Confidence

Fill yourself with resplendent self-assurance

You're Already Cooler Than 99% of Guys

The fact that you’re making an effort to look good, not gushing all over girls, and actually trying to be chill & interesting puts you head and shoulders over almost every other man.

This post by DoWhatWorks originally appeared on our forum here.

TLDR: If you're on this site, self-improvement focused and avoid doing stupid things around girls you'll stand out against 99% of guys.

You likely don't give yourself enough credit. Remember there are plenty of cool/attractive girls you can get by putting in numbers and this recent looks obsession/maxxing is an insecurity marketing tactic which if I'm honest I occasionally fall victim too. Goodlooking loser had a great post on this (“Hollywood Loves Your Inferiority Complex, Part 1”) back in the day.

How to Not Give a Fuck What People Think About You

By: Chase Amante

There’s nobody cooler than the guy who just does not give a fuck what anyone thinks. Yet to become Mr. IDGAF, the road is long, and the journey arduous.

Responding to my article about girls giving dirty looks, Omar, a Middle Eastern man living in a Nordic country struggling with self-consciousness when he goes out to meet girls, asks this:

am a foregienr in a nordic country and i like going out [solo] without a wing besides am not like a buff dude am a bit skinny. Anyways without going on paychopath i want to not give a fuck or atleast not too much fucks about what others think

Well, the first thing to say is nobody actually doesn’t give a fuck what others think. Everybody cares. The people who seem to care the least typically care the MOST. Since junior high I have sought to cultivate an aura of ‘coolness’, and I’ve had many, many people from high school on proclaim that “Chase is so cool; he doesn’t give a fuck what ANYONE thinks of him!”

The truth is that in cultivating that IDGAF aura I have been probably more intensely focused on how other people reacted to me than anyone else I know.

I have had a number of extremely cool people in my life, who seemed most of the time to not give a fuck what anyone thought of them. But I have seen them all in moments of vulnerability, when that IDGAF veneer fell off, and I witnessed just how deeply they cared about what some person or the other thought about them. There is no one who actually DGAF.

But beyond that: you can indeed ‘thicken your skin’.

You can get to the point where it becomes much, much harder to hurt you or intimidate you.

Yet the road is long and arduous, it is filled with trials, and it is not for the faint of heart.

I’m going to use nightlife as the basis of my examples of ‘not giving a fuck’ here, but the general takeaways apply to everything. Nightlife is just a more extreme environment, and it’s what our commenter Omar asks about; I think it works here, and I’ll use it.

Bad Nights Out: Fixing a Bad Mood from Rejection or Being Unsocial

By: Alek Rolstad

Some nights you go out and the night just goes bad. Maybe you got too many rejections. Maybe you’re just being unsocial. Here’s how to get back on track.

Hey guys. Welcome back.

Today, I want to talk about state control and share valuable tips whenever things are not going how you want. These suggestions can help shift the momentum and get your outing back on track.

This post is primarily for night gamers who frequent bars and clubs, but you may apply these tips to any situation. I emphasize night game because it often relies more on your state, mood, and momentum. However, momentum influences all types of social interactions, with a particular emphasis on night game, especially your micro momentum. This refers to the momentum you experience during a specific outing.

Night game is more of a performance act. You require a great mood to convey better energy and guarantee hooks while benefiting from different strategic openings and options and tackling all the potential wildcards in chaotic environments. Past interactions affect subsequent interactions.

When we consider social proof—when women see you interact with other women, you will realize how this affects future interactions. The opposite is true—when you are not seen with other women and are a lonely wallflower, or worse, viewed when repeatedly rejected, it will sink your future interactions. It kills your good mood and overall vibe and erodes the perception others have of you.

Night interactions are interconnected, though they often include episodic elements that vary depending on the venue and strategy used. Day game tends to be more focused and contained, which presents advantages and disadvantages. It’s easier to change locations and start anew if you face massive rejections. It’s more challenging because you won’t have the benefit of social proof.

Of course, past interactions can affect future interactions in day game, but mostly internally. Your overall mood and state can determine your vibe and, in turn, your overall delivery and success of your interactions. In my experience, these effects are less pronounced than in night game.

When you are at a club, and things start to go downhill, you likely have noticed that interactions usually worsen. You may begin with a poor baseline. After forcing yourself to make a few approaches, things just don’t go your way. Courageous as you are, you move on but notice future interactions do not seem any better—they get worse. You may lose all motivation and stop approaching. The night ends with wandering around and, at best, some half-hearted interactions.

Men get inconsistent results in night game because they slip into the downward spiral of a negative loop as they struggle. Now that you know some mechanisms behind your poor night, we can discuss the solutions.

We can address two key dimensions with solutions: the mental and the social dimensions.

[WATCH] Chase Amante Interview with Alex from Bro Psychology

By: Chase Amante

New interview up on YouTube where I talk with Bro Psychology’s Alex.

