Articles by Varoon Rajah | Girls Chase

Articles by Varoon Rajah

To Attract Women, Acting like an Older Man Can Only Help You

act older and attract women
Women want men, not boys. Does that mean a young guy should adopt the styles and traits of older men in order to attract girls his own age?

I’ve been discussing pickup and outings with some younger friends and clients as a 30-something talking to guys in their early 20s or just out of college. One comment that always stands out is, “Are you sure that your older-man style is going to work for me getting younger girls?”

When guys are young (early 20s or younger) and just getting into game, it can be tough finding themselves in cities or environments where the population is predominantly older, or extremely variable. For day game cold approach in New York City, you’re just as likely to meet a 28-year-old as a 22-year-old unless you calibrate your venues and approach areas.

So, to quickly address the issue of actually meeting younger women, you can, for example, stick to areas near a college.

But more to the point of this article, virtually all men want women who are either younger or roughly the same age as they are. I meet very few young men who want to give it a shot with an older woman. With girls, however, it’s not really a question of age preference. It's more a question of what she considers "manly."

But many young guys aren’t sure if adopting the behaviors or styles of older men will help them. Hence the question: will this also work for the kinds of girls I want?

The answer is a firm “yes.” Here's why that is, and what you can do.

Daniel Adebayo | Becoming More Consistent in Seduction (Podcast)

Welcome back to Dating Mechanics on Girls Chase! Today we have the second part of my interview with Daniel Adebayo from earlier this year, easily one of the most consistent night-game and day-game specialist I’ve met and seen in action. He’s easily one of the most innovative and consistent gamers I’ve seen.

Last time while in Montreal, we talked about how to get women in your bed using verbal game, and how Daniel’s unique style of verbal game can give any guy an edge in getting women’s attention in the modern age of overstimulation.

For this podcast, we continue that conversation with a focus on consistency, and specifically how Daniel has achieved consistency in his game style. If a guy wants to improve his game, there should always be a focus on being more consistent. And what’s truly rewarding with this style is how confident it can make a guy in knowing he can meet and sleep with a woman with a predictable amount of effort.

As we spoke about meeting women with him in Canada, Daniel explains how his focus on process, fundamentals, and constant effort has given him – and can give any guy – the ability to easily sleep with many women, at any point in time.

There’s Always One Final Shit Test Before Sex

shit test before sex
Women test men to ensure they aren’t with a loser or impostor. The final shit test before sex can be a real doozy, so make sure you’re not caught off guard.

I approached her on the street in the rain. She was a sexy young Asian girl who walked past quickly. I turned and caught up to her and opened. She smiled but said she was in a rush. I quickly asked if she was single; we had a quick one minute exchange, and I grabbed her number.

We texted in a flirty way, and she was pretty invested in the texting. I set up a date for the following week on a Tuesday (one of my standard dates). We went to an art gallery then walked over to have drinks. However, the vibe on this date felt different from most others. It was fast, and she was touching me often. At times, I got the sense that she was getting impatient when she started looking at her watch repeatedly. At this point, I hadn’t even gone through my sex talk stack yet; once I began to bring it up, she told me that most of her friends were gay men and she was super nonjudgmental.

Well, okay, neat.

She looked at her watch a third time and was quiet.

We had only met for an hour and change, but I figured what the hell; let’s try pulling anyway, and I went for it.

I just invited her home. “So I think I want to show you my art, and I have this really awesome beer you’ll love that I brought from Canada. We can sit on my rooftop and have drinks. Let’s get out of here.”

“Are you inviting me over to have sex with you?” She replied.

With a deadpan face, I said, “Yes.” And smiled.

Without stopping, she said “Okay” and started getting up to leave.

The moment we walked into my apartment building, I kissed her. It was on before we even got into my place.

I passed her shit test, and we screwed all night.

Should You Expect a Falling Out After She Goes on Vacation?

relationship time apart
With certain types of relationships, don’t expect things to go back to business as usual after she returns from a vacation or is away from you very long.

Over the years as you grow in the game and experience more women, you see many patterns in male and female dynamics. Men and women have different agendas. A woman’s ultimate agenda is to find and keep a provider, especially one who is high-value (but still attainable) and one she can commit to monogamously.

Monogamy is virtually the only acceptable social frame for a woman as far as dating and relationships go. Other relationship models likely don’t fit so well with the world view held by her family, friends, and peers. So she most likely always has the monogamy goal in mind, despite what she’s doing with a guy or guys in the moment.

If you’re in a committed, monogamous, and stable relationship that’s going well (this is an important condition distinction), you might not experience the pattern I describe below. Similarly, if you’re dating a girl but haven’t yet slept with her, you might be able to avoid this situation. Finally, if she already has a provider, you’re just having sex, and she’s not emotionally intertwined, you can escape unharmed.

