Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Player Paradox: Why You Get Worse with Girls as You Get Better

Hector Castillo's picture
TEXTOnce you reach a certain level with women, you encounter a new snag: girls like you, but are skeptical of you. To move past this, you’ll need to shed the mantle of “The Player.”

As you become more experienced with women, you will see better results.

More girls give you approach invitations, and they enjoy your approaches. They give you their number and go on a date with you. They sleep with you quickly. And it’s a great feeling when you level up. But it’s not all harems and orgasms. There will be a time that you hit a wall.

You’ll start to see some odd things happen:

  • Girls will give you signals and flirt, but then they’ll disappear once you begin the seduction and even after you believe you hit the hook point.

  • She won’t respond to your first text, even though she was all over you when you first met.

  • She will respond to your texts but is elusive when you try to set up a date. Although she responds with warmth and affection in her text, she always seems too busy to meet.

  • The girls you go on dates with will be flirty but on-guard. You might make out with her, but when you try to get her home, it feels like you are trying to sell oil to a Saudi prince.

  • Girls will react well, or you receive cold and bitchy responses. You experience very polarizing reactions.

These strange, counterintuitive results will pile up, and your confidence may plummet. You might begin to slide backward and have less success than when you were less experienced.

Girls will start to reject you outright. Then, your results will nosedive. You might get occasional successes, but you’ve hit a slump.

What’s going on? You’re better than that! You’re the man.

Well, if you really were the man, you’d know what’s going on and fix this problem (or never have it in the first place). You have some work to do if you want to get better. So, what’s the issue?

You’ve stumbled upon The Player Paradox (I need to trademark and copyright this phrase because it’s genius).

Meeting a Girl in a Romantic Way (7 Steps)

Chase Amante's picture
meet her in a romantic wayEvery girl dreams to meet a man romantically. If you can meet a girl in a romantic way, not only can you sweep her off her feet – but you raise the odds you get her, too.

Whenever I’ve told women I wasn’t dating how I met girls I was dating, the response from my female listeners is always the same: “Wow, that’s SO romantic!”

Women love how I meet women. Girls I’m with love it, and girls just listening love it. There’s always an element of fate, chance… magic. There is always a way to say, “If I hadn’t gone there that day, if you hadn’t gone here, if this thing that happened had not happened, we never would have been.”

You might think it has to do with meeting girls in romantic places. Or putting together an approach that looks like a Hollywood meet-cute.

In fact, you can meet girls romantically anywhere you see them, and without following a Hollywood script.

In this guide, I’m going to break the process down for you and let you in on the secrets to meeting a girl in a romantic way.

For the sake of simplicity, I’ve broken the process down into seven (7) easy to execute (well, more or less) steps.

Let’s make some romantic meetings!

Tactics Tuesdays: Using Girls for Intentional Preselection

Chase Amante's picture
creating intentional preselectionPreselection need not be an accidental boon. You can cultivate it deliberately with women, too… using these two angles to get girls VISIBLY chasing YOU.

Preselection is perhaps the single most powerful attractant there is.

The attraction boost you receive when a woman sees a beautiful girl behaving in an attracted way with you is +25% (study). The effect a beautiful, attracted woman flirting with you has on your attractiveness to other women is larger than looks, dominance, height, money, or confidence.

The one tool I recommend to every single guy who comes to me saying, “I feel like I’ve completely blown it with this girl; what do I do?” is preselection.

Let that girl you’ve blown it with see another good-looking girl blatantly flirting with you, and she’ll be back chasing after you as if you’d never even blown it. Sometimes (even oftentimes) it is the ONLY thing that works.

Today I’ll give you a simple-yet-nefarious tactic for eliciting OBVIOUS preselection from girls who may not even actually be all that into you.

The benefits should be obvious – but just in case they aren’t, I’ll spell them out.

Note that this is an article for intermediate-level playboys and up. You don’t have to be a seduction mastermind, but you do need a little charisma and some social savvy to pull this one off.

