Approach Anxiety

Sometimes when you go out to meet girls, you're lazy. Or you're rusty. Or it's hard to get going. Use these 4 tactics to start talking to women with ease.

We've written a lot on here about approach anxiety in the past.

Approach anxiety of course is the trepidation you feel before you approach someone new.

See a pretty girl you'd like to talk to? You freeze up and feel fear before you can.

At a networking conference and need to make business contacts? Freeze up in fear.

Anxiety before an approach is a common human feeling. It is not only something that happens with approaching women. You'll feel it any time you need to make an approach where you care about the outcome. If you have to approach your boss to ask for a raise... or your teacher to ask for a chance to make up that test you failed... or a roommate you suspect has stolen something from you but you aren't sure.

If you care about the outcome, and need to approach and engage someone else, there will usually be some anxiety there. Because you'll worry "What if I approach, and this person won't give me what I want?"

The anxiety is there to force you to take a moment to consider how, exactly, to get the outcome you want.

Yet with women, especially in cold approach scenarios (where you're walking up to someone you do not know), you'll often only have a handful of seconds to make the approach. Fail to make it on time, and the girl is gone.

This article gives you four quick, simple little tactics you can use to get yourself to approach.

Note that these tactics are geared more toward intermediate and advanced playboys who are able to approach, and just need an extra push to get off the sidelines. If you struggle with heavy approach anxiety, skip to the section at the end (where I link up some material on dealing with that).

Assuming you're able to approach, however, and just need to up your consistency, then pick one (or more) of these, use it, and you'll kick off a bunch more conversations with women (or other people, if your approaching is for purposes other than dating).

If you want to get laid, approach lots of girls. Sounds simple, but what if approaching women terrifies you? These tools will help you conquer your fears.

Approach anxiety is the #1 problem every guy thinks he has.

I say “thinks he has” because once you get over your irrational fear of striking up conversations with attractive women, a whole world of dating possibilities bloom. But you can’t even seed that journey if you’re too afraid to approach.

#2 is knowing “what to say” to girls.

The two are connected.

You don’t approach because you don’t know what to say – you don’t know what to say because you don’t approach. It’s a paradox with a very simple and logical solution.

An easy way to get your feet moving despite fears of rejection: just tell yourself "She'll likely reject me anyway... so let's go see what happens.

I just talked with one of our senior discussion forum members, who took on the 30 Days Invite a Girl Home Challenge. This is a challenge for advanced guys, where the singular goal is to invite a new girl home each and every day for 30 straight days. She doesn't have to say yes and you don't have to sleep with her, but you do need to invite her home to do it. The goal is to push a guy's comfort zone and open his eyes to what's possible.

In our forum member's case, his first day on the challenge ended up with the girl he invited home saying yes and going home with him. However, he liked this girl a lot, overthought things a bit, and escalated too timidly, despite feeling like the girl was quite into him.

He didn't get the lay (although he did get a nice start to the 30 day challenge!), and the girl left.

He tried to set a date up with her later, and she LJBF'ed him.

His escalation (too unaggressive for her level of horniness) was the immediate cause, he figured... but the root cause was that he liked her too much, which led him to go too slow for this girl's tastes.

Does he just need to convince himself not to like girls too much, he wondered?

That brought to mind a long-time technique I've used to overcome nervous hesitation with women, that might be useful to some guys.

It's this: you simply tell yourself "Well she's probably going to reject me, so let's try anyway and just see what happens."

The fear of approaching women is a major hurdle for a lot of guys. By adopting these key mindsets, you’ll realize there is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Hey guys, welcome back. Last week, we discussed some tips and tricks for dealing with the fear of rejection – i.e., managing the anxiety that keeps you from approaching women.

Here’s what was discussed:

• It’s totally normal to experience approach anxiety

• Most guys feel anxious about approaching women

• Those who don’t feel any anxiety tend to be uncalibrated

• Even experienced players face lower-level anxiety at times

• It is hard – if not impossible – to completely get rid of approach anxiety

• You can do things to effectively manage it

We discussed strategies that, if implemented, should make approaching easier for you. Today, we will go deeper and add some simple-yet-powerful mindsets you can – and should – apply that will make the whole process even simpler.

These are mindsets that I have used in the past with great success. I have also shared them with friends, co-seducers, and newbies. This post is suited for everyone still struggling with approaching women. These mindsets can be used for both day game and night game.

Approach anxiety can make it extremely difficult to meet women. While likely incurable, it can be effectively managed with these simple, practical tips.

I have heard from many good seducers and players who, despite all their success and experience with women, still feel approach anxiety.

They, too, get that tingly feeling in their chest while their minds play tricks on them, holding them back from meeting potentially amazing women.

Not approaching because of anxiety is sad because you might be missing out on many fun adventures and amazing women. I know many of you hate having this feeling of anxiety.

So, does this mean there is no hope for you? Not at all. You can drastically reduce your anxiety, but you will have to force yourself to do it... and reconquer it every time you go out.

The subject of today’s post will be approach anxiety management – why you have it and practical steps to minimize it. Next week, I’ll discuss some powerful mindsets that will help you take action.

What you do before approaching a girl can have a large impact on the interaction to come. Set yourself up for a smoother approach by avoiding these mistakes.

Hey, guys. Welcome back. Today, I will cover some fundamentals that we need to recap. After writing all this advanced material, I realized that there is never a bad time to go back to basics. In fact, the very word “fundamental” means something you simply cannot do without.

This post is fit for beginners, as well as more experienced players who need to revise – and trust me, they often do. I revise my fundamentals a lot, especially in periods of bad momentum when I’m not doing too well. At times like that, my fundamentals are the first to take a hit.

As I’ve mentioned in my series on hooking, it is usually opening and hooking game that take the biggest hits on your off nights. Today, I will cover some basic mistakes a lot of men make before approaching women. This is also the phase that guys struggle the most with.

Troubleshooting and fixing the fundamental mistakes that I make are key to getting back on track and wreaking havoc again. Taking some time to revise the fundamentals and creating an even more solid foundation is precisely what makes the difference between success and failure.

This post is about approaching. Those of you who are new to this may ask why I’m focusing on the time before the approach. After all, at that point, you’re not even talking to a woman. But what happens beforehand has an impact on the approach itself. This will make more sense as you read on.

Let’s get on with it.

This fun, simple game is designed to banish anxiety and work out the kinks in your approaches. All you need is a wingman, a clock, and a woman-laden environment.

Very early in my seduction journey, right after deciding I (finally) wanted to get better with women and (finally) learn how to sleep with them effortlessly, I faced the biggest hurdle of all – getting started. After all, every resource, coach, and seminar I checked out mentioned cold approach as the best skill to learn and improve with women.

It was suggested that I set aside several hours a day several times a week to learn how to approach women, just to get started. However, therein lay the rub – approaching women.

What a scary proposition! After having lost my virginity in my early twenties, then finally having my first girlfriend at 22, I still had no confidence or understanding of what women wanted or how they wanted to be approached.

I felt nervous, afraid; and each time, fear ran through my veins. This is a woman. What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me? How will she feel about me? How will she perceive me? How will I feel about myself if she rejects me?

I started by walking through the streets of my newest home – New York City – where day game opportunities were plentiful and hot women wandered the streets alone every single day. And yet, each time I passed a hot woman that I fancied, I talked myself out of an approach.