We covered a huge range of topics in this interview, including:

Female psychology
Red pill thinking & catchphrases
Modern women’s partner counts and sexual habits
The rise & fall of the pickup industry
How dating apps have affected the sexual landscape
What I would change in the popular consciousness re: dating if I could

… and much, much more.

We were talking so long the sun went down!

Who Is Really the Chaser in a Good Seduction?

By: Alek Rolstad

A good seduction consists of a man enticing a woman and creating desire inside her for him. But with him doing all this, is he the chaser — or is it her?

Hey guys and welcome back.

In the past few weeks, I have covered indirect game. This form of seduction is when one withholds interest in a girl until she warms up and shows interest (unless she is interested from the start). I discussed all dimensions of indirect game, including how one should display interest (yes, one still should show interest when running indirect game), how much disinterest to display, and how to do it. I also have many posts about calibration to assist with indirect game.

Today, I will discuss a commonly debated subject that many men ask themselves:

“If the goal is to make a woman chase, so I appear to be the prize, how does this make sense if I am the approacher and the one trying to get her to bed? Am I not, by default, the one chasing her?”

It’s a great question.

Michael Chief | Getting Lots of Love from Women

By: Skilled Seducer

In this interview with Girls Chase founder Chase Amante, Mike Chief discusses being loved by women, polyamory, picking up girls as a short, Asian, introverted man, and more.

Exposure to Girls Desensitizes You to Them

By: Chase Amante

Men fear doing many things with girls: approaching them, chatting them up, asking them out, making moves. Yet the more you do each, the less scary it gets.

I just went zip lining today through the canopy of a rainforest. Many of the trees in the rainforest were absolutely massive, with gigantic, girthy trunks that towered high up into the heavens. Each one of the colossal trees I zip lined off of was most likely hundreds of years old.

The very first time you go on a zip line, it’s a frightening experience. You’re dozens of feet up in the air, held aloft on a steel cable strung between two great trees high up in a mountainous jungle, with only a couple of metal clasps and a pair of cords keeping you attached. A single fall from that height could lead to broken legs, a broken back, permanent paralysis, or death. Then, suddenly, you leap off a wooden platform into oblivion, only to find yourself soaring through the air over the tops of younger, lower trees.

You reach the second platform, haven’t died or been hurt, then clip your gear to the next cable and zip line to the next tree. Then you do that again, and again, traveling across platforms, among the ancient trees of the jungle, slowly descending the mountainside until you reach the starting point some 90 minutes later. By then, you’re an old pro.

But it actually happens a lot earlier than that. By the third line you’re on zipping over treetops, there’s still a little fear there, but you don’t need to conquer it the way you did on the first and second zips. It’s moved to the background. With each zip you do, the fear gets a bit less and the thrill becomes more prominent. By the end of the zip line you’re forty feet off the ground zipping so fast over an ultra-long cable you can hear it buzzing under the stress, but you’re less fearful than you were at the beginning, with a much shorter, slower zip, over ground not nearly as far below you as it is at the end.

The fear never goes completely away. It’s a good thing, really; without fear, people get sloppy and make mistakes. And without fear, you can’t experience thrill – the feeling you get when you confront scary things and do them anyway.

This effect of ‘progressive desensitization’ – where you grow less and less fearful of scary things as you expose yourself to them and find that nothing all that terrible actually happens – is a ubiquitous part of human acclimation. It works this way for all things scary.

So it is with everything that intimidates you about girls, too.

Internal Consistency

By: Chase Amante

A mental priority of men and women alike is to preserve internal consistency. Threats to that cause resistance – both in the women you want, and in you, yourself.

People do and say a lot of hypocritical things.

But what happens when you call someone out on an act of hypocrisy? Does he say, "Whoops, my bad! You caught me slipping"?

No, of course not. That almost never happens.

Instead, the usual reaction is what? Defensiveness and denial. Auto-rejection is also a common response.

Imagine you try to go home with a girl you met at a bar, and she tells you, "I don't just hook up with some guy I just met." But two hours later, you see her leaving the bar... with some other guy she met after she talked to you.

So you stop her and, feeling a little salty, say to her, "I thought you didn't go home with guys you just met?"

How will she react?

I think you can imagine how she will.

She'll either be:

Incensed: "What are you, my dad? Get away from me!"
Denying: "Actually we know each other" (might be a lie!)
Embarrassed: "Umm, I just need to go home now, sorry John" (you cockblocked the other guy)

At no point is she going to just say, "Ha, good point! You caught me in an act of inconsistency. Bully for you!" then just continue with what she was doing.

But internal consistency goes a lot deeper than this.

It reaches the way a man interacts with a woman he wants to pair with, or with another man he wants to form a connection with.

And it even reaches the heart of a man's very thoughts about himself, the way he conducts his life, and his ability (or inability) to do what he needs to do.