Articles by Author: Chase Amante | Girls Chase
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  2. Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Articles by Author: Chase Amante

Why Talking Less is (Usually) Best

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By: Chase Amante

I had a tiresome dialogue on a long train ride yesterday where I found myself being sidetracked on irrelevancies in what originally seemed like it’d be an engaging conversation.

Throughout the course of this unfortunately lengthy conversation (it was a 6 hour train ride), this man repeatedly ignored points I’d made, talked over me, and argued with me over the most tangential points to our primary conversation subject.

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The tragedy to me was that the conversation had started off with the possibility of being truly engrossing, only for my seatmate to repeatedly divert us to arguing over semantics like the definition of the word ‘training’ (which didn’t even matter; we could’ve used any other word if we had different definitions for what constitutes training and what doesn’t, but my interlocutor couldn’t let it go).

The funny thing was that repeatedly throughout this conversation, this fellow brought up wanting to trade numbers with me, to meet up with me again and bring me along to some free class he was attending, and other things of that nature; and he kept offering me food he had with him and even bought me a bottled water off the drink cart when it came by and I wasn’t present (and I didn’t have any small bills to pay him back for it). The entire time he kept telling me I could pay him back the next time I saw him, which only made me grate my teeth more.

I felt like a pretty girl being hounded by a really nice but really clueless and annoying guy. I kept hoping someone was going to come along and save me. Because it was a packed train ride, there wasn’t anywhere else I could escape to, either (though in retrospect I suppose I could’ve snuck off to the meal car; didn’t think of it). Eventually I was able to let this conversation die long enough for me to fall into a nap and be free.

It occurred to me that this man probably does this with everyone; he enters into these alienating conversations with people, tries to lecture them, ignores any indication that they may know as much or more about a subject than he does, and gets sidetracked on irrelevancies. And that can happen to anyone who’s reasonably educated and passionate about a subject from time to time; I’m sometimes (on rare occasions) guilty of this myself, too.

Yet, had this fellow known the value of talking less, instead of struggling so mightily to be heard and to be right, he wouldn’t have needed to resort to bribery and manipulation to try to coax me into meeting him.

He could’ve simply given me the chance to talk a little bit, and genuinely engaged with me instead.

So You’re a Showoff… How Do You Use It?

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By: Chase Amante

being a showoffIn “Locating Good Low Competition Sexual Markets", a reader writes in asking about the desire to show off:

“Hey, Chase,

I would like to see your article on desire to show off. I have such problem in me that usually I want to be seen as awesome and seek for approval, but it is something that really fucks up with my goals, because I forget my stuff to do and chase approval of peers and girls instead. Such situation where I get flaky girls not responding, or rejections actually bothers me a lot and is extremely painful and I feel so stuck in seeking validation, so I’m insecure and this off putting, I know. Any thoughts?”

The desire to be impressive; it’s one that almost every man has to some degree or another.

Some of us have it on a grand scale, while others only have a tiny drop of it; but if no one cared about being powerful and letting all the world know it, action movies (and tales and stories) where the guy gets to save the day wouldn’t be nearly so popular in our time and times past, and dreams of becoming a star or celebrity would be far less common dreams to dream.

Yet, the desire to be impressive can lead us to some pretty ignominious ends:

  • Crippling approach anxiety because we fear looking the opposite of impressive if we approach her and come off poorly or are rejected

  • Inaction when we should take action, because we don’t want to risk making the wrong move, looking bad, and messing it all up, all of this leading to missed escalation windows and expired attraction

  • A tendency for a great many men to require liquid courage before they’re even ready to start approaching, and a much easier time approaching anonymously in dark, crowded nightclubs (where it’s harder, the competition is fiercer, and the overall quality is lower) than on the street in broad daylight (where it’s easier, the competition is nil, and the overall quality is great)

  • Valuing reactions over results, because buddies or disciples are far more impressed by hopped up antics that get girls clapping and screaming than they are by subdued conversation... even if that latter is more likely to lead to a girl in your bed

Plus all number of other success saboteurs.

How do we deal with being a showoff then – do we suppress it, or can we use it?

