Emotion | Girls Chase


Depersonalizing Dating, Pickup, & Seduction

Chase Amante's picture
seduction depersonalizationFor the average man, dating is fraught with emotion. Rejection stings, and success elates. Yet what of the veteran dater? For him, it’s far more depersonalized.

One of the great differences between an experienced seducer and an ordinary man is what we might call the “depersonalization” of seduction.

For Joe Average, each encounter with an attractive woman is a deeply personal affair. He experiences a range of powerful positive and negative emotions whenever a woman he desires (and often even one he doesn’t) seems to approve of or reject him.

Happy interactions with women sending him over the moon, beaming with hope, pride, and victory; rejections, on the other hand, crumple him, turning him sour, beaten, resentful.

Yet for the experienced seducer, women’s reactions to him are not personal. The experience he creates for women feels more personal for the women than what they experience with Joe Average, by far… Nevertheless for the seducer himself, the seduction is merely a process he’s run many times before. The outcome of any individual interaction carries little emotional weight for him – often none at all.

It’s not that his emotions have “vanished”; rather, it is that they have moved… Instead of being affected by the slings and arrows of courtship that elevate or sink more ordinary men, the seducer’s emotions are focused somewhere else. The seduction process itself for him has become depersonalized.

This depersonalization offers enormous benefits to the experienced seducer… not the least of which are far higher success rates with women (due to him being able to act unclouded by emotion), plus far lower rates of the heartache, bitterness, and disappointment ordinary men so often experience in their dealings with women.

Depersonalizing seduction is thus a very worthwhile aim for novice and intermediate seducers. But can you do that, any way other than just putting in enough approaches to get there?

Making a Woman Truly Love You with DIALS

Chase Amante's picture
making a woman love youThere are numerous ways to make a woman love you. The five (5) we cover in this article are duty, investment, adoration, lust, and surrender – and you can use them all.

A reader named Walter commented on a recent Alek Rolstad piece to say:

But one thing that most PUAs and dating coaches never seem to talk about is how to attract women you are into when it comes to long term relationships emotionally and I am not talking about some fake shit like being a "high value man" who spends his money and uses his status so women can settle for him, I am talking about real attraction and committment. I feel like noody has ever given a real answer to this question because there simply is no technique to make a woman fall in love with you emotionally other than her being sexually and romantically attracted to you from the get go for your looks, sex appeal and mouthpiece only. That's why PUA focuses only on how to get men laid.

All right, so let's talk about love.

In particular, let's talk about making a woman love you... really love you, in a devoted way, in a long-term relationship.

I should give you some credentials first before we talk about it.

Then after that, I will introduce you to the DIALS system as a tool to help you understand how to make a woman love you, truly love you, over the long-term.

How Likely Are You to Succeed? The Learner-Motivation Quadrant

Chase Amante's picture
learner motivationEvery learner falls into one of the four (4) learner-motivation profiles. Achievers find success, Plateauers get stuck, Protestors protest, while Onlookers hang back.

I've been teaching in this space for over a decade-and-a-half now.

Must the Girl You’re with Be a Perfect Fit?

Chase Amante's picture
you and your girlfriend a fitWhen it comes to choosing girls, especially for long-term relationships, how perfect a fit must a girl be? Can you be too picky, waiting for too clear a sign?

I know a guy who has these baffling (to me) relationships.

His stated objective is to find a wife.

He will find women who enter into relationships with him, whom he considers marriageable. These women talk to him about wanting something serious, tell him he's the best and most exciting guy they've been with; some of them even talk about marriage with him, or about him impregnating them.

He never moves things forward and always keeps his relationships at a kind of "casual+" level.

The women get frustrated and begin asking him what he wants with them, causing drama, telling him they cannot get a read on him and don't know what his intentions are.

He takes this as a sign their interests are not aligned, and begins having doubts / pulling back.

Eventually women break up with him in frustration, which he concludes meant they were never right for each other to begin with. Or sometimes he breaks up with them in annoyance at the drama, concluding they weren't looking for what he is.

He then begins picking up again, still looking for a wife. He's been repeating this process, over and over, for 20 years. He often says he thinks when he finds the right woman, it will just click.

