Female Mind

Girls seem to go for dumb guys a lot more than they do smart, intelligent guys. Why don’t girls want to date intelligent guys, though?

The seduction community is rife with smart guys, guys who know a lot about history, science, philosophy, and other disciplines that have a high intelligence requirement for competence and mastery.

Why are there so many intelligent men in the community?

Simple.

Most of them were alone in their teenage years and into their 20s (or 30s). In their search for a solution to their romantic problems, they put their massive minds to the task.

Some of those men became successful. They continued to theorize and eventually write or record their thoughts. They’re the ones who created the seduction community.

Since they're smart, their rhetoric and syntax is affluent, detailed, and nuanced. Thus, the men who most ably learn from these teachers are also intelligent.

Intelligent men go searching, find these resources created by other intelligent men. Then, speaking the same language, they mesh well together, creating a feedback loop of intelligent men teaching other intelligent men.

This is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a great thing. There are certain principles in this field that take time and focus to logically mine and cut, and raw IQ helps quicken that process.

But oftentimes, while intelligence helps with understanding and teaching, and while it looks flashy and impressive on paper or on video, it can get in the way of what this entire community is focused on.

If she has sex with you fast, does that mean she’s easy? Well… it might. Yet you need a bigger sample size than one (i.e., just you and her) to really know.

One of the more prevalent notions about women and time-to-bed (I’m just going to call it ‘TTB’ in this article) is that the faster a girl gets in bed with you, the sluttier she is.

This is not just an Internet meme. It existed long before the Internet did. It probably goes back as far as humans have been a mostly-monogamous species and have possessed language (that is to say, this meme’s at least a million years old).

Like much wisdom that’s been with us for a long time, it’s rooted in truth. On average, easier women have shorter TTBs (times-to-bed). The harder a girl is to get, the longer her TTB is, on average.

BUT, there is a but. There’s a big but. A Kim Kardashian-with-gluteal-implants sized but.

To be more accurate, there are several big buts.

And if you don’t know what they are, there’s a not-insignificant chance you will ditch a low partner count girl who’s never moved as fast with a guy as she did with you and never will again... or wife up a high partner count girl (with similarly high predilections to stray) after mistaking her for a cagey, hard-to-get one because she knew how to play the game (or just wasn’t that into you).

In Part 1 of the harem series, we talk about Queen Theory: how women position themselves as long-term partners and jockey for roles and status.

Having created a constantly evolving harem for the past three years running multi-dating relationships, as well as having dated some of these women for 3+ YEARS in this arrangement, it’s time to share with you a series of articles that covers my experience and lessons learned.

So if you’ve been considering such relationships, or you’ve been experimenting with them but have run into issues, this series is for you. We’ll cover all the facets of dating several women at a time (i.e., any relationship non-monogamous in nature), and we’ll go over what it takes to do so successfully and with minimal drama.

To begin, we will cover the first of three biggest concerns in a woman’s dating life. Those concerns are:

1. Catching and keeping the top man

2. Her self-interest

3. Her reputation

Women use the social and sexual marketplaces to advance their own agenda. Thus all these factors are important.

The way to handle the first concern is to understand all the implications of Queen Theory, which is the focus of this article.

A few months ago, I wound up in a threesome with one of my multiple long-term relationship (mLTR) girlfriends and her girl friend. My girlfriend had an event one Sunday, to which she invited me and two of her girl friends. I met her there and proceeded to grab drinks. Over the course of the event, one of her girl friends took a liking to me, and I took a liking to her.

I cleared my intention with my girlfriend before giving both girls a ride home. But instead of them going home, we ended up at my place. Long story short, one thing led to another and we started to get into a threesome.

Everything was going perfectly. I was watching and playing with two sexy women while they played with each other. Eventually, after having our fun, we all fell asleep together – me in between these two sexy girls.

In the morning around 5:00am, I started to feel horny, and my girlfriend motioned me to play with her while the friend slept. I tried my best but just couldn’t get hard. In that moment, I actually desired the other girl, not my girlfriend. Needless to say, I stopped trying after failing for a little while, then went back to sleep.

An hour or so later, I started escalating on the friend, and my girlfriend went to the bathroom. I then started shagging the friend, but when my girlfriend got back, she was very annoyed. She said “ahem,” indicating for me to stop. Once the friend left a little later, my girlfriend and I didn’t have sex; instead, we spent the next hour going over what happened and my feelings for her and the friend. I was forced to handle some drama and her concerns that I didn’t value my girlfriend sexually like I did the new girl.

While I submitted to her frame (honestly, I probably shouldn’t have; I gave her too much power there), I learned how important it is to understand Queen Theory.

Queen Theory in a nutshell:

• Every woman who is dating a man in an emotional capacity wants to feel like she’s the #1 woman in his life. Always.

• No woman wants to share her man emotionally. Always.

Women have a lot of very high standards. They just don’t always stick to those standards, is all. In fact, they usually abandon a lot of them.

I had a funny insight recently. Well, more a new way to look at something I already was aware of, but the new way of looking at it instantly made me go, “Ah, that’s how it is, yes.”

