Dating is one of those things that can be a little ambiguous, even for guys who are relatively skilled in seduction in general. I know for me, it was an annoyance long after I’d reached a decent level of proficiency in meeting girls and taking them home quickly – that I could do fine, but dating was still a big unknown.
One of the pillars of Chase Amante's approach toward women, deep diving is the foundation for creating deep, meaningful connections with women quickly into meeting them.Building rapport – and building a connection – is one of those things I consider myself pretty talented as a conversationalist at these days. People remark that they often feel like we’re old friends upon first meeting me; men very often assume that women I’ve met minutes before have known me for years; and I find it incredibly easy to have people open up to me about all manner of personal details – so easy that they typically offer those details unasked.
Kind of funny, in retrospect, considering I spent most of my life as a man apart, without any close connections of any sort.
So someone you’ve just met thinks of you as an old friend, or the girl you’ve been getting to know for twenty minutes has told you her life story and now feels that you know her better than all but two other people in her life. Sounds fun, and empowering, right? But what’s the advantage of this? Well, as you can probably surmise, the advantages to deep diving with rapport come in spades, actually. Here are a few:
One of the things that’s hugely important to remember to do after you sleep with a girl for the first time is to set the post-coital tone. That is, to let your girl know, to some degree, what she can expect from you, and what you expect from her.
Maybe it’s because I’m in Asia, but I seem to be meeting a lot of more conservative girls recently, and many of them have been throwing up a lot of initial resistance to kissing me. I used to run into this occasionally in the States, but nothing like what I’m seeing over here.
So what’s a guy to do? Well, what I’ve been doing is the same thing I’d do the odd time I’d run into women State-side who gave me resistance to kissing – I say resistance be damned and kiss her anyway.
Lots of men go out to get women to "like" them, and never push hard or drive toward any concrete objective or end point. But to truly succeed with girls consistently, a man must have intent.One of the things that stuns me most, when going out with others, is noticing how some of the other men I meet and hang out with approach women.
Many of them, I’ve noticed, approach in a way that is either silly, entertaining, tentative, or half-assed – and women predictably don’t bite on their approach.
And when these men do make it into interactions with women, it’s obvious to a man who can read women that the women typically are simply being polite. Many men I’ve observed in this scenario, oblivious to the facial expressions and body language of the women they were talking to, walk away from a short interaction feeling triumphant, while the women walk away seemingly thinking along the lines of, “That was… different.”
When these men manage to find a woman who’s into them, they then often banter too long, joke too much, and stay in initial conversation too far into the interaction. They never act to move things forward, and eventually things fizzle out.
I call this Acting Without Intent.
Every now and again, a guy will meet a girl who seems really great, but despite his best efforts, he just can’t make anything happen with her. It can be very frustrating – especially when it’s a girl he knows well and cares about, and with whom he has a great connection, and whom he maybe even comes close to succeeding with, but can’t close the gap.
Why’s this happen? And what, exactly, do you do when you end up in that situation? That’s what I want to talk about in this post.
It’s of great importance in socializing and seduction that you have a solid identity; this is common knowledge among us who travel in these circles. What often isn’t common knowledge is how much of an attraction-killer a bad label can be.
What’s a bad label? It’s anything that stereotypes you, pigeonholes you, or shuffles you away into a woman’s file box for, “Oh, he’s like THAT.”
Doesn’t happen too often, but I recently got a little annoyed at a situation with a girl I’m seeing. She wasn’t behaving as I felt she should have; she was being secretive and defensive around me, and that’s a big no-no for me generally. And that raised my hackles a bit.
Then I stopped for a minute, looked around, and asked myself: why on Earth am I taking this so seriously?
I’m a big proponent of efficiency in all aspects of your life. Get things done faster, easier, and all in one shot, if at all possible, and you can get more accomplished in a shorter amount of time. Part of the reason I’m so gung-ho about efficiency, I think, is that I’m inherently a little bit on the lazy side… I don’t really want to spend a big chunk of time laboring over any one thing in particular.
I’ve been mentioning it for a while on here, but a friend pointed out to me recently that I have yet to actually flesh out something I’ve been referring to as the Law of Effort; henceforth referred to as the Law of Least Effort for reasons of clarity.
When I say the Law of Least Effort, what I’m referring to is a very simple, but very universal and little-understood, social rule common to all forms of socializing (not limited to courtship and seduction by any means, though certainly of substantial importance there as well, perhaps especially so). Basically, that the person who appears to put the least amount of effort out, while getting the largest amount of effort returned to him by others, comes across as the most socially powerful.
Note the italics around the word “appears” in that bolded section of the second paragraph. We aren’t necessarily talking about the person who is actually, literallytrying the least, but rather the person who is able to accomplish the most with the appearance of putting in the least amount of work.
