2018, a mere 10 year gap, the number of 18-29 year old men not having sex in America rocketed up from 10% of them to a whopping 28%.

As the relations between the sexes have increasingly frayed, more and more individuals have come out as preferring their own same sex instead. That number increased by 17% in only four years, between 2012 and 2016. Among millennials, in 2012, 5.8% were homosexual; just four years later, in 2016, a full 7.3% were out of the closet (so much for the ol' "only 1-2% of the population is gay" chestnut you used to hear, huh?). And the fertility rate in the U.S. hits new all-time lows pretty much every year.

How do make heads or tails of all this?

What is happening to the mating market in the West?

Is there any sense we can make of this at all, or is it all just a bunch of unfathomable deep civilizational processes, layers beneath layers, impossible to peel back?

Well, we're going to peel the layers back. And we'll see if we can arrive at an understanding of just what's afoot in all these tremors we've felt in the modern mating market.

Fortunately, there are white polished stones that lead the way us to follow. Let's see where those stones lead.

Tactics Tuesdays: The 'Too Distracted' Opener

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By: Chase Amante

too distracted by you opener
A simple, fun, direct opener to use on girls who are stationary and alone. "I'm too distracted by you" puts the blame on HER for being too cute.

This is a little gem from the old mASF seduction forums (credit: Lifeguard).

It goes like this: you're out somewhere and see a pretty girl, so you approach, give your name, tell her she distracted you with her cuteness, and ask her name.

Example:

You're in the café and see a girl. You approach her and tell her, "Hi, I'm Lucas. I was sitting over there trying to read my book but I am too distracted by how cute you are. What's your name?"

This opener combines direct with situational relevance, so it's to-the-point but still grounded.

It's also versatile (useful in a lot of different situations), as we'll see just below.

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

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By: Chase Amante

girls know right away
When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex.

One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy school'. In this school, a woman will not go to bed with you until you have 'gotten her ready'. The ways a normal guy tries to make a woman want him / tries to 'get her ready' include:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom he is
  • Displaying valuable things about himself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for him

Once she has seen enough of the guy's good qualities, goes this school of thought, she will then open up to the idea of sex.

The other school of thought though is what we might call the 'lover school'. In this school, if a woman is going to go to bed with you, she knows it the moment you approach. You still will end up doing things like:

  • Spending time with her
  • Connecting enough with her
  • Making her laugh
  • Showing her whom you are
  • Displaying valuable things about yourself
  • Communicating to her she 'qualifies' for you

However, these actions serve the purpose of moving things along and getting her comfortable enough to let her guard down with you. They are not to 'make her want you'... not really.

Because she already wanted you. You're just trying to help her feel like it's okay to give into what she wants.

Although the actions are superficially the same, the intentions behind these actions are dramatically different between these two men. These intentions drive differences in how the man carries out these actions, how much of them he feels he needs, and how fast with women he thinks he can move.

The more you think like the men in the second school of thought (the lover school), the more natural, easy, and fluid you will find getting together with new women becomes.

Tactics Tuesdays: Zero Small Talk Flirtation

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By: Chase Amante

zero small talk
Don’t get stuck in boring go-nowhere conversations with girls. Ditch the small talk, and flirt with ‘small talk zero’ instead.

This is for any guy who runs into this issue:

You're in a situation, start to talk to a girl, make small talk about the setting/situation, then get trapped in a platonic conversation where you talk about boring situational things that neither you nor the girl care about. She loses interest and slips away.

If this happens to you, there's an easy tactic you can use, and that is to go 'small talk zero'. Instead of make small talk, your entire early conversation consists of flirtatious banter.

Sometimes you can make small talk work perfectly fine, especially if you are confident in how you do it and don't spend too long on it. However, if you're nervous, or don't feel in control of the situation, it's easy to fall into a small talk loop, where small talk leads to more small talk, which leads to boredom, and women leaving.

Since we don't want attractive women leaving, instead of getting trapped in an endless small talk loop, we can use 'zero small talk' flirtation instead.