How can a man direct a woman’s behavior? Nice guys offer stuff… controlling guys smother. Confident guys set rules and women follow. But which works best?When it comes to getting a woman to do something, men fall into three classes:
Guys who hope if they’re nice women will just do what they want.
When you approach a new woman, she’ll normally have certain defenses in place. Understanding this romantic defense is vital for the savvy romantic pursuer.Quick caveat: this article is one on seduction theory / underlying principles, rather than more tactical material. I’ll cover some tactics in it toward the end as well, but just a heads up that in this piece we’re looking more at the overarching nature of the dynamic in seduction. We’ll return to more typical stuff in the next article. On with the piece…
Today, we’ll be talking about the receptive/pursued party in a seduction as the ‘defender’. The ‘defense’ mentioned here is defense against pursuit and seduction by the pursuer. This does not mean the ‘defender’ doesn’t want the seduction to happen (the defender may!). We’ll discuss what that means as we get into it.
In every courtship you will have, there are only three possibilities:
You are the pursuer, and the woman is the defender.
The woman is the pursuer, and you are the defender.
Both parties are equally interested and exactly on the same page.
#3 most men will experience most often with girls they meet who they want to ask out, where the girl also wants them to ask her out. These approaches seem so straightforward as to not be like the normal courtship process at all – and in fact, they aren’t (due to the complete lack of resistance). Less commonly, you may experience it with women who are as certain they want to hook up with you as you are with them, or equally as certain they want a relationship with you as you are them.
The rest of the time, one of the parties is going to be the pursuer, while the other party is the defender. Whichever party is taking more assertive, aggressive action is the pursuer. Whichever party stands back is the defender.
The defender decides if the pursuer can proceed forward; the pursuer is responsible for maintaining the forward movement of the seduction and figuring out ways to get the defender’s defenses lowered so the seduction can move forward.
If one of the parties is showing resistance, that party is the defender. If one of the parties is overcoming resistance, that party is the pursuer.
Normally it’s probably more helpful for the man’s psychology while in a seduction to frame seductions as mostly mutual, or a dance, etc. However, there are some concepts we can really only discuss with the framing of pursuit and defense.
For today’s article, we’ll temporarily set aside some of the more helpful mentalities, more conducive to a seductive mindset, to think about these aspects of seduction in a more revealing light.
Qualifying a girl is a vital courtship tool. Yet, is it better to do it early, before she’s gotten into it, or to wait until she’s more invested?Table of Contents
Hey guys. Welcome back. Last time, I discussed qualification, what it was, and how it works. It’s your to-the-point guide to qualification.
Here’s a recap.
Qualification shows interest:
How do you accomplish this?
Have her qualify naturally by bringing up an interesting subject she can relate to, agree with, or share an experience with.
Use a qualifier to trigger qualification: “are you X?” Her positive response means she is qualifying.
Use an assumption: “you seem X.” If she agrees and it is a positive assumption (“you seem like a caring person”), she is qualifying. If you make a negative assumption (although playful, like “you are trouble”), and she says no, she is qualifying.
Use disqualification: “You are sadly not X, so it will not work between us.” If she disagrees, she is qualifying.
You may qualify her, but you should also qualify back. This is the moment you show interest.
Express a positive attitude toward her qualification: “I love that you are X.” Or “I am happy you are not X.”
Spontaneously qualify by expressing an opinion, an experience, or a story that matches hers. Do not overdo it.
Qualification should go both ways. You are testing her compliance level while creating an excuse for why you like her. This is crucial.
Since qualification goes both ways, it creates mutuality and intimacy, which provides many benefits, including comfort, boosted compliance, and less resistance.
So today, let’s discuss when you should qualify. We will begin by reviewing early game and two different schools of thought.
Women will test your dominance and leadership abilities at several key points in a courtship. How you respond determines where things go from there.Picture yourself on a date with a woman. You met her last week via cold approach. Now the two of you are out walking around outside, deciding where you want to go next. She’s in a breezy summer dress, looking quite nice, but she seems standoffish.
There’s a lake five minutes’ walk from where you are with a nice view. You figure that will be a nice spot to visit. “Let’s swing by the lake,” you say. “The flowers are in-bloom. The view will be gorgeous!”
“I don’t want to go to the lake,” she says, sounding a little snippy. “It just rained yesterday. It’s probably all muddy.”
You didn’t ask her to do it; you made a command. You said “Let’s do this.” Her response was to directly test that, objecting to the plan and saying she wanted to do something else.
How do you respond to resistance like this – to these sorts of direct tests to your dating dominance? That’s the subject of this article.
Choosing a partner for a long-term relationship presents tradeoffs. The more a girl is one thing, the less something else she may be. What will YOU choose?I’m a “have your cake and eat it too” type of guy. I do not like the idea of tradeoff much. If you’re having to make tradeoffs, maybe you just didn’t do things as well as you could’ve!
While that is true some of the time, life has many places where we must accept tradeoffs. Very often, to have one thing, we must accept less of another; especially so when the two things conflict.
One of the many areas in life this is true is in the long-term relationship. That is because some of the things you might think you’d like in an LTR directly conflict with others.
For instance, wanting a passionate relationship that is low drama. Or wanting a vivacious, quick-minded woman who is also submissive and unwaveringly supportive. These traits directly conflict with each other – as do many other desirable qualities in LTRs.