With his most recent girlfriend, after she laid all her cards out on the table, told him he's the best guy she's been with in a long, long time, told him she wants a baby with him, then said she can't get a read on what he wants, his response to her was, "Well since you're not clear on what you want, we can take it day by day."

When I saw this confounding display, it got me thinking about the psychology there.

Because I have seen other men do things like this too.

And to me it's always looked inexplicable! What is a guy like this thinking, in doing things this way?

Well, it was inexplicable, until I really dug into it.

Today I'm going to talk about how people evaluate other people's wants and aims.

I'm going to talk about deciding what things someone says or wants matter vs. which don't.

Then we're going to talk about how people decide who's a fit for them -- and how they decide who isn't.

Fixing (and Using) Low Momentum in Seduction

Alek Rolstad's picture
low pickup momentumAt times you’ll have low momentum in meeting, dating, and picking up girls. What can you learn during low momentum periods – and how do you get out of them?

Foreword: This post was written in 2021 during the COVID-19 pandemic. The advice offered here is universally valid, although the introduction mentions the current context. If you happen to read this post later, you may skip or skim the introduction.

Hey guys, and welcome back!

As the nightlife is gradually reopening around the world, many (myself included) are starting to go out again. It can be difficult to get back “in field” and go out and meet girls again. We’ve been deprived of social interactions for so long... Many were locked up in our flats, not being allowed to socialize!

Obviously, it’s taken a toll on our skill and momentum. We feel a bit off, uncomfortable, unsmooth, and we probably are. The advice surrounding negative macro-momentum still applies. It is natural, and you shouldn’t take it personally. Momentum goes up and down, and feeling bad about being in low momentum will only make it worse. Just accept that you may be in a rough spot (back in June 2021, I was too), and plow your way back to former glory! It took me a month; it may take longer for you.

One thing takes a big hit when you’re facing low momentum: your opening and hook game. Strategic choices and escalating the vibe will also be affected, but these happen after you’ve opened and hooked the girl, which means you will feel more comfortable interacting with her. Remember that most social discomfort and “lack of vibe” disappear when you are comfortably hooked into an interaction.

For this reason, I will dedicate one of my following posts (in two weeks or so) to a checklist of good openers so you can use them to practice your opening phase if you struggle with that. You cannot practice other skills (hooking, isolating, escalating) or get laid (unless you get a hail mary) if you can’t open girls.

How to Enjoy Yourself While Picking Up Girls

Chase Amante's picture
a good time picking up girlsFor a lot of guys, approaching women’s a chore. Yet if you can make it not a chore, but instead a good time, suddenly it gets easier to do and a lot easier to do WELL.

When a lot of guys start out trying to do pick up girls, they punish themselves.

It's a whole lot of:

  • Being awkward
  • Facing rejection
  • Doing hard things
  • Wallowing in failure

However, if you look at the guys who are good with girls, they're all having fun with it:

  1. Some of them are playful types who enjoy teasing and flirting with women.

  2. Some are physical types who enjoy touching or dancing with women.

  3. Some are talkative types who enjoy having a rapt female audience for their stories, insights, or theories.

  4. Some are tacticians who enjoy the tactical and strategic game of seduction.

A lot of newer and intermediate guys miss this, and never focus on trying to make seduction fun.

But it's an important point to get to with your courtships. Because if you can't make it a good time, sooner or later you'll burn yourself out.

If you can make it a good time though, it becomes easy to game for as long as you like.

Tactics Tuesdays: Venue Mood Transitions

Chase Amante's picture
venue mood transitionsEnvironment has an outsized impact on mood. The right environment can almost seduce a woman by itself. By transitioning venues well, you can enhance a seduction.

How do you get a woman to change her mood?

The easiest way is by putting her into the right environment. Then you get to kick back and let the environment do the work.

Men create (or attempt to create) seductive environments for women all the time:

  • They dim the lights and put romantic music on at home

  • They take girls places they hope will set the proper mood

  • They switch from one venue to a more intimate one as things progress

Yet for all this awareness, a lot of guys have a blind spot a lot of the time to the influence of environment.

