Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Be More Aggressive with Women, Dating, and Life

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

content="In the modern West, many men have forgotten their traditions on how to be aggressive and bring the things they want into their lives.">

As a youth, I always used to envy those men around me who acted with such directness, certainty, and speed, without any hesitation or hint of self-doubt. Growing up, I found myself defined more by inaction - by being a watcher, an observer - than by any action I took. I think most people are defined like this... stuck watching from the bleachers and the sidelines while the aggressive go-getter action-takers dominate life.

how to be more aggressive

So I can understand and empathize when guys write in asking how to be more aggressive, like Wolf did in the article on being hard to please:

“Hi Chase, how can I be more aggressive in my life? I think about just being extra ballsy but I think a lot about the consequences so I end up not being aggressive. How can I be more aggressive?”

Some of this ties into what we discussed in "Threats and Opportunities;" the more focused on threats you are - when the focus is aligned in a certain way - the more you tend to retreat back from confrontation and aggressive action that might possibly end in rejection or worse.

But there's another side to this, too - and that's the inherent differences between those born aggressive, and those not so naturally inclined.

How to Pick Up Girls on Valentine's Day

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

content="Single on Valentine’s Day? Learn how to locate the lovelorn women in town... and put smiles on their faces and bounces in their steps.">

Part II of our series on Valentine's Day is directed at the single guys out there, after Part I, "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," covered the gamut for fellas in everything from casual to committed relationships. This one, then, is one how to pick up girls on Valentine's Day.

how to pick up girls on valentines day

The title, however, is somewhat misleading; because, as it turns out, the best day to pick up girls around this holiday is not on the day itself. Rather, the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is not on Valentine's Day; the best day to pick up girls on Valentine's Day is, in fact, the day after Valentine's Day... a day an old friend of mine introduced to me as "National Rebound Day."

What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

This is part of a two-part series on Valentine's Day I'm releasing this year since we haven't really gone into the subject in any great depth before. Today's is "What to Do with Your Girlfriend on Valentine's Day," for all the attached beaus out there, and, early Thursday morning, I'll release, "How to Pick Up a Girl on Valentine's Day," for the gents who are single and looking.

girlfriend valentine's day

I want to start this series with what Valentine's Day is in the West these days, and what it means to women, and why you should care about that.

After we cover that aspect of it, we'll have a look at how to treat the holiday if you're already in a relationship (or relationships!), and how to tackle it if you aren't.

Here we go.

When to Course Correct Socially... and When Not To

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

course correctIn the article on operant conditioning the other day, I'd made some terminology mix-ups that a commenter with the handle Slightly Confused noticed and pointed out to me in a very polite and socially gracious way, and I checked on the errors he pointed out, realized he was right, owned the mistake, and corrected it. I commented back letting him know of the correction, and he had this to say after:

“Thanks for handling my earlier comment so well. I'll have to remember how you responded for when I run into that situation in the future. If you want another article idea, you could write one on corrections. It could talk about how to handling being corrected in different situations as well as when and how to correct others. The article could differentiate between corrections based on opinions and based on facts and could talk different situations such as pickup, a long term relationship, being out with friends, meeting someone new, and in a business situation, like one were a boss says something incorrect (or the boss corrects you), when you are with peers, or when you are talking to a customer. It also could cover the situations when you should and should not correct yourself when you realize you are wrong and the long term effects handling the situation a certain way may have. I realize that may be too big of a topic to cover but hopefully it gives you some ideas or something you can use.”

Some interesting ideas for a post there from SC - when and how to correct yourself, and when to perform a course correct, effectively.

And this is more nuanced than you might at first think.

There's a surprisingly great deal at risk in correcting oneself - you chance losing the confidence of those who were depending on you to know your stuff, you chance undermining and reversing whatever momentum you had, and you even chance transferring momentum over to an opponent who's hard at work endeavoring to snatch at the moral high ground away from you.

So should you ever do a course correct? With so much to lose, does it make sense to ever correct yourself... or might it be better just to soldier on, never admit mistakes, and keep your own personal reality distortion field tuned to maximum at all times to take others' eyes away from the inconsistencies?

Sex Logistics: How to Get Intimate in Unusual Places

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By: Chase Amante

In "Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)," I mention a number of different places you can escalate to intimacy with women without being in bed at your home or her home, and a few of the details on doing so. However, guys have continued to ask about how exactly to pull this off... which I understand. If you've never taken a girl anywhere other than your bedchambers, taking her on a bench or a back alley somewhere can feel rather daunting.

You may also even wonder that one thing many a man who's never done something yet with a woman will wonder: "Is she even going to go for this?"

sex logistics

Well, if that sounds like you, then fret no more, for this article is all about answering how to handle those outré sex logistics problems: how do you "get her to agree" to "weird" logistics for sex, how do you set the mood, and how do you actually, you know, physically do it?

