(3) Journeyman

So there you are, standing completely stunned. You’ve just met a stunner, and you honestly don’t know what to do.

She was gorgeous, and even more astoundingly, she left smiling! You aren’t used to that level of attention from such a hottie... so you start scrambling.

You start worrying about all the mistakes you must avoid when talking to her.

You analyse every future encounter; and, once you have gone through each one with a fine-toothed comb, you’re left still a little unsure - and decide to stay on the safe side.

NO!

Let me teach you that, you cannot play it safe as a gentleman: you have to have MORE guts if you choose this path, and accept that you are MORE likely to lose her than not!

You need to have more outcome independence, because being a gentleman doesn’t mean you will never lose a girl; rather, it means that you are fearless in the face of everything going wrong and remain calm.

A gentleman escalates not because he has a doubt in his mind of if the girl wants him; he escalates because after the time he had to think about it, he is pretty sure.

Let’s rewind though.

Have you ever been walking through a park with a girl on the first date, and thought about how amazing it would be to take her right then and there… but then kept on walking?

Or, have you ever been out shopping with your girlfriend and thought about getting frisky in the dressing room… but then did nothing?

Well, what if I told you that these were only two of the handful of places that I’ve had sex out in public? And what if I also told you that you could definitely do the same?

And, what if I told you that it was easy to have public sex, without getting caught, as long as you handle your logistics?

Well, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.

Today I’m going to outline a process for having sex in public: how to have the fun, without any of the trouble (well, at least the bad kind). Let’s get to it.

One of the things you don't start picking up on until you've spent much time out of the West, then rotated back into it, then out of it, then into it again, is the "epidemic of specialness" the West has going on.

When you visit Asia, some parts of South America, and some parts of central or Eastern Europe, for instance, most of the people you meet will describe themselves as "just an average [nationality] girl/guy."

Part of this is humility - everybody believes he's special to some degree - but part of it is just down-to-Earth honest-to-goodness realistic-ness. The guy knows he's just another human being, and merely one of very many.

But travel back to the West, and you're quickly smacked in the face with the order of the day here: that is, everyone is special.

Not just special, but unique. And, deserving of your utmost adoration, and respect.

Only, because we're not all that special or unique, a great many people in the West are living in a constant state of vast cognitive dissonance, ready to explode at a moment's notice as soon as anyone suggests they are not as special as they'd like you to think they are.

They're living a lie - an illusion - and the only way that illusion is maintained is if they can make everybody else around them subscribe to it, too.

And if anybody around them doesn't... well, look out.

I'll explain.

Today I want to discuss to the topic of discretion in seduction. In my opinion, this is one of the most powerful tools a seducer can use to get women.

Being low-key will not only get you laid, it will also allow you to have crazy and discreet sex with women. Is sex really all that we want? I am sure many of you fantasize about dirty sex, or watch dirty porn. Admit it or not, I do not care; all I know is that there is majority here who truly want to do some dirty stuff.

In this article we will cover what being discreet and low-key is all about, and why it works so well in seduction.

In the second section, I’ll give you multiple tools that you can use in different settings to communicate secrecy - and get discreet sex.

Let’s go.

In the article on finding the woman you most want, a reader named Alex asks a question about having sex with the women you work with:

“The question is about getting together with girls you work with, I am young guy, working jobs at the mall to save up for school. I feel attraction from a lot of the girls I work with, but want an idea of how to transition it into getting one on ones with them. I want it to go smoothly, because I work with them and would see them frequently. So I don't want strain working relationships, but since I'm there a good amount time, translating this environment into my dating life would be awesome.”

Now here's a question just about every guy has - whether he's working at the mall like Alex, or in a cubicle-filled office building, or working in a school with hot young teachers, or running his own business out of a co-working space where he passes sexy secretaries every day in the hallway or anywhere else a man trades 8 or 9 hours a day for a paycheck and ends up face to face with intriguing women and intractable social dilemmas.

Chase already did a piece on flirting at work; so if you want a more enjoyable workplace environment or to enlist your female colleagues in some engaging, sexy banter, definitely check that one out. Flirting at work is also going to be a key to our strategy for getting to more than just flirting, which I'll go into a little later on.

However, we also promised a follow-up piece on having sex with your colleagues... and getting laid at work.

This is that piece, and I'm going to tell you just how to turn your workmates into bedmates.

Back in 2006, I had a date in Washington, D.C. with a beautiful Puerto Rican girl, who just exuded sensuality. I'd met her riding the metro one day, I no longer remember to where. Regardless, I was still getting my feet under me, and was pretty clumsy in how I ran my dates at that point - and this date ended up being no exception.

We went to get brunch first, and I decided to try out asking a girl to pay for me for the first time. I was a little nervous doing it... and she was furious. She got really upset. She was clearly insulted. She scolded me on how women in Puerto Rico never pay for dates.

But then she calmed down... and then she paid for us both.

After that, I figured I'd take her to the Barnes & Noble nearby, and we grabbed some books and sat down together. Her anger had transformed into raw, heaving lust... as will tend to happen when women overcome some staunchly held rule of theirs and cut you an exception, then continue spending time on you (complete surprise to me at the time, though). In the bookstore, she was soon leaning up against me on the ground beneath the book stacks, breathing heavy, the sexiest smile in the world on her face, and seemed for all the world to be puffing out plumes of pheromones into the air around us. Both of us were very turned on.

But Barnes & Noble turned out to be a bad call - and another sign I didn't really know what I was doing. Yet, rather than take her home then and there, I'd already decided earlier that I should buy her ice cream to even out the spending (since she'd paid for lunch) - yet another bad call. Things went from hot to lukewarm while we at ice cream... and then I finally invited her home to talk and relax some more.

I decided to have us walk from there back to my apartment - a 20-minute walk. Half way there, any last vestiges of desire had faded away completely and been replaced by complaining about how far we were walking and where we were going, and it didn't stop for the rest of the walk. I took her up to the roof of my building, which I hadn't scoped out carefully enough before, and we ended up sitting there in uncomfortable seats positioned too far away from one another. After about 10 minutes of rather platonic chatting, I tried to move her back down to my apartment, but she decided she'd rather just go home.

The magic was gone.

And I learned an important lesson: make sure you're prepared for anything that happens.

One of the pieces I promised sometime back was a write-up on identities, and the role these play in your social interactions, seductions, dating, and relationships.

Identity is a huge, important topic with vast implications for how you move through society, but it isn't one that's much talked about because it's difficult to conceptualize, and more difficult still to nail down.

Nevertheless, having a grasp of what your identity is today, and what you'd like it to be tomorrow, helps shine a little more light on the direction you're headed in socially, and being aware of the different gradations of identity allows you to accurately pinpoint where you might be going right with a given identity, and where you may be going wrong.

So, join me on this journey through the looking glass, and let's examine the sometimes-strange and always interesting topic of your social identity.