Female Mind

A little over a year and a half ago, I wrote an article on here called "The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back." It fairly quickly became one of the more popular articles on the site, as getting girls back whose interest you've lost tends to be a common thing a great many men are all trying to figure out.

That piece also led to me getting a relatively constant stream of emails and comments and requests to write the post I'd promised, provided there was enough interest, at the end of it - a post on how to get your girlfriend back.

Here's the latest request, from longerjt on the article about using scarcity:

“Chase -

So yesterday I layed it out and challenged a girlfriend to get in or out and she slammed me. I said I needed to know where she stood and that I was ready to move on and bam! She said take a hike. Guess I misplayed it.

Hence, can you do the post you promised some time ago, "how to get your girlfriend back" in "how to get a girl back"? I could use it now.

Thanks for the great stuff!

JT”

If you've been reading this site a while, you may have thought I was asleep at the wheel, or that I didn't care to address this question. A lot of people have asked about it.

But in fact, over the past 19 months or so, I've probably written a half dozen versions of this article. It's not that it's technically difficult to write... it's that there are certain moral implications in taking a girlfriend back, under certain conditions, that I feel it's important for men to understand, and it's also that I find most men trying to get their ex-girlfriends back are more concerned with what they want than with what their former girlfriends want (and need).

I think I'm in a place now where I can communicate this right.

So today, let's discuss how to get a girlfriend back - and who you need to be and what you need to be willing to do if you're going to pull this off.

It isn't always hard. Plenty of people get back together every day. But I'll be writing this for the hard cases - the ones where she isn't already knocking down your door for another try. So I'll be giving you some stuff that's tried and tested, that I've used myself multiple times, and that I've watched friends and students and mentees use effectively again and again.

But believe you me, if I find out you've used this irresponsibly and hurt some girl by being selfish, I will come to where you live and demolish you.

That out of the way, let's get on with it.

A reader writes in on the article "Staying Out of Auto-Rejection," about asking himself the question of "Are we just friends?" and giving up on a girl he was pursuing - only to have her pull him back in with an expression of her feelings:

“I wrote off a girl (well have tried to anyway with great difficulty) I felt strongly for about a year ago due to the fact that although she expressed strong interested in me, she moved onto another guy due to me moving too slow, being aloof etc.

Since then, as part of bringing closure to the whole episode, I read all these theories about escalation-windows and auto-rejection, and concluded that this was most likely what happened in my case, and thus put the whole thing to rest, reaching acceptance that anything we had was over (well at least trying my best with these steps), and resolving not to make these 'mistakes' again with the next someone special who comes along.

A friend of mine (Ricardus, actually) recently pointed me at a new piece of Internet marketing software called Scarcity Samurai. The design is simple enough; you install it on your site, use it with any sales pages or product launches you're doing, and it attaches a countdown timer to the page, and lets you set up a redirect the instant the timer winds down.

People who don't buy within the time limit miss the sale and the deal is closed.

Why would anyone run a deal that closes? Well, because, on average, these kinds of promotions do around double the sales that promotions without a close date do.

That's exciting news if you sell anything online, but - unless you're selling stuff online - you may be thinking, ah, what's that got to do with me?

Well, what scarcity does for sales, it also does for seduction.

Or, you thought women just throw themselves at rock stars the one time they get the chance to backstage because they figure they can come back and grab the guy whenever they feel like it?

Over on the discussion boards, Stratvm discussed a phone number he'd grabbed in Switzerland while just passing through, and wanted to know how he could convert this quick phone number into a real booty call - how does he get this girl coming over for sex. He noted:

“It would be nice to have a blog post on how to convert numbers to same day lays; now I'm just guessing how to proceed.”

This article is going to be about two things:

1. How to get a girl you've just met to respond to a "booty call"
2. How to get into a booty call relationship with a girl you've already been with
3. How to screen for the women who are likely to be open to booty calls
   

... and that last one's especially important. Not every girl is open to the idea of slinking over to your pad close to the witching hour for a late night slice of lovin'. Some women find the idea offensive to their sensibilities.

But the ones who are open to it... you may well be leaving them feeling a little less excitement in their lives by not going for it.

So here's how to pull a booty call off - and we'll begin with all the wrong ways men go about trying to get women over for some quality between-the-sheets time.

We went pretty deep into the metaphysical with yesterday's article, so now let's come back up for some air. Let's talk about how to turn a girl on.

Men who haven't mastered or worked on their sexy side yet have been missing out - you have tremendous power in your ability to make a woman weak in the knees (for you). Once you have the ability to turn girls on at will, you'll find their hearts beating faster, their breaths coming quicker, and their smiles spreading wider, just by being in your presence.

You'll find that sex happens a lot faster, more consistently, and more passionately, too.

When it comes to creating arousal and desire in a woman, we can break this down into three levels, or tiers:

1. Excitation,
2. Anticipation, and
3. Satiation

To create the fullest, richest degree of arousal in a girl, you must make absolutely sure you hit each one of these tiers.

So what do these three tiers - excitation, anticipation, and satiation - entail?

That's what we'll discuss today.

Last week, I wrote about what's wrong with dating in America. I wrote it after being troubled when reading about the latest round of pettiness erupting into a media firestorm because of the "battle of the sexes"; at tech convention PyCon, a female employee of email company SendGrid heard a couple of male employees of game developer PlayHaven making juvenile jokes about the words "dongle" and "forking," turned around, took their pictures, excoriated them online, and PlayHaven fired them.

After the resulting firestorm, centering on this individual who had a couple of men with families fired for whispering jokes to one another in a conference, SendGrid attracted a great deal of hostility from the developer community (in other words, its customer base), and consequently fired the picture-taker. (You can read the full article here, if interested.)

That got me thinking a lot about where all the virulence between the sexes in the West has come from recently. You don't see it a lot of other places in the world... just here. Like I talked about in the article on bitter women, I'm not really so certain there are that many truly terrible people out there, as much as it is that the Internet acts as an emotion amplifier and makes it seem so, with its text-only, subtext-free, tonality-free communication making everything seem so cut and dry, black and white, and frequently making everyone sound so certain, absolute, and polarizing.

But as I thought about it, I realized there was something else causing conflict between men and women, too: a product of a mix of the modern unisex workplace and social environment, and the Western ideal of independence, but not at all what any of the women (or men) struggling for women's rights ever expected - that "equality," at least as most people have fought for it for Western women, has really ended up meaning that women are now required not only to fight with other women for what they want, but to fight with men now too - and that men are required to fight them back.

Today I want to talk about a strange and confusing topic for a lot of guys - namely, getting mixed signals from a girl.

You know what mixed signals are: one moment, she's flirty and warm with you, and you get excited, thinking you're getting somewhere with her. The next moment, she's cool and aloof - and you're really not sure what happened.

Then, out of nowhere - BAM! You're back get warm, flirty behavior from her.

So does that mean she likes you, or does that mean she doesn't?