Confidence

Once you've begun working on your abilities to pick up girls for a little while, you'll soon find you run into a flavor of situation again and again that manifests in a variety of forms and a variety of ways: girls acting not as you expected them and you feeling a little surprised, shaken, and fazed.

This post is all about how you can be unfazed, even in the face of the sometimes-disorienting behavior of new women you'll meet while out and about.

Because as you'll come to realize, getting fazed - and remaining unfazed - isn't necessarily about having already been through every situation already. Instead, what it's actually about is a state of mind and freedom from "hoping" for a specific outcome to come about that you can't control.

In addition to that, there are a number of specific, technical steps you can take that will free you from the risk of ending up fazed at some point, because they avoid taking you down the roads that most often lead to guys getting fazed.

And the funny thing is, the more you're able to remain unfazed, the better able you are to bring about the things that can end up seeming out-of-reach to the men who do get fazed.

But, we're getting a bit abstract. Before I say more, first allow me to explain.

In the previous article, we answered the question "What do girls look for?" as it relates to picking up girls – how you can become a man of higher value, how you can be perceived as having higher value and how you can leverage supply and demand in several ways to get an almost unfair advantage over other guys.

This week we’ll have a look at the value equation again, but from a different angle… this time, we’ll look at value under the lense of dating and relationships.

Read the other article first (linked to above) if you haven’t yet, just to make yourself familiar with all the fundamentals of what women value in a man, and then come back here and we’ll get started.

Read it already?

I take it you’re back… all right.

Let’s dive right in.

It has often been said that both sexual attraction and romantic love are “value based”… but is that really true and what exactly does that even mean? What do girls look for in a man?

And if it’s true that value and attraction are linked and women are attracted to men based on their value… would it be useful to know what exactly that value constitutes?

Would it help to know how you can increase your value in the dating market place… both in reality and in her perception?

Absolutely. Absolutely it would.

And we're going to go into exactly what it is that women look for in men and value in them, and what you can do to raise yours.

Now, before we get into the meat of how to attract women by being THEIR (the women's) most high-value option, let’s cover some background…

Note from Chase: This is a guest post by Mark Manson, founder of Postmasculine.com. Mark writes on a range of topics, including confidence, self-improvement, dating, and relationships, and has been one of the friends of GirlsChase.com since the site's beginnings.

Take a moment to consider…

…That instead of worrying whether she’ll like you before you approach her, you could instead worry whether after you approach, if you’ll like her?

…That instead of feeling the need to impress her with your job or accomplishments, you could need to be impressed by what she’s done and accomplished for herself?

…That instead of sitting there silent, wondering what to say next to get her to like you, you could sit there silent wondering what she will say to make you like her?

…That instead of waiting around for her to return your call, you could find something to do so she waits for your call?

…That instead of worrying if you’re tall or good-looking enough for her, you could decide whether she’s too superficial to recognize your great qualities? 

…That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you doesn’t need a perfect date?

I'm listening to Nassim Nicholas Taleb's book Fooled by Randomness: The Hidden Role of Chance in Life and in the Markets on audio right now. It's a good and insightful listen, and a good refresher, though not much different from what you'll already be familiar with if you're well-acquainted with the effects of happenstance on the world around you. Randomness and luck is an important topic when you talk about pick up and how to get lucky; it was the subject of one of the very first posts that ever went up on this blog, all the way back in December 2008: the brief "Randomness and Success," where I talked about another book I was reading at the time and the need for including quantity in your approach to meeting women.

Last night I had a discussion with a business partner of mine about the nature of randomness and its influence on success. "Surely, it isn't all randomness," she said. "Skill has a big part to do with it."

"That's true," I replied, "skill does have a lot to do with it. A lot depends on the time horizon you're looking at, however. If you're looking at how someone performs over the course of a single week, there's going to be a lot more random variation in there compared to how they perform over the course of a month, which will be a lot more random and less skill-based than how they perform over a year, and so on and so forth. The smaller the time horizon, the bigger the part randomness will play."

A friend of mine has been going through some growing pains recently as he's grappled and come to grips with the fact that he makes promises all the time... and often doesn't deliver on them. I've longed been used to having people make a promise that doesn't get delivered on around me, and I've long since learned to not put much faith in people who do so.

When I was first studying relationships in my teenage years, I noticed one theme occurring over and over, wherever women were hurt in a failed relationship: they were accusing men of breaking their promises. It was so incredibly common that I started to see this as a major pattern that a number of relationships hewed to:

1. Man makes woman a promise, either to allay her concerns or in the height of passion
2. Woman plans her life on the basis of that promise
3. Man later breaks the promise
4. Woman's life is turned upside down

Now... women aren't necessarily totally innocent victims here either, and I'll explain why below. But as a man, you need to understand the impact and effect you have on a woman when you make a promise to her - and how a promise binds both you and her.

In a previous article, we discussed contingency planning for questions like "What if she doesn't have time?" in great detail – and today I want to go into more depth and give you some SPECIFIC things to say in situations you will inevitably find yourself in sooner or later… word by word, what to say if you want to meet a girl.

Yes – it doesn’t matter that much WHAT you say, as long as you project the right vibe - see our series on how to pick up girls for more on that. That is true.

But, I clearly remember when I was first learning this stuff, I got incredibly frustrated with that advice.

“Okay, it doesn’t matter what I say – but I still do have to say SOMETHING… can you at least give me a few examples of what to say? Surely I don’t want to talk to her about the weather or about how bad traffic was today?”

There are some topics that girls respond better to than others, so ideally you want to have the right vibe AND an interesting conversational repertoire.

But especially for beginners and for people who are just getting back into the “game” after a long hiatus, it can be useful to have some training wheels and crutches to get yourself up to speed again quickly.