Tom Torero, the beloved day game instructor, has passed away. We remember his life, and take a look at what happened and how to prepare yourself mentally for such events.Well, it's sad that our first post of the new year should be a memorial, but we've lost a guy who helped and inspired legions of men.
What end must you aim for in a seduction? Is it attraction? Is it stimulation? Is it to impress her so much she chases? In fact, it’s none of these… not if you want the girl, that is.Hey guys.
I hope you are all doing well.
Let’s get ready for some advanced stuff.
Today, I would like to reflect on how the typical “ends” in pickup and seduction are not what one should strive for (aside from shagging her, of course).
By ends, I am referring to what you want to accomplish, so you get her into bed:
Do you impress her?
Do you stimulate her?
Do you make her attracted? (I prefer the word “compliance”)
Are these ends the correct ones? That’s what we will discuss. I will cover the typical concepts of ends and why they are not real ends or simply just a means to an end.
Then I will cover what the real ends are.
This post should not be confused with “the end game” of seduction and whether your end goal with a woman is a relationship or casual sex. Only you can provide the answer to that question.
So we will discuss which ends to focus on to have the most results. This is a more objective approach than trying to answer the subjective question of what type of relationships you’d like to have with women.
I will start with basic concepts and get into complex stuff later. Let’s dive in.
People are becoming pricklier, and women are no exception. To succeed with them, you must at times disarm them first. There are 4 different ways to do that.Lately I've been dealing with disarming.
The concept sprung to mind most recently as I realized more and more of our readers are men stuck in the 'standards zone' -- a place where they cannot get the women they want because they don't meet those women's standards. Rather than disarm their concerns (because I wasn't really treating them as part of our target audience before), I argued with guys that women's standards are not actually high... which of course just makes guys who are of this mind close up and dig into where they already are.
Now, arguing with people obviously is not an effective way to open up communication lines with them.
Arguing is what you do when you want to bludgeon someone, either to make an example of him, or to win him over by sheer force of argument... which usually won't carry much farther than a single interaction, and tends to burn through good will.
The thing is, people across the board are becoming more argumentative -- and that goes for women.
People are more opinionated right now then I've seen them since I've been alive. I wasn't around during the anti-war protests in the 1970s, so maybe it was worse then, but at least in the years since the 1980s this is the most prickly I've seen it.
Women in particular are being dosed with all this propaganda about a 'battle of the sexes' going on.
Not all women are equally susceptible to this programming. Some are very, some are a little, some aren't really at all.
However, you will encounter women who are.
To succeed with these women (or, as a less ambitious goal, to avoid unpleasant encounters!), you must be able to disarm their prickly defenses.
You must, in other words, be able to take them off their guards.
More and more men are arguing women’s standards are over-inflated. Does it help to argue against that… or should we be aiding guys to sidestep those standards?Meta post here.
Something's been bugging me for a few years now, feeling like this shift is occurring in the men's space and I'm not keeping my thumb on it totally accurately. After I did two posts on standards last week, I mulled it over over Christmas weekend and I think this whole thing about standards is actually it -- and that we need to make a bit of a course correct here.
For years we've had more and more men drifting onto the site complaining women's standards are too high or that women "aren't worth the work" to get. What began as a trickle became a deluge... then a tidal wave.
Initially, I treated these guys as a nuisance.
I placed them in the same category as feminists telling us we should die or guys telling us pickup is wrong because it's manipulation or that premarital sex is wrong because it hurts women or goes against God's law or what have you.
Then as more and more of the 'too high standards guys' appeared, I just continued treating them that way because I was already in that habit.
They'd come back, claiming it didn't matter what I was saying; if I didn't agree with them I just "didn't get it."
Again, everybody with a strong belief system does this: feminists say we don't get it when we don't accept the patriarchy, "pickup is wrong" folks say we don't get it when we tell them it's not wrong, etc. It's a world views thing.
Yet at the same time, I've watched the seduction space slowly but steadily decline, even as the number of men declaring women's standards are too damn high and women aren't worth the work has exploded.
I've started to realize that unless I can speak to those guys, in a language that clicks with them, I am going to fail to serve what has over time become the majority of men out there, most of whom are frustrated, lonely, and feeling helpless. Arguing with them over whether women's standards are or aren't too high doesn't accomplish that.
So I had a good think, and I realized we need to switch around how we are coming at things a bit here.
Just because it’s the right time during the seduction to arouse her doesn’t mean the context for it is right. You must calibrate to the circumstances you’ll arouse in, too.Hey guys, and welcome back.
Lately, I’ve been exploring how to calibrate emotional spikes (making her laugh, saying, or doing something that excites her) and sexual spikes (arousal).
The idea is to use spikes to create high notes. Emotional spikes offer a boost of compliance that is quite powerful but not long-lasting. You need to use those spikes to move the interaction forward, whether moving her around or setting a frame that will benefit you throughout the interaction. Remember, emotional stimulation is not long-lasting. Frames are more sustainable. If you do not set a frame, you are stimulating her for no reason since once the emotions fade, you are back at square one.
