Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Congruence, Psychology, and Taking a Girl Home 5 Minutes After Hello

congruence psychology
Congruence is a term in psychology that refers to a state where your self and your behavior align. This leads to crazy success in dating.

How many “techniques” have guys ever used to get women?

Some guys take a very smooth, suave approach – a little James Bond mixed with Danny Ocean.

Others take a “Van Wilder” approach and try to amp up a girl’s emotions, making her have so much fun that her logical, self-judging mind turns off, and sex just happens.

Others, me included, like to take a “gorilla game” approach, and just approach every girl as decisively and directly as possible, initiating physical contact as early as is appropriate.

There are a ton of different strategies when it comes to getting girls, and those are just a few. But which one is the best? Some would argue the merits of push-pull game, others claim that providing a witty and charming conversation takes the cake, while others insist that confidence is key. What I would say is this: these are all very good approaches to getting women, and they all have their merits. Some strategies will work better than others – depending on the situation.

If you’re at that posh new nightclub in LA, or at Surrender in Las Vegas for your yearly bachelor’s trip, using “James Bond” game might not be the best idea. If you’re at a high-end business networking meeting, emulating “Van Wilder” might network your ass right to the curb. But regardless of the location and style of game you prefer, there is one underlying principle that is more important than ANY strategy or technique.

That principle, of course, is congruence.

How Should I Dress? Men’s Guide to Sexy Going-Out Attire

how should I dress
How should I dress if I want to meet girls and look good? If you ask yourself this, you’re on the right track. That’s because styles change based on their target audience.

It’s that time of day again – time to go out and meet those beautiful women!

As you’re getting prepared you hit the shower, brush your teeth, shave or style your facial hair, then style your haircut and maybe spray on some cologne.

You’re feeling refreshed, and as you look in mirror you can’t help but catch yourself thinking “Looking good, man, looking damn good.”

Then you open your wardrobe to choose the outfit for the occasion.

Except, which one?

Most of us have our favorite go-to outfits that we rely on to get the job done as we’re heading out to hit the streets, a bar, or a club, or simply for meeting that cute girl over drinks later in the afternoon.

We go for this outfit (or outfits) without much conscious thought and hope that the overall image we end up with will work well enough to give us a chance to work our magic. At least this is how most guys tend to approach their image and style.

But with this article I would like to give you an alternative, showing you that you can use your image – the way you dress and present yourself to the world – as an advantage to do some of the “heavy lifting” before you even get a chance to open your mouth.

On top of that, I want to show you firsthand how much control you really have over how you appear to the world and how easy it is to better manage the first impressions you’re making when you’re out in the field.

My last goal with this article is to debunk the myth of “the perfect look” and “one-size-fits-all” advice, then help you answer a seemingly simple question: “How should I dress?”

Tactics Tuesdays: Do You Eject from Dates or Pickups Too Soon?

eject too soon
You’ve met a girl, it’s going fine, and then you just... Eject, too soon. You leave too early. You beat yourself up about it later – but what could you have done then?

Want a simple way to get more success out of your dates, courtships, pickups, etc.?

Here it is: don’t eject so fast.

Early ejection plagues beginners in seduction. And the wound is a self-inflicted one.

This sound at all familiar?:

You got up the nerve to approach a girl. She’s cute. Real cute. Your heart rate is going 200 beats per minute. And it’s going okay. She smiled when you walked up, she said “hello”, and now she’s responding to your questions and asking you some back. You make a light joke and she laughs. Yet the pressure just builds and builds. Finally, you excuse yourself: “All right, well, it was nice to meet you!” And then you leave.

You didn’t ask her out; you didn’t take her phone number. Things were going okay, but then you bailed. You had to hit the eject button.

Why does this happen? Well, fear, mostly.

What can you do about it? Well, we’re going to talk about that.

What Percent Impact Does Race Have on Attractiveness?

race attractiveness and dating
Race is a touchy subject in dating and attraction. How much does it really impact your desirability? Anywhere from +19% to -30%, it turns out.

We’ve talked about race off and on at Girls Chase. My usual advice is to not worry about it too much, because you can’t change it; there are so many attraction factors you can focus on that it’s effectively not that relevant most of the time. And if you get your fundamentals tight enough, you transcend race (or negative racial effects become bonuses – “Oh! I didn’t know X race guys could be like him!”).

William talked about race here: “Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls”, and Jerome discussed it (with a few thoughts by me) here: “Asian Guys and White Girls: The Secret to Success.” And I called out guys who focus on race (or other subjects) to the exclusion of all else here: “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK].”

At the risk of opening up a can of worms (i.e., the “my race has a negative impact, therefore I shouldn’t even try” worm can), I’d like to look at some of the actual data on racial preferences... As well as how these change with time.

How Screening Game (Sniper Game) Compares to Traditional Game

screening game
Screening game or sniper game is targeting your approach to girls who seem open to you. It has pros over traditional game – but also cons.

Hi. I hope you are doing great. Today I will discuss a new trend that I have seen in this community – a new trend when it comes to approaching girls. Trends come and go in this community, and the latest is situated around what is referred to as screening game.

Now, it doesn’t matter whether or not you have dived deep into this community and learned about the trends – maybe you are just a simple reader or maybe a new reader. I will make sure you get what “screening game” (also called “sniper game”) is. It is a pretty cool form of game. I will list the pros and cons of it and compare it to standard traditional non-screening game... Before I talk about what I personally prefer and like to do when I am meeting women.

Before I begin, I just want to let you know that both styles I will discuss in this article work pretty well, and it is all a matter of personal preference. I do believe, however, that it is key to at least get a grasp on both styles – and preferably learn both.

