Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

How to Make Friends? The Master Key to New Friendships

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By: Chase Amante

make friendsOne of our younger readers, by the name of Jaden, asked over in the comments section of my article "Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way" about high school popularity, asking:

“What would the process for becoming popular look like? I would say im on the edge of popularity, as the "cool" kids all talk to me and invite me to their lunch tables and stuff (hardcore, right?), yet they do not invite me to their houses and parties, which are actually quite fun. How can I develop an air of superiority, and is there anything in specific I can do to raise my status?”

If I had to redefine that question to really get to its gist, I'd say it's more, "How do I make friends with the other students I want to be friends with?" than it is, "How do I make everyone like me more?" What Jaden wants here is to see these classmates of his outside of school - he wants to make friends.

But he isn't the only one who wants to know how to do this better. There are plenty of people who struggle with making friends in high school and college - and even more once they're out of those places.

If you thought it was hard making friends in an environment where everyone is your own age and you all do the same things, just wait until you're out of that environment, and you're working in the professional world where people range from 22 to 62. High school and college end up looking like friendship bonanzas compared to the working world that follows them.

Making friends isn't actually that hard a process though - take it from me, a guy who spent his the entirety of his teenage years friendless, then reinvented himself and emerged as someone who made friends with jet-setters, entrepreneurs, seducers, celebrities, and millionaires. How'd I go from zero friends to friends with some of the most in-demand people you'll meet, whom everyone wants to be friends with?

The secret, I found, lies in just one master key - from which all the other paths to friendship flow out.

Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way

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By: Chase Amante

I had a conversation the other night over dinner with a friend of mine. He confessed to me that he'd had a moment in university where he'd failed a class, and it made him seriously question his smarts. Before that, he'd always had an easy time in classes, always been at the top of his class, and viewed himself as smarter than 99.9% of people. But after... he'd spent the next 10 years or so trying to figure out, if he isn't smarter than everybody else, then what's so special about him?

We talked some more, and he made some comment later about me being "smart." There it was again... this notion of "smarts." And I said this to my friend:

"You know, when people call me 'smart,' I actually find it mildly insulting."

are you smart

"Well, I'm sorry for 'insulting' you, Chase!" he said, half in jest. And I took a moment to try and define why it is that I feel like "smart" is an insult - and then I realized it.

The feeling for me is that when someone calls me "smart," they're taking away all my credit for having worked hard. It's similar to someone calling you "lucky," or "handsome," or "naturally gifted," or anything else that serves to make it sound like you didn't actually DO anything to get whatever it is you got... you just happened into it by a roll of the dice, or a winning of the genetic jackpot.

I realized something else in that moment though, too - a lot of the things my friend was struggling with, that I didn't struggle with, these mindsets, these limiting beliefs - were coming from the fact that he saw some people as smarter than others, and some people not as smart, and that because of this, what they could accomplish was set in stone.

It's a totally different way of looking at the world from how I look at it, and other people who look first to "hard work," and not much at all to "smarts."

So we talked about this, him and I, and I explained why the answer to the question "Are you smart?" has a lot less to do with your results and success rates than you might think, and why thinking that smarts are essential places a ceiling on your accomplishments - regardless of whether you're brilliant, above average, or square in the middle.

Let's have a look at why.

The 5 Ways to Answer a Challenge in Social Situations

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By: Chase Amante

In Sunday's article on how to be smooth, Walls made the following comment:

“I truly appreciate all the work you do breaking this down, Chase. It would be so easy to just own this info you learned from years of trial and error and just monopolize it. I was thinking about smoothness in conflict due to this life-changing post and it got me thinking: when do you let comments/threats/faux paus/annoyances roll down your back, and when do you actually put opposers in their place? And what is the best way to ignore when people make fauxpas, such as the ones in your article "Faux Pas of the Social Neveaux." (maybe more faux pas listed too?)”

He's talking about two things here, but the two are in many ways one and the same:

  1. When someone is standing in opposition to you, accusing you, or insulting you

  2. When someone is making social mistakes around you and creating awkward or disadvantageous situations for you

That is, in other words, when someone is making things challenging for you. And he is asking the question "How do you answer a challenge?"

answer a challenge

It's a good question, because it has an answer that can go a variety of ways. Do you remain unreactive to it - and potentially let the challenge eat your chances alive? Or do you challenge your challenger back, and potentially lose your cool - and the girl you were most interested in?

