Articles by Author: Tony Depp | Girls Chase

Articles by Author: Tony Depp

15 Grooming Tips for Men Who Want to Look Good

grooming
Manly does not mean malodorous. Well-groomed does not mean weak. These grooming issues tip the scales between success and failure with women.

Grooming isn’t a town in Wyoming. Grooming is what you, as a man, should be doing to attract the sexiest women possible.

When I teach in-person at live bootcamps, one of the most annoying aspects of my job is when a man shows up with very obvious grooming deficiencies. So today, I’m going to point out the top grooming blind spots for men.

 

Does Grooming Matter?

Most of these mistakes are so clear to me it is almost painful. Why should I have to tell the guy he’s making these basic grooming mistakes? Does he not have self-respect?

I’m not talking about fashion mistakes. That’s a different subject. I’m talking about grooming — keeping your look clean and tidy as though you care about yourself.

Most men are clueless when it comes to fashion, too, and they use “game” as an excuse not to learn about it.

“But with game, I thought it doesn’t matter what you wear,” they say to me.

No, you need to groom yourself properly, and learn about fashion. It's a very important part of fundamentals.

Turn Your Life into an Achievement

turn life into an achievement
 

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of Heaven and Earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.’”
    Martin Luther King Jr.

Learning how to be good with women is not a small achievement. I’d say it’s one of the greatest achievements a man can accomplish.

Most men will never know what it’s like to sleep with a beautiful woman (without paying for it). Perhaps a few will get “lucky” when a girl they know falls in their lap through a social circle or work. But most guys? They settle for the best they think they can get.

These men are fine with mediocre.

Personally, I am not fine with mediocre. At least not when it comes to the women I date long term.

I don’t want to date ignorant, boring, plain, or obese women. I want to be with charming, confident, attractive, fit, intelligent, interesting women. So I’ve spent a large part of my life transforming myself into someone these sorts of women will find attractive.

Of course, nobody’s perfect. We all have our valleys and plateaus. You don’t need to be excellent in every area of your life, but you should strive for it in as many areas as possible.

How to Avoid Getting Attached Before You're Ready

how to avoid getting attached
Most guys who learn pickup end up with a girlfriend, often very quickly. But what if you don’t want to settle just yet? These tips will help you avoid getting attached.

Finding that one girl you’d want to be your special unicorn and be with forever and ever is not easy.

I’ve dated hundreds of women in my life, and I still haven’t found “the perfect girl.” There’s no such thing as perfection. Even the most beautiful diamond is just a rock. And the closer you look at it, the more flaws you’ll find.

However, it’s my hope that every one of you finds your dream girl, and you travel to Southern France (or wherever) together and make a dozen babies.

Until then, I believe that every man should date a large variety of women. Otherwise, how will you know when you’ve found one you can tolerate, and even enjoy, for what may be the rest of your mortal life?

Do Girls Just Blow You Off When You Try to Approach?

girls just blow me off when I approach
When some guys start cold-approaching girls, they go through a stage of “girls just blow me off.” Let’s explore why that’s happening and the brain hacks needed to fix it.

On the Girls Chase forums, a user posted about his struggles with day game, a common issue for newbies. I’ll break it down into chunks so that you can learn the art of day game along with him.

So, if women are blowing you off before you even have a chance to get anywhere, thank Merchant's-Kin for bringing up the topic!

Here's the first part of Merchant's-Kin's post:

“Been struggling quite a bit with street game, because I can’t even stop a girl consistently while keeping without my heart racing, etc. (that’s where I’m at). There isn’t even an opportunity to test openers because I can’t stop girls consistently. They just blow me off.”

This is the beginning stage of learning cold approach: overcoming approach anxiety. It’s also the point where most men quit, right at the starting line.

 

10 Motivation Tools to Boost Your Dating Skills

motivation dating skills
It’s hard to find the motivation to go out and get rejected, but that’s what it takes to be successful in dating. These tools will give you a more positive outlook.

It’s so obvious, it’s cliché, but to find success with women, to develop skill with cold-approach pickup, you need to interact with a lot of women.

I don’t mean going to happy hour once a week, opening once and going home. To even land a coffee date with an above-average-looking girl means interacting with dozens of them. Perhaps up to a hundred, if you really suck at it.

For a newbie, this can be like someone who’s never done a chin-up being told you have to free-climb Mount Everest in nothing but a Batman cape.

For the intermediate guy, it may feel like you’ve been climbing this mountain forever. Whenever the top feels close, you gaze up to an eternal stretch of snow and rock. You’ve been trying forever. When will you finally arrive?

5 Stages of Grief and Ghosting

dating ghosting flaking

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
    —Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

One of my greatest hurdles with pickup and dating is dealing with the stream of rejections, disappointments, and the emotional crash tied to them.

I’d love to say I don’t care, but that would be a lie. It’s just part of the game and something you can train your mind, body, and soul to deal with. After all, they call it the “Game” because it’s supposed to be fun, right?

