Confidence

State control (your ability to manage the mood you’re in) is vital and powerful for seduction. Yet, like anything, lean on it too much, and it can become a crutch.

In my past article about what makes a good, consistent seducer, I listed a few related traits:

• The ability to handle logistics

• Good decision making

• Good calibration

• Good timing

• Awareness

• State control and cool-headedness

Today I will discuss the last aspect, state control. There is a lot of info regarding this online, and many dating companies are obsessed with notions such as “state” and “inner game.” And even though there is a lot of truth there, I find them to be sometimes overemphasized (meaning, they’re leaving something out).

I do believe having the right mindsets and a positive reality that reinforces seductive behavior is essential. The problem is that your belief system and your inner game, even though attractive, have to somehow be conveyed in order to have an effect. Conveying those traits requires a form of “outer game” – or rather, technical game.

Either way, today’s topic is related to state control. Many seducers are very obsessed with getting in state when meeting and picking up girls. What they refer to is basically getting in the mood. Even though I agree that “feeling it” and generally feeling good (i.e., having energy, feeling confident, and being in a social state as well as a sexual state) is beneficial, I believe aspects of it are exaggerated. I will discuss why I think so, and also how you can keep your head cool in tricky situations.

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed the fundamentals of certainty – The Triumvirate of Certainty.

The Triumvirate goes like this:

• Certainty of Knowledge

• Certainty of Desire

• Certainty of Morality

If any of these pillars are missing from your mind, your certainty will be imperfect. You will be uncertain. This article is dedicated to managing these uncertainties.

Let’s get to it.

If you get your hackles up, or start to feel defensive, it’s easy to turn adversarial on dates and in conversations. Yet do this, and you will quick run into walls with women...

Here’s an insidious problem it’s easy to overlook.

Sometimes if you hit the bars, or the street, or a party, and your first few approaches don’t go well, and you pick up a couple rejections, you can start to sour on the whole ‘chat up new girls’ thing.

Or sometimes if you have a history of rejection... or you’ve been reading too much anger-inducing content on the Internet... or you’ve just had a terrible day in general... this can happen.

Basically: you start to expect the worst, and either bristle for it, go in adversarially, or both.

And when a woman talks to you, she can feel it: you’re defensive, guarding against rudeness, insult, or dismissal. And/or you’re aggressive, treating her like an opponent whose defenses and objections you must ‘beat’, instead of as a friend you’d like to help lead around those objections (and into bed).

Yet the more adversarial you let your approach become, the worse it will usually do.

You need to not do this to make things work better with girls.

To be able to lead – whether men, women, or both – you must be certain. And to be certain, you must have three (3) elements in place.

Two candidates are about to give their speeches for president of the Interfraternity Council. The IFC is the board that governs all the fraternities on campus. It controls how and when rush proceeds (the process by which fraternities and sororities recruit members) and deals with disciplinary action.

It's not that important of a position, since at this school, they're quite liberal with control, but it's still a position. And men, well, they like titles. It makes them feel important. They respect them. Women? They yearn for men with position. It gets them wet.

So these two men want it.

The first candidate is the former vice president and has been given the opportunity to speak first.

“Hey guys! As you know, I was vice president for the past year and hopefully have lived up to the duties given to that position. As you saw, I tried to reestablish the philanthropic duties of vice president and actually held a fundraiser, something no vice president in recent memory has done. Also, I oversaw a judicial board hearing and carried it out quickly and efficiently, another duty of vice president that hasn’t been fulfilled in recent years. I’ve seen how the executive board works. I’ve worked with the president closely, helped him facilitate almost every duty of the council, seen how all the paperwork gets dealt with, and have even met with administrators in an effort to better understand what the school wants from us.

I hope that you’ve noticed my hard work and dedication and will do me the honor of voting me in as president of the council. Thank you very much!”

Affirmations and visualizations are more than just New Age mumbo jumbo – they work. And they can help you do better with girls, and get the women you want.

Even if your desire suddenly appears before you, it may just as quickly pass you by if you haven’t prepared your mind to say “yes.”

Most guys are hesitant to try visualization and affirmations, and some think it would be just as helpful to throw a penny in a wishing well. But contrary to popular (skeptical) belief, they work.

For me, these two things were among the biggest factors in my social progress. If it were not for me visualizing my results differently, I probably never would have changed for the better. There is a reason so many successful people tout the effectiveness of these tools. So let me show you how you can use the power of the mind to send your results to the next level.

How much should you care what others think? Everyone cares at least a little. The key is that the reactions of others can tell you what to modify in yourself.

I’ve always seen the opinions of others as a paradox.

We’ve all heard people say they don’t care what anyone thinks of them.

Well, that’s sort of impossible. If you didn’t care what people thought of you, you would never take time to cater your reputation or really even talk to people in general, since their opinion of you is a non-issue.

Obviously the spirit of this mantra of “no fucks given” is meant to combat the neuroticism that leads to the criticism or hate of others keeping you from pursuing what you want to pursue, but there is something to be said about learning from criticism.

Criticism, and even hate, can highlight possible areas of improvement, especially in regards to how you communicate your thoughts and ideas, either verbally or non-verbally.

In other words, if someone dislikes what you say or do, many times it’s how you come off doing it, not necessarily what you actually did.

And if we completely ignore the criticisms of others, we are missing out on possible improvements, no?

For instance, the advice of a mentor or teacher is criticism, but it comes from a place of compassion. He wants you to see how he sees your flaws, because he wants you to fix them, since it’s your desire to become better.

A story about a guy who never bothers to develop his social skill set. How does life unfold for a man who chooses not to learn to socialize and date?

Lucien was always a bit of an outsider. Though he wasn’t one of the nerds in school. Sometimes he joined in on making fun of them, just to prove the point. Mostly he just ignored those kids though. He had his own loose group of friends he rolled with: Elliot among them.

After high school, they mostly went separate ways. One friend went to a community college, and another went to work in his father’s construction business. Elliot and Lucien both went to a state university.

The two friends had heard stories about how easy the women were at Trent State. They anticipated a bountiful stream of willing coeds in school. Their long years of high school dry spells – they thought – were done.

They arrived on campus and looked around. Hot young girls in tight pants and mini skirts everywhere. The girls sat on park benches. Walked down campus sidewalks. Laughed with friends and hung out alone. “Geez,” said Elliot. “This place is a gold mine!” He looked at Lucien. “Come on, we’ve got to talk to these girls!”

Lucien went with Elliot, and Elliot chatted up a pair of girls seated on the grass. The girls seemed to like Elliot – they laughed at his jokes and brushed at their hair. But Lucien didn’t know what to do. Elliot seemed like he suddenly knew all the right things to say; Lucien just felt adrift.

Elliot tried to include Lucien – “This is my best friend Lucien. He’s one of the most awesome people I know” – but all Lucien could do was spit out a few boring lines of conversation and both girls would return their focus to Elliot again. Eventually Lucien gave up his attempts to talk. He watched Elliot for a while, but began to envy him. So he stopped watching, tuned out Elliot and the girls, and stared off into the campus.