Approach Invitations

Women signal their interest in men often. But there’s some debate: is it worth paying ATTENTION to women’s signs of interest or not? It is… sometimes.

On the forum, I have a thread entitled “Sexually inexperienced men need time and exposure to receptive women to learn to sense and respond to receptive women’s signals.” It references my article that asks why most men can’t see girls’ signs of interest and links up several studies on mice and hamsters that find inexperienced males are bad at reading the signs of receptive female mice and hamsters.

Just like humans, it takes other male mammals time and experience to learn to read signs of receptivity and know how to respond to them.

We’ve had some interesting discussion on that thread, but I want to address a recent comment from user ChrisXKiss. He asks

Chase regarding this, how much does it really translate to results with women?

I always wondered, because even when I seemed to get attention, I would go open and the whole dynamic would change to: Oh so you do like me? Cute, but don’t expect much more.

It felt a bit like there was no point to carefully pay attention to indicators of interest, since they didn’t translate much to results anyway.

It’s probably because after I approach my attention is on the girl, I just want to get to know her and especially if she has given me a sign of interest I do this faster, since I know that the attraction is there anyway. Then I suppose it feels like I am too eager.

Maybe I should change my mindset when noticing signs, because my immediate reaction is: Ok this one likes me, let’s do this. I think they feel I approach them only because I saw the sign and think it will be easy, so they try to make it difficult.

But it’s difficult to even use signs of interest with girls I really like, since I notice them right away, and if I don’t go to approach immediately, it feels like I am waiting around trying to find a chance to talk to them. I think they feel I am interested from the get go, so they don’t give any signs, and the more time I spend not opening the more unattractive I become.

I know I should just not pay attention to them that much if I want them chasing, but it’s difficult when I see hot girls around to not take a look and check them out. I started doing it to overcome the shy barrier of not looking at people and sexualising women, but maybe I should force myself to stop.

So I am wondering what is even the correct way to take notice of them, since being aloof doesn’t really work either. Is it bad to show when you look at them that they really excite you? I think with the hottest ones they just see it in my eyes right at the open or even before.

I guess advice can also be conflicting sometimes, since I know that both your approach and Hector’s work, that said they are different as you mentioned, so sometimes I am wondering whether for example I am not showing my desire in the right way, or I should just not even show it up front, and I go back and forth, with neither really landing.

There’s a lot in there, but if we bullet out his questions/comments, they’d be:

• How much does getting attention from women really translate to results?

• Girls who give him attention, whom he then opens, feel validated then lose interest.

• He fears he may be coming in too eager when he approaches girls.

• Maybe it’s difficult to use signs of interest with girls you really like.

• It’s hard not to check out hot girls when he sees them.

• Being aloof also does not work.

I want to talk about these here (and try to make it concise because I’m a bit short on time at the moment). To do so, we need to differentiate between sincere signs of interest vs. signs of interest solely aimed at gaining male attention and validation.

Want a girl to show you she wants to meet? Here’s a simple tactic: do stuff that calls her attention to your face, so she notices you & can signal you.

Here’s something that’s so obvious you’ll be amazed you didn’t think of it yourself.

Most people most of the time, including most women, are in an autopilot ‘holding pattern’. They are in an unstimulated state, awaiting stimulation. Sometimes you will come across women who are present and aware and actively searching (e.g., for a potential mate), but this is somewhat rare. Most of the time people are off in their own worlds.

Of course, before we can commence a courtship or a seduction, we first need to get the attention of the girl we’d like to do that with. You can’t just jump in front of her with your arms waving and yell “Booga booga!” though. So what can you do?

One of the simplest, most casual, most Law of Least Effort-abiding ways to get girls paying attention to you (and elicit approach invitations) is with one of a number of moves designed to get girls to look at your face.

What if you could approach with minimal risk of rejection? With drive-by approaching, you can. See how to use it in loud, chaotic venues where (ordinarily) high rejection risks abound.

Hi all. I hope you are doing well.

Now that I’ve finished discussing wingmanning, I’d like to share some notes from the field. Today, I will discuss a strategy specific to night game: how to use different tools in various situations, and in what sequence. This post is not about X technique, but how to apply X technique in Y situation.

Today, I’ll explore how to open and hook in loud, chaotic venues.

People have told me to always focus on non-verbals, and even if that’s true, delivering fancy verbals in loud environments can be counterproductive. Girls cannot hear nor decipher what you are saying, forcing you to repeat (not good), yell (bad), or lean in (even worse). And if she does hear you, a girl may misunderstand what you say. Also, hearing what she says is difficult, so it’s hard for you to calibrate. If things do not work out, you must try to damage control verbally. So, what can you do?

