Articles by Varoon Rajah | Girls Chase

Articles by Varoon Rajah

How to Build a Harem, Pt 8: Non-Monogamy and Revolving Doors

non-monogamy and revolving doors
Non-monogamy can make a woman feel trapped, but if she’s free to sleep with other men and exit the relationship with your blessing, you’re more likely to keep her around.

One of the more peculiar aspects of this non-monogamy relationship style is that you allow your women to sleep with and date other men. You will also have that ability – to sleep with as many women as you want – with your girlfriend’s full consent (but lack of knowledge about the other women).

We are talking about an implicit, non-monogamous, multiple-partner structure here. The main difference between this system and one-sided or implicit monogamy is that you allow your partners to pursue relationships with other partners as well.

With implicit monogamy, the guy forbids his girl to sleep with other men, while he sleeps with other women freely. This always sounds great to guys – needy, possessive alphas push for this the most – but women fear it and feel trapped in such setups. The implicit non-monogamous system grants women more security and freedom.

We’re going to talk about the implications of this because they are quite extensive in terms of how they impact your dating life in the system. All these concepts tie back into everything else we have discussed so far in the Harem series.

How to Build a Harem, Pt 7: The Ethics of Non-Transparency

ethics of non-transparency
In a non-monogamous relationship, is it ethical to keep your partners in the dark about each other? Let’s explore the reasons why it is – for you and for them.

Girls Chase reader Damien asked me a question about a relationship he had with a woman that lasted two years in a non-monogamous setup. He noted that his girlfriend was mostly drama-free and easy to manage, which is the way it should be.

However, Damien also mentioned that he felt like he was lying to her at times by withholding information about what he was doing with other girls. I thought this was an interesting topic to explore in the context of this system and non-monogamy in general.

Damien writes:

“I had a non-monogamous relationship for two years where I ran things exactly like described in this article, but it always felt like I was lying to the girl (even though I was just not telling her the details). Also, that girl was low-drama and easy to manage.

So, should a man tell his partner about all his activities, or is it better for him to protect his partner by withholding certain information that he knows could be harmful to their relationship? It’s a tough question, one that is worthy of an article because it’s the central concept of understanding how the harem system works – and all implicit systems.

We’re going to explore the ethics and philosophy behind the harem system. As you’ll see, the system was not designed to enable men to lie to women – quite the opposite. It was designed to protect and sustain women and to look out for their interests.

It’s a non-monogamous system, so it does largely cater to men. After all, it’s an innate male desire to have sex with many different partners, and there’s no getting around that. For women, the system holds a different promise, and most of it is dependent on the man.

Even monogamous guys who have been with the same woman in a loving relationship for many years feel a desire for other kinds of pussy. Not every guy gives in to their desires, but I do know many men and women in monogamous setups who do, which might make it the most dishonest agreement of all. It’s not just men that have a desire to sleep around. Often, women share the same level of horniness as men – or even more so.

Emotionally, women always desire to be with the strongest man in the pool and seek commitment and security with that man exclusively. Sexuality, however, can be very different.

Most times, a woman won’t cheat on her man or even consider sleeping with other men if she’s sexually satisfied by her main partner, because there’s no reason for her to. With this in mind, let’s talk about the implications of the system.

How to Build a Harem, Pt 6: The Talk

the mltr relationship talk
For each non-monogamous relationship you intend to build, you’ll inevitably have The Talk. If you manage it well and keep a solid frame, odds are she’ll hop on board.

The most defining moment in your relationships – whether in this system, monogamy, or some other kind – will always be “The Talk.”

The Talk is probably the most defining moment in the entire relationship cycle. From the moment you convert a girl from first-time sex to a relationship, to the point when you openly set the terms of the relationship, you’re preparing the girl for The Talk through your behavior, showing her exactly how you’re going to act going forward.

The purpose is to set a frame she’s not likely to have ever heard from a guy before – you’re non-monogamous, and you’re going to see other people while you’re with her.

After The Talk, over time, she will either accept these terms or auto-reject entirely. If you want to keep a girl as a non-monogamous girlfriend while retaining the freedom to date other women – with her blessing – then The Talk is critical.

The reason The Talk is essential is that, up until that point in your relationship with a girl, the most significant anxiety she’ll have around the relationship is knowing where it’s all going.

By this point, you’ve probably been seeing each other for several weeks or months, and since girls have a very limited timeline to enter into relationships and achieve commitment, she wants to be sure she's investing in the right man.

You, on the other hand, need to tell her subtly yet directly that she’s not investing in any “normal” relationship status – and by “normal,” I mean standard, social monogamy. Instead, she’s entering a custom relationship style – one where you care about her and want to see her as your girlfriend, but you’re going to be dating and sleeping with other women.