The environment you're in plays a BIG role on the mood of your woman.

The more seductive the environment, the less work you must do to maintain a seductive mood within her.

Thus, the better a job you do managing the environments you find yourself in with women, the more effective a seducer you will tend to be.

The Seducer's Journey, Pt 3: Seductive Characters

Daniel Adebayo's picture
seducer's journey iiiEnhance your seductive character with these useful exercises. Think about things better, achieve deep relaxation, and create desired effects in women.

We’ve got a lot to cover in this series finale. So, prepare yourself for a wild ride.

Even though governments are scaling back on restrictions, we are living in a time when the vast majority of social frames instill fear and social anxiety in the women you’ll meet and seduce.

What’s more, game students and experienced ladykillers find themselves shaking off more rust than ever.

So, in this article, we’ll cover more seductive characters that will boost your day game and night game arsenals to show you how to get results in a post-lockdown society.

Creepy Guys Do This 1 Specific Thing Cool Guys NEVER Do

Chase Amante's picture
creepy guys vs. cool guysCreepiness isn’t about how attractive you are. It’s about behavior. Creepy people behave in ways that set off alarms in others’ heads. Cool people don’t.

What is 'creepiness'?

How do you define it?

A lot of guys really dislike this term. There are all kinds of unfavorable definitions for it out there, such as "Creepy is just what a woman calls a man she does not find attractive."

But everyone's felt creeped out by someone at some point.

Even if you're a guy, I have no doubt you've felt creeped out. Whether by:

  • Some shifty character you suspected was getting ready to mug you

  • Some gay guy or transsexual you suspected wanted to get with you

  • Some lonely individual tagging along with you or your friend group

... you've probably been creeped out by someone.

So what is this 'creepy feeling', exactly?

In the past, I've defined creepiness as being a result of someone hiding his true intentions (see: How to Not Be a Creepy Guy). However, today we'll go deeper still.

You see, there are certain rules that govern 'creepiness'.

The better you know them, the better you will be at not triggering the 'creepy switch'.

How Playboys' Personalities Differ from Ordinary Men's

Chase Amante's picture
playboy agreeablenessPlayboys aren’t like ordinary men. Students must realize that while you can adopt the playboy’s material to have more success, his goals will tend to be different than theirs.

Yesterday I wrote an article on having healthier relationships by focusing on turning relationships mutual, rather than adversarial. Not 'compromise', not 'give and take', mind you; mutual.

When I wrote that article, I dove into the research on agreeableness. I thought agreeableness might play a big role in that article, but it ended up with a small part.

However, I did find it relevant for a different conversation I was in. It consisted of a few long-time players I know, both in their 40s, who are in the midst of their wife hunts. The discussion they had, which I joined in, was why do so few playboys and seduction coaches marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages?

Obviously there are men who marry beautiful, wholesome wives from their home countries in conventional monogamous marriages. But this is typically not seduction coaches or natural playboys. Instead these men normally do one of the following:

  • Marry a (sometimes beautiful) girl from their home country but have a non-monogamous marriage (i.e., they're swingers or they have an open marriage)

  • Marry a girl from their home country in a monogamous marriage, but the girl is very unattractive (even if the guy in question historically dated good-looking girls)

  • Marry a beautiful, wholesome girl into a wholesome relationship, but the girl is not from their home country (even if the guy has dated more girls from his home country than any other point of origin)

Their concern was, "Maybe the guys who are teaching this stuff and the guys who are learning this stuff are not so perfectly aligned."

The friends I had this discussion with are fairly advanced playboys, who have been in the seduction community for 15+ years, have perfectly respectable notch counts, and have studied under many of the more notable pickup instructors over the years.

Both are in the midst of 'wife hunts' and, struggling with this (i.e., they lay hot girls, but then those girls don't stick around... or they get girls who want to stick around, but those girls aren't hot, or they have problems), have started to question some of their methods and teachers.

The question I'll pose for today is... what is the difference between advanced seducers and ordinary men?

And does this mean if you are like 98% of men, and you are just an ordinary guy searching for an ordinary wife, you should be doing something different than what these teachers tell you?