Tactics Tuesdays

Girls ask for things they think they want from you. If you give them these though the attraction dies out. Why? Because what girls want ≠ what they need!

The title for this one is a bit deceptive. Because you ARE going to give her what she actually wants… but you aren’t going to give her what she says she wants.

As you’re talking with women, they will frequently ask you for things or fish for things from you, like:

• Compliments
• Reassurance
• Qualification
• Free drinks
• Free food
• Other compliance

If you give a girl exactly what she asks for when she asks for it, which is what a lot of guys will do, because they feel like they have to, or see no way to decline without looking rude or insensitive, she loses attraction for you. You are not the sexy bad boy rebel she cannot tame. You are, rather, just another guy who will do exactly what she asks of him.

The challenge of course is that you can’t do absolutely nothing, either. She’s asked you for something… you have to reply in some way. You can’t just withdraw into your turtle shell to hide.

What we’re going to do with this Tactics Tuesdays piece is to look at how to give her not what she wants, but what she needs to move things forward instead.

Use this simple process to take the compliments others pay you and springboard off them into a deep dive.

Commenting on a recent article of mine, reader Cian requests “tips on how to gracefully reply to compliments and leverage them to further the conversation/Deep Dive process.”

His first request is simple enough. The way to reply to a compliment is, “Thank you.”

You don’t launch into a story (makes you look self-satisfied). You don’t engage in self-deprecation (makes you look uncomfortable taking a compliment). You don’t compliment back, usually – at least not instantly (makes you look reactive and lessens the impact of any compliments you do pay).

You just say thanks.

Can you use compliments as deep dive fuel though?

If so, how does that work? How do you use someone else’s compliment about you as an excuse to get to know more about your interlocuter?

How do you know if a girl likes what you’ve proposed – or if she’s likely to reject or flake on it? By using retroactive discounts to tell… that’s how.

I’ve had guys asking me lately about tactics for generating buy-in with girls.

So here’s one: it’s called ‘retroactive discounting’. Not my term; it comes from the psychology literature. It’s a name for a tactic we’ve all heard before, and possibly used: you offer to do something, and then couch that by saying you’re not sure if she wants to do it / maybe she doesn’t want to do it.

Like so:

We could grab drinks this weekend. Maybe that’s not your thing though.

Retroactive discounting allows you to recover in real time from an overly pushy or forward suggestion (e.g., one you made before checking her interests or schedule). But more importantly, it wraps a second consideration into your request – one where even if the girl is not available she can still express interest in you and commit to wanting to see you again.

You will use this one most often when you are zipping along very fast with girls (at least that is when I’ve always made the most use of it) – in other words, where you are aiming to do as much as possible in as little time as you can.

When girls create unhelpful frames, use a bait-and-switch tension pop (a B&S pop). B&S pops build investment, seize the frame, and tease her all at once.

Have you ever done the thing where a girl was waiting with bated breath for what you were going to say, thinking it was some big, significant reveal…

… only for you to tell her something absurdly lame or mundane? And she just started laughing, maybe punched you in the arm or called you really bad, as ALL the tension in the air evaporated and the two of you were chill… perhaps there was even a little magical spark because of it?

Even if you haven’t, you’ve doubtless seen this tactic from time to time in shows and movies.

I call this technique the ‘bait-and-switch tension pop’. Or the B&S pop for short.

It’s a bait-and-switch (she THINKS she’s about to hear something profound from you… instead she gets something cheesy) that POPS whatever tension you’d built up with her.

It’s a niche tactic with a handful of excellent uses, and one worth keeping in your toolbox.

An interest loop is a tactic to intrigue a girl without giving her instant satisfaction. Instead you loop her into talking as she wonders what you’ll say.

Let’s have a quick look at combining interest bait with open loops – something we’ll dub ‘interest loops’. This is really only for intermediate and advanced socializers, but might still be an interesting read even if you’re not there yet.

As a recap, interest bait is anything you say that piques a girl’s interest in what you’ll say next or why you’re saying it. For instance, “You know who you remind me of?” or, “Can I ask you something persona?”

An open loop is a conversation thread you open, then leave open, while you switch over to another conversation thread. For instance, if you open a loop talking about your recent trip to California, then without closing that thread switch to having her tell you about her semester abroad in France. When the semester abroad thread ends, you can return to the California trip – or just open more loops.

The benefit of interest bait is its ability to intrigue girls who might otherwise not be tuned in (or even have one foot out of the interaction).

The benefit of open loops is that conversations feel ‘incomplete’ when they still have conversation threads left open… so you can keep a bunch of loops open and she’ll feel more committed to continuing the conversation.

So what happens if you combine interest bait with an open loop, creating what we’ll call interest loops?

Stack a girl’s orgasms together to enable more sexual fun. Use this tactic to help her cum in positions she often can’t… or to ratchet up sexy thrills.

Want to get a girl cumming in a certain position, but you’re struggling to bring her to orgasm in that position? There’s a simple solution to it: orgasm stacking!

Orgasm stacking is when you bring a girl to climax, then stack more climaxes on top of it. In general, you will find once a woman starts cumming, it is easy to make her keep cumming – including in different positions; including in positions she might otherwise have difficulty cumming in much of the time.

There’s a Chinese saying when it comes to sex that “The ox gets tired but the field does not.” This is meant to say that women are virtually inexhaustible once you get them going in sex; the only real limit to a sex session is the energy of the man. In my experience it’s very true. You can use this to your advantage in sex to stack orgasms, then transfer those orgasms to different positions and experiences with her.

Once you start stacking orgasms, you can get girls cumming in all kinds of different positions.

I should note before we dive in: this article assumes you are already adept at making women orgasm one way or another. If you’re unable to make girls cum in general, see our other articles on sex and start there. If you have a girl who’s resistant to orgasming, see this article on training girls to cum. If you can make girls cum but have trouble with endurance, see the articles on lasting longer and avoiding premature ejaculation. Once you’ve got those mastered, you can circle back to this fancy bedroom tactic.

Approaching & opening a group of people may seem intimidating. Who do you focus on? How do you handle the others? These 2 strategies get you in the door.

You’re at the bar, or the mall, or the beach, and see a group of people.

You decide you want to talk to them. Maybe they look cool; maybe there’s a cute girl in the group.

Either way, you need to start a conversation… somehow.

How do you open when it’s a group of people?

There are two (2) ways: one bolder, and one more discreet.