During The Talk, you’re going to tell her this openly and honestly, and she’ll understand it perfectly. You’re also required to set it up in such a way that you have the best chance of you both getting what you want in the end.

Some people might not agree to this principle, but I can tell you from experience that at least 80% of the women I’ve been with have stuck around after The Talk to date me, sometimes over a long period. Others drop out immediately, and that’s fine.

The beauty of the harem system is that women can step into and out of the harem at any time, something we’re going to address in Part 8 of the series. You should never be concerned about a girl leaving because she rejects the system – in my experience, it’s usually temporary.

Part of the freedom of the harem system – or any implicit non-monogamous system – is that the partners can do whatever they want, providing they’re respectful to each other.

As the dominant partner who will be introducing the system to your girlfriends and essentially asking for their compliance to buy into it, you will be principally responsible for their well-being and how well they understand it.

It's entirely up to you to teach your girls the way you want them to act in this relationship style. The best way to do this is through your behavior, which you’ll back up with The Talk. This is the most defining moment of your relationship, so treat it with respect.

Instinct-Based Game, Pt 2: How to Develop Intuition and Gut Instinct

develop intuition and gut instinct
Naturals are so good with women because of their strong empathic sense and ability to trust their gut. The good news is that these traits can be cultivated.

This article is long overdue. I’ve never posted a follow-up to my article on intuition and trusting your gut instinct, but a reader recently commented on one of the articles in my Harem series asking about it.

It’s a long time in the making for me because, even now, I feel like my intuition is still being developed. By and large, intuition is confirmed through experience.

Your life experiences teach you the lessons that support your intuition. It’s a long-term learning process, where time will tell – and define your experience. 

Connecting with your intuition requires a combination of experience and training yourself to see the big picture. For me, it’s been about learning to recognize patterns and see how they fit in with each other. It’s important for me to understand the patterns behind things because history always repeats itself. Once you learn to see the signs of a certain pattern intuitively, you know exactly what to do to deal with it.

Your intuition signals to you when you see a certain pattern emerging. Your intuition and instinct also follow a biological prerogative – to get you to have sex with the most suitable mate. Connect these two with real-life game, and you can be a natural ladies’ man with ease. So, let’s look at what it takes to achieve this.

How to Build a Harem, Pt 5: Phases of Non-Monogamous Relationships

non-monogamous mltr relationship phases
Every relationship has its phases, but non-monogamous setups are often more challenging. Handle each phase well to help things go smoothly and make it last.

Welcome back to the Harem series. In this article, I will continue discussing how to date and manage relationships with many women in an implicitly non-monogamous arrangement. In Parts 3 and 4, we discussed how to compartmentalize your many relationships and structure your lifestyle to balance the number of girls you desire with what’s possible within the system. 

Let’s move on to discuss the life cycle of these relationships, as understanding how they evolve is key to affecting their outcome and longevity. After all, every relationship (even outside this system) has a specific life path. As a man, the dominant force in the relationship, you are in control of where it goes, based on the type of relationship you desire. It’s up to the girl to accept it, or reject it and find another man who wants what she wants.

As the leader in this dating structure, through the whole process, you’ll be guiding the path of these relationships, to protect the woman and create the best outcome for both of you. Ideally, you will structure the relationship so that she understands precisely what it is, how non-monogamy works, and whether it’s something she wants or not.

It’s also important to structure this in a way that makes it easy for her to say yes or no and increases the likelihood of her accepting the implicit non-monogamy model, regardless of her own previous experiences and desires. 

To set up the right path for this system, you must set the correct frames very early, so she understands exactly what it is you do and what she’s getting into. You’ll be conveying most of the information about the relationship through your behavior, not through words, although they will come into play. The life cycle of this relationship type is split into six different parts, and the woman needs to cross all the thresholds to ensure its longevity.

If your girl makes it through all these stages within the first six months or so, you can bet that she’ll be in your life for many years – for as long as you want her to be.

Give Her a Memorable Date with Just One Compliment

one compliment rule
One compliment is all it takes to deepen your connection with a girl. If it’s thoughtful and genuinely conveyed, it can really help move things forward.

Here’s a nifty little tool you can use on dates. It’s best used to manage your attainability on a date and show a girl that you genuinely like her. It allows you to accelerate the speed of the date and transition it into something more intimate.

However, the way you use it must be timely and carefully calibrated to the moment.

This is a tool that was taught to me by my friend Franco, Girls Chase board moderator, so all credit goes to him. It revamped the way I went about first dates, and my pull rate increased dramatically. It basically shifts any girl on a date into overdrive the moment you use it, but you must use this tactic at the correct moment to exploit its full potential.