However, for nearly every other scenario, a girl taking a vacation without you equates to the impending doom of whatever it is you have going with her. I’ve found that when a girl you’re seeing takes a vacation — like a 1-2 week vacation to a faraway place — there’s a good chance you won’t see her again. At least your relationship can fundamentally change once she returns from her trip.

This concept applies mostly to these setups:

It’s also true regardless of how much you both communicate with each other during the trip. This naturally tends to dip a little during trips per the nature of the above setups.

It can be a strange phenomenon to observe. But we have to remember that when a woman sees you regularly, she feels emotionally tied to you, especially if you’re giving her a great experience.

This fades away once she experiences a little distance.

Level Up Your Game, Pt 2: Conversations with Girls

conversations with girls
Let’s discuss how you can use conversation to establish acceptable social frames, create high points and compliance, and lead innocent chit-chat toward sexual topics.

Hey guys, it’s Daniel and Varoon once again! Earlier this year we met up in Canada, went out at night, and decided to write about it.

We figure it would be a great way to better understand the pitfalls guys face when learning the game. In this 4-part series, we cover 20 tips guys can use to improve their game.

In Part 1, we covered:

  • Being Present and seeing the room
  • Paying attention to her emotional feedback
  • Remaining present in the conversation
  • Being aware of potential roadblocks
  • Internalizing tenets of textbook seductions

Now we'll cover more intricacies of conversations with women that we noticed on our trip together.

How to Keep a Girl’s Self-Esteem High to Make Sex Happen

her self-esteem and sex
Before having sex, a woman needs to feel she’s not putting her ego at risk. Here’s what you need to know to manage her self-esteem before and after the act.

Welcome back to the female self-esteem series! I hope these articles have shown you how important it is to keep women’s self-esteem high, as well as your own.

Nobody wants to screw or be involved with someone with low self-esteem; except for some abusive relationships which can be addictive in their own right. Most women want to be with men who make them feel good about themselves, and all women want to feel sexually validated and have more ravishing sex than all their friends.

In Part 1, we shared stories about how two different girls auto-rejected during the escalation process because they felt low self-esteem.

In Part 2, I shared how self-esteem matters when you’re on a date with a girl, and described ways to amp up her self-esteem to close the deal.

In Part 3, we covered self-esteem issues in the bedroom and how they affect women’s feelings for you.

Now, in the final installment, let’s talk about calibrating self-esteem to keep it high, and what to do if you mess up and lower her self-esteem.

How to Keep Girls Addicted in Relationships

keep girls addicted in relationships
We’ve all experienced or have seen relationships go stale and die, but they don’t have to. The secret is to keep her addicted with volatility and unpredictability.

I’ve noticed some interesting patterns with a good friend of mine in the city. He’s been seeing this girl for a long time. He met her via day game and it ended up with sex on the first date. It’s been several years now, and he’s been seeing her like a girlfriend, while still gaming and sleeping with other girls discreetly on the side once in a while.

I think he would be trying to meet more women, but he seems to be pretty satiated with her at the moment. Whenever I see him, it’s always her that seems to be messaging and chasing after him. From what he tells me, their sex life is great. She always messages him to get together and sees him 2–4 times a week. It seems that they have wild sex virtually the entire time they’re together. He says she might be doing it to keep him from meeting other girls, which she knows he’s fully capable of doing.

This is a different pattern from what most guys do when they’re with women. They get comfortable, then play it safe in a relationship. Men try to keep their relationship stable — and effectively boring. It’s because the majority of guys are generally safe and boring by nature, so it’s their normal inclination to do the same with the women in their life.

On the other hand, women thrive on change, stimulation, and challenge, especially with shifting feelings and emotions. It’s even better when they can tie the source of those shifting emotions to the man they're with (women do this with bad boys, after all).

The Correct Response to Drama in a Relationship

responding to drama in relationships
Most guys don’t understand why women create drama in relationships, so their response often makes things worse. Here’s how to deal with it constructively.

How should men effectively deal with drama in their relationships? It’s one of the more common problems men experience. Guys rarely get thrown into a dramatic situation by choice. In cases where the drama is perpetuated by the woman, it is her negative response to a man’s behavior, and it’s an attempt to put her man back in line.

Often, the drama is unexpected, and you are totally unprepared to respond to it in a measured, constructive way. In which case, you typically make things worse.

I talked to one of my best friends in New York City recently about this. We discussed how 90% of the time guys treat drama in a way that makes things worse. Largely, it’s because guys don’t truly understand what the drama is. Like all things with women, the situation isn’t what it actually seems. You can get more information about what to do by reading between the lines from the woman’s point of view.

It’s important not to concern yourself with the drama’s details, for which there could be an infinite number of reasons. Instead, we’re going to cover what factors cause drama and how to respond while remaining attractive. After all, continual drama can result in the decline of the connection between both of you. If you react to it in the wrong way, the chance of maintaining that connection becomes slimmer and slimmer. Or worse, it incentivizes the girl to find a more suitable guy to be with.

