Dating | Girls Chase

Dating

Book Excerpts: Bad Dates You'll Want to Avoid

Chase Amante's picture

bad datesKnow one of the worst things that can happen (romantically, in any event)? You meet a girl you really like, things seem like they're incredible between the two of you, you both become more and more interested in and excited about each other... and then you take her on one of these bad dates and it all goes to hell in a hand basket.

That ever happened to you? If you're like most guys, you're probably nodding your head in sad recognition... ah, that awesome girl you met that you inexplicably lost on a bad first date.

But how do you stop this from happening?

Sure, get better at game: stop making the mistakes beginners make, learn how to get girls in ways they truly appreciate, and move fast and without hesitation. But there's another way too, and it's every bit as powerful: identify what those bad dates are, and stop taking girls on them.

In our latest excerpt from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams, I introduce you to the primary archetypes of bad dates and explain exactly why they're so bad for you. Everything from long travel times to the party date - it's right here:

The White Knight: Superman Syndrome and Damsels in Distress

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white knight"It's odd that men feel they must protect women, since for the most part, they must be protected from men."

- Abigail Duniway

One of the true but uncomfortable facts of life is that men and women treat each other the same way they treat other resources -- food, money, shelter, possessions. "You are mine," goes the thinking, much of the time. Or, alternatively, "You should be mine."

You'll see this in women to some degree, both with guys they want as providers and with guys they want as friends (curiously, women don't seem as fixated on "keeping" men in the lover category), but where you'll really see it a lot is with men -- particularly, the kind of man who doesn't get the kind of success with women he needs to feel that women are an abundant resource.

That kind of man is what you might call a "white knight." And he sees it as his mission in life to "save" women he views as "damsels in distress" -- only to make them his, of course.

If you ask me, this "pretend heroism" is a particularly sleazy way to try and get girls.

I'll share a personal anecdote: while I was out of town a few months back, my girlfriend, in a stressful position then, took to confiding in people about, well, everything that could possibly bother her. And, of course, as often happens in relationships, one of the primary things she confided about was me.

As it were, one of the folks she confided to turned out to be a real white knight. He was a photographer on a shoot she did; while she modeled, she also talked. And she vented about me. And this noble, heroic man, he decided that my girlfriend needed to be "saved" from me.

"I have to be honest, while we were shooting photographs today, I felt something for you," he told her in an email message afterward. "I want to take care of you," he continued. "This guy, your boyfriend, he doesn't realize what he's got. Maybe because he's too young -- he doesn't know how to value a woman as amazing as you are. I would treat you so well," he told her. "I want to take care of you after you break up with your boyfriend."

Sigh... I go away for a few weeks, and this is what I get, huh? Here he comes to save the day.

9 Great Tips for Dating in College

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dating in collegeI tend to keep my focus on this site primarily to things that are as broadly applicable as possible -- things you can do no matter who you are or where you are in life to do better with women.

But the other day I had a reader write in asking about dating in college, and I thought the topic might be on worth getting a post up on. He writes:

Dear Chase,

First off, terrific website. I haven't found anything on the web like the quality of articles you write and the depth you explore.

I'm 21 and I've finally finished university and I'm back at home. I recently got out of a 3 year relationship which lasted all the way through my time at college. A lot of the growing pains of being a young single and meeting girls has passed me by in this time. I've been on 2 dates in my whole life - both when I was 17 years old.

For a 21 year old guy, what is the best way of throwing myself into single life? Much of the dating advice out there seems aimed for an older audience than myself. It's unlikely I'm going to find girls my age doing the weekly grocery shop for example!

Thanks for any help!

I shot him back a reply highlighting some of the things I'm going to touch on in this post, but I think there some advice here I can offer guys in college that'll help them meet more girls and succeed with more girls.

And if you're not in college, well, you might just want to give this one a read anyway -- a lot of the things I'm going to recommend you don't necessarily need an alma mater to pull off.

Past Relationships: Where to Go (and Where Not to) on a Date

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past relationshipsOnce upon a time, there was one subject that absolutely terrified me when women brought it up in conversation: their past relationships.

I mean, if anything felt like a death sentence for forward progress with a woman, it was her digging up her troubled past and spilling it all over my lap. Time and again, I found that my interactions with women ended soon after they began divulging their storied relationship history -- "Great, another gal looking for a shoulder to cry on," I'd think. "I'm doomed."

It took me a little while to crack that nut, but I did. When women start telling me about their past relationships now, it's almost a slam dunk that we become lovers.

How'd I make such a dramatic shift, from past relationships being a conversation killer to them becoming seduction rocket fuel? Well, it came about from me deciphering a few important concepts -- and that utterly shifted the way I approached women discussing their past relationships.

The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back

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how to get a girl backThe most frequent email I get from readers is of the very gracious, magnanimous variety, with readers reaching out to say thanks for writing your blog, your book, etc., and sharing perhaps some of the successes that have come from, in part, applying what they've learned from my materials.

But hands down the second most frequent email I get is the one that reads something akin to this:

Hi Chase, I've been reading your site and I wish I'd come across it sooner. You see, there's this girl I like, and I guess I didn't move fast enough with her, because now she's cold and distant and I don't know what to do. Is there anything you can recommend I do to turn it around?

I get about 2 or 3 of these emails a week. And as traffic to this site continues rising, I'm confident the number of them coming in will only increase.

And I commiserate. I've been there lots of times; watching a girl you really liked shut down and go cold on you when formerly it seemed like she was yours for the picking is maddening, gut-wrenching, and about as big a sucker punch as you can get. It's awful.

