Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

When You Open Girls, Keep It Low Pressure

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

open girls low pressureWhen you open a new conversation with a girl, it should be casual. You want to keep the pressure low to avoid spooking her and scaring her off.

I was checking Reddit and came across a few interesting posts by women. Here's part of one:

[W]hen a guy walks up to me on the street when I'm going somewhere and he outright says to me something along the lines of "Hey, you're pretty, what's your name", I'm almost always startled and want to leave asap. First, because I'm usually in a rush and need to get somewhere and he's stopping me and making me be late, second, because I already know what's on his mind. And don't get me wrong - it's really nice that someone thinks I'm attractive and I don't suspect every guy to constantly think of sex, it's just... he's already stating, in his very first words to me, that he's only talking to me because he's thinking of me in a "date material" sort of way.

...

On the other hand, I've also been approached in bars, in clubs, on campus and in supermarkets/shops. What those situations had in common was me not rushing anywhere and those guys starting a conversation with saying something casual, for example asking about the lettering on my tote bag (it's sort of a wordplay). One mentioned that he thought my glasses were really cool and then showing me his, which were almost identical; another one asked me if I knew what the bar's specialty was etc.

...

Basically what I'm trying to say is: all of the successful approaches were super laid back (I didn't feel 'hunted down'), gave me a chance to escape them without saying that I'm not interested (it's actually quite hard to tell such a thing to someone) or lying about having a boyfriend (that only happens when a guy is too persisent). Those guys also made it really easy for me to get into a conversation with them and actually let me talk to them like I'm a normal person (not just an object of physical attraction), thus making it easier to either exchange numbers or just expand our social circles (without any pressure). They made me feel like a nice human being, worthy of their attention not just because of my looks but rather because they found me be an interesting person to talk to (girlfriend material or not).

I don't recall having seen posts by women on r/seduction in the past. But apparently nowadays women are going on there, making positive comments about approaches they've experienced, and encouraging men to approach. Fun to speculate on why, but that's outside the purview of this piece.

Regardless, this gal raises a topic I'd like to explore more today: that of not startling girls when you approach, by keeping your approaches lower pressure.

Men Need Their Own Space to Stay Psychologically Healthy

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

male spacesMen more and more find themselves enmeshed with women in every aspect of their lives. But this isn’t healthy for men – or men’s relationships with women.

In a recent comment, on the first article in my series on ghosting, a reader asked about feeling jealous over young women's seeming comparative ease in the dating market:

Chase when I read your analysis on how men ages 18 to 25 always struggle the most when it comes to relationships with women I just can't help,but feel cynical and jaded with how unbalanced the marketplace is. I'm headed towards the latter end of that age range and haven't had much of a dating life. I'm sympathethic towards women and know that they endure struggles of their own in life and in dating and I genuinely love women and recognize that most women are sweet and nice,but thinking about how much less women struggle compared to men and how they don't have to work as hard to improve their dating lives or even HAVE a dating life which a lot of men don't have I sometimes lack empathy for them and some bitterness will creep in if something reminds me of this imbalance.

I know in a old article you said we shouldn't compare ourselves with women because we're not competing with them,but it almost feels like men are engaged with women in a tug a war and men are at a disadvantage at least in the West. A moderately attractive woman will have significantly more options than a moderately attractive man and don't have to go through the lengths and struggles a man has to do to even be a viable dating option. Even a older less fertile women will still have suitors,but a older man may not.

I'm working on myself so i'm not just ranting about how difficult dating as a unestablished man is while not doing anything to change or improve. I've taken coaching,a bootcamp, and have a online group where I can discuss game with other people,set approach goals and hold each other accountable. Early on when you were learning pickup what helped you accept the uneven dynamics of dating in the West? Does it just take some success for you to be at ease with how the dynamics are?Do you really have to be in the 1% like some coaches suggest for dating to finally work in your favor and to be at an advantage over women?

Of course, the answer for me is that when I was clueless with women, a guy whom women unequivocally rejected, who could never get dates, and was always alone, I never felt jealous of women or felt like I was in a tug-of-war with them.

Instead, my competitors were men. Women were the objects of my pursuit; men were the competitors I was going up against (and losing against).

We don't envy the fox eluding us in a chase. We envy the other hunter who catches her.

However, this phenomenon of more and more men envying women, and on the other side more and more women envying men, is one I think worth a closer look.

Because it is affecting more and more people.

It is leading more and more people into some very weird and unproductive places.

What Is a Frame?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

frames: definitionFrames are one of the key cornerstones in pickup and seduction. But what exactly are they?

