Tactics Tuesdays: Don't Complain to Women
I hear men whining and complaining to their girlfriends, wives, and women they're pursuing from time to time. Since I don't spend all my time following random couples around, I know it must happen a lot more often than I hear it, too. And every time I hear it, it's like nails on chalkboard.
Thing is, I don't think most guys realize they're doing it, and I don't think most guys realize that it's Rule #14 or so in maintaining attraction and relationships that you don't whine and you don't complain to women.
A little over 5 years ago, I made the rookie mistake of telling a girl I'd just started sleeping with that I wanted her to be my "main girl." This has all kinds of "wrong" and "incorrect" and "bad game" painted all over it, and I'd never do it now, but that was then and I said it.
Her response to this was, as you might suspect, a defiant "I will never be your 'main girl.'"
And I felt a welling up of despair inside my chest. I was about to say it... I almost said it... and then I stopped myself. The urge to belt out a plaintive, "Why???" was overwhelmingly powerful and almost undeniable, but in the end I squelched it, and instead shrugged off the remark, gave her a confident-sounding, "We'll see," and forced myself to keep on as if nothing had been said. I slept with her again that night, and gave her the most potent, memorable, fantastic night of bliss in her life, and she, in a throe of passion, proclaimed that she didn't think she could leave me.
And for the next 2 1/2 years after that, she didn't.
I guarantee though, beyond any shadow of a doubt, beyond all second guesses, beyond anything, that had I whined or complained in that moment instead, we never would've ended up together.
How come? Because whining and complaining positively, absolutely, unequivocally kill attraction.
Kill it. Bury it in the ground, cover it up with dirt.
And most guys do it unknowingly anyway.
A topic that I know a lot of guys struggle with is touch. It's something I don't think to discuss terribly often -- touch, while I had to learn it like everything else, came pretty fast to me and was relatively second nature for me early on, so I never got to thinking about it so much as other things -- but touching women is incredibly important to your success with them.
What's the best way to pick up girls? You might be surprised by what can influence a woman's receptiveness... even something like being on birth control or not.
We're one week away from launching Spellbinding: Get Her Talking, after what feels like an eternity of having it in production. I'm really excited about this program; it's 63 minutes of the most information-packed, in-depth material on having mesmerizing conversations with women I've seen anywhere, and it turned out a lot better than I expected it would, thanks in no small part to a fantastic production team.
A man finds himself in conversation with a beautiful woman. Excited, and a little bit nervous, he starts to talk. And he talks more. And more. She can hardly get a word in edgewise.
As a boy, I decided I wanted to learn how to be a man who inspired others to gather around him. I wanted to become a magnet for people. I don't know why I wanted this; it's just something I've always had, something deep in my DNA. I have family members who are actors, singers, and entrepreneurs; at least one of my ancestors was a privateer (or, more commonly, a pirate), a few hundred years back.
Reaching the hook point -- that moment in a conversation where women really engage, start contributing, and become as interested in you (or more so) than you are in them, so that they actually stick around and don't excuse themselves to the bathroom or run off with their friends -- can be one of the most challenging aspects of meeting women that a guy has to tackle. You can struggle for a long time with getting girls hooked -- long after you've mastered opening, bantering, rapport-building, and a whole lot more. If you ask any given guy who's been at this for a while what his biggest sticking point is, quite often the answer you'll end up getting is "reaching the hook point."
Ever find yourself wondering just how to make the women you want want you?
I'm sitting at Washington-Dulles International Airport outside of Washington, DC, listening to the ticket lady bark orders at a crowd of passengers trying to board a plane to Denver.
I'm launching a new blog series today that'll roll every Friday of each week, featuring selected excerpts from my acclaimed manual on meeting, dating, and succeeding with women. If you've already got a copy of the book, these should serve as nice weekly refereshers! And if you haven't gotten yours yet, here's a small sample of what you're missing...