Picking the right long-term relationship pertains as much to knowing what tradeoffs you’re okay with as it does to anything else.
When you qualify a girl, you let her know what you like about her. Employ these five (5) different qualifiers to move your seductions forward more easily.Table of Contents
Hi there, and welcome back. Today I will discuss qualification. We’ve covered this topic in multiple posts, and all approach it from different angles. They are all fantastic reads, and mastering qualification will benefit you irrelevant of your skill level (I will recap why shortly). It may not fall under “fundamentals,” but consider it more of a fundamental technique.
So, I intend to provide a “straight to the point” and “cut the crap” post on qualification. Like my earlier fractionation post, I want this to be a “simply explained” post.
If you want to delve deeper into qualification, take a look at our other posts. I’ve shared links at the end of this article.
Expert text message banter takes a bit of skill – & a good handle on the text bantering rules! Follow these 10 vital rules to make your text banter BETTER.Contents
1. Message Her ASAP
2. Keep It Light & Casual
3. Never Be Too Eager
4. Leave on a High Note
5. Give Her the Last Word
6. If She’s Vague, Test Her
7. Check Her Schedule First
8. Wait Till She Wants It
9. Switch Up Your Invites
10. Check In; Don’t Chase
11. Conclusion
One of the guys on our forum is getting back into dating after a long hiatus in a relationship.
He posted a text message interaction of his he had with a girl who hinted at some availability to meet him… but after the last of his messages she left him on read.
There were a few key mistakes he made in his text message banter that stood out quite clearly (chalk it up to being rusty). I figured we ought to do an article on text message banter rules.
If you follow these rules, you’ll be able to avoid the most common pitfalls men face text message bantering with girls. You’ll get more of the girls you want out on dates, instead of your text messages left on read.
Women are changeable. They change what they think and feel about you, as well as what they want. As a man, how do you deal with this? Can it even… be GOOD?Women and their constantly shifting emotions and opinions on men frustrate many a man:
You meet a girl and she’s friendly, even flirtatious toward you. You start thinking it might go somewhere with this girl. Perhaps she could be your lover or your girlfriend! Then the next time you try to talk to her she’s cold, acting like she doesn’t even know you, and it’s like that earlier interaction never even happened. Sometime later, you run into her again, and again, she is friendly and warm – and now she’s even flirtier than she was before! What the heck?!
Or you meet a girl who seems very enthusiastic to come out on a date with you. Three days later she flakes over text, telling you she doesn’t feel ready to come out, and then she never responds to your texts again.
Meanwhile, some girl you know for a fact was spreading nasty rumors about you in your social circle and who clearly considered you some kind of enemy of hers has suddenly begun acting really sweet and girly toward you – and then she approaches you to ask you when the two of you are going to hang out! Huh?
This kind of behavior from women completely discombobulates your average, ordinary guy, and can even flummox some experienced rakes when they encounter it in situations unfamiliar to them. The rule to understand it is that what women think about you ALWAYS changes… it changes within relationships and it changes without them.
It is simply how women operate. It is an OEM part of Woman OS.
If you already know how to sex talk, you’ll like this one. By discussing how to make a woman squirt, you can make her so excited she… wants you to make her squirt.Hey guys and welcome back.
Table of Contents
Today I’ll go through another gambit. This one is bold and explicit. The goal is to convey sexual prizing to arouse a girl. It’s a powerhouse, but it can be tricky for beginners at sex talk to pull it off. So it is more suitable for advanced guys.
Use it mid- to late-game to escalate the vibe and further sexualize your interactions. It’s ideal when you need to spike her so she agrees to go home with you or when you are back at your place and are about to seal the deal!
Of course, physical escalation is also good instead of verbals. You can combine both, although be careful that bold touching plus bold sex talk can be overkill. To learn more about when to use touch versus verbals, see part 3 of my sex talk calibration series for an in-depth discussion.
This gambit is older but very powerful. It may be harder to pull for beginners unless the vibe is strong and:
There is already a solid sexual frame set. This gambit can reinforce the sexual frame, not set it.
You have already talked about lighter sexual subjects.
With that out of the way, here is the gambit. I will start with a transition, cover the gambit, then discuss the mechanisms at play.
I’ll break down the gambit into three parts. You can view this as one gambit or three interconnected gambits.
Many girls are great at hooking guys in with ‘girl game’. If it always feels like you’re ‘almost there’ with her, but you NEVER get there… that’s girl game.Some girls have really good game.
They’re able to keep guys hooked, with those guys orbiting around them, providing tons of value to their lives, while they dangle the perpetual hope of romance (or other entanglements) just out of reach.
In fact, until you reach the upper echelons of seduction skill, you will always be playing catchup to the savviest women… and in fact even at the upper echelons, depending on what places you frequent, you will still run into women who are nearly your equals.
Most guys don’t seem to be able to recognize ‘girl game’ for what it is: a set of seduction tricks designed to lead a man into a role the woman wants him in… which, most of the time, will not be sexual or romantic (though it can be; it depends on what she wants from him).
Today I’ll shed some light on what it looks like when you’re being gamed by girls – so you can spend your time on women where the connection is mutual, rather than one where you’re just being strung along.
