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How to Be Street Smart & Handle Life-Threatening Situations

Chase Amante's picture

street smartsStreet smarts are something that are invaluable to know, but that you won't know if you haven't grown up in areas that expose you to dangerous or dicey situations. You won't learn street smarts in the halls of a private high school or the sidewalks of an affluent middle class suburb. Instead, you learn them in the run-down, poor, impoverished areas where people keep an eye out for anyone who doesn't belong, just like you do in your neighborhood - only, instead of steering clear of people who don't fit the norm, like you may well, they come over to take a sniff or maybe a little bite.

Each of us has a different level of "protect" and "get" interests in other people. For example, if you see a big, scary-looking man, you probably feel nothing but "protect" instincts - there's nothing you can get from him, but he is a real threat to you... so you protect yourself, and stay away. If you're a single guy walking down the street and you see a beautiful woman, your "get" instincts kick in hard - you probably go want to meet her. Likely, you have some "protect" filter still up - if she looks completely cold or uninterested, you won't approach, because you probably won't get much from her, and you might not be able to protect yourself from rejection and losing face socially.

In less safe places, the people you meet have lower "protect" mechanisms toward you (you're less of a threat than the people they usually encounter) and higher "get" mechanisms (you're an easier mark than the people they usually see)... which means you're a lot more likely to get approached by someone you don't want to meet, for something you don't want to have happen.

Street smarts are really about raising people's "protect" shields and lowering their "get" meters around you, the same as that cold, aloof beauty walking down the street does with men who might otherwise be inclined to approach her - if only she seemed a bit more inviting.

Navigating the Culture of Me

Chase Amante's picture

culture of meWeighing in on "You’re Not That Special (and Neither is She)", 340Breeze made a great and perceptive comment on the emotional inhibition and sexual repression rampant in Western English-speaking countries, particularly in America. His comment was a long one, but it's a good one, and I'll repost it in its entirety here:

There needs to be a solution to dealing with the culture and its influence on women's mentalities...and a discussion on how those influences make seduction more difficult than it should otherwise be. Here in America we men have to deal with, among other things: the slut-shaming phenomenon, and other inhibitions that emanate from commodity status. I am glad that you guys have pointed out some of these detrimental mindsets. Would be nice to see an article or at least a page that summarizes these inhibition inducing mindsets, and a solution or two that a man can use to empower the women he fancies.

One issue (among many) with commodity status is how the observers/players treat commodities. If a woman thinks a man is a commodity, and thus expendable, why would she spend much time forgiving slights and looking for value in him as a person? The path of least resistance is to get bored and easily replace the commodity with something else. But you can quickly see why a man would (a commodity) be hesitant to treat any particular woman that he meets as special as she thinks she is, especially if he fears that he would open up himself to potential hurt/pain given that she would replace him in an instant. But that's inhibition.

I think this commodity concept stems from capitalism in part. Commercials, movies, etc make things/products appear effortless like there is little hard-work involved in creating a superior product/service, which of course is an illusion. Another issue with capitalism's influence on people's mentalities is the ease of acquiring the goods that you most value. If you have the money/credit then you simply buy it/get a loan for it. Simple. But getting the people you most value to remain incentivized to come back for more isn't always easy or effortless at all (until you become more attractive than most). Some girls I've met who think they're superior just don't understand how they stack up against other 'outlier' women that I've met before. Some are unaware or don't care all that much about what qualities an 'outlier woman' possesses vs an average woman who thinks she is superior but lacks most of the outlier qualities. Yet these average women feel entitled to be treated as special as a woman who possesses (in my view) superior qualities and abilities. Qualities such as feminine charm, grace, ambition, uninhibited (and thus not lukewarm) when it comes to her sexuality, smarts, good body weight, independence, good looks, humility, living a passionate life she truly enjoys, can tease/take jokes adequately, knows how to touch me to excite me, can dress the part well (casual vs sophisticated), high emotional intelligence about people's needs/wants other than her own, and so on.