Focusing on non-verbals may seem like good advice at first. You may go entirely non-verbal, which is more of a dance floor strategy. However, many venues may not have a dance floor, and they are still chaotic and noisy. In those settings, you may still need some verbals.

Your verbals must be simple: more human with spikier stimulation. However, you have little control over the outcome unless you meet the right girl, hit all your timings, and deliver suitable material.

So, you must rely on your non-verbals, but what does that really mean? Most who talk about non-verbal communication fail to specify what that is. Is it touching? (This can be tricky to do with a stranger.) Eye contact? Proximity? (Also, tricky), or “Good body language”? (But what is good body language? This is too vague).

I will put everything together comprehensively in this post, focusing on TIMING.

At unexpected times, in unexpected places, women may start talking to you. If you aren’t ‘on’ you can miss these chances. How best should you respond?

Commenting on my article about testing girls for interest before you approach, Sub-Zero asks:

How do you deal with not knowing what to say? There’s times when I guess a girl pings me and I don’t know how to respond or how to close.

For example, would you say that these were pings or invitations?

A: I had one girl say the food I was getting made looks good. I couldn’t tell if it was a ping or if she was making small talk. Anyway, I still didn’t know what else to say. I might have said thank you or something?

B. I was shopping and a girl said something about buying some food for her kid, then she said you probably don’t care what I’m getting my kid. There I didn't say anything because I really had no idea what to say.

So would you say those were pings for me to approach or were they just being social and what should I have said, what do you do or say when you don’t know what to say and are stuck?

Yes, these are both pings (the subject of my article on testing girls for interest). Just like you can ping women to test for interest before approaching, women can ping you too. A ping doesn’t mean she’s ready to hop into bed with you, of course – it just means she’s interested in finding out if you’re someone she can chat with. She might want to date you or might just want to talk. Either way, she’s testing you for openness to a conversation.

The problem Sub-Zero has here, that many guys have, is that women ping you at unexpected times, when you are not prepared to be social. Worse still, because most women expect the man to lead, usually all you’ll get from a girl is a single ping… then she retreats and waits. If you don’t act soon, she gives up, closes off, and runs away!

How can you deal with these situations when girls unexpectedly open you… and where you aren’t already primed for socializing, in any kind of social mood?

Check the room you’re in to look for girls open to an approach – and other chances. The room check (or scan) can be a big help… if you know how to use it.

Here’s a little tactic that can serve as a gamechanger if you aren’t in the habit of using it yet: the room check.

Room checks are simple: you do a complete eyeball scan of a room to see what opportunities you can find. Get good at these, and you can zero in on girls you want to go for in just a few seconds of glancing around.

I should correct myself though – while the tactic is simple, you also have to know what you’re looking for to get much use out of it.

So let’s talk about when to use it, and what you’ll be looking for when you do.

When you lock eyes with a girl and she smiles, it’s one of the clearest invitations you’ll get to approach. If you’re in the market for a woman or two, go meet her.

Ever look at a girl and have her smile at you?

It's one of the oldest approach invitations in the book, and also one of the clearest.

Whether she smiles at you first or you smile at her, then she smiles, if she holds eye contact with you while smiling at you, you've got a ringer.

I've used this approach invitation to identify girls it'll be real easy to meet for years.

I've even had girls I held eye contact with and shared smiles with do the opening themselves. There's something about that mutual locked eyes, shared smiling signal that emboldens even women to make an approach.

I've used this to prompt a fair few girls to approach me themselves in social venues. I would've approached them myself later had they not made a move, but sometimes once she's had that smile and locked eye contact from you she's going to dive right in.

One of the few times I've been street-stopped it was by a really good-looking 20-something girl in a tan business suit on my way to the subway midday on a weekday after we locked eyes and shared smiles. She was so forward it took me aback; I doubt she'd have had the confidence without that prolonged smile and eye lock.

A lot of guys overthink this invitation.

"She's just being friendly," they think.

"Maybe she's just having a good day."

"She could be smiling at someone else."

Yet the vast majority of the time a woman is holding eye contact with you and smiling at you somewhere, it is not because she's just having that splendid of a day, but instead that she likes you and would like to meet.

Your normal go-to openers may be great, but they can be even better if you make her think SHE invited YOU to approach. It’s so easy you can start doing this now!

In this article, I’ll discuss what to do BEFORE you try to hook in a pickup. On the initial approach, you want to make a girl feel like she invited you to approach her.

Advanced guys who don‘t understand this idea are probably saying, “What? That’s impossible!” But, it’ll come together if you keep reading.

Let’s start with the basics and work up to the more complex.