Do women not notice you’re there? Are you… invisible to women? If so, there are a few key reasons why. And the solutions are not as hard as you might think.I spent most of my teens and early twenties alone and depressed.
The one constant thought in my mind, the biggest source of despair, was over how invisible I was to women.
You can’t always avoid a frame war. If you find yourself in one, you’re going to use one of these tactics to come out the winner.Hey guys and welcome back!
In my last two posts, we discussed frame wars. The first explained what frame wars are (they happen quite frequently, especially in night game). The second post outlined some preventive measures to help you avoid frame war agony since prevention is the best cure.
Frame wars occur when a girl tries to wrestle the meta-frame away from you and switch things from her chasing you back to you chasing her. Whoever holds the frame is considered the prize.
She may try to steal the frame because:
Society has programmed her to believe she is the prize
When men chase, her ego is satisfied
It makes her look good socially and bad if she chases you
But it can also be due to her simply wanting you badly, and the best way to get you (and rightfully so) is to make you chase.
The problem is that the moment you start chasing, you fall into her frame, which means that she will be in charge of the interaction. This goes against her idea of you as a dominant man, which she finds attractive. It also means she will be framed as higher value than you. It is problematic since women tend to fall for higher-value males. Also, you will satisfy her ego, and when she is satisfied, she will have nothing left to gain from you and will be able to comfortably move on, so you will lose her.
In my last post, I suggested that you avoid overusing meta-framing techniques such as:
Push/pull (showing mixed signals)
Disqualifiers (disqualifying her to make her chase)
Jealousy plots (making her jealous)
All are rapport-breaking techniques. What is wrong with rapport-breaking techniques? They push you away from each other when you should be moving closer. The tension caused by meta-framing techniques should be treated merely as a “necessary evil” to boost compliance. The caveat being that it is a double-edged sword, so if overused, it can cause unwanted effects such as auto-rejection or, worse — frame wars.
Rapport-breaking techniques may make her feel undervalued, tooled, and powerless. They represent ego hits, offending her conception of herself as the prize. If pushed to the brink, she may respond by declaring a frame war.
So avoiding the overuse (not use) of meta-framing techniques is a great way to dodge frame wars.
Yet, sometimes frame wars are unavoidable. That’s just the way it is. Maybe you miscalibrated and overused meta-framing techniques when they weren’t warranted. Perhaps that’s the way she is, or something in the context of the interaction triggered it accidentally.
What do you do if you sense a frame war coming? That’s what this post will answer.
Women notice men singing/talking to themselves. You can use this as an effective ‘attention grab’ (i.e., way to get women signaling you) to make approaching a little easier.Quick tactical tip today.
Sometimes I like to sing or talk quietly to myself as I walk down the sidewalk.
Or as I'm sitting somewhere in a café or bar or park or wherever else I might be.
When a woman’s exclusive to you but you aren’t to her, you see sides of female behavior most men never will. Acceptance, exuberance, and societal convergence are just some of what you discover.Over the years I've had a variety of relationships where the woman was sexually/romantically exclusive to me, but not I to her.
I learned the techniques to set up and manage relationships like this from an old instructor of mine, who'd often maintain 5-7 girlfriends at once, with 2-3 of them as serious relationships.
This was a lot more common in the early days of the seduction community. Men called them 'mLTRs' then (short for 'multiple long-term relationships'). Many of the guys running mLTRs didn't ask for (or weren't able to get) exclusivity from their girls. But some of them did.
Because pretty much all my romantic experience came post-discovering the seduction community, I dove right in, and went into setting up mLTRs from my very first relationships. I was a young dumb kid, dating women who were a lot more experienced than he was, and I figured it wouldn't work and I'd get laughed out of these girls' apartments and lives... but to my surprise, it did.
I've tended to call this setup 'one-sided monogamy' when I've mentioned it on this site. But since I'm talking about it here, I've realized this term, while descriptive, doesn't sound great, and doesn't really do the relationship justice. (while only one party is monogamous, the relationship itself is not 'one-sided')
So for this piece, we'll just call these women you have in a relationship like this 'consorts' or 'mistresses'.
If a girl’s not responding over text, should you resort to “texting dirty”? While dirty texting tactics can work, there’s a better, non-dirty way to get a response than these.A reader emailed in recently to ask my opinion on several texting tactics he'd come across. One was from a texting course called "The Scrambler", while the other is from a negotiation book that uses a tactic to force a "no."
Seduction advice often gets a bad rap as 'manipulation', even though most of it's not. I've talked about this several times over the years, including in "Is Seduction Wrong?" (also in "Do Bad Evil Seducer Men Corrupt Innocent Women?").
However, there's a kernel of truth in every stereotype, and the reason seduction so often gets classed as manipulation is because there are men out there who use dirty manipulation tactics.
They use these tactics because they CAN work... but there's a "but."
The "but" is that they don't work as well as superior non-manipulative tactics, and that even when they do work they tend to trigger resentment toward you.
Both the tactics our reader stumbled upon were tactics I consider negatively manipulative. I'll introduce you to them, talk about why they're negative, and discuss some alternatives in this piece.