Karea's Guide to Harem Management

Skilled Seducer's picture
Karea's guide to harem managementRicardus Karea talks how to manage a harem of female lovers. How often should you see them? How many can you truly juggle? It’s all in this great guide.

This post, by erstwhile Girls Chase contributor Ricardus aka Karea, first appeared on the forum here.


I'm going to share one of my posts from back in the day that seemed to really help a lot of guys out. It's a little advanced but will be very helpful once you start juggling more than 2 or 3 girls.

At some point I was juggling between 10 and 20 girls... that sounds impossible because there's only 7 days in a week, but that's actually the whole point... when you have that many fuck-buddies in your phone, you don't meet them that often and you do NOT schedule anything. More on this below.

This is a compilations of posts I wrote between 2009 and 2011.

Sex Talk Gambit: Independent Woman

Alek Rolstad's picture
independent woman gambitIn this simple-to-run sex talk gambit, easily transition into sex topic with a topic every woman loves to discuss: strong, independent women.

Hi guys, welcome back. Today, it is time for a sex-talk gambit.

Gambit posts are examples of themes I use that have been extensively and successfully field-tested. This post provides examples of how to deliver a sex-talk gambit, the independent woman gambit, followed by an analysis of why it works.

I’ll describe the gambit and then present an example. Feel free to word it to suit you. I will likely not word the gambit the same way presented here the next time I go out. In field, I remember the theme and key moments and will freestyle, keeping in mind the different mechanisms happening in my setting. By doing so, I can calibrate as factors come into play or, even better, find ways to accentuate them.

To be clear, even though I do not repeat the gambit exactly as presented here, chances are that I am likely to deliver something along the lines of what I describe below. Your version may differ slightly.

Aside from wording the gambit to your style, you can take this (and any other gambit) as inspiration to create a gambit covering similar themes. You could even use different themes using the same mechanisms or try different mechanisms using this theme. So, field test and see what works.

The idea is that this gambit:

  • Conveys that you are skilled in bed or that you are knowledgeable about women and sexuality

  • Communicates that you are a safe lover and have a good understanding of sex’s implications for women (slut-shaming, pregnancy risks, etc.)

  • May arouse her (if you choose to be more explicit)

If you score favorably on a few factors, this may be a good gambit. Only extensive field testing will give a clear answer about whether it works. If it works but not as well as you’d hope, see if there are ways you can tweak it.

7 Savvy Ways to Not Waste Time on Dates

Chase Amante's picture
stop wasting time on datesWasting time on dates sucks. Want to slash your wasted time? These 7 strategies to streamline dating make the process a whole lot more efficient.

One of the more frustrating aspects of modern dating is wasted time.

There are lots of ways dates can end up wasting your time: being too far away, too inconvenient, turning into no-shows; failures to connect, failures to actually go anywhere, and on and on.

Some people get frustrated enough to outright give up on dating!

Reader’s Digest even claimed a few years ago that “science just proved online dating is a waste of your time.”

Well, what are you supposed to do… just not date? (I mean, skipping online to date in real life is not so bad. But you must get dates somewhere… you’re not a monk!)

This article lays out seven (7) savvy ways to not waste time on dates.

That is, ways to make your dates more efficient, more convenient, AND more EFFECTIVE… at bringing you the kinds of romantic results you’re after.

If that sounds like what you’re looking for, then read on – and let’s get your time wasted on dating down to a bare minimum.

Don't Compliment (or Chat Up) Girls on OBVIOUS Traits!

Chase Amante's picture
avoid complimenting women on obvious attention-grabbing characteristicsIt’s essential in your courtships to AVOID chatting too much with girls about their obvious/peacocked traits. Why? To avoid being too GENERIC!

Over on the forum, member DarkJedi shared a report in which he made a smooth, natural street stop on a girl that melded right into an instant date, with the girl accompanying him to a pub nearby just minutes after he met her. It was a great open and transition.