If we assume that stimulation is a tool to facilitate setting frames and moving her around (logistical escalation), the role of arousal is less clear. When should you focus on arousal in the interaction? Are there times where arousing her is more crucial? And is it necessary to focus on arousal? These are the questions I will answer while helping you see how each aspect fits in the seduction process at different moments, given the context, so you can calibrate better.
We have previously discussed how to calibrate to the girl when it comes to spiking—not all girls can be spiked equally. Not all girls can be aroused publicly (in venues); it is not always the best strategy. Remember that all girls are different, and each may act differently from day to day and may feel differently.
This time, we’ll take a contextual and logistical approach.
Every guy’s on dating apps these days. Yet we’ve never had so many dateless men. If you’re getting no matches on Tinder, it’s time to try something radical instead.Let's talk about a critical trend in the dating world.
Society doesn’t care about men. Women are worshipped. For this reason, men can’t get women. Is this true? Or is it… fantasy?We had a guy register on our forum and derail a thread to talk about how if you're "not in the top 1% of men" women don't want you and you can't get girls.
Needless to say, this is a guy who admittedly does not get girls. So he must know all about what it takes to get girls, eh?
Am I in the top 1% of attractive men? I suppose it depends how you determine that. I tend to think I am, so long as you're taking into account charm, social abilities, resolve, and whatnot. But I can tell you I definitely was not when I started out on this journey... and I still got girls. Some of them quite hot, too.
I shagged a fashion model when I had a beer belly, baggy clothes, mumbled talk, and a little boy haircut! I got a beautiful, vivacious girlfriend who was the niece of the former Secretary of Defense of a Latin American country around the same time! (she didn't want to date me at first, but persistence paid off!)
Our Field Reports Board on the forum is filled with lays from guys who aren't yet in the "top 1% of men" (as well as some guys who probably are!).
But this isn't about "do you need to be top 1% to get girls" (I've already addressed that elsewhere).
This is about this particular excerpt from one of this user's posts in his forum thread:
But it is true though. Women are propped up and worshipped by society. Men are disposable and basically thrown away like defective toys. The only ones with any real power, control or lasting effect over women these days are the 1 percent.
There it is, isn't it?
"Women are worshipped. Men are disposable. Only the top 1% of men can rise above it."
Let's talk about that mentality, and how guys get it... and also why it's a sack of over-ripe mainstream media brain-slave cow manure.
People become hooked to things that give them specific social rewards. A good seduction follows the same principle, weaving a delicious romantic spiderweb.What's it take to create a masterful seduction... one that pulls a woman in and magnetizes her to you, all the way to intimacy?
Talented seducers do something different from what ordinary daters do.
Well, they do many things different, but we're talking about one in particular today:
They construct a path of rewarding social/romantic experiences for women to encounter as they proceed through the course of the seduction with them.
Each step of the seduction journey reinforces to the woman how good it feels to be a part of the seduction, how much she wants to be around this man, and why she must continue.
This 'spiderweb of rewards', built well, keeps a woman hooked into the seduction, a thing that feels so good she does not want to leave.
If you can get yourself to think of seduction as a 'reward generation machine', you will begin to think of it the way all master seducers do.
Toxic behaviors (even the little ones) can make relationships aggravating. Yet there are ways to tackle them… and disincentivize a relationship partner from using them.Unless you've chosen a highly enlightened mate, you'll probably deal with some bad behavior sometimes in relationships. If you've chosen someone who's a little more 'special', you may have more of these to deal with than others do... but almost everyone has to deal with toxic behavior at least occasionally.
Most strategies you'll see for dealing with toxic behaviors are based around withdrawing, closing yourself off, giving the other person space, and so on. This can be an effective approach. It's especially useful for people you decide you just want to wash your hands of.
However, "withdrawing into your shell" isn't so useful a strategy for an ongoing relationship... things like the 'Gray Rock' strategy are really for people you want to out of your life, not those you're entangled with by choice.
So let me give you a couple of more assertive strategies you can use to nix toxic behavior in your relationships.
When you spike a woman’s emotions or arousal, you have to get it right. So let’s talk ways to do that: you can meter the spike, stall it, persist with it, and more.Contents
I. Stimulating Her Emotionally
II. How Much Should You Arouse Her?
Hey guys. Last week I discussed calibration—knowing how and when to spike her emotions. If you haven’t checked out that post already, do it.
In that post, we learned about the pitfalls of blindly stimulating her without a particular goal in mind. Emotional stimulation provides a quick boost of compliance. However, it does not last long and quickly fades once it peaks.
If you spike her emotions for the sake of spiking her emotions, you will not gain much. But if you spike her emotions to get a boost in compliance so you can hook her in, move her around, or set a frame, you will not come out empty-handed. You will move the interaction forward and progress.
But what about arousal? Well, arousal is riskier because it can generate compliance while triggering resistance. You may find yourself dealing with anti-slut defense, and she blocks your advances, or female state control when she gets cold after peaking, and the arousal fades. However, arousal is potent. It is an insanely strong form of compliance. But it is not always warranted, nor is it always possible to publicly arouse a girl right away.
How to calibrate and when to arouse is today’s subject. We will discuss how to calibrate emotional stimulation to the girl you are interacting with, focusing on arousal.
