Recently on the forum we had a relatively new member claiming the ball-in-her-court text “doesn’t work” for him, and that women can “see through it” and it harms the man’s frame.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the ball-in-her-court text (which I’ll refer to as the BIHC text from here on out, to save me writing “ball-in-her-court text” fifty times), it’s this:
A text you send a woman after you have tried to get her out on dates repeatedly and repeatedly had her decline or flake on them. The text tells her (in an eloquent way) that you will chase her no more; it also says, however, that if she decides she’d like to get serious about going out sometime, to send you a message. After that, you simply forget all about her and do not contact her again ever unless/until you hear again from her.
As soon as I saw a guy saying women could “see through” the text I knew he must be using it wrong. There is no “seeing through it” to do (if used properly): you are explicitly telling a woman exactly what the situation is and exactly what to do!
It’s what makes the text so effective… in my experience it gets around a 50% text-back rate 2-8 weeks after you send it… I have heard from many of the other guys in our community who’ve used it their reply-back rate is similar.
Yet, newer guys often struggle with this message and, like that newer member on the forum, report that women simply vanish after they BIHC text them and do not return.
So let’s talk about the “who” and “when” of BIHC texting – because it’s clearly not for everyone, in every situation.