I started writing an article about girlfriend retention earlier. I got about a third of the way into it, got pulled away from it, and don’t really feel like going back to it right now. Then I started writing one on hooking up with girls who are horny when you’re not the most attractive guy in the room, but went on a big tangent and kind of lost my train of thought so shelved that one for now too (lost trains of thought happen sometimes when you write).

Anyway, in the ‘keeping a girlfriend’ one, I embedded a YouTube video of a hit 1970s soul song where the female singer talks about trying to hang onto a broke male partner she feeds and clothes and houses and whom she discovers is having an affair. It’s a great song (the single sold a million copies in its first eight weeks), and people love it... but the YouTube comment section is filled with women proclaiming how they would never tolerate a man straying on them and how the singer needs to find herself a new man.

And I thought “It is so funny how women do that.” Because I have had numerous girlfriends – beautiful, intelligent, charismatic girlfriends, with no shortage of male suitors and no lack of self awareness – declare to me they would never tolerate a man seeing other women while with them, even as they knew I saw other women while with them. I have watched these same women tell other women no woman should tolerate this and that any woman with such a man ought to leave him. Then come right back to me after these little rants to others, happy as pups.

It’s not just about fidelity. Women do it with many things. There was a poll I came across where someone asked Japanese women what they’d like to change about their man. 40% of women said a bit more muscle, 25% of women said more wealth, and another 25% said they wanted more personality. One male commenter on the poll results remarked “So just get muscular, be rich, and have a great personality. Easy!” (that’s sarcasm, in case you didn’t catch it). Another commenter remarked that the problem women face is all the ripped, rich guys with great personalities are gay.

And it’s true (the standards disconnect, not the gay thing. Although that is kind of true too)! If you ask most men what they want in a girlfriend, you’ll get a couple of items. Cute, nice, submissive, can cook and clean. That’s about what most guys want. Maybe one or two other things, like likes to dress sexy or is into this or that leisure activity. Many women have full-on wish lists of 30 to 70 qualities they want a man to have. Yet, again – reality doesn’t match women’s words. Look at the guys these girls with huge long lists of things they want date, and you discover their actual real world partners don’t have most of what these women say they want.

So why do women say they want all these things, and then turn around and date men who don’t have any of them? And then they keep saying they want those things anyway, in spite of their dating histories to the contrary?

Are women just nuts?

As a woman ages, her tastes in men change. What does an under-21 girl prefer that women 32+ do not? Read on and find out.

As a man, your taste in women may or may not have changed as you’ve aged. I know a few guys whose tastes have changed over the years. Though I know many more guys whose tastes haven’t. I can tell you the only difference between the women I’m drawn to now and those I was drawn to 10 years ago is the girls I’m drawn to now are usually cuter. That is more simply a factor of having more choice with women now than I had when I was young, overweight, and romantically unskilled.

Women’s tastes in men, on the other hand, go through some major evolutions as they age. From between a girl’s late teens to her mid-30s, she shifts her tastes often dramatically.

Talk to most single women in their 30s about younger women and you’ll hear such women pan younger women’s standards in men. “Young women have the worst taste in men,” they’ll tell you. “The guys they go for are assholes with attitude. They have no taste.”

Male pundits normally regard this as a way for an older woman to make herself look more valuable in the dating market (i.e., she is more ‘refined’ than ignorant younger women) in order to make up for some of the lost value of her faded youth. And this “younger women are silly and foolish” frame does help older women do that. But there is a deeper reason so many single women in their 30s feel this way about those younger versions of themselves on the dating scene.

Before we talk about that though, we’ll talk about the different sorts of men women at different ages are most drawn toward. As always, game and fundamentals play a huge role here – the better yours are, the less you need to worry about fitting a certain template, and the better you’ll do even within that template.

Note that the age ranges we’ll discuss below are generalities. Some women may be more or less ‘mature’ than their ages (we’ll talk about that a bit below too). But in general, for the majority of women, you should find these age ranges fairly accurate.

A woman can be fickle and changeable. But why is this so? Science shows us this fickleness is an inherent aspect of female decision making.

Not all tests are subtle. Sometimes women break out the big guns. But what do you do when she hits you with a test aimed right at your core?

In today’s Tactics Tuesdays post, we talk about a very specific kind of test. These are what I call ‘core tests’; they test a man at his core, aimed at what a woman dubs likely to be a core issue to a man’s strength or identity. A core test revolves around money, leadership, sexual prowess, and other areas most men pride themselves on strength in.

This is Part I of a 2-parter on core tests. Part I deals with core tests in pickups and on dates.

Women will use core tests on you at any stage of interaction with them. They will use them with you during the courtship. They’ll use them on dates. They’ll core test you in the bedroom as you escalate to sex. They’ll core test you early on into a sexual relationship, half a year into your relationship, or ten years into marriage. Core tests are the most dangerous tests women will use on you – yet they also present the greatest opportunity to set massively powerful frames.

We’ll talk about how to spot a core test, why core tests carry so much force to shake most men so easily, and how to shrug core tests off in a way that will not only make women’s respect for you shoot through the ceiling, but will help you yourself cement your own identity as an unshakeable man.

Core tests serve as a reliable way to show women around you a kind of dynamic confidence most men don’t know how to summon up. And in this way, they can be quite useful to encounter.