How to Recover when a Girl Flakes, Pt 2: When She’s Not So Interested

recover from flakes
Some types of flakes are easier to deal with than others. Let’s talk about the tough ones, like when she’s not that into you or she’s testing you to expose weakness.

As a guy, you’ve likely experienced this scenario: you get excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date but end up feeling frustrated when she flakes on you. It makes the process of getting her out again much more complicated. A girl flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, but it shouldn’t be.

In Part 1 of this series, we covered how to recover from a flake when “life” happens and interferes with her plans. Usually, it’s simply a matter of comfortably rescheduling the date.

However, sometimes it’s not so simple.

As mentioned in Part 1, girls flake for one of three reasons:

  • She has a legitimate reason and wants to see you but can’t at that exact time
  • She’s not interested enough and is waiting for something better (you're a backup plan)
  • She’s testing you because she senses some weakness

Part 1 covered the first reason. Now we’ll cover the other two. You’ll learn what to do when she’s not interested enough and how to react when she tests you.

Unfortunately, these two situations are a bit more complicated. They indicate that the girl wasn’t interested enough or you made mistakes early on. Any mistake a guy makes will drop a girl’s attraction for him. Most of all, if he didn’t create enough attraction when meeting her, his options are limited.

Some guys are naturally good at texting and can create attraction through messaging. If you’re one of them, that’s a great skill to use in flake management. I’m not one of these guys, so I can’t comment much on what to do there.

Other times a girl will sense something is “off” about you, and will instead test you to see what you’ll do and how you’ll react. This is also not an optimal situation, usually surfacing because a guy did something wrong.

So let's talk about solutions.

How to Recover when a Girl Flakes, Pt 1: Types of Flakes

recover from flakes
Girls flake for a variety of reasons, legitimate or otherwise. How does one figure out which and respond accordingly to maximize the odds of finally meeting up?

On the Girls Chase boards, reader Dark Knight was asking what to do and how to deal with a girl flaking – specifically how to recover. Flakes are one of the more frustrating courtship issues that guys deal with; especially for newbies who don’t yet have the skills to have a funnel of women. Quite simply, if you don't have absolute abundance, a flake can feel like a huge missed opportunity and a big failure on your end.

Dark Knight describes what confuses him about flakes:

I think most of us are familiar with Chase’s article on "What to Do When Girls Flake.” And I believe it is good advice, but there is one key ingredient missing and that’s about how to follow up on flakes. In the article the girl Chase mentions is extremely apologetic, but lots of times there are also girls who try to act like nothing happened. If you don’t call her out, it just gets “forgotten,” which of course is not true, but convenient for the girls narrative. This makes it like comparing oranges to apples. Because at this point it feels like it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For this reason the article becomes confusing for a lot of guys. I have read some comments across the board but they are quite varied and spread out, which prevents it to be a coherent entity.

Suppose:

You arranged a date, girl agrees to it: then flakes out. 

*If you act like it’s not a big deal it’s fine and dandy: BUT you can kiss your scarcity goodbye. There is a big risk in being friend zoned, or put unto the backburner, because you give the girl an opportunity to postpone. In the past I even had this happen with girls who seemed very interested, but because they avoided committing since they do not like risks and maybe they hope for some kind of mythical white prince around the corner: they postponed. Of course when I next them, they fly into a rage. Yeah, that’s how it tends to go. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The only option seems to be if we put it in context with Chase’s advice, staying warm but maybe less available? I believe however the longer things get drawn out the more they fizzle out.

*If you reschedule fast, again you kill your value and officially become chasing guy. If you don’t reschedule the girl will probably try to get some attention and you effectively move backwards, which again is bad.

*Acting butthurt: Lowers your value and attainability, good luck with giving someone a good validation boost and shooting yourself in the foot.

I think I have summarized this as best as I can. I would really love to see an article which gives some good tactical advice about how to follow this up. Because right now my default is moving on to the next girl, unless the flaking girl REALLY tries to make up again. But even then, I can be too impatient, I don't enjoy “long game.” Whatever the hell that means.

I can empathize with Dark Knight. As a guy, you’re likely very excited about seeing a girl who agrees to go on a date with you. While flaking on a date might seem like a big deal, it shouldn’t be for most guys if you’ve done the attraction work correctly from the start. There are a couple situations in which girls will flake on a guy. Depending on which, you either have a good shot at seeing her again as long as you stay mentally strong, persistent, are warm, and understand her circumstances. Other times, you’ll learn that she wasn’t nearly as attracted to you as you thought she was. This may indicate a mistake somewhere else in the process of meeting her.

Flakes can be tricky to follow up on. It’s an abrupt and unexpected stop to a courtship. Unprepared guys who react in a wrong and uncalibrated manner will find that the opportunity is suddenly gone.