Today, we’re going to talk about dates – specifically, first dates. You’re always going to be setting up your dates correctly using other Girls Chase-taught procedures no matter what stage you’re at in the courtship. You approached her, got her number, and asked her on a date. Now you’re going out together somewhere, so she’s invested in seeing where this is heading.

The Life Benefits and Costs of Learning Seduction Game

cost and benefits of learning seduction game
Should you focus more on your career or your game? Ultimately, both are important aspects every man should invest in as early as possible to be truly happy in life.

I recently visited my friend in Seattle during an extra-long layover on a business trip – he’s admittedly far less woman-experienced than me, but he’s also a decade younger. I was asked a question I see asked often in various ways – how valuable is it to learn game as an investment, as far as effort versus rewards is concerned?

We do have some articles covering this on Girls Chase:

Considering my friend’s question, I thought I’d add my own perspective on the importance of learning game in life versus focusing your effort on other endeavors.

Sex and women are one of the biggest drives that men have by nature, and it’s no accident. We’re designed to reproduce, and we’re designed to seek and screw women. But despite this, the truth is that most men are terrible with women. The majority – probably 95% – don’t find or follow websites like Girls Chase, nor bother to learn (or even attempt to see the importance of learning) how to become better-suited to attracting and keeping the opposite sex. Often, it’s deemed unnecessary or too hard to warrant the effort.

There are also guys who see other men doing well with women and assume that this kind of success isn’t even possible for themselves. Minorities often hold this view, believing that it’s impossible for them to attract the same kind of women more skilled men get. Other guys notice that men in certain social circles tend to do better than others – a bartender, international tour guide, or frat bro versus your average Joe, for instance.

Well, there is some truth to this, but it’s worth examining more closely because your experience with women is tied to the timeline of your life, and your ability to attract women as a man is largely determined by how much effort you put into learning about women.

As you’ll see, there are no accidents when it comes to why certain men do better with women – and get hotter girlfriends more frequently – than other guys.

The Late-Date-Half-Flake: Sometimes This Is Why She Flakes

late dates and half flakes
Sometimes a girl will flake because she sees you as unattainable or as too high or low value. Here’s how to react, pass her tests, and get her to show up.

We were supposed to meet at 7 for drinks one weekday evening.

I sent her an anti-flake text at 11:10am that said “See you tonight, lady,” to which she did not respond. I showed up at the venue at 6:05 and didn’t see her anywhere.

I sent another: “Just got here.” Then I waited. I knew what was happening. I didn’t hear from her until 7:20.

“Hey! Sorry – lost track of time, such a busy day. I’m just going to shower quickly and then I’ll head over that way.”

We were going to have drinks about five minutes walking distance from her own apartment.

By the time she showed up, it was 8:45. In the meantime, I chatted with my buddies on my laptop, had a beer, and wrote about 1000 words of this article.

She arrived about two hours late and apologized profusely, but I could tell she was nervous as hell, and I knew why.

We didn’t go home together that night, but it’s only because she didn’t see me as attainable for what she was looking for at the time, and I ended up being too needy in my behavior. However, up to that point, everything was handled.

You might be asking, “Why in the world would Varoon wait almost two hours for a girl to show up to a date? I’d probably have left after about fifteen minutes.” Normally, if a girl is that late, I’ll just text her, reschedule, and preserve my own time.

However, this situation was completely different because the core issue in the girl’s behavior was my attainability, not my value. Just understanding that required a completely different strategy to handle the issue and preserve my chances. This girl knew my value and thus wanted to slow-play the dating process. To get her, I realized I had to play into that.

How to Build a Harem, Pt.4: Tiers of Girlfriends and a Man’s Capacity

tiers of girlfriends
When your multiple-relationship lifestyle fills beyond capacity, one or more aspects will suffer. This advice will help you minimize heartbreak and stay on track.

Welcome back to the How to Build a Harem series, aimed at making you proficient in the art of dating several women long term.

  • In Part 1, we talked about Queen Theory and why all the girls you’re dating must always feel like your number-one girl.

  • In Part 2, we talked about some of the differences and issues between monogamous and non-monogamous dating structures.

  • In a supplement to the series, we talked about how to manage the inevitable jealousy that occurs in a harem and the role of discretion.

  • In Part 3, we talked about compartments and the role of precedence in how you treat the girls in your system.

In Part 4, we’re going to talk about the different tiers of girlfriends and how your lifestyle and capacity for girls work together. One of the most important things to understand about creating harems and dating multiple women is your own capacity to do so.

The whole point of the harem system is to be able to date the girls you like in a capacity which suits you, while also maintaining room to meet, sleep with, and date new girls when such opportunities arise. To do this, a man must structure his harem carefully.