Some men like A-cups, and some men like B.
Some men like C-cups, or F-cups, or D.
Some like their women as sharp as a hawk,
But some prefer girls who are dumber than rock.
And men all see beauty in each kind of face,
'Cause each man has different taste.
If you talk to your buddies, you'll see no one agrees.
Some girls you rate 8s, they think only are 3s.
Today we're going to talk about how guys get the first kiss wrong.
We've had a slew of articles on Girls Chase about how to get the first kiss right.
It's a fairly long list:
How to Kiss Her: kiss basics
Manhandle Kisses: an aggressive, dominant kiss
Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl: tips for the first kiss
How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before: step-by-step kiss guide
How to Kiss Girls in Public and Have It Go Great: kissing girls in public
How to Be a Good Kisser: 5 Steps to Confident Kissing: mindsets, techniques, and tactics for great kisses
Tactics Tuesdays: How to Make Her Kiss You Back: getting her to kiss you back when you kiss
The Kiss and Other Mouth Moves in Physical Escalation: using kisses to move the courtship forward
Tactics Tuesdays: The 5-Second Kiss: kiss a girl five seconds after you first meet
Tactics Tuesdays: Kisses for Good Behavior: reward her with a kiss
3 Legendary Movie Manhandle Kisses to Model Your Kisses After: examples of manhandle kisses in action, so you can see exactly what these look like
One subject we haven't delved into on kisses much though, is things to avoid doing with the kiss.
All those first kiss mistakes you can (and many guys do) make.
We've talked about some things to avoid here and there. But we haven't covered them all. And not all in the same place.
For this piece, I've compiled the top five ways guys blow the first kiss. They're all here in one place, for your easy perusal.
Note that I am going to leave out the most common way guys blow the first kiss, which is to not actually make the first kiss at all. Whether that is because they wait too long for the right moment, or they even feel the right moment but can't summon the courage to kiss, this is the most common way to blow it. However, we've addressed this mistake extensively in the other kiss articles (above). In this article I want to focus on things guys do wrong when they make the actual kiss (rather than wilt out of hesitation).
After we talk about each way to botch the kiss, of course, we'll talk about how to not blow these aspects of the kiss, too.
Here's the list of the top five biggest ways guys blow that first kiss (and how not to).
Think back to your last session of hot make-up sex.
As you no doubt recall (and likely already knew), make-up sex is good.
It's among the best sex you'll ever have. It's incredible for women. It's incredible for men.
What makes make-up sex so deliriously good is the maelstrom of emotions that swirls about the sex. You've just had a big fight... perhaps broken up temporarily, or been just about to.
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1. 3 Major Cons of Make-Up Sex
And then, after both partners had considered or flirted with or begun the process of a split, you pull back from the brink, and get right back into the relationship again -- and right back into one another, with make-up sex.
As a relationships guy, I've had a love-hate relationship with the love-hate roller-coaster that is make-up sex.
I used to recommend against it completely. Engage in make-up sex, as we will see, and you risk encouraging more, increasingly dramatic fights... you risk creating a subconscious driver in both relationship partners (i.e., you and your paramour) to pick fights and even raise the intensity of those fights any time either of you starts to long for good, hot, incredible sex.
Yet after years of telling folks off of make-up sex, I modulated my position. Somewhat.
I switched to "make-up sex can be quite good... IF you know what you're getting into."
We're going to cover three (3) MAJOR 'cons' to make-up sex today.
And then we'll cover the seven (7) big 'pros' to it, right after.
The goal is to make sure you know what you're getting into when you get into make-up sex.
On an article of Tony Depp's about reasons guys can't get laid, reader Anonym requests a piece on sexual shame:
"Hi,
you wrote "I was surprised how many men were ashamed of their sexuality." I wonder why do you wonder. The question for me is how can someone not to have sexual shame? What is more interesting that although this is a big topic which deserves series of articles, there are almost no articles about it on GC. There are many great detailed articles about huge amount of topics, but not about this sexual (and emotional) shame. There are articles about how to sexually liberate women, but not about how to sexually liberate yourself. I believe this is a big problem for many men, whatever the reason might be (conservative family background, religion, emotional traumas or feminist campaign against sexual violence). Perhaps an idea to consider. I believe I am not the only man who would appreciate it.
