Social Commentary

Many guys think that all women want a man who knows how to make a girl laugh… and that is not entirely false.

However, the importance of cracking jokes and making girls laugh when picking up on them is FAR overstated… and in fact, trying to do this can actually HURT you and make you LESS sexually attractive to women.

How can this be, though? So many women will tell you that a sense of humor is one of the most attractive traits a man can possess! On the surface, it doesn’t seem to make sense at ALL.

As so often is the case, however, the truth about what’s REALLY going on in the human mating game is not obvious; it’s counter-intuitive and hidden deep beneath the surface.

The good news: this means that you can drop most of what you used to do in an attempt to be funny on the approach. You can let it all go overnight and never worry about it again, once you understand the following truth:

Getting strong emotional reactions out of girls on the approach, making them all giggly and going out of your way to make a girl laugh, means nothing at all.

I’m sure you’re probably scratching your head right about now…

Stay with me, and let’s shed some light on this topic.

There are a few key differences between a man who's confident and experienced with women and one who's neither confident nor experienced with women. One of those differences is the confident, experienced man's approach and demeanor: he knows how to act in a way that will most attract women to him.

Another of these is his process: no longer uncertain of what he needs to do, he single-mindedly pursues his objective with each new woman - finding a way to take this beautiful, scintillating creature as his lover.

Another still is his mindset: unlike the unconfident and inexperienced man, this man knows, with unwavering certainty, that women love sex.

Or at the very least, he knows they love it with him.

Note from Chase:

Every now and then I get asked about Asian guys and white girls. I understand why some guys ask this; there is a very human tendency we all have to say, "Well, that may work for you, but it's only because you're white / black / Asian / tall / muscular / super smart / naturally talented / some other thing outside of one's power to change." And no matter how much you tell people that that's just an excuse, many of them cling staunchly to this. Chase is a white guy; what does he know about being Asian?

In fact, I've had a number of Asian male friends who were very talented with white women. One of them was a Korean-American guy from Middle America who'd been a nightclub promoter and body builder and even when he was unemployed and not sure what he wanted to do with his life slept with tons of beautiful white girls more easily than most white guys can. Another was a short Chinese-born guy who seemed to literally will white women into bed by sheer persistence and charm.

But I still get questions from Asian guys about Asian guys and white girls, so I asked another Asian friend of mine named Jerome - yet another Chinese-born guy who does very well for himself with European and American white girls back in the US and elsewhere - to write a guest post on the topic.

At first Jerome was a little confounded when I asked him. "What do you want me to write about, exactly?" he asked confusedly.

"Just your experience with getting girls as an Asian guy... particularly white girls," I said.

"How's that any different from getting girls as a white guy?" he asked me.

"It's not," I replied, "but I've got readers who think it really is. You'd be helping a lot of guys out if you could just give your perspective."

"All right," he responded, "but I'm telling you, it's exactly the same for an Asian guy as it is for a white guy."

Without further ado, here's his post.

Have you read Gene Simmon’s auto-biography “Sex, Money, Kiss”?

If not… I highly recommend it. Gene Simmons has slept with over 3000 women… and whether that is your goal or not, you can probably learn a thing or two from somebody who has that much experience with dating.

One of the most striking comments in his book is that he only became a musician for one reason: He realized that rock stars get a lot of female attention… and he wanted that too.

I’d say if that was his goal, he did pretty well!

According to Simmons, any musician who claims he didn’t get into music for the girls is either lying or gay!

Now, as the late Sigmund Freud would say…

“Duh!”

According to Freud, many of our behaviors are motivated by our drive to replicate… whether we’re consciously aware of it or not.

Or in the words of Dex from the movie “The Tao of Steve”:

“Look, men try and chase success for one reason - to impress women. That's the only reason why they write books, they build companies, they compete in sports and all that. And the problem is in life, if you could figure out how you could get laid without achieving anything, you could lose your motivation altogether.”

If you’ve ever struggled vainly to figure out how to get out of the friend zone, the following should be quite familiar.

“I really like you as a companion, and I don’t want to risk ruining our great friendship if we get involved.”

“I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… we should really just be buddies.”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend and I need to get back to being myself before being with somebody else.”

“I need some space to be alone right now… let’s just be friends.”

Have you ever heard any of the above from a girl you liked? (…most men have, at one point or another)

Or worse, were you ever friends with a girl you liked and never even made a move in the first place, out of fear of hearing the friends-speech?

Dominance is a touchy topic. It's positively loaded with cultural baggage - in the West, we're averse to both the idea of being dominant over others and of others being dominant over us. It has all kinds of ill-favored connotations that most would rather just avoid. I'm throwing all of that out today though and talking to you about how to be a dominant man, political correctness and sensitivity aside - and I'm going to teach you a lot of things you didn't know about dominance before today.

In the post on how to be an alpha male (without becoming a stereotype), we broke down the difference between what's generally thought of as "alpha" and what alpha actually is, and about the character of the nomad -- the man who's neither alpha, nor beta, nor any other role in a social hierarchy, but instead operates outside it entirely.

I've long noticed a failure to differentiate among "being alpha" and "being dominant" in those who discuss social dynamics. They're treated as one and the same -- if you're being alpha, you're dominant, and if you're being dominant, you're alpha.

But they aren't the same. Being alpha's about heading up your group.

Meanwhile, being dominant... that's about something else altogether. What that is -- that and the winner effect -- is what this article is all about.

I'm sitting at Washington-Dulles International Airport outside of Washington, DC, listening to the ticket lady bark orders at a crowd of passengers trying to board a plane to Denver.

"Seating Areas 1 and 2 only!" she shouts. "If you're Seating Area 3 or 4, feel free to have a seat and make yourself comfortable, there's no need to stand. If you're Seating Area 3 or 4 and traveling with someone else you may board, but if not please wait for me to call your Seating Area. Boarding Seating Areas 1 and 2! Areas 1 and 2 only!!"

It strikes me that this woman is a stickler for the rules. And, that her admonition is probably entirely directed at those who prefer to break the rules -- the ones who can't stand the rules.

And that made me think about how different people deal with rules differently.

Some people need rules, and define themselves by them. If you take away the rules, they become scared and confused. If they see or hear about people breaking the rules, they become angry and upset and work to get those people back in line. If you give them new rules to follow and explain why those rules are necessary, they're the fastest to adapt and learn to work within them and uphold them.

Other people can't tolerate rules at all, and try to break them whenever possible. These are the crazy, dynamic people who never are still, and this personality type probably defines the founders of a majority of businesses and governments and new branches of art and science out there -- and they're also the ones you see ending up in shouting matches trying to get their ways, or ending up in prison for going too far.

And then you've got people in the middle -- I'm one of those. I don't like the rules, and I'm happiest when the rules disappear, but I'm fine operating within them if I need to so long as I know I'm working toward a place where I can be free and do what I want to do. People like me also tend to be good at using one rule to break another, thereby getting our way but making it difficult for the rule makers who comprise the majority of society to argue with us, because hey, there was a conflict in the rules -- we just chose one of them instead of the other.

It's my belief that whether you play by the rules or not is a big determinant of the trajectory you take learning to get better with women, what's easy for you, what's hard, and where you eventually even want to get to.

So let's talk some about the rule makers and the rule breakers.