How to Take Your Self-Esteem to the Stratosphere

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By: Chase Amante

self-esteemA little while back, in "How to Find the Woman You Most Want: A 10-Step Process," Vaughn commented as follows:

“Hey chase I've been looking around but I couldn't really find an article on self esteem. I have low self esteem and inferiority complex. I always compare myself to others like ALL the time and I mean all the time. With friends,family, and guys I see at bars, clubs, and guys with their girls. When I'm out I feel so lame seeing guys with girls and I don't have one, it makes me feel like something's wrong with me. Especially on Facebook when I see people showing off all the good things going on in their life and I'm just living my regular one. Then I keep thinking about bad moments in my past that replay in my head over and over making me think I'm really a loser. I don't mean to vent so much about it but I know your good with people and to be honest I trust your advice more than anyone else. Could you help me out with my self esteem, confidence, and getting rid of the inferiority complex and reliving past failures? Thanks Chase, all of this stuff will help me finally get my dream girl.”

So, how to build self-esteem... it's the 10 million dollar question.

Everybody wants to know. And everybody else has got a solution.

This isn't one I normally tackle, because I'm a believer in action, and to hell with the words. Once you're taking action and improving your life, self-esteem, confidence, and all the rest naturally follows (see: "Does Confidence = Success? Actually... No.").

Cast aside the pump-up, roll up your sleeves, and go get your hands dirty; that's the secret to all the great feelings you could ever ask for.

Yet... the questions about self-esteem keep rolling in. And they are worthy questions... little else is worse in the world than being low in self-esteem.

And since those questions about self-esteem don't seem to show any sign of drying up any time soon, let's tackle them head on - and give you the plan you need to take your self-esteem into the stratosphere.

What to Do When Girls Act Superior, Rude, and Aloof

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By: Chase Amante

Ever find yourself out somewhere, talking to a girl you've just met, and suddenly, inexplicably, have her begin to act superior? As though she knows exactly what you want, sees you through and through, and holds it within her power to give it to you... or not?

act superior

Or, every find yourself alone with a woman who earlier acted very interested in you, touching you, flirting with you, only to have her begin to behave rudely and aloof once the two of you were alone, telling you things outright like you couldn't have her or that she only wanted you as a friend?

Why do girls do this?

That is, why do girls show interest, lead a guy on... and then suddenly turn the tables, run what seems to be a power play like this, and throw the guy's interest back in his face?

Is it to feel juiced up and powerful?

Is it that they really don't know what they want?

Actually, for most women, their intent is far less nefarious than it may at first seem. They aren't trying to trick you, toy with your emotions, or take you for a ride... usually.

But if you want to have this stop happening, and you want to avoid having women suddenly act superior, rude, and aloof where they'd formerly been warm, friendly, and flirty, you need to know a little about what brings this on, what you can do to avoid it, and how to deal with it when it shows up.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 16th Edition

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By: Chase Amante

carnival of dating advice

Welcome, once again, to the Carnival of Dating Advice, Edition 16, bringing you the latest and greatest from all over the web on dating, relationships, seduction, and more.

I had to sift through some chaff to get to the wheat this time, including some pretty sales-y articles and a bunch on finding a Russian bride (link to Russian bride website dutifully included several times per article). That said, I did find some wheat.

Your articles today run the gamut from basic to intriguing to roundly exciting. I'll let you decide which is which, but there's something here for just about everybody. I actually thought starting out this was going to be a lackluster carnival, but the deeper into the submissions I got, the more colorful and interesting a carnival it turned out to be.

So here we are, without any further ado...

Why It's Good to Be Hard to Please

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

hard to pleaseIn The Law of Success, a very, very good book by Napoleon Hill - perhaps one of my favorites all time, in fact - Hill discusses, as one of the 16 tenets of success, the necessity of having a pleasing personality. Part of his recommendation is for listeners to be agreeable.

If you look at most people in Western society, I don't think this aspect of a pleasing personality - being agreeable - is much of a problem for them. In fact, I think one of the overriding problems for Westerners is in being too agreeable - so much so that anyone willing to be a bit less agreeable is able to easily steamroll them into uncomfortable submission.

But, that's a topic for another time. What I want to discuss in this article is why it's a good thing to be a little hard to please... at least some of the time.

Because if you've long made a habit of being overly agreeable - and there really can be too much of a good thing - a little dose of pickiness may just be in order.

Operant Conditioning in Your Romantic Relationships

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

operant conditioningSomething I've noticed that a number of individuals untrained in relationship management theory tend to engage in is arbitrary (that is, seemingly random) punishment and reward inside of relationships. These sort of variable reward and punishment structures inside relationships generally lead to a host of negative outcomes for the person who's subject to arbitrary treatment, including:

  • Emotional dependency
  • Addiction and attachment
  • Wild mood swings
  • Submission
  • Resentment
  • Rebellion

Basically, the opposite of what you'd expect to see in a healthy, rewarding, productive relationship.

It's occurred to me that most of the people who use controlling, coercive, and more or less arbitrary relationship management tactics probably are not very familiar with operant conditioning - the system of punishment and reward established by B.F. Skinner for the purposes of behavior modification.

So today, I want to equip you with a very effective means of communicating your likes and dislikes to a romantic partner without ruffling feathers, being seen as an oppressor, or, conversely, a pushover.

I'm going to show you how to use operant conditioning in your relationships.