Thanks, Anonym"
I liked the topic. So I guess I beat Tony to the punch here.
There are, very roughly, two kinds of shame associated with sex:
There's sex regret, in which an individual has sex, then feels bad about it after. Sex regret is where you do the Walk of Shame after a night with someone you kind of wish you hadn't spent the night with, thinking back.
And then there's true blue sexual shame... in which an individual feels embarrassment often even so much as just thinking about sex, let alone pursuing it/engaging in it.
These two kinds of sexual shame are different sides of the same coin. Some part of the individual believes sex, or at least the sex he's thinking about or engaging in, is wrong.
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Because he feels it's wrong, he feels ashamed to have engaged in it... or to have considered engaging in it.
In other words, sexual shame is the guilt or embarrassment an individual feels after engaging in a sex act, or when considering sex or being around something sexual in nature. This shame or guilt traces in most cases to a religious or ideological upbringing that implicitly or explicitly portrayed sex as 'dirty', 'irresponsible', or 'wrong'. Sexual shame, unaddressed, can lead to side effects that range from sexual dysfunction to depression and self-doubt.
If you're reading, I assume you don't want sexual shame.
Today we're going to talk about what causes this shame. We'll talk about the effects it has.
And then we'll discuss what you can do to free yourself of it.
Frame control is a crucial aspect of achieving your ends with other people.
He who controls the frame, controls how those within that frame perceive events.
Civilizations strive endlessly to control the frame through which the citizenry view the world. Every civilization exerts massive amounts of energy to ensure its population sees things the way it wants it to see things, and to label the way competitor civilizations see things as 'misguided', 'wrong', or even 'evil'. Every time you think another country does things the wrong way, and yours does them right, you think within the frame of your society.
Yet frame control extends to a far more granular level than that of civilizations.
Any time you interact with a group of people, frame control is at play.
Any time you interact with a single other person, frame control is at play.
When you talk to a girl, frame control is at play. Either you'll control the frame, or she will.
When women test, this is in part to see if you'll yield the frame. Women are not attracted to men who yield to their frames, but they will test (over and over) to see if you will. They must discover if you are a man strong of frame or weak of it.
There's a form of frame control you can use called 'force framing'.
Force frames are for when you want to frame something that isn't necessarily true, or the other party may not readily accept. However, you still want to impose the frame regardless.
The force frame is how you impose that frame despite the other party's 'opposition'.
We've had a good deal of articles on Girls Chase that discuss entry into an open relationship. Either getting into one with an existing girlfriend, or how to find one open to it.
Today's article is on the other side of things. What do you do when your girl asks you to 'open up' the relationship... so she can have sex with other guys?
This can be tricky to deal with. Because when she hits you with it, you may not know:
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Much rides on your response. Get it wrong, and you may hurt her respect for you, or encourage her to sneak around behind you.
As you'll see in this article though, you can absolutely turn these requests down, and come out looking stronger for it. How it goes is all in how you frame things.
If you're instead looking for advice on how to get into an open relationship, check out this series on building non-monogamous relationships, or this article on what to look for in prospective polyamorous partners.
However, if what you'd like is to knock down any talk of your girl taking penis from other men, then read on, and let's handle that issue.
We were talking over on the forum about how people in general have gotten a lot fatter. In fact it is to the point that people often do not notice it. And you are not generally allowed to talk about it in polite company.
Some years ago, we had a great article on men's weight loss here from Eric Reeves. The tips in this article are different from the tips in that one. So for good measure I suggest you read that one too; then just pick the strategy that appeals to you most.
When I went to university, I put on a lot of weight. I was reed-thin when I started school at 19. I was so skinny then one of the grizzled old roughnecks in the auto shop I worked at used to mock my walk, hounding me about "Why do you walk like that, man? Like you're some big guy?" I was just thin.
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I began to lift weights hard in college to bulk up. I consumed a lot of protein powder (which I don't recommend anymore), but otherwise ate almost straight junk food. Pizza, French fries, potato chips, cookies, soda, and a couple bottles of cheap Nikolai vodka every month rounded out my diet. I was at McDonald's, Burger King, or Wendy's almost every day of the week.
