Tactics Tuesdays: Using the Pregnant Pause in Conversations with Women
A man finds himself in conversation with a beautiful woman. Excited, and a little bit nervous, he starts to talk. And he talks more. And more. She can hardly get a word in edgewise.
He feels -- no, he knows -- that if he lets the conversation die down, just for a second, she's apt to get up and leave. So, instead, he decides he must run this conversation like a man possessed... he's got to keep it going himself. He's just got to.
And for a while he does.
Sooner or later though, eventually, he hits a moment where he finishes what he was saying and doesn't know what to say next. There's a pause; it's an awkward pause.
"Well," says the girl, "it was great talking to you. But I have to go find my friends now."
"Uh - okay," says the man. "Nice meeting you."
He never sees her again.
"Drat," he thinks to himself, immediately after she leaves, "if only I'd been able to keep the conversation running a little longer, until we were able to find something that was interesting to her. Then it all would've been okay."
I know this feeling -- I used to experience it myself all the time -- and I'd guess most guys reading this have probably felt it too. What it comes from, though, is a fundamental misconception about how a conversation with a new woman ought to run, and what that conversation is really all about -- and it also shows an inattention to using a very powerful conversational tool for getting things working in your favor: the pregnant pause.
As a boy, I decided I wanted to learn how to be a man who inspired others to gather around him. I wanted to become a magnet for people. I don't know why I wanted this; it's just something I've always had, something deep in my DNA. I have family members who are actors, singers, and entrepreneurs; at least one of my ancestors was a privateer (or, more commonly, a pirate), a few hundred years back.
Reaching the hook point -- that moment in a conversation where women really engage, start contributing, and become as interested in you (or more so) than you are in them, so that they actually stick around and don't excuse themselves to the bathroom or run off with their friends -- can be one of the most challenging aspects of meeting women that a guy has to tackle. You can struggle for a long time with getting girls hooked -- long after you've mastered opening, bantering, rapport-building, and a whole lot more. If you ask any given guy who's been at this for a while what his biggest sticking point is, quite often the answer you'll end up getting is "reaching the hook point."
Ever find yourself wondering just how to make the women you want want you?
I'm sitting at Washington-Dulles International Airport outside of Washington, DC, listening to the ticket lady bark orders at a crowd of passengers trying to board a plane to Denver.
I'm launching a new blog series today that'll roll every Friday of each week, featuring selected excerpts from my acclaimed manual on meeting, dating, and succeeding with women. If you've already got a copy of the book, these should serve as nice weekly refereshers! And if you haven't gotten yours yet, here's a small sample of what you're missing...
You know that feeling. There's this girl you've been chasing forever. You positively, absolutely, can't stop thinking about her. She's the most amazing woman in the world -- you're certain of it. There's never been another one like her.
A reader writes in asking about attainability:
Something that can be a great deal of fun to deploy when talking with some new girl is playful banter. You can quickly find yourself in a riveting, electrifying back and forth that leaves both you and her smiling and excited with this fresh new person you've each just met.
"It's odd that men feel they must protect women, since for the most part, they must be protected from men."