Hey guys, and welcome back!

Today I’d like to discuss theory and cover frames. Frame control, framing, and frames are key cornerstones in pickup and seduction. If I had to keep only one tool in my arsenal, I would keep frame control – there, I said it. I wrote a detailed guide on frame control, but I’ve never dedicated a post to explaining what a frame actually is and what our community means by that word. All this site’s contributors and those on other sites will use terms like frames. And yet, I haven’t seen it explained thoroughly. I hope this post will rectify this.

This post is suited for both advanced guys and beginners. First, I’ll cover the straightforward basics about frames and what they are. The second part is rather advanced and quite theoretical. (If you’re a theory junkie, you’ll love it).

If you came here merely to get a definition of frames, you’ll only need to read the first half.

Still, it’s important to make this post understandable to newer guys, and I hope it will clear up misunderstandings you may have. Finally, we’ll have frames covered comprehensively once and for all.

Tactics Tuesdays: Skinny Dipping with Dates

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

skinny dipping with datesIt’s easier to escalate to intimacy when you’re both already nude. Skinny dipping: great for breaking patterns, upping the novelty, and greasing the slide to getting together.

Want a fun little way to spice up the endgame of your dates and pickups?

Go skinny dipping...

It might sound silly, but skinny dipping (or 'nude swimming') gets you naked with a girl in a seduction location and allows you to skip a whole lot of normal steps in the end stage of a seduction.

It's also exciting for women, and breaks them out of the normal, regular, boring seduction pattern most guys take them through of kiss --> fondle --> undress --> repeat.

Where practical, it can make seductions smoother, for a variety of important (and pleasurable -- for you and her) reasons.

On Unilateral Responses to Unilateral Actions

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

unilateral responsesWhen people make unilateral actions against you, you must respond unilaterally in turn. Yet there’s a big difference between desperate unilateral responses and strategic ones.

I saw an article a month back about a father-of-three who set his wife on fire, killing her. It was, obviously, horrible. He did it right in front of their kids, too.

You look through the article and there are a bunch of pictures of the husband and wife, looking like two totally normal people, perfectly happy together. The husband looks like a bit of a nice guy, and the wife is always doing this weird shrug with her shoulders and kind of leaning away from the guy, but she's smiling, and it's a genuine smile. They look like a very typical, average, regular couple.

Then you read about the chain of events that led up to this guy going psycho on the wife.

His Australian wife kicked him out, presumably after they'd had a ton of fights. She then filed a restraining order against him, and started the divorce process. He, as an American citizen, believed he'd get deported from Australia, and presumably be cut out of his children's lives. His business was in Australia too (I don't know why he couldn't just get a business visa, but maybe he couldn't, or he was too upset to think of that).

The neighbors said they never heard the couple fighting, and the guy was always friendly, loved to talk, but was also "obviously distressed" when he was in the process of being kicked out.

If you read the article about this, it's clear the guy just went deeper and deeper into a depression spiral after his wife kicked him out. She began making accusations against him, too. Finally he snapped and went back and set her alight.

This article will be about a very important topic: that when people take unilateral action against you, as the wife was against the husband here, you also must respond in turn with unilateral action of your own.

However, you need to understand this, and approach it strategically, with appropriate moves and strategic timing -- well in advance of the point where you snap, and resort to desperate, destructive/self-destructive unilateral action, of the sort people turn to when they feel they have no way out.

Other Men Are (Largely) Irrelevant for Skilled Daters

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

other menMen who are not super experienced with women tend to focus a lot on other men. Yet the romantically experienced man, in contrast, focuses on women, with little time for other men.

Recently I was observing myself, as I like to do, and noting my own behavior.

I was watching a particularly beautiful woman in a conversation with a man. The two were flirting and the woman was alternating between showing interest in him and playfully rolling her eyes at him.

I could tell you exactly what the woman looked like, what hairstyle she had, what color clothes she had on and what type, her facial features, facial expressions, and so on.

I have only the faintest idea what the man looked like. I didn't bother to note whether he was short or tall, muscular or skinny or fat, or had any facial hair. I did notice he had short hair spiked in the front (possibly with gel). I have no idea if he was good-looking or not, but I'm not really able to tell that with men generally. I don't know what he was wearing.

I realized this after I glimpsed briefly at the man, but returned to focusing squarely on the woman. As I observed myself, I noted this difference, and asked myself what I was looking for in the woman. I realized I was looking to see if she made signals in my direction, or indicated in any way that she wanted me, or any other man than the one she was with in general, to enter the conversation and whisk her away.