For most of us, the trauma of not hooking up with a girl we like, although nothing compared to surviving a Nazi death camp (search the above quote), may feel the same. That is, not to those who aren’t self-aware of their emotional states, psychology, how they function, and why. I call these people “Sleep Walkers” because they walk through life in a dream, blown about by the winds of chance like puppets who can’t see the strings.

Most of my clients come to me because they’ve hit a perceived “rock bottom.” They were dumped, divorced, or rejected, which caused enough emotional trauma for them to wake up and realize that suffering is no solution. The only path out of suffering is awareness and action.

It may take a very long time to awaken, because knowledge may be abrupt, but wisdom is slow. It’s not like striking your thumb with a hammer, where you learn “Damn! That really hurt. Don’t do that again.” You’ll instinctually understand that this activity hurts, but the process of learning the art of a hammer is slow and long.

Emotional pain is the same but lasts even longer. It seems like it’s never our fault. It’s “their” fault, or “its” fault. Taking responsibility for the cause of emotional pain comes slowly. It’s not like a hammer. The pain isn’t abrupt or obvious.

Every emotion you feel is because you allow yourself to feel it — even the pain of rejection. Just like a hammer on your thumb, accidents happen. But you don’t blame the hammer. You learn how to use it better.

Your mind, just like the hammer, is a tool.

In this article, I’m going to show you how your mind works, so the next time you’re flaked on, or ghosted by a girl, you won’t go into a month-long depression. Instead, learn to use your mind, like a baker uses sugar to create a tastier dish than the pie of despair you’ve been feeding yourself.

Approach Anxiety Is a Flat Tire

approach anxiety
Anxiety is trying to imagine and solve every possible outcome, all at once. When you stop trying to control things you can’t, it’s like fixing a flat tire in your game.

Men often come to me in a desperate condition. They say, “I’m not that bad with women. If I could just destroy this approach anxiety, I’d be able to get all the girls I want.”

I feel like a car mechanic who specializes in changing tires. Every car owner may think their car is unique, but I’ve changed thousands of tires, to the point of routine. So while the student is saying “My father never paid enough attention, and my mother was overbearing, and I was a fat kid in grade 4, and…”

All I hear is “My tire is flat. Can you teach me how to change it?”

Musings on How to Keep Your Wife (or Girlfriend)

how to keep your wife
A seduction doesn’t end at marriage. Let’s illustrate by tearing down a mediocre poem written by a man who’ll never keep his wife – a man who just doesn’t get it.

I was browsing a men’s forum and found this sad but educational letter penned by a heartbroken divorcé. It offers insight into how a man, lacking a foundation in female psychology, was able to destroy his marriage within seven years.

It’s not an easy read. It’s the lament of a victim on his ineptitude with women. It’s the poetry of a beta male, worshiping at the feet of a woman he sees as above him.

Inner Game Issues — The REAL Reason You Can't Get Women

can't get women
Your biggest barrier to attracting women is not what you think it is. If you keep saying “I can’t get laid because I am [blank],” you may need to rewire your inner game.

I’m a firm believer that the art of picking up girls is a gateway drug to true self-development.

Before I found the seduction community, I’d never heard of concepts like the abundance vs. scarcity mindset, limiting beliefs, or social conditioning. It was when I searched the internet for “How to get a girlfriend” that I was introduced to the odd and wonderful world of pickup artistry.

My goal, like most of you, became simple: to become awesome at picking up women. I quickly found there were hundreds of seduction techniques, gurus, and schools to choose from. With experience, I discovered it didn’t matter how many tactics I tried; it was like putting a bandaid on a gaping flesh wound.

My true self was always spilling out — a wounded, insecure, inexperienced, socially frightened boy, drastically distanced from the pinnacle of gleaming, confident excellence I am today.

The women knew I wasn’t there yet. So most of them, while amused at my pickup attempts, just wouldn’t date me. Most wouldn’t even text me back. I was baffled, frustrated, and increasingly depressed by my lack of results.

I asked one girl I was trying to score with, after numerous rejections, “What do I need to do?”

Her reply: “Spend six months meditating with my shaman in India.”

In a way, she was right. It wasn’t until years later that I understood what she really meant.

My inner game was crap.

How to Access Flow State and Advance to Seduction Mastery

flow state
Flow state is the miraculous place where everything works and makes you feel like a boss. What does it take to access flow state and make it your long-term ally?

If you’ve been cold approaching long enough, you’ll have heard the term “getting into state,” or perhaps “state control.” If you hang out with new pickup dudes, you’ve probably heard it in a phrase like, “I can’t approach tonight, bro. I’m not in state.”

That’s the beauty of seduction theory. Whenever some new idea comes out, weak men always find a way to use it as an excuse to not take action.

So, what is this mystical “state” we're talking about here?

State is the magical place where everything works. When you’re in “flow,” or “the zone,” you become a demi-god of skill, charisma, and focus. It’s a powerful place to be, not just with pickup but in any activity that requires skill.

The seminal book on state (and one of my all-time favorites) is Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I’ll be quoting Mihaly as “MC” for this article, and any mentions of “flow” will refer to his book. The state of being in flow, I will call “state.”