(1) Beginner

Women have a thirst for the untameable man. That’s why the rugged, hard-living, macho guy who’s a bit of a loner and whom no one seems to understand is so exciting for women, and why the sensitive, attentive nice guy that society seems to keep wanting to shepherd men into being is so boring.

Just like men don’t want a woman who’s easy too easy to bed, women don’t want a man who’s too easy to wrassle into a relationship. If he’s so easy to get into a relationship, women figure about the quick-to-commit man, he must not have a whole lot of options.

And chances are, they’re probably right. Men with lots of options naturally are difficult to pin down. Getting them to quit the bachelor’s life and give up those freedoms they’re so used to enjoying requires a woman more exceptional than they are accustomed to having, or a tiring of the playboy lifestyle – or perhaps a combination of the two. But sooner or later, most men settle down.

And then things go fine for a while. The lucky girl who convinces that untameable man to be saddled is ecstatic at her prize; she got the guy every other girl couldn’t get. She was the one who was good enough to get him.

Because believe it, just like men tend to take things personally and resent women who won’t sleep with them as judging them unworthy for intimacy, so do women tend to feel slighted by men who won’t have relationships with them, feeling as though they’ve been told they’re not good enough for the man to give up pursuing other women. So when a woman gets a man to settle whom other women failed to, she feels especially accomplished and victorious.

But just like all victories, with time this one fades in importance and exuberance. Eventually, it becomes an accepted fact: “Well, of course we’re together. How else would it be?”

And when the dust settles, and the excitement slips away, we’re left with one chilling scenario:

The man has passed a commitment point.

Short post, but one I don’t think needs a lot of explaining to get the point across.

A guy meets a girl on the street. He likes her; she seems to like him. They talk for fifteen minutes or so and get along just fine. He feels like he ought to do something more with her… but he isn’t sure what, exactly. So, he asks her for her phone number, tells her it was great meeting her, and the two part ways.

Chances are, they never see each other again.

Sure, maybe they do, but odds are they don’t. How many of the phone numbers you take turn into lovers? Even if your follow-up is amazing, your conversion rate of numbers-to-lovers is doubtfully any higher than 20% – maximum. And if your follow-up is anything short of amazing, expect a conversion rate substantially lower.

“Consistency” has long been a focus of mine – I tend to be a very busy person with a lot going on, and I want to make things as consistent as possible, to operate as efficiently as possible. Nothing bugs me more than wasting a lot of time on something – including getting girls.

So one of the things I’ve looked for is this: what are the most consistent places to meet women and take them home from?

Nightclubs are good. Lounges are better. But there’s one avenue of meeting women I’ve found that’s more consistent and reliable than anything else:

Something I like prescribing for newer guys as a very low-pressure but high-impact and really quite easy opener is something I’ve begun referring to as “Indirect Direct”, for lack of a better term.

Your run of the mill, general indirect opening – or, engaging a woman in conversation under pretenses other than that you’re interested in her – is a common choice among men. It feels less scary and less like the man is putting himself on the line.

It’s also far less effective than your run of the mill, general direct opening.

Women respond best to men who state – either explicitly or implicitly – their interest. Men using indirect do not do this. And, while they may not realize that women realize what they’re doing, unless a girl is completely clueless, chances are she probably does. And the man looks less for having masked his interest. He looks scared.

In modern day Western society, the gods and goddesses have largely disappeared. In the minds of many men, however, they seem to have been replaced by beautiful women. I can think of no other explanation for the amount of awe and reverence given to beautiful women by many men; it must be that these men see these women as goddesses. They certainly treat them as though they were.

There’s been a certain degree of drooling over pretty girls since the dawn of man. Helen was, after all, the face that launched a thousand ships; had she been less beautiful, perhaps we’d still have Troy today.

But what we see today is exacerbated by media, and it’s become damn near a compulsion. Men watch models and actresses and porn starlets all day long, and become obsessed with finding women who look just like them. And when they find the women who look that way, they lose their cool, get weak in the knees, and turn to silly putty.

Yesterday, I got into an elevator where I found a really cute girl with an electric scooter. Most people just park their scooters downstairs, so I found it odd she’d brought hers with her. “You’re bringing it with you!” I commented. She giggled pretty hard.

“Why didn’t you leave your scooter downstairs,” I asked. “Afraid someone will take it?”

She laughed again, but seemed not to understand. One of the problems of living in a foreign country is that sometimes people just don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I decided to try again. “Your scooter,” I said, pointing to it. “Why are you taking it upstairs?” Again, she just giggled and shook her head.

“Are you scared someone will take it? Steal it?” I pressed, trying to be as simple as possible. She still didn’t understand, and we reached her floor and she said “bye bye” and waved and got off.

I’ve long avoided email for having important conversations, especially any where I predict there may be even a hint of contention. I couldn’t have told you why before, just that I noticed that email conversations about sensitive topics always tended to go poorly. I’ve even lost a few good people in my life from email debates that got out of hand.

Against my better judgment, I just found myself caught up once again in a back-and-forth email debate with a good friend of mine. And once again, it quickly went from civil to cutthroat in the space of only a few emails.