This is a question without a readily apparent simple answer... and sometimes those are the questions we like most on this site. How do you answer a challenge, anyway?

Carnival of Dating Advice, 12th Edition

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By: Chase Amante

carnival of dating advice

Welcome once again, to this, the 12th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice. Featuring articles on pickup, seduction, relationships, self-improvement, and more, we seek to bring you some of the best of the Internet every two weeks, and this week is no exception.

This week's articles include two on break ups and exes, two on managing your internals, and one on falling in love - essentially covering the entire range of relationships, from approaching to getting into a relationship to getting out of it and staying out of it. This week's carnival might almost be considered a short-and-sweet Relationship 101 (with a little self-improvement thrown in for flavor).

And with that said, on with the carnival...

How to Be Smooth with Girls Every Time

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By: Chase Amante

About 3 weeks ago on the post announcing the site's new forum, a reader named "D" asked about escalating things with women, being seductive, and cool – essentially, how to be smooth.

how to be smooth

Here's the gist of D's comment:

“Brother, I can initiate with no problems and create that instant attraction. But I seem to hit a wall at some point shortly after. I tend to have difficulty escalating to physicality. Granted I'm not very experienced in my endeavors but have been reading, studying, and trying to better myself; both in my body language and self image.

I need to know how to ignite the spark that I create and squirt a little gas on it.

I can create an opener from nothing and sometimes get 1 or 2 dates. Then something goes south. I try to be funny and witty, which works with openers, but I need to flip the switch to escalation and being SMOOTH to seal the deal! I feel like I have read almost everything out there so please my brother, let me know if you have any advice. I appreciate all that you've done and anything you can do to help me. Thank you!”

And just a week ago, another commenter, xChaser, this time on the post about anxiety in men, asked about something very similar, saying:

“Hi Chase,

I again want to let you know you blog is impacting lot of guys lives. I have improved a lot from implementing what's discussed here. I have one request on a topic that pretty much helps the new guys not end up wasting lot of time.

Basically what I noticed is as we gain in knowledge, we get more succesful at dealing with girls, but after moving quite forward in the interaction sometimes [after] a small mistake the girl drops you like a ball, never to recover.

Could you cover a topic around this major critical point where you up the ante and at least during initial days avoid those traps rather getting dropped flat after spending so much time on the girl.

I guess you got my point.

Thanks in advance,
xChaser”

Both commenters are asking about something I call "transition points" – those moments in an interaction with a woman where it's time for you to take things to the next level... if you can only figure out how.

Most guys can't, and drop the ball, as xChaser put it.

But what if you didn't drop the ball?

What if you could handle transition points like a pro every time?

What I'm asking is... what if you knew how to be smooth?

Because that's what I'm going to teach you to be today.

Threats and Opportunities: The Difference These Make in Seduction

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By: Chase Amante

We've talked a bit on here about threats and opportunities in the past already, but I wanted to take some time today and really dive into the differences between these two mentalities and how they affect your success in pickup, dating, seduction, and relationships, because they're of great importance.

threats and opportunities

On the article about anxiety in men, JFav comments:

“Hey chase! After reading thru a lot of these comments one theme I think keeps reoccurring is the guys who have improved have all embraced one thing. And I believe one of the many things you and some other guys have embraced is your "inexperience." More specifically you guys embrace mistakes not as bad things but as learning tools. I could almost see some of you doing things you KNOW were "wrong" just to CHECK if it could be right.

I've gotten that sense from a lot of your post Chase because I know you are a guy that likes to decode and really get to the core of things. So, I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on my epiphany moment that "mistakes are just learning experiences."

I'd love to see a post where you talk about the time when you were learning pick up and seduction and how you questioned things asking yourself "could this really work" or "there's NO WAY that could work" And I'd love to hear some stories about how you said "F it I'm gonna try it anyways just in case he could be right"”

At the core of J's realization here is the opportunity he'd been missing in situations with women before, when he'd been blinded by the threat present in those situations. As he notes, I went through a similar transformation in my approach to women and dating, as have every guy who's reached a point where he's broken through to the site where learning is fun and no longer scary.

How do you break through, defeat timidity and apprehension, and free yourself from the feeling of "threats?" It's partly experience and exposure... but it's also partly something else.

20 Ways to Talk to Women and Make It AMAZING

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By: Chase Amante

Lately we've had a number of readers asking about more ways to talk to women and keep the conversation going. Here's JFav, answering the question of what he'd like to see in the new forum's bonus book:

“Love to see something on keeping the conversation going. Some strategies a newbie could possibly use to deep dive.”

