Articles by Varoon Rajah | Girls Chase

Articles by Varoon Rajah

How Self-Esteem Issues Make Women Back Out of Sex

self-esteem and sex
Women get self-conscious about their bodies and pussies, which is why you need to make her feel comfortable, or her insecurities can force her out of the situation.

We are in Part 3 of our exploration of sex and female self-esteem.

In Part 1, I described two examples of the seduction falling apart in the last moments of courtship – right as sex was about to happen and the girl was excited and expecting it.

In Part 2, we discussed different ways that self-esteem issues can pop up before a guy invites a girl home.

Now in Part 3, we’ll look closely at what happens in the bedroom – the most vulnerable moment for a woman’s self-esteem.

A guy should be aware of a girl’s self-esteem throughout any scenario with her – especially in the bedroom. In a dating situation, the self-esteem issue is more convoluted because it’s easy to misunderstand the difference between your game versus the girl’s self-esteem, and it's hard to know when and how to make moves.

Sometimes your best intentions to influence a girl’s self-esteem positively can backfire and send the opposite message, making her self-esteem drop in response.

How Moving Too Slow Can Make a Girl Auto-Reject

moving too slow auto-rejection
I had such a great date, but now she won’t meet up again! WTF? Sometimes if you move too slowly, it’ll negatively affect her self-esteem and cause her to auto-reject.

Welcome back to our study on women, sex, and self-esteem! In Part 1, I gave two examples of encounters with girls I liked, and who liked me back. We both wanted sex to happen, but both dates fell apart because the girl’s self-esteem dropped because of something I did – or didn't do.

A girl’s feeling of self-esteem with a guy has a huge effect on how the encounter transpires. Self-esteem drops can kill courtships long before they’ve “rightfully” concluded. The metric most influenced by self-esteem is your attainability with a girl.

To start off, let’s recap this excellent story from Tomas in one of my articles. It’s a great example of self-esteem on the date.

“I met a woman. She was not very attractive but still decent looking and nice. I had only one hour of time for her. We were walking in the park, sitting, talking, etc. She felt embarrassed to look into my eyes but the talk was good.

Actually, I wasn’t turned on, but I still liked her. I took her hand and kissed her. She reciprocated passionately and almost threw herself into my arms. We talked and kissed more. Then, the hour was over. She extended an offer to visit her at her place next time and explained to me where she lived.

She texted me first, some two hours after the date, very kindly.

The next morning, she apologized in a text that she hadn’t felt the right spark with me and preferred not to meet again.

Varoon – I am an advanced seducer, and stories like this do happen. What’s the common reason for this incongruent behavior? Was there really no spark for her? Or there was, but perhaps she felt she made herself too easy for me? Or was she afraid I‘d leave her after sex? What do you think?”

Tomas’ story is one of the classic cases that I often see here – a girl who’s very interested in a guy at the meet and when going on a date but then automatically ejects herself.

Can you guess the fault? It’s simple, really – Tomas moved too slow, which caused the girl to eject because she didn’t feel she was good enough for him. As in my story of Violet from Part 1, the moment I stopped matching her attraction for me and speed for courtship, it fell apart because it left her feeling that I was unattainable and didn’t want her enough.

Every single girl wants to experience good feelings and avoid bad feelings. Unless she’s a girl who enjoys pain (which is usually a result of her history with emotional or mental abuse), no girl wants to feel bad or raw about dating a guy. That can take many different forms, as we’ll see. It’s possible to hurt her self-esteem by being unattractive, needy, and insecure, as much as it is to be too good for her and to move too slowly toward a passionate embrace.

Meeting Women as a Younger Guy out of College

meeting women
Some guys in their early 20s who are out of college find it harder to meet girls, so they hit a sexual limbo and get frustrated. But fear not, you have many options!

I’m often asked by some of the younger folks who’ve met me and who have coached with me – how do you meet women when you are a younger guy after college?

It’s a great question that’s especially relevant if you’re in the lower 20s age range. This is an odd time for many men as it’s right after the conclusion of college and right at the start of independent adulthood.

Unlike women, whose sex appeal and sexual market value peak at around age 21-23 (then decline steadily afterward), mens’ options with women tend to increase with age and skill. And since women tend to look to date men who are older than them , more successful, and more sexually capable, this leaves some less-experienced men at this age feeling lost when it comes to having options.

Some guys may think they’re out of options after they’ve left college and that social scene. They even lament not being cool enough then or not being able to learn how to be cool later.

These are all incorrect ways of thinking. It’s never too early nor too late to learn game, and there’s no right age to game, date, and have sex with attractive women.

The truth is that the guys who start young and get good can stay good, grow more, and get even better as they get older. And guys who think they missed their opportunity to learn game and have success with women for the remainder of their lives – well, they just have it wrong, and their mentality is the only thing standing in their way.

Joshua Spodek | Taking Initiative (Podcast)

Welcome back to Dating Mechanics, our podcast here on Girls Chase! Today I feature a special guest who was recommended to me by Chase. Joshua Spodek is an expert in leadership, training, and taking initiative. He has a PhD and an MBA, writes a column for Inc., and has five Ivy league degrees.

In this podcast, we’re here to talk about his new book Initiative, in which Josh shares how anyone can start taking initiative to create extraordinary results in all aspects of life.

Most entrepreneurial resources require you to start with an idea and a team – big hurdles that increase the challenge. Initiative is for the other 94% of us who aren’t in fields that naturally generate ideas.

In fact, many people shy away from starting a business out of fear of having no ideas, or too many ideas – both symptoms of ineffective prioritizing. This applies to dating and social skills, too.