I did put on a bunch of muscle, but I also added a big, sloppy gut, and got fat in the face. As this happened to me, I did not really realize it, and nobody told me. It wasn't until I started to spend time around friends and girlfriends from the third world, mostly after I graduated college, that I found out I was overweight. They told me right to my face: they told me I was fat and pointed out my big gut ("Look at that belly!"). I'd spent much more time around Americans but none of them had ever said a thing to me about it.
It still took me almost a year once I realized I was fat to actually start to lose weight. I'd tried to before I succeeded, but none of the stuff I tried before I succeeded worked.
This post will give you everything you need to slim down to healthy weight and stay that way.
It gives you the stuff that I found that works (simple stuff), and leaves out all the complicated stuff people try and fail and multi-billion dollar industries exist to serve.
Mandatory disclaimer: I am not a doctor and this is not professional medical advice. Before you do anything that affects your health you should go and talk to your doctor first. Just be sensible.
On the spectrum of "how hard do girls chase?" we have a few distinct female profiles.
There are:
Each of these types is a different type of woman. She expresses interest in and pursues men differently. Her behavior is often not so much determined by her interest level in you (though that's important) as it is her 'chase profile'.
A chaser who is very into you will chase hard in obvious ways. However, a demure girl who is very into you will only give you subtle indications of her pursuit, despite those pangs for you deep in her heart (and loins).
If you're only looking for chaser girls, you will miss out on most of the women who are into you, because most girls aren't chasers. Most will not chase in blatant, aggressive ways -- even if they're into you to the extreme.
Instead, you must recognize chase behavior from each of the four different types of girls.
Then, when you see it, pounce on it.
We've written a lot on here about approach anxiety in the past.
Approach anxiety of course is the trepidation you feel before you approach someone new.
See a pretty girl you'd like to talk to? You freeze up and feel fear before you can.
At a networking conference and need to make business contacts? Freeze up in fear.
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Anxiety before an approach is a common human feeling. It is not only something that happens with approaching women. You'll feel it any time you need to make an approach where you care about the outcome. If you have to approach your boss to ask for a raise... or your teacher to ask for a chance to make up that test you failed... or a roommate you suspect has stolen something from you but you aren't sure.
If you care about the outcome, and need to approach and engage someone else, there will usually be some anxiety there. Because you'll worry "What if I approach, and this person won't give me what I want?"
The anxiety is there to force you to take a moment to consider how, exactly, to get the outcome you want.
Yet with women, especially in cold approach scenarios (where you're walking up to someone you do not know), you'll often only have a handful of seconds to make the approach. Fail to make it on time, and the girl is gone.
This article gives you four quick, simple little tactics you can use to get yourself to approach.
Note that these tactics are geared more toward intermediate and advanced playboys who are able to approach, and just need an extra push to get off the sidelines. If you struggle with heavy approach anxiety, skip to the section at the end (where I link up some material on dealing with that).
Assuming you're able to approach, however, and just need to up your consistency, then pick one (or more) of these, use it, and you'll kick off a bunch more conversations with women (or other people, if your approaching is for purposes other than dating).
A few weeks ago, I posted about the concept of increasing complexity in the mating market. In it I talked about some ideas inspired by Joseph Tainter's Collapse.
Today I want to talk about one more idea the book inspired. That's legitimacy.
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In Collapse, Tainter discusses a society's need to maintain its legitimacy. That the more a society struggles to prove its legitimacy to the people who live within that society, the more it has to direct resources into displays to uphold its legitimacy (like monumental architecture, or war with neighbors to inspire patriotism) or into efforts to coerce its population to go along with things and to stifle dissent.
In fact, not long before a society enters a collapse, its construction of monumental architecture often reaches its peak. Despite the fact that there are fewer and fewer resources available as societies slump toward collapse, the society throws more and more of its shrinking resources into larger and larger buildings and monuments. Likewise, as societies proceed toward collapse, coercion increases, social trust erodes, and everyone ends up looking over his shoulder for those who might imply he's guilty of doing/thinking the forbidden.
All this is fascinating when you apply it to civilizations.
But as I read Tainter, it occurred to me his work applies to men as well.
Because just like a civilization, a man must also labor to establish legitimacy.
And just like a civilization, as a man's legitimacy crumbles, he struggles, often futilely, to uphold it with increasingly grand, or increasingly draconian, ways.
