Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Build an Emotional Connection

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By: Chase Amante

build emotional connectionAn emotional connection is one of those fleeting, powerful things that can seem all too rare and all too outside one's control. It can seem like it's just chance when you happen upon one -- as if but by the grace of God it came into being.

But it doesn't have to be. Just like succeeding with women in general -- just like figuring out how to launch businesses and succeed financially -- just like anything in life -- the ability to build an emotional connection is something that can be learned.

Most people don't like to hear that. Most people want to think that all in life is pure happenstance and nothing other than fate determines the outcome of their lives. But those of us actively in pursuit of bettering ourselves and of mastering the skills to control our own destinies know better -- that a lot less in life is chance than most folks think.

A lot of it is skill.

And learning to connect with people on an emotional level is one of the most powerful, practical, wide-reaching skills you can possibly learn. If you haven't given much thought to this one before, it's high time you started.

Don't Let Other Men Steal Your Girl

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By: Chase Amante

steal your girlThe other day I was walking down the street with a friend of mine when I happened to see a couple walking toward us. The man in that couple then lifted his arm up and wrapped it around the girl's shoulders; immediately though, she reached up and removed his hand from her shoulders, and a sheepish grin spread across his face. When he noticed that I'd been watching, he then hung his head a little lower.

I laughed, but it made me think. It's quite demeaning as a man when a woman does that -- when she pushes you aside or ignores you.

And when it happens in a bar or a nightclub -- when there are other, aggressive males around -- it can be downright dangerous.

Hence, this post, about competitive men trying to steal your girl, and about blood in the water. I want to identify a common but under-discussed phenomenon you'll run into when you're out with women -- and I want to teach you how to avoid falling victim to the sharks.

Should You Apologize to Women?

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By: Chase Amante

should you apologize"I'm sorry!"

To me, these are the two words that define the '90s era boyfriend / husband on television situational comedies. I haven't watched television since 2002 (with the exception of the entire series of Lost, which I watched online over the space of a month after getting laid off from work last year -- ah, it was great!), so I don't know if it's still been the same the past decade, but I'd imagine it hasn't changed all that much.

Woman gets upset. Man begs forgiveness. Audience laughs.

You might go so far as to say, "That's just the way it is." I've heard it said that for men being in a relationship means saying you're sorry, even when it wasn't your fault.

Listening to grown men talk that way, in all honesty, makes me cringe.

It does raise an interesting question, though: whether right or wrong, should you apologize? Is it the right course of action -- does it fix things between you and a girl? And what kind of impact does it have on attraction?

Turn Offs for Women: What NOT to Do

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By: Chase Amante

turn offs for womenI made a terrible mistake once, a long time ago.

I told a girl I loved her before we'd ever kissed, been on a date, or slept together.

I was young, passionate, full of powerful, swirling emotions, and hormones that raged like a fiery dervish. I felt it was a smart move; she'd flirted with me for a long time, had even asked me out long before (I'd been too scared to say "yes"). She had to know, I decided. So, I told her. I told her I loved her.

And I never heard from her again.

Ha, whoops, I thought the next day. That was a mistake.

But, you live and learn. It ended up playing a part in finally motivating me to get my act together and start fixing things in my life with women.

I share this because I had a reader write in to share his story and ask for my take: he's young, like I was; he'd been calling and texting back and forth with a girl like crazy, and they'd shared a few dances. He'd asked her on a date, she'd been coy.

Finally, emotions welling up inside of him, he could no longer keep them pent up inside; and, like the me of yesteryear, he simply had to tell her how he felt.

"You don't see it, do you?" he texted her. "I'm in love with you."

Can Women Change Men... And What Happens When They Do?

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By: Chase Amante

women change menThe other day, my girlfriend was upset with me again and creating drama. This is to be expected, as she's a high energy, energetic girl with a lot going on right now; I understand and commiserate. This is how it is with women and drama. But there's one thing she was trying to do that irked me somewhat.

She was trying to change me.

To any man out there who's ever had a girlfriend before, you probably know what I'm talking about. Women universally want men to change. It's only in those rare moments during the honeymoon phase of the relationship -- usually the first 90 days or so -- that this doesn't go on.

You also get a brief reprieve following a major capitulation, but this doesn't last and only breeds more struggles in the long term.

In any event, there's a famous quote about marriage by the eminent physicist (and philanderer, as it turns out) Albert Einstein, which we can pretty easily extrapolate to relationships of all sorts. What Einstein said was this:

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

Hmm. Guess they should've given him a Noble prize in humanities, too.

How to Act When a Girl Rejects You

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By: Chase Amante

girl rejects youYesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches.

"Sure, no problem," I told him.

I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in hand. Usually I don't go for women who are visibly occupied like that -- taxi-searching and texting / calling, as her headspace is going to be elsewhere -- but I wasn't seeing all that many cute girls around solo, so up I went.

"I saw you walking here, and I had to come tell you," I began -- and she put her hand up and waved me off. "...that you're incredibly cute. I'm Chase," I finished. She waved me off again. I walked next to her, matching her stride.

"What's your name, then?" I asked, sticking my hand in her direction. She smiled, turned her head away, and waved me off again.

"I'm sure you've got to be called something," I said. "Your friends don't just call you this [I demonstrated waving], right?" She cracked a bigger smile, laughed, and kept walking.