Wanting to know more about conversation, particularly for newer guys.

talk to women

And on the recent article about how to pick up girls shopping, Maxz commented:

“Hey Chase, another rocking article.

Question for you man, I have been having problems on the conversational aspect of the game lately. When you talk about deep diving and all, is it all about asking girls qestions about themselves? I can't seem to truly crack this nut. Some of the girls I have talked to lately, we usually just end up in strange silences at some point in the conversation. What kind of easy probing questions will you suggest to carry on these conversations?

Thanks Chase, love every single lessons on here.”

I referred Maxz to a few articles to help him get his bearings, but I realize that a lot of guys need a more basic layout of how to talk to women properly than is laid out in the article on deep diving or being a conversationalist.

So, today's article has been put together to be exactly that: talking to women for beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and there to spice things up for the old pros), broken down into four lessons with five points each - a total of 20 ways to talk to women and make it go swimmingly.

Let's dive in.

How to Pick Up Girls Shopping for Gifts or Groceries

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By: Chase Amante

pick up girls shoppingIt's the holiday season, and that means one thing: time to pick up girls out shopping!

If you don't have much experience picking up women who are out shopping for shoes or shellfish, you might think this is rather hard... I mean, walking up to some girl in the middle of a well-lit store and just... hitting on her? Isn't that obvious?

Actually, there are a number of more-or-less smooth ways of going about running pickups in shopping areas, whether malls or shops or grocery stores. A bit of a sense of humor and a good handle on indirect game helps; while you can use direct openers out shopping, they often come off a bit too strong.

Mostly, what you'll be focused on creating in a shopping environment is a feeling of fate, fortune, or destiny... you and the girl met because you simply had to meet. It was written in the stars.

Today, we'll talk about how you go about creating that feeling, and help you bring some holiday cheer into the lives of some beautiful, lonely women out in the wide world.

Anxiety in Men: Where It Comes From and How to Stop It

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By: Chase Amante

There've been a handful of commenters recently asking about an article on anxiety in men, including this one, the first of these more recent requests:

“Hi Chase,

A slight digression from the post, hope you can add your two cents to this. You mentioned avoid being the guy who's "racked with anxiety". Throughout most of my life, I have been plagued with anxiety. My mother suffers from anxiety and I believe it has significantly influenced my development. In high school, though I was part of the cool crowd, i knew at the very core, I was extremely uncomfortable around other people. To hide my weakness, I would put on a facade that consisted of being a loud, obnoxious, "bad-ass" person.

I have matured from this and instead of living through a mask, i want to tackle my anxiety head-on. My belief is that, just like anything, gradual exposure will ultimately desensitize. I have been forcing myself to approach strangers and make conversations on a daily basis with this belief in mind. It's been a difficult journey though. Correct me if I'm wrong but through reading your ebook and blog posts, I take it you've gone through a phase of social anxiety/general anxiety yourself as well. If you could be so kind to share with me how you tackled your social anxiety, specific "exercises" that you found extremely helpful, anything you think is worth mentioning, it would truly be a boon to my development.

Many thanks,
Jack”

Jack, sure, I can go through this a bit. It's a little off topic from what we normally talk about, but I think it ties in well to being more successful with women and dating, so let's have a look.

anxiety in men

This'll be a more personal post for me, similar to the one on how to overcome depression, simply because it's one I've had a lot of experience with and spent a long time stuck in. Anxiety and depression are quite often part-and-parcel to one another, so you might even think of this as the sequel to that post: defeating anxiety.

Why Chasing Women Doesn’t Work and Why Persistence Does

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By: Chase Amante

We've had a few questions on here lately about the difference between chasing women vs. persisting with women. A few weeks back William B. raised the point when I asked for ideas on what the new forum's bonus book should be on:

“I'd like to see something fleshing out the nuances between chasing and persistence.”

And more recently, a commenter on the article on how to find the woman you want asked:

“I guess what i want to know is how does all this play in with not chasing her...if you leave enough time between your proposals it doesn't count as chasing?”

I've seen a few other people ask about it on other articles as well.

What's the difference between chasing women and persisting with them, anyway? Aren't they one and the same?

chasing women

Actually, the two are VERY different - and women are right for desiring persistent men to a point... and fleeing from men who chase after that point.

Let's have a look at why that is, and how you can better walk the line between chasing and persistence.