Men often inadvertently spark frame wars with women they’re courting. Ways they do this include over-playing their tactics, failing to make the girl feel special, and more.Hey guys. Welcome back!
Sometimes you’re trying to get somewhere with a girl but she’s just so assertive. What can you do with girls who take the lead? Simple: you just be the prize.A short while back, one of our forum members shared a report of his in which a girl at a club managed to pry a free drink from him, then keep him following her for much of the night.
He's not an inexperienced guy, and was a bit confused at what happened with her. It seemed like she was into him... however, she continually deflected his requests while making her own (and getting him to comply).
Sometimes you will meet girls like this, who aren't interested in all at following, but will try to lead with you.
These may not always be girls who are disinterested in you. Sometimes they may just be very strong, assertive personality-type women.
If you leave things in their hands, you'll rarely end up with them.
What you must do instead with girls who want to lead is to switch up your strategy:
You must focus, even more than usual, on being the prize.
Ever have a girl just pop up next to you? Well you can do the same thing to girls too. Women will present 3 opportunities to do it… and you can easily pop up in 4 simple steps.Girls use this one all the time.
Well guess what? So can you.
What's the most magical way to meet someone? It's when two people bump into each other as if by magic.
Actually that's the second most magical. The most magical is when two people are checking each other out, anticipating meeting each other, then both drift toward each other and meet. But you won't always have that drawn-out 'both checking each other out' situation.
As far back as junior high I noticed how often women who liked me magically appeared around me.
I was too shy to approach (much) then, so I started doing the next best thing:
I'd magically appear around women I liked too.
As you would expect, it led to us 'just happening' to end up in conversations sometimes.
And sometimes these girls would ask me out.
Eventually I got into approaching women a lot more directly. But I've still always had a place in my heart for happening to find myself near women I want to meet.
It makes life easier.
It’s normal to feel frustrated when you don’t get what you want. But rather than let yourself hate “the game”… why not just get good at the game instead?On my article about your opinions about women betraying your success (or lack thereof) with women, a reader comments:
When it comes to bitterness it's usually not towards women as a whole. Sure some of the negative qualities of women can irritate me like not being consistent with their emotions/feelings/thoughts and their obliviousness in general. But I still have love for women and I always remind myself of this.
My bitterness is more directed towards the game and the dynamics of the sexual marketplace where women are buyers and men are sellers and to get attractive quality women men have to do a lot of work and grinding just to increase the probabilities of getting them. In addition to that they gotta deal with the bs society throws at them with their man shaming,masculinity draining tactics,"empowerment" of women which makes it harder for men to play their role as the aggressor,and makes women even more difficult to have as a ltr. Even if you become a high value man with good fundamentals you never ever really stop becoming a seller you just have a better product,but you still have to go around and market it and hope women like what you have to offer. You've probably heard the peasant/begger analogy before do you believe it's a bad comparison? I don't feel like a begger when I cold approach,but it's still not efficient. Even when you're good there will always be assymetric returns.
Personally I know I need to get better and I still approach women occasionally. Although when I do I fight a lot of internal resistance and always have this attitude of "sigh I need to go approach women because I don't currently have any and I need to be smooth and perfect as I do it or I will just get flaky numbers at best.
Coaches say that you need to enjoy the process and have fun with learning seduction and treat it like a game,but how do you have fun with it? How do you have fun with doing something you suck at doing,can be unpleasant and difficult at times and don't know when or it will payoff?
You could be turning your wheels for nothing and put all that effort only to end up having to settle for average looking women who don't fufill you.
It's a good comment. "I don't dislike women, but I do dislike the game," we might sum our reader's comment up as.
Of course, most everyone who's successful at anything learns to enjoy it.
I think we all know naturally that guys who have fun meeting girls tend to do a lot better at it than guys who do not.
The challenge is, before you're getting great results, how can doing this thing, which is nerve-wracking, that exposes you to rejection, that often sucks up time before producing any results, be enjoyable?
What is a frame war? This phenomenon occurs when someone seeks to seize control of the frame from you and you seek to seize it back.Hey guys. Welcome back!
Last week we looked at the meta-frame and how to set it. To recap, the meta-frame is the “frame of frames,” a frame that must be respected and set to acquire the benefits from other key frames (social and sexual frames). This is the frame where you are the prize, and she chases you, which must be set and maintained. Every other frame you set must be coherent with the meta-frame.
The meta-frame positions you as the prize, and she chases you. All frame control becomes difficult or nearly impossible without it since the prize has the most power and compliance over the other, so that person will be the dominant one in the interaction.
Dominance is not about being a dick toward other men or acting like an obnoxious bad boy. It involves your ability to set and control the interaction's frames and having people accept them. That’s dominance. And women like dominant men, which means they like men who set and maintain frames.
The meta-frame makes her compliant to you – very compliant if strong enough. Yet something interesting happens sometimes: frame wars.
You are in a frame war when you have the meta-frame (she is chasing you), and the girl wants to turn it around and steal the meta-frame.
A frame war emerges when you both want the other to chase. Wars are always devastating, and the same applies here: it usually generates tons of collateral damage.
Today’s subject is frame wars and their implications. Next week I will discuss how to avoid them and deal with them when they occur.
So, first things first: how do you know when you are in a frame war?