Men are Penetrators. Women are Receivers

receivers and penetrators
A man’s ability to penetrate defines him, just as a woman’s capacity to receive defines her. But it isn’t just physical penetration: it’s mental and emotional too.

What is different between woman and man?

In 1908, Sigmund Freud introduced the concept of ‘penis envy’ in his article “On the Sexual Theories of Children.” The (rather circuitous) thought process Freud believed little girls went through included wanting to have sex with their mothers, realizing they lacked the equipment for this, then blaming their mothers for their ‘castration’ and turning their affections toward their fathers.

Freud himself admitted not really ‘getting’ women, and his attempts to psychoanalyze them seem to make clear he never really did ‘get’ them.

Yet ‘penis envy’ is a real phenomenon (even if it may not come about quite as Freud imagined). More or less every woman experiences, at some point, the desire to be the penetrator herself. To know what it feels like to thrust the reproductive part of her body into the body of another. Even women, who cannot penetrate, recognize the power of the role.

Men who struggle with masculinity invariably are men who have lost sight of this uniquely masculine role – the role of the penetrator. And they have forgotten women’s uniquely feminine one – the role of recipient. Unlocking masculinity in yourself, and unlocking femininity in the women around you, comes down, to large extent, to this question: can you penetrate, and will she receive?

3 Ways to Make a Bitchy Girl Submit

bitchy girl
She isn’t always a bitch. And she will warm up... For the right guy. To melt the freeze around her heart, get ready to pull your pickaxe out.

I love bitchy women.

They’re tough, sassy, sexy, and some of the best allies once you have them on your side. Some men make the mistake of either submitting to a woman’s ferocity or getting butt-hurt. The former category of men become orbiters and earn from her only disgust. The latter become manosphere advocates and misogynists who travel to more “conservative” countries in search of “traditional women” to marry.

Both are reactions of fear rather than strength and love. I suggest an alternative path to dealing with bitchiness: ravish her whirlwinds of anger like a titan. Then, when the storm dies and you and she are still standing, ravish her or anyone around who has been witness to your strength.

Here are three ways to do that, starting with my favorite.

Tactics Tuesdays: How and When to Change Venues on a Date or Pickup

change venues
If you need to move things along on a date or in a pickup but it’s too soon to take her home, often the next best option is to change venues.

At times you’ll have things going well with a girl, but not well enough yet you’re ready to take her home. Even still, you reach one of those moments in the courtship where, like it or not, you’ve got to move her.

Moving her around in the same venue won’t work at this point. It works terrific early on, but you’re too far along for it now and it’ll feel like you’re treading water... or even going backwards.

You need movement, but you can’t stay there. And you can’t take her home. So what can you do?

You change venues. One venue to another venue.

The venue change is a handy tool in both dates and pickups. It’s a vital element of instant dates, structured dates, and often many guys’ one-night stand processes. But it’s also a tactic rife with potential to drop the ball.

Take her to the wrong place, and you kill the vibe.

Fail to handle the transition well, and you kill the vibe.

Misread her desires and change venues when she really wanted you to just take her home, and you risk missing the escalation window, and kill the vibe.

So let’s arm you with a few tools to let you read her right, take her to the right spot, and make your venue change as likely to lead to a pull home at the end of your date or pickup as anything else.

9 Things that Make You a Total Buzzkill to Other People

buzzkill
Make the wrong social move, and you’re a buzzkill no one wants to be around. There are nine (9) such wrong moves, including bad topics, zero confidence, and talking over the other party.

A reader asks:

Chase, could you write about things that turn you into a buzzkill around people? I read your article on how to overcome depression and I’m currently working hard to get myself out that rut. But sometimes when I’m around people I turn into buzz killington without even knowing it. What are the things I can consciously do to hide my depression?

It’s a great question.

This site’s about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, self-improvement, and doing better. Various guys start out at various places. Some guys start out dealing with depression or saddled with victim mentality. Either of these can make you a downer in conversation who sends others running in the opposite direction.

Or even if these aren’t your particular afflictions and you’re content with life, you still may have behaviors you’ve picked up somewhere that inadvertently make you a total buzzkill to other people... Without even realizing you’re doing it.

So, to help you be a more pleasant interlocutor and allow you to rack up positive conversational reference points all the faster, I’ve compiled a list of nine (9) things that serve to kill the buzz any time you use them in a conversation with other people.

Stamp these behaviors out of your repartee repertoire, and you’ll notice people start to like you a whole lot more, more girls say “yes” when you ask them out, and more of the folks you meet want to see you again and include you in what they’re doing.

Here’s our list.

Actors vs. Bonders: Girls Who Focus on Appearances

appearance focused girls
Some girls focus on appearance above all. Others focus on bonding. Which girl you pick makes a big difference on the relationship you enjoy.

One friend of mine had a girlfriend who attached herself to him when his career was strong, his reputation was great, and his money was solid... only for her to leave when he lost his career, his income took a big hit, and his self-confidence became shaken. A little while later, once everything was back in order and he was doing great again, the girl came back.

Another friend of mine had a girl he’d slept with (among many others) whom he contacted later on, only for her to threaten to “call some big guys” to come mess him up if he contacted her again. This was after a smear campaign against him to ruin him socially turned friends of his against him (while others stayed loyal to him and fought the rumors). The girl in question was obviously one of those swayed, and flipped from major fan of his to throwing him under the bus without hesitation.

Two different friends, with two different girls, in two different situations. Both had one thing in common though, and that one thing was the same thing I see guys who get burned by flashy foreign brides or sexy bombshell girlfriends or any kind of girl remotely like this: they picked the appearance-focused girl instead of the connection-focused one.