Teasing a Girl the Right Way

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By: Chase Amante

teasing a girlA reader recently wrote in to ask me why I thought his text conversations weren't going anywhere. He's been working really hard to get his game tightened down, and thought he was doing well... but here, again, he could feel this girl slipping away. The texting transcript he sent picks up mid-conversation:

Him: You suck with directions. Lol. Are you from the city?

Girl: haha I dont know what the streets are called1 Just know theres one down a side haha. Its by the big bungy thing, down a little street:-)

Him: haha. You suck. Need to get a gps then. Can you cook?

Girl: haha sorry:-) uhmm like simple things. and if I had instructions then yeah lol

Him: Imple things like biting your nails or fun things? I like dangerous stuff:)

Girl: haha as in easy stuff

Girl again:haha as in easy

Him: Im just finished with my engineering project. I think youll find it interesting. Are you a metal head or a classical music type like me?lol

Girl: Haha uhmm, not really... More party side.lol

Him: Im running seminars in the city next week,. We should go grab a coffee and you can come by...

Girl: I have exams and school next week.

Him: Im running it in the weekend. But your missing out! IM hungry. Make me some soup.

Girl: Um, Whats it about?

Then he replied with some brief info about his seminar, and... nothing. She never replied. It was lost. And he didn't know why. Was she just not interested? he wondered.

Actually, she sounds pretty interested early on. How'd he lose her? Well, it's a little more complicated than you might think. And, as the subject of today's post, one of the main problems it turns out is that he wasn't quite teasing this girl the right way. Because this isn't just a texting issue -- it goes deep into how you hold conversations with women in general. And if you aren't teasing women right, you may very well be costing yourself a lot of success with girls you like.

Non-Supplication: Why Working to Impress Women Doesn't Work

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By: Chase Amante

impress women"Can you get me a glass of water?" she asked me. "Please?" She gave me big, dewy doe eyes, and her cutest, most charming pursed lips.

"It's over there," I said playfully, pointing to the water cooler. "You can get it yourself."

"Oh!" she exclaimed in mock frustration, getting up to go get herself more water.

Does it offend your sensibilities that I told her to do that? It might offend some people's. How can a guy be so cold as to not even go and get a girl a glass of water? they think.

But it isn't about being cold. It's about returning to the basics of sprezzatura and the Law of Least Effort; it's about understanding that the men who supplicate -- the men who kiss up -- the men who try to impress women -- those men end up holding the bag.

It's about understanding what women are really attracted to... and what causes them to lose that attraction. And it's about understanding that where the line is, and how much is too much when it comes to doing for women.

What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

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By: Chase Amante

girl doesn't text backWhat to do when a girl doesn’t text back? First: don’t panic. Second: do things right next time. Third: read this and get her texting again.

A reader writes in:

I found something strange. Everytime Im having long interactions with girls in pickups on the streets, I bomb. I mean, she dont text back. It reminds me of Murphies law: If everything cant go wrong, IT WILL. I recently approached 10 women of which gave me attraction signals. They touched me, called me cute, called me the most interesting person, smiled, was high energy, stayd 20 minutes with me, and asked me to text them. I had good interactions with them and was smoothe and confident. I bonded wtih them and made plans to see them. They never texted back and I dont nkwo why.

I did another experiment where I cutted my interaction short about 3 minutes and asked for the number. Most of the shorter ones agreed on dates and texted back, and note, most of them gave me negative signs first. Is it because women use guys that they give fake "attraction signals?" Why do they seem so much into me at first but never bother to actually get into contact again? It happens over and over so much that when a girl give me signals thats too good to be true,I can almost predict that I will never hear from her again and Im alwasy right. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I think the women who give you immediate signals are maybe time waster"? And what is your thoughts, do you find the same?

Brings back memories.

When I first started chatting up girls more, I noticed an odd trend: the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, who seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts!

How bizarre, I thought to myself. This certainly doesn't make much sense.

But the numbers didn't lie. So, I did the only logical thing I could think to do: I worked to shorten the time I'd spend with girls whose phone number I intended to grab, and only spend a longer time with girls I intended to take home that day or night.

Almost overnight, the problem of girls not texting back and girls not calling back all but disappeared. But it still left me scratching my head a bit... why did spending more time with a girl and having her come to like you more lead to her falling off the face of the Earth and not returning text and calls later?

 

Opening Body Language

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By: Chase Amante

opening body languageThe other day I had a reader send me a question about body positioning during opening: is it better to open over your shoulder, he wanted to know, or facing toward the girl?

It's a somewhat confusing topic, actually, and one I've seen a lot of guys struggling with when they're starting out. They walk up to meet a new girl, but they have their bodies positioned all wrong and the opener goes a little awkwardly -- or worse, the girl even ignores them outright. Having the wrong body positioning when you say "hi" can be downright make or break for your success with a new woman. So the question of how to position yourself -- whether opening full body or opening over your shoulder -- is actually a very good question to ask.

And... the answer to that question? Well, like so many things in the social and seductive arts: it depends.

You'll find that either of the different body positionings is effective in different scenarios. Further, you'll find that the exact angle you give to a girl is going to be different depending on the girl and the situation. It is, like most of seduction, nuanced, and it's an art.