While I was observing her, I thought about how when people watch sex videos, both men and women focus on the woman: her facial expressions, reactions, etc.

And I thought, "There's an analogue here, perhaps."

But then I thought of how many novice seducers are constantly talking to me about men here on Girls Chase. They compare themselves to other men ("I'm not that tall", "I'm not good-looking", "I can't build muscle", etc.). They talk about what kinds of men women go for. They talk about being intimidated by other men.

And I realized I don't think any experienced guy I know thinks about other men the way seduction rookies do.

The only people overly worried about male competitors is men who aren't very good at competing for women.

3 Kinds of Introverted Seducers

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

introverted guysIntroverted guys don't need to become extroverted to achieve consistent success with beautiful women.

Hey guys, and welcome back!

Tactics Tuesdays: Boyfriend Destroyers

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

boyfriend destroyersYou meet a girl… but she mentions having a boyfriend. How do you sidestep her boyfriend mention and keep yourself seeming an eligible option for her too?

Sometimes you'll approach a girl, hit it off, things go great, and then she brings up her boyfriend.

Now, if you don't like dealing at all with attached women, you can just hit the exit at that point. If you're more of the "it doesn't really matter to me if she says she has a boyfriend" camp, however, you're going to need a response.

79% of unmarried women are in relationships at any given time. Therefore, unless you're meeting women in venues that select for unattached women (nightlife, dating apps, etc.), you're fairly likely to run into lots of these girls who are already attached.

Assuming you run any day game, transit game, or another style of approaching where you're bound to run into boyfriend-mentions, if you want to seduce these girls, you'll have to address their boyfriends.

Game Is in Your DNA (But It Might Be Suppressed)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

game is with usThe ability to meet, flirt, and seduce (i.e., ‘game’) is embedded in the genes of every man. Unlocking that ability, then honing it with practice, rigor, and skill, is another thing…

In a comment on another article of mine, reader Ciro says

Historically speaking game as you call it, was never a factor in the past for getting women. Women needed men to provide for them, that's why game was never something you had to learn. Your grandfather and my grandfather didn't game women because a) they didn't have to and b) they wouldn't even know how to. Who would have taught them? Only recently women have become indipendent financially, now they can choose their men. They don't have to settle for the unattractive guy with a good job anymore when they are 21 only (yet some still do at a certain age). If game was a natural thing then why do most men have no game whatsoever? Why isn't game imprinited in our DNA if that is how you attract women? It should be natural.

This is a position I've seen around the Internet, on men's sites, and all over the place, really.

At first blush, it might seem to feel correct. There was no Girls Chase in 1960, after all! Nobody needed to read How to Make Girls Chase before the Summer of Love! They just went and hooked up!

However, it relies on some fundamental misunderstandings of why seduction became so prominent in the 2000s and 2010s (before sliding back into obscurity again in the 2020s).

The fact is, game has always been with us -- and it is, indeed, embedded within our DNA.

Why Experienced Women Reject Slower Moving, Less Calibrated Men

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

experienced women rejectDoes it seem like sexually experienced women are more likely to reject you if you’re less aggressive or don’t go for things right now? Expectations + experience are the reasons why.

We're going to talk about some fairly advanced attraction psychology in this article. However, if you stick with it, the responses you see from different types of women will start to make a lot more sense. It will also make even clearer to you the importance of moving faster and refining your calibration with women.

Commenting on my article about myths about women novice seducers often believe, a reader named Marco asked the following:

But in your experience so far, have you ever came across a girls ( "sluts") who will perceive you as too "soft" and sexually inexperienced if you asked them out on a date? Maybe its all in my head but i think there are some type of girls who reacts much better to sexually aggressive guys, might even say uncalibrated guys, who immediately suggest casual hook ups oppose to guys who want to take them out for a drinks?

Well, for one, I have, but, for two, it's not quite so black-and-white as one might think.

This article is going to be something of an unofficial companion to Alek's piece on the easiness or not of sexually liberated vs. sexually reserved women yesterday (haven't run it by him so I don't want to call it 'official'... but it's right up that piece's alley).

You can absolutely take sexually open women out on dates while still maintaining the sexually aggressive playboy frame. Likewise, it is possible to have sexually reserved women so amped up hoping you'll make something happen with them now that they become disappointed when you do not.

So, while sometimes open or slutty girls will look down on you if you try to date them rather than pull them, they may not. And while many times reserved girls will be perfectly fine with dates, from time to time they won't be.

What determines whether a girl likes or dislikes your attempts to pull her or date her?

A big part of it is the interplay between you, and your response to her signals.