Once you’ve seen the dark side of women – how callously they can stray on men who deeply love them and lie about it – can you ever trust a girl again?Over on X, there was a good long thread where guys shared their experiences being ‘side guys’:
Women don’t usually make eye contact beyond 6ft/2m. When they do, it’s often a sign they’re ‘on the hunt’, in search of men – and YOU have caught their eye.I’ve noticed for a long time now that when girls start looking at me from far away, they almost always start playing with their hair and preening themselves once they have my attention.
Much of the time they will move closer to me on their own. As they draw nearer, I will use my eyes that draw technique to make sure they stop near where I am (within easy opening range).
When I approach girls like this, they are generally very receptive.
So, I have long taken this one (girls staring at you from a distance) as “very often an approach invitation.”
As it turns out, there is a specific distance you can look for to make this more watertight!
Today’s henpecked men suppress their own sexual attractiveness, studies find. Why men are doing this & how to stop doing it we discuss in this essay.The other day I came across an eye-opening paper from 2007. Here’s the abstract:
This simple ‘tactical framework’ for romantic conversations puts you in the driver’s seat. Get girls laughing, intrigued and following your lead in no time.Yesterday we talked about the common problem where guys bombard women with too many questions.
It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially when you are new, and especially when the girl is not giving you much.
In that article, I challenged you (you being anyone who runs into this issue) to try running your conversations with ZERO questions – at least until the girl is hooked / shows sufficient interest on her end.
In today’s Tactics Tuesdays article, I’m going to give you a simple tactical framework you can use to make your “no questions convos” run smoothly in the early conversation.
We’ll call this tease-compliance-qualify-cold read – or TCQC for short.
A common trap men fall into is asking women too many questions. How do you stop asking girls too many questions? By asking no questions AT ALL! Try it!I responded to a few reports on our Field Reports Board recently (over on the forum) in which newer guys fell into the trap of asking women they’d just approached too many questions.
Here’s an excerpt from one report – I’m just going to post what the forum member said and skip the girl’s replies just to give you a sense of the question frequency here:
[opens]
"Hi, so what's your name?"
"How are you doing today?"
"Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"
"Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"
"But they look like corndogs."
"Okay okay. Well, girls are usually interested in hotdogs."
"So what kind of boba are you going to get?"
"Oh, I've been to that place. I really liked the watermelon."
"Are you guys boba addicts?"
"I'm part of the, uh, boba anonymous addiction recovery group."
"Maybe. Maybe I'm just replacing one vice with another."
"Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"
"Oh, that's pretty prestigious."
"Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."
"Yeah, did you just graduate?"
"Oh awesome, what did you study?"
"Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers? <Teasing her>"
That is 9 questions out of 18 separate remarks. 50% questions.
Here’s an excerpt from a second report:
But we get to talking and again my problem is my conversational skills be dry as fuck I can't think of anything to say beyond what do you do and where are you from. Anyway she tells me she goes to church and turns out she goes to the same church I used to go to, I ask her for her number and she says she doesn't give that out so I left.
…
But I couldn't think of anything to say my conversation skills are super dry. How do I be better at conversation and get her attraction to continue building? I could just feel these girl's attraction to me slowly waning the more we talked cuz I didn't know how to keep the spark going.
Here again we have an incident where the guy was struggling to get much more going on than asking some basic questions while struggling through conversation.
I just want to be clear: I’m not ragging on our forum members! I did the same thing as them when a newbie. You could’ve called me “Mr. Questions” at times.
It’s tough when you get into a chat with a girl who isn’t giving you much back. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the ‘infinite questions loop’. She’ll answer your questions but she contributes nothing! What do you do except ask MORE questions!
Well, I’m going to give you a strategy for what to do:
You are going to ask ZERO questions!
Who are the people who sleep around a lot sleeping with? Well… EACH OTHER, for the most part. We look at the numbers and see how it all shakes out.Next up in “uncomfortable truths about hooking up”: the more sex you have with more different people, the more you are dipping into the same (somewhat limited) pot of lovers every other sexually active person is.
A lot of people do not seem to understand this. In fact it took me a few years in seduction to realize it myself. I was picking up girls from nightclubs and some from dating apps. While I knew it wasn’t their first rodeo, it didn’t really occur to me that, “Every guy who also gets laid a lot is sleeping with these same exact girls.”
In any population of people, most of them aren’t having lots of sex with different people. Most of the women and most of the men only have a handful of lifetime partners. But this also means that most people in any given mating market are not participating in the dating scene most of the time. Only those who are single (or cheating) and who actively are looking for mates are participants. This is a limited pot of people.
Further, the most chronically ‘single and looking’ people tend to make up a disproportionate amount of those present in meet market environments (such as nightlife and dating apps), skewing hookups from these environments even more into the “shared lover” category.
I’ll give you some data to back up what I mean, but first I want to tell you a few stories.
If dating’s too expensive for you – well, you’re doing it wrong! You can have great dates that cost nothing… and some are even classier than pricey dinners.“Dating’s too hard on my bank account!”
“I had to give up dating right now; I don’t have the funds.”
“I spend way too much on women.”
Every time I see comments like these I wonder, “What the heck is this guy doing to make dating so expensive?” I’d have to bang 30 girls a week to be spending as much as some guys spend going on one or two posh dates.
