Confidence

Much of men’s dating advice tells you to be confident, but after a certain point a man with little to fear might just ask the question, “Can being shy be turned to one’s advantage?”

As it turns out, shy combined with moments of confidence can create an incredibly alluring contrast, and yes, be incredibly attractive. In fact, the right use of “shyness” can show off a deeper internal confidence than just being extroverted and outgoing all the time can.

Being shy-natured can be a powerful way to separate yourself from the noise of the crowd and heighten the experience of sharing a moment with you.

When I first started lifting weights regularly, there were plenty of days I did not want to go to the gym at all - days I felt sick, days I felt tired, days I was down in the dumps. But I made myself go anyway, because I had committed myself to it, and I knew that if I started skipping days at the gym, I'd skip more and more, and whatever gains I actually made would be slow and, likely, negligible.

So, I went, time and again, when I did not want to go at all. The feeling after was always triumphant - I had vanquished my emotions and managed to achieve in spite of myself. And six months after I'd begun working out three times a week, every week, I was back in front of a bunch of my old colleagues, and everyone was impressed at how much muscle I'd put on.

I hadn't even realized; because I saw myself in the mirror every day, I hadn't seen the transformation. All I'd seen was that I kept lifting heavier and heavier amounts of weight.

Going out to meet women is just like this; the important thing is not being "ready" to go out and meet women - the important thing is going out and meeting women.

But a lot of men have trouble doing this.

Ever see a really beautiful woman that you’d love to meet, walking down the sidewalk… she looks like your ideal, and maybe you even imagine how well the two of you would probably hit it off together, and the laughter and smiles and romance and adventures you might share in an unwritten future… and then you just let her walk by, past you without a word, off into the sunset and into being no more than a memory to you, never to know what might have been?

There is an old adage in the seduction community that goes, “It’s better to be rejected than live with regret.”

Yet so many men invent what they might not even identify as excuses for saving their feelings and remaining in a state of inaction… and fear. Today I’m going to put a magnifying glass on these weak excuses and why you should throw them out the window to make substantial changes in your life.

In my article on sexual awakenings, Wallflower left a comment wanting to know how she could help a guy to drop his Madonna/whore complex:

“Just a question for the ladies ;) How would you get a guy to drop his M/W complex? Is it possible? What would be the strategy here?”

While I touched on the M/W complex briefly, I think the beliefs that frame the current Western feeling on sexual expression, particularly where women are involved, is something that is worth further examination.

To help rid yourself of your sexually limiting beliefs and any vestige of Madonna/Whore complex, a perusal of sexual lore through particular historical examples can be massively beneficial.

Learning about it will bolster your skills with women by helping you to set liberal sexual frames with genuine conviction and an understanding of why they work.

Additionally, gaining a more objective understanding of sexuality can also be of great benefit to any relationships you find yourself in, monogamous or polygamous.

And as stated in my previous article, a relaxed attitude to women's sexuality is something that is crucial to help any girl to a sexual awakening... so that the both of you can have mind-blowing sex.

A reader recently contributed another comment to the article "When Women Test Men." Like many of the commenters on that article, he balked; "Why should I have to learn how to deal with women's tests? Women should simply like me for ME, and NEVER test me!"

In one way, I sympathize. It's no fun feeling like other people are putting you under a microscope, examining you, and that you're being inspected to see if you meet their requirements.

However, the element of learning how to automatically pass the tests you see from women - that's things like:

• Her asking you loaded questions about yourself

• Her putting up resistance to dating or sleeping with you

• Her giving you drama in a relationship

... is more or less one of the key foundational elements, all boiled down, of learning "game."

And when you're first learning how to deal with tests, they can be hard, and they can be confusing, and they can make you feel helpless, and they are not a lot of fun.

But, is it perhaps possible to just skip learning how to deal with all these feminine things, and just screen for and get women who don't act like this?

Can you opt not to learn game... and still find success in mating and in life?

Cruzer, a Girls Chase reader, comment on the article on entitlement asking:

“Great article, but I want to ask you something that varies from the topic.

How does one have presence?

There are some people who walk in a room and are able to instantly command attention, even though they may not be the best look person in the room......so how do I do that?”

Cruzer (and our other reader “John W.”) bring up a very important aspect of charisma and dominance: presence.

You know that feeling. That moment when a man walks into a room and everyone seems to stop for a minute and take notice. The women wonder who he is and why he has such a commanding energy. The men wonder whether he’s chill or an asshole and why this man seems to be so sure of himself.

Presence is that special character trait that very few men possess. And it is, in my opinion, one of the most difficult characteristics to develop. As I alluded to in my brief response to Cruzer, it is a combination of advanced mindsets and basic fundamentals. And something else as well.

Today I want to talk about presence; about how to develop that powerful and magnetic force that compels people toward you and forces them to take notice. Let’s go…

Note from Chase: this is our first article from Cody Lyans, whom you may also know by the handles "The Cost of Success" or, in shorter form, "Cosy." Cody's a very talented and experienced seducer who spends time traveling mainly about Western Europe. His focuses tend to be on deep psychological layers underlying surface dynamics, knowing women inside out, and drawing women in with strong fundamental-based magnetism and a love of empowering and infusing those around him with strong positive energy. I give you Cody.

About me:

As a courageous young man he started approaching suntanned beauties on beaches and girls in shopping malls because he was, ironically, too scared to talk to girls he knew in high school. An unusually shy yet carefree character that compensates with a wild inner fire caused him to push the boundaries of his comfort zones in remarkably unique ways. Coming from a place of limiting beliefs he fought his way into a clarity that helped him to understand the things that kept causing him to make mistakes with girls.

He honed his understanding of women whilst working at nightclubs until he eventually decided to go all in and get into the action for some more hands on experience. An enigmatic yet highly engaging and open individual out to help, he believed that everyone has the right to improve every part of who they are and took understanding women as an important step towards a full and rich life. He not only learnt what allows you to present yourself as a desirable guy but also how to improve how fulfilled you are with your life at the same time.

His writing style is that of a storyteller, and his articles will bring a confident and breezy twist to the reading experience whilst still capturing the brilliant spirit of sharing here at Girls Chase.

In short he is sharp minded, surprisingly wise, and full of experience as a true believer in Seduction as a means to a better life.