How to Hang Out with a Girl (and End Up in Bed Together)

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By: Chase Amante

In many articles on GC, we’ve talked about how important it is to avoid ending up being a girl’s platonic guy pal whom she taps for personal and emotional support, and never lets things proceed any further:

Yet, while it is imperative for newer guys who have not yet become the compelling, demanding, sexual studs of men that women are wont to sleep with to avoid the “friend” role, the more advanced you get, the more easily you can “bend the rules.”

In fact, it’s completely possible for you to learn how to hang out with a girl calmly, casually, and like nothing more than a friend... and still sleep with her.

Believe it or not, there are even advantages to this style... such as simplicity.

how to hang out with a girl

This is the “friend approach” to seduction, and it’s a bit different from what I and the other guys usually talk about on here; however, if you have friends who are naturals with women, you’ve almost certainly seen it before.

You know: that buddy of yours who just has the most laid back “dates” ever – all he ever does is hang out with girls super casually, and then they just somehow always stumble into his bed?

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could consistently do that?

Quit Trying to Win Over Your Girlfriend

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By: Chase Amante

win over your girlfriendI covered one side of the "your responsibilities in your relationship" spectrum in "A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership."

Now let’s talk about the other side.

I see a lot of men busting their behinds to keep their girlfriends happy, entranced, and entertained, to the point where they seem to be treating their relationships like a full time job – in addition to whatever else they do during the day when they’re not with their girlfriends.

These men are all too aware that keeping their woman happy and their relationship strong is their responsibility, yet they go about doing it in taxing and inefficient ways.

In fact, some of the men who pour gargantuan amounts of energy into keeping their women happy still fail the leadership test, because leading your relationship is not about immersing your partner in non-stop stimulation to keep her distracted, sated, and engaged.

And if you are doing this, you are doing it wrong – not to mention needlessly expending barrels of energy you could be using for something more productive than trying to win over a girlfriend again and again who probably would respect you more if you didn’t.

Locating Good Low Competition Sexual Markets

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By: Chase Amante

content="How do you find low competition places where it’s easy to meet girls? It comes to several things – including going against the grain.">

Last week, in “Game Imbalance Hypothesis” we discussed the concept that environmental influences greatly affect your game, which affects your sexual competitiveness in different dating markets.

And in “Navigating Highly Competitive Sexual Markets” we talked about how you can adjust to new and more competitive sexual markets than what you’ve traditionally been accustomed to (going from suburb to city, say; or dive bar to dance club).

Today what we’ll talk about is low competition sexual markets – the places you can go to stand the best possible chance of having your efforts to meet and get somewhere with women go as seamlessly and easily as humanly possible.

low competition dating

Those places you go where, with little or no adaptation required, you start stacking up reams of lays and high quality girlfriends, based on your skill set and fundamentals developed in tougher markets alone.

While high competition sexual markets are fantastic for training you up and forcing you to advance your game to new heights so to pass more stringent sexual selection criteria, low competition markets allow you to take what you already know how to do and maximize its output.

These places serve as multipliers for your success rates.

Navigating Highly Competitive Sexual Markets

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By: Chase Amante

competitive sexual marketsIn my previous article in this series, “Game Imbalance Hypothesis”, I discussed why men moving from highly competitive sexual markets generally have an easier time in less competitive sexual markets, and why men moving from less competitive sexual markets generally have a tougher time in more competitive ones.

A reminder that sexual markets can include:

What we’ll talk about today splits into two (2) things:

  1. How you navigate these more competitive markets with tougher sexual selection criteria when you are a new entrant hailing from a less competitive environment

  2. How you differentiate between a competitive-but-good sexual marketplace versus a marketplace where it’s difficult to find new or quality partners simply because there aren’t many available to be had

The latter is needed is because knowing how to navigate tougher markets is not enough. You need to know if you’re even dealing with a market that IS a tough market – or if it’s simply a locale without much of a market in the first place.

Game Imbalance Hypothesis

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By: Chase Amante

game imbalance hypothesisThis is the first in a three-part series on regional sexual selection pressures. This piece introduces the concept of “game imbalance”, defines it, and posits it as a contributing cause of men’s difficulties with women.

I have an alternate theory why certain classes of men struggle with women far more than certain other classes do, on average. Alternate from what most guys cite: looks discrimination, racial discrimination, height discrimination, income discrimination, etc.

The one we’ve been seeing the most complaints from on the discussion boards lately are men of Indian descent. Asian and Arab guys struggle a lot as well. Of course, men of all races complain about their inabilities to succeed with women (and I’ve heard plenty of success stories and known personally plenty of successful guys from all of these racial groups), but some of these race-level complaints are far more ubiquitous than others.