So, I want to lay it down here today, for all those guys out there pulling their hair out like I used to -- a complete guide on how to get a girl back.

4 Ways to Stop Women Complaining on Dates

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women complainA reader writes in a comment on the post about building emotional connections:

"This worked great with a beautiful young lady I was interested in. We had many things in common. She got presumptuous and began whining & nagging about her car repairs. I was a gentleman throughout yet she felt perfectly entitled to tool me!! How would you treat her inappropriate request? Oh I forgot to mention this demand was asked of me after the third date..."

That's an unfortunate outcome for our reader, losing a girl he had a great connection with to presumptuous requests, but it's all too common a scenario, and it's one that gives us an outstanding jumping off point for getting into a meaty topic: dealing with dating situations where women complain, try to get stuff from you, and push to use you.

For the relationship equivalent of this phenomenon, check out "Women and Drama." What I want to talk to you about today is dealing with this when it happens on dates -- and how you can sidestep, shut down, and otherwise flummox women's attempts to get favors and "gain the upper hand," so to speak.

I think you'll find it invaluable.

What Makes for a Bad First Date?

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bad first dateI had a reader recently contact me, a little confused as to why a girl who'd seemed to like him had turned down the first date idea he'd proposed and counter-offered that they go golfing instead. His idea had been for the two of them to go swimming at the pool that she worked at, where he met her.

This is one of those things that, on the surface, in the moment where you're trying to think of date ideas, it seems like a great one: should be easy for her (she works there, so she's already there and doesn't have to go anywhere), safe to assume she likes it (she wouldn't work at a pool if she didn't like swimming), and it's fun.

But in fact, on further reflection, this is ends up being one of the great many bad first date ideas a man could have, and on top of that it's a very easy dating mistake to make. The reasons why this and many other first date ideas make for bad first dates are a little cloudy and a little hard to see until you're trained to look for them.

Today, I'm going to break out what those factors are that differentiate a good first date from a bad first date, and help you make sure you only ever have great dates (or, at least, great date ideas!) going forward.

You can thank me later -- when all your dates are awesome.

Dating Advice for Men: Why NOT to Get It from Women

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dating advice for menIn the recent post that discusses whether you should pay for a date, a reader comments:

A woman's perspective: If you invite her, you pay. If the guy asked me, so he should pay. I really don't think this is unreasonable. I do, however, think that it is unreasonable to invite someone out and then expect them to pay for themself or for both of you- probably they would, out of politeness, but would be very angry about it and would never see you again.

I once met a great guy who basically made me pay for the dinner he invited me to. I wrote him off and never saw him again. What a cheapskate!!

All I'm saying is that basically, if you follow this man's advice and don't pay for a woman on a date when you invited, you will lose your chance with her. Nobody expects you to spend a week's wages on a fancy meal. But if you invite, you should pay. Same as when I invite (and I do, and so do many women), I pay.

Lisa

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I think women kick ass. All my current and former lovers count me as one of their best friends, if not their very best friend, and I frequently discuss a lot of deep relationship and social dynamic stuff with women. I find that the average woman has a much firmer intuitive grasp of the way people are and the way people work than the average man does, and when you explain advanced social concepts, women are often quicker to parse them, pick them up, and arrive at intuitive mental corollaries than men are.

That said, and I hope no one takes it personal, but... women are the WORST on the planet at giving out dating advice for men.

Let a Girl Down the Right Way

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let a girl downA reader writes in:

Hi Chase,

Just a quick message to say I've learnt a lot from your insights and blog over the last year. I decided to improve myself after hitting an embarrassing rock bottom with a girl I had been chasing after for over a year and your website has helped me do just that. These days I know I can go out and acheive high success with very attractive women of my choosing.

The problem is, I have now reached a point where I would like a girlfriend and I currently have two 2nd dates and 3 first dates with potential girlfriends. I am at a point where its almost too easy to get girls highly interested even past the first date. You teach a lot about how to get girls interested but I wondered if you had any advice about how to let girls down easy without coming across like an asshole. I enjoy having a choice of women for the first time in my life (!) but I don't like the idea of just enjoying the 'sport' of it.

I know there's probably no easier thing to do than to just to pick the one I like the most and dump the others but I just thought I'd ask your thoughts anyway,

Ta,
E

No doubt, that can be a tough one: how do you let a girl down without being a bad guy or a total heartbreaker? It can make you feel like a pretty underhanded guy – maybe even like you were just leading her on – when you have to turn her down when you know she was hoping to be with you.

But, in fact, there is a right way to do it.

Dating on Your Terms

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Ever meet a girl, and get her contact information, and then start chatting with her via phone or text message, and then go to set up a date with her – maybe to get some food, maybe a drink, maybe to just chill and hang out and watch a movie at your place – only to have her offer a counterproposal that suited you far less? Perhaps she suggested going shopping, or that you join her out with a group of her friends, or come to some party she was attending.

Ever accept one of those counteroffers? If you did, you may very well have kicked yourself for going later, when you ended up getting slotted into the friend zone and never got together with the girl. Maybe, just maybe, a guy tooth-and-claws it, and fights off her other suitors, and eventually on Date #6 he gets her in the sack, but of course by that point she has him firmly pinned down into boyfriend territory. And maybe she even does end up becoming his girlfriend because by that point he's invested so much in her that he thinks she's better than the other women he has available.

This is what happens when you don't date on your terms. You don't get the girl most of the time. Actually, most of the time, you waste your time, and get slotted into the friend zone, or become a potential boyfriend at best.

Solution? Stop dating women on their terms, and start dating them on yours.