The problem with dating is how some people respond to the dreaded commodity status. Some become somewhat inhibited (if they feel they may replaced at a moment's notice by inadvertently triggering autorejection in someone they like). Others might overcompensate and become an asshole (who negs other people to pop the bubble of superiority and bring others down to earth). I've met girls who refuse to compliment, who refuse to charm, who refuse to do anything to make a new, unproven man, feel special..at all. And at first I couldn't understand this mentality (like how could you like somebody but refuse to make them feel good??) But I've asked some women why, and they've later told me they fear being charming at all to a new guy because they don't want to inflate any egos of any man who might drop them on a dime...Hmmm.

But the point of seduction is to treat another human being special. Unfortunately, inhibition is a killer to seduction. Much of what you guys teach bears this out...you guys teach how to respond to inhibited women who worry about slut-shaming, which causes inhibition. You guys also teach how to avoid auto-rejection and the inhibited/cold behavior that results from it. Again, inhibition. And plus women are attracted to confidence like moths to a flame and by definition the confident aggressive seducer doesn't present himself in an inhibited way.

So I've been thinking about it recently, trying to put words to my actions, and I conclude that what has resulted is my response to women's behavior that follows from 'commodity status.' I have to spend much of my time in the beginning around certain women having to empower them and subtly encourage them (excite them even??) to become less inhibited around me and to open up and to trust me...on a deeper, non-superficial basis. I have to instill confidence in them first that it is okay to be sexual, or to tell deep secrets that they hold inside. But if I am successful, then the floodgates of emotion flow out from within. Other girls are relatively uninhibited from the start and need little, if any encouraging on my part to spice things up really nicely. Have you ever noticed a similar phenomenon?

Cheers,

340Breeze.

I agree with Breeze, that this is one worth addressing - so here's my shot at explaining what this is and how to deal with it.

Nice People Need Hard Rules

Chase Amante's picture

I was talking to a friend last night who'd been railroaded by a cluster B girlfriend of his - a girl with borderline personality disorder (he hadn't realized until years in), which, if you're not familiar with it, is a real crazy-making personality profile that makes the affected individual completely mistrusting of everyone, causing her to undermine her long-term relationships by focusing on getting concession after concession after concession, wearing down the people around her and inflicting a reverse-winner effect on them that depletes their testosterone, willpower, and energy reserves and causes them to crash emotionally.

nice people hard rules

The silver lining of being around people like this, though, is it makes you realize exactly where your weaknesses are: it shows you the chinks in your armor that others can use to gain leverage over you, to whittle you down, and to take control of you in ways you didn't realize you could be controlled.

I've gone through it, and it's been among the most educational periods of my life - because what was previously a vague awareness that you were just a little "too nice", a bit too much of a softy, and a little too much of a pushover, suddenly gets thrust into focus as exactly how dangerous small weaknesses like these can be around people determined to get things from you.

And, eventually, it leads you to the ultimate realization that nice people need hard rules.

Social Control and Moral Policing: The Level Bosses of Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

Video games have diversified as they've proliferated, and the variety of formats they come in has shifted tremendously over the years. It's not quite so ubiquitous a setup anymore these days, but at least when I was younger, well night every game punctuated the various levels of the game world with a "boss fight", where you'd fight an especially strong, particularly daunting opponent if you wanted to proceed.

In seduction, one of the boss fights you find yourself up against not so infrequently is social control, and the morality police.

If you've heard the term "moral police" before, you probably think of Islamist countries - Saudi Arabia, Iran... even the relatively "liberal" nations of Malaysia or the UAE. And while these nations have the only official (state-sanctioned) moral police (that I know of), the moral police in fact exist everywhere in the world, doing their part to ensure social control by policing the behavior of their fellow citizens.

social control

This "social policing", as I like to call it, is not so different from the rats of paranoid times - like clamped-down period of Eastern Communist rule, or the Second Red Scare of American McCarthyism. The only real difference is that, rather than rat people out to the authorities to win points, people rat each other out to others in the same social circle behind one another's back - or, they browbeat or shame them directly to their faces.

What makes this relevant to you, however, is how it impacts the women you're trying to meet, date, sleep with, and have relationships with - especially if you, or anything you're trying to do, is anything other than 100% "conventional."