So what makes the difference?

I have a theory. Actually, a hypothesis. I’d like to call it “game imbalance hypothesis.”

And if you’ll walk with me a moment, I’ll show you how I think the effect the hypothesis describes is hampering certain men and favoring others in the sexual marketplace.

Women’s Back Pocket Mentality

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By: Chase Amante

back pocket mentalityWe’ve discussed why if the aim is to sleep with or even get into relationships with women, you’re normally better off cultivating the image of “great potential lover” rather than the image of “great potential boyfriend” that the majority of men compete on (or, even worse, “great potential friend”) a number of times here already.

If you’re just tuning in and could use a recap, these articles are the primary pieces on the subject:

What I want to discuss with you today is one of the key mentalities women have regarding men that you must take pains to steer clear of falling victim to: women’s “back pocket” mentality.

This is the habit of women to “collect” men and keep them in reserve – or, in their back pockets – until such time as they might need them.

It isn’t malicious. It’s not a conscious effort to be manipulative or use others (usually).

However, if you aren’t careful about it, you can let this tendency of women’s, coupled with the tendency most men have to “prove their salt as a boyfriend by making themselves totally available”, sabotage any chances you might’ve had with those women.

The Natural Mindset: Taking More Pleasure from Hook Ups

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By: Chase Amante

Note before we get started: this one’s more for intermediate and up guys who are running into this issue. For guys who are beginners, stick with treating your interactions with women more “mechanistically” and breaking them down into bite-sized pieces and goals you’re trying to accomplish and milestones you’re trying to pass – you’ll learn a lot faster that way. Think of this article as “switching to natural... once you’re already fairly good.”

enjoying hooking upA reader named Robert writes in:

“I have a question, hope you guys can answer it for me!

I have pretty solid game, can get girls, move things forwards etc.. etc...

Where I stumble is in my own experience of the whole interaction-  MY attraction to HER! Is it because I’m not going for hot enough girls? I’ll get super turned on when the situation is still unclear, and sex is not guaranteed. But then once I am pretty sure it’s gonna happen, I will lead her to it, but my arousal is wayyy less than earlier/before the interaction.

My thoughts are I should try to escalate as I feel the tension, in slow, somewhat intense and subtle ways... focusing more on the vibe and staying with it. Or perhaps convince myself that sex is not guaranteed yet? Or is this a sign that I am simply trying to pump my own ego, and the attraction isn’t real to begin with?”

Ah, yes. An all too common issue of the developing seducer: why does reaching the point where she’s ready to go to bed with you kill all your interest in the sex?

The instant it’s unequivocally clear that yes, she DOES want to go to bed with you, and WILL go to bed with you – POOF! All the crazy desire you had to go to bed with her up until that point just vanishes.

Where did it go, and why does this happen?

How to Use Role-Playing While Talking with Girls

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By: Chase Amante

A tactic we’ve left off discussing much here previously is role-playing. It’s taught in the seduction community at large as an effective way for jazzing up your interactions with women, and I was exposed to it early on, with a wingman in 2006 who was a heavy user of the tactic.

My personal bone of contention with how it’s usually presented (and the reason I don’t typically talk about it) always was that so much of the role-playing I saw being taught – all of it, really – was routine-based; you had to memorize some specific form of role-play, and then remember to use that with women.

Too hard for a guy like me. Too annoying. Too stiff and unnatural. I’m supposed to memorize this big gambit and then find a way to squeeze it into conversation?

I watched my wing – otherwise a cool, likable, and sociable guy – squelch it into his conversations with women, and some women would play along but you could tell they were being sports about it, while other women would give him a skeptical look and proceed to have none of it. Routine-based role-playing was just awkward to try to make fit with a conversation that was anything short of perfect for that precise role-play.

role-playing with women

Yet, over time I’ve found myself using role-playing more and more, naturally and without a routine, yet with several underlying themes that guide my role-playing and help me do it naturally and place it where appropriate into the conversations I find myself in with women.

This fluid form of “emergent role-playing” is what I want to talk about with you today – how you can use role-playing in a natural way, that isn’t pre-scripted, yet follows certain guidelines to help you do some cool things with your conversations.