Once on the instant date, however, things soon fell apart. His attempt at sexual innuendo did not land, and his deep dives on his date’s tattoos failed to create a connection. After that, he battled on for a bit, ultimately to have the date end in awkwardness and the girl text him later that she “didn’t feel we hit it off.”

DarkJedi’s takeaway was that he wasn’t being direct enough.

But that wasn’t my read of the situation at all.

Instead, I noticed (in him spending all that time talking to her about her tattoos) he’d committed one cardinal offense:

He got too hung up upon complimenting / chatting with a girl on something many other people already also have!

Skilled Seducer of the Month, May 2024: Kvothe

Skilled Seducer's picture

Welcome to May 2024’s Skilled Seducer of the Month interview.

Strategic Calibration in the Field with Girls

Alek Rolstad's picture
strategic calibrationWhen you are “in the field” with women, it pays to be able to adapt your girl-getting strategies on the fly. Savvy strategic calibration helps you do this.

Hey guys and welcome back.

My students seek coaching to learn new material and understand what material to use, when, and in what order. They leave knowing when and how to use all types of material in a seduction context.

It's essential information for a successful seducer. What differentiates the pro from the intermediate is that the pro has this snap that less experienced guys lack. And that snap comes from pristine timings.

Good timings come from using the right material at the right time. When you learn this, your material truly hits-you get 100 % of its effect. A mistimed use of material will make it come off much duller and you'll obtain weaker results. This type of calibration is meso calibration, which means knowing which techniques to use and when.

Pros typically deliver techniques smoothly and calibrated: not too much or too little of the good stuff. This falls into the micro calibration category.

The third dimension is micro calibration, which is choosing which overarching strategy to opt for. Did you select the right strategy for the venue tonight? Did you choose the right venue?

For more, read about the three dimensions in the first part of this series, here:

Strategic Calibration: 3 Levels of Seductive Adjustment

Today, I want to guide you through thinking about strategic calibration in-field. It may inspire you to find your own way of reflecting on calibration while out. Other experienced guys may think a bit differently from me, although I I believe their thoughts follow a similar pattern.

Below is an example of how I think about calibration in-field. It is only an example. I hope these examples inspire you.

Let's begin by reviewing a few questions to ask yourself in-field that will help you make better decisions.

Any Hesitance to Approach (that Isn't Strategic) Is Approach Anxiety

Chase Amante's picture
overcoming non-strategic approach anxietyIf you pause to approach from fear of what people may think (“She’s too young for him!” “They’re different races!” “He’s too short!”) it’s approach anxiety.

On my article about what to do when girls you approach say you’re too old, TheDude comments:

Hi Chase, your blog will never cease to amaze me. Just when I think I can't learn anything new, I visit the blog and read an article that teaches me something new.

I have a question - how to handle age gap social lashback? My problem is following. I'm in my 30s, smooth with women, phisically attractive, tight fundamentals. I live in a city where I'm quite known (not rock-star famous, but people know me). Most of women in my city are young (19-22). When I see good looking chick across the street, I hesitate to approach.

Why? Because I can't assess her age and I'm afraid she's too young. To assess her age, I need to either scan her before approaching (which is impossible is she's going the other way across the street) or take a risk and open her.

How should I act if after opening I find out she's very young? I don't want labeled as a guy who "harrasses young girls" because of this social lashback.

Age is a common reason men will hesitate to approach.

A girl might be too young for them, they think. Or a woman might be too old for them. People would judge them for it.

There are other reasons a guy might hesitate: a woman might have a boyfriend. She might be busy right now and not want to talk to someone. She might be in a bad mood. She might be an angry feminist who hates men! She might be listening to a song or a podcast she’s really into on her headphones and not want to be disturbed.

She might, she might, she might.

Nevertheless, for all these reasons, no matter how real the trepidation might feel, no matter how seemingly valid the reason to not approach, unless it is a strategic choice, it is still just approach anxiety.