The 11 Rules of Bro Code

Colt Williams's picture

The bro code; man code; man law. These tenets go by many names, but the fact is: every man should have a code.

bro code

A code that not only applies to the way in which he conducts himself, but also in which he interacts with his fellow men. Since there could be dozens of possible rules in the entire bro code, I've narrowed it down to 11 key tenets that apply to seduction.

This set of rules is not written in stone (yet), but I think it's a good set of guidelines to ensure maximum cohesion among men, and maximum satisfaction within the individual.

So here they are…

3 Behaviors that Let You Connect with Everyone You Meet

Colt Williams's picture

You know those people who can just walk into a room and instantly become best friends with everyone? It seems like they have some secret quality that makes them charming, magnetic, and completely approachable.

Have you ever wanted to be one of those people? Chances are you have. And I bet you still do.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s much, much easier than it seems to learn how to connect with people – to anyone and nearly everyone – anywhere, anytime, anyplace.

connecting with people

 

Today I’m going to show you a few simple steps to transform the way you interact with others, and master connecting with people.

Social Value and Value Imbalances

Chase Amante's picture

social valueValue's a frequent subject of the articles on this site - we talk about ways to increase your passive value and value and attraction a great deal, while reducing "active value" (trying to talk up your value - if you have to say it, it isn't true), and we also talk about screening women carefully to avoid bringing someone into your life who's going to be a value drain.

Your value to other people - social value - is highly subjective by person, but it's something very worth being attuned to. Value assessments are a crucial part to our daily lives - every person you meet, greet, or so much as lay eyes on you do a quick value assessment of, and likewise everyone who speaks with, interacts with, or gazes upon you, for even the briefest of instants, does a quick value check on you as well.

When we interact with someone else is where these assessments really come into play, and where value imbalances raise their ugly heads - and make things really interesting, from a "what do you want from me, and what do I want from you" point of view.

The 3 Different Kinds of Leaders

Colt Williams's picture

A few weeks ago an anonymous GC reader made a very simple request:

Can you write an article on leadership?

Yes, certainly; I’m very happy to oblige. Leadership is a quality coveted by men the world over. It’s not only the ability to lead individual men and women, but the ability to compel larger groups to work harder and achieve more than they ever would on their own.

how to be a leader

Similar to improving your skill with women, there is a common misconception about leadership that it’s just something people are born with and can never be learned. But today I’m going to break down leadership, and show that it can be learned by anyone... anyone willing to put in the time and effort to learn it, of course.

How to Lift Someone's Spirits

Peter Fontes's picture

lift spiritsIf you're a naturally empathetic person, you probably find yourself in-tune with the emotions of others. Perhaps more often than you'd like.

Even if you aren't, you'll have found yourself in a situation where you would have liked to improve somebody's mood, but may not have known how to.

A reader, Knight, commented in the article on emotional contagion about how a long-time mentor/motivator had seemed down on a recent occasion:

A great female friend of mine who is usually a great motivator for me was down today - something I haven't seen since we were in year 9 - and it really threw me off.

He wanted to know how he could shift her emotions:

I still felt the need to try and cheer her up somewhat... could you perhaps show us all how to shift emotions?I do my best to stay away from downers these days but I realise that some important people in my life are going to feel a bit down some times. It would be great to get them up on par with our happiness again!

This is a common sentiment when met with the advice that you should associate less with people who are negative or who suck energy from you, a la the psychic vampire; that you have important people in your life that you want to be there for.

Sex with Friends: 3 Kinds of Girl You'll Get

Peter Fontes's picture

sex with friendsSex with friends.

It's something that we've all thought about and that can be relatively easy if one manages it correctly.

It does come with it's own little challenges though.

Today I'm going to introduce you to three (3) of the main flavours of girl you'll run into when you're hooking up with friends, and give you some insights into how to spot them and how to deal with them post hook-up, or beforehand if you are thinking about a hook-up.

It's important to view the demarcations between the archetypes as blurred lines rather than concrete ones. Girls aren't static in terms of their archetype and they can move from one to the other depending on circumstance.