Not only is spending money on women hard on your bank account, a lot of the time it is counterproductive. Is your goal to get this girl into bed? Then you should not pay for dates!
If you must pay (and sometimes you’ll have to spend a little money), then you should cut the amount you are spending down as low as possible.
In this article, I’ll share nine (9) ways you can keep your dates dirt cheap or even free. If you want something with a girl other than to be her ATM, this is the guide for you.
(note: a lot of guys seem to have ego tied to being the provider. That is fine. If that is you, this isn’t the article for you. This is for guys who want to sleep with the girls they take out on dates and optionally turn those girls into FWBs or girlfriends. When that is the case, you want to minimize the role of money and maximize the focus on YOU and THE GIRL)
Can ChatGPT tell who is attracted to whom? Not really – but neither can people reading date transcripts. You must be able to OBSERVE BEHAVIOR to tell!Here’s a paper published this year from the University of New Brunswick’s psychology department that shows that, once again, most of attraction is not coded into words but behavior. From the paper:
What makes people 'click' on a first date and become mutually attracted to one another? While understanding and predicting the dynamics of romantic interactions used to be exclusive to human judgment, we show that Large Language Models (LLMs) can detect romantic attraction during brief getting-to-know-you interactions. Examining data from 964 speed dates, we show that ChatGPT (and Claude 3) can predict both objective and subjective indicators of speed dating success (r=0.12-0.23). ChatGPT's predictions of actual matching (i.e., the exchange of contact information) were not only on par with those of human judges who had access to the same information but incremental to speed daters' own predictions. While some of the variance in ChatGPT's predictions can be explained by common content dimensions (such as the valence of the conversations) the fact that there remains a substantial proportion of unexplained variance suggests that ChatGPT also picks up on conversational dynamics. In addition, ChatGPT's judgments showed substantial overlap with those made by the human observers (mean r=0.29), highlighting similarities in their representation of romantic attraction that is, partially, independent of accuracy.
The paper aimed to see whether an LLM like ChatGPT was capable of predicting who’d go out with whom from a speed dating event. So naturally, they focus on what ChatGPT was able to do in the abstract.
However, ChatGPT wasn’t actually that good at it – its predictions only correlated with reality 12% of the time – but that’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that other humans simply reading the transcripts of the speed date conversations had almost exactly the same low level of accuracy (13%). Meanwhile, humans able to watch videos of the speed dates were 2.5x as accurate (31%); the participants themselves were on-the-mark a full 50% of the time.
From the paperWhat that means is that if you are trying to judge a woman’s intentions toward you, you need to be basing that off her body language, not her words.
I’ll explain.
If a girl is resistant or not as interested as she should be, you can use a disqualifier to make her feel like you’re saying you aren’t interested – and prompt her to chase.One classic seduction tactic I’m surprised we’ve never written a devoted article on is the disqualifier. Given Alek Rolstad’s recent series on showing disinterest in girls (to get them chasing and raise attraction), I figured it was time to write one up.
A disqualifier is anything you use to disqualify either YOURSELF or THE GIRL. Disqualifiers have several use cases (such as simplifying the seduction by removing yourself from boyfriend contention). However, most of the time you will use them to slightly lower attainability in a playful, flirtatious way designed to make girls chase you.
Here’s a very simple example of a disqualifier you might use:
BLONDE GIRL: So what kind of girls do you like?
YOU: Mostly redheads but sometimes I go for brunettes.
By telling Ms. Blonde that you only go for redheads and “sometimes” brunettes, you implicitly disqualify her as a romantic option. If you read her right, and she was ripe for a disqualifier, she is going to start working harder to attract you – i.e., she is going to chase.
I’ll briefly discuss the psychology behind disqualification. Then we’ll talk about when and when not to use disqualifiers, plus give you some example disqualifications you can play around with on girls today.
Women have terrible taste in men. They keep going for the wrong guys again and again. But WHY do girls date the wrong guys? Hint: because they AREN’T wrong!The single biggest source of frustration and cognitive dissonance for many men is the tendency of girls to date the wrong guys, time and again. A comment from a reader on a recent article of mine sums this up:
I quote myself: "If we know one thing for sure it’s that women rarely ever make the “right” decision for them, at least not what they had in mind." The meaning behind this sentence was and is, that women would rather be with someone who is "bad" on paper than someone who is supposedly a "perfect" match. It's why again I questioned the whole being cautious part you mentioned. In my experience women aren't cautious, they just like to make most men think they are in order to date the guys they really desire.
All too often, women choose unreliable bad boys who neglect them, fail to dote on them, avoid commitment to them, and not uncommonly cheat on them! This seems like terrible decision making from the nice guy point of view.
A nice male Redditor in his 30s laments attracting so many 30-something women “ready to settle down” after being jettisoned by bad boy exes.
The Nice Guy Bat Signal
When I first found the seduction community in 2005, nice men were deeply flummoxed over this intractable poor decision making women seemed to have in their mate selection. Years later, men in the red pill community continue to harp on this same exact point – the very one friend zoned men have long lamented.
It seems – to the uninitiated – as if most women have absolutely terrible romantic decision making skills.
Yet, as we shall see in this article, women know exactly what they’re doing.
There’s a reason girls go for the wrong guys and date bad boys instead of nice, safe, dependable men. (crazy as that may sound!)