Everywhere you look, when we want to get good at something, we have to start somewhere.

Here’s Joshua...

How a Woman’s Self-Esteem Issues Can Make Her Bail Out of a Courtship

woman's self esteem in dating
You could have a woman seduced and ready to have sex. You two could even be naked in bed. But certain self-esteem issues can still make her bail if you’re not careful.

A woman’s self-esteem is one of her greatest assets – and it’s perhaps THE most important emotional state to keep in mind when pursuing a woman. It is self-esteem that is the root cause behind the notion of auto-rejection, the notion of reputation management, and even the role of backward-rationalization in the dating process.

“Do you really find me attractive?”

“What if the sex is bad?”

Quite simply, self-esteem plays in to how much a girl likes you based on how much validation you provide when you’re with her. And since almost no woman wants to feel bad about herself, the better you can make a woman feel, the more she’ll start to see you as a guy who makes her feel good about herself.

My purpose in this article series is to make you aware of different ways your seductions can go wrong – at any stage – if you’re not careful to manage a woman’s self-esteem. How a woman feels about herself with you determines how she feels about being with you and having sex with you.

And just to note before we get started, this is different from teasing and playful banter, which can be good to spark attraction and create sexual tension. What we’re talking about in this article series is how some things you do or say can make her bail on a date (or even from your bed) because she doesn’t want to risk damage to her self-esteem.

Sow Your Wild Oats! College Wasn’t Your Only Chance

sow your wild oats
College is touted as THE place to sow your wild oats, so guys who didn’t get it done then feel they missed out forever. But nothing could be further from the truth!

I wrote an April Fools’ Day article this year that focused on college – a “what if” theme meant to be satirical but has its roots in peoples’ desires to relive the college experience. We often get posters on the boards (and ironically, across many different forums on other social skills websites, too) who lament about not having a proper college experience that is dream-like à la the movies.

This could include being part of a fraternity, being able to day drink constantly while being one of the most popular kids in school and always having access to hot girls with little to no effort. The focus is being part of a social group and a “brotherhood” dedicated to having some wild experiences. While it’s true that college is a truly liberating time in life, I firmly believe that a lack of experience in college doesn’t hinder your successes later in life.

What was shocking to me is how many people took that article seriously, then really pondered what it would be like to relive college and do it all over again. Thinking about it more myself, I realized a greater thought – that every single guy needs to get their “wild side” out of their system sometime in their life. In other words, every guy needs to sow his wild oats. Guys that don’t do this seem to think they’ve somehow missed out on life, and thus hold a lot of regrets about where they were and what they have to do to recover.

However, this isn’t meant to be anything that advocates being a victim. You might not realize it, but it’s never too late to start doing something – anything – as long as you’re still alive and physically healthy, breathing, and capable. As we’ll see, it’s never too late for a guy to sow his wild oats.

Sexual Escalation with Shy Girls vs. Not Shy Girls

sexual escalation shy girls
Shy or not, the secret to getting a girl in bed is to move fast. But is the process of escalating to sex different with shy girls? Yes, and here’s how to do it.

This article is the unfortunate outcome of my many failures in pulling and escalation. People around me who know about my day game skills have been envious about my ability to meet a girl anywhere, any place, with little to no fear or anxiety. Guys tend to trip up most when it comes to approach anxiety and getting the guts to approach women – this doesn’t exist in my domain; I got over that fear many years ago.

Currently, my biggest sticking point has been at the very end of seduction – in the moment of pulling the girl back to my place, and in the moment of escalating with her. I must have lost over 200 girls by failing in the most critical point in the seduction – the moment when she’s already decided she wants to sleep with me, and I messed up with delivering on her wishes.

In this article, and in my next article series where I will discuss female self-esteem through all stages of seduction, we’re diving deep into how to escalate and close the deal with a girl when she’s at home alone (or wherever) with you, ready to have sex. Although different guys have different means to go about doing this, my focus here is on simplicity – how to read her and get her in bed with you depending on what kind of interest she shows in you.

Despite all my failures, there have also been many successes. Often failure is the best teacher – because through failure, you internalize a pattern so that you never trip up on it again, unless the pattern changes. So from my own failures as well as successes, let’s look at what patterns have visibly emerged.

Always Go for the Girl Who Wants You

go for the girl who wants you
Sometimes we let good lays slip by because we’re too focused on the wrong girl. These real-life examples show why you should always keep your head on a swivel.

Sometimes we run into dating situations which fall a bit outside the box. You’ll be going for one girl – the one you want – but another girl in the vicinity will show more interest in you.

I’ve often seen guys trip up on this situation, myself included, and today we’re going to talk about how to identify this and how to deal with it so you still get laid.

The lesson of this article is to be flexible. If you are after one girl, and a better opportunity opens up that might result in getting a different girl – it’s almost always better to go after the new girl IF the original girl is giving you murky signs of interest, or if she’s passing you on to her friend as a set-up.

There tend to be two kinds of situations where this happens, and from my own experience they are mostly in social circle situations:

  1. A girl you like doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for you but sets you up with her attractive friend instead

  2. You wind up somewhere with a girl, perhaps a place where she invited you, but a new window opens with a different girl in that circle

Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that these opportunities tend to trip up guys who are not well-versed in social circle game or are not naturals. From the point of view of most girls, most guys are either naturals or pursue the social circle approach to meet women, which is generally true (although in this decade we can also add Tinder into this mix). So girls use the most natural means for them to set up their friends, or their friends themselves will pursue – but often the guys will trip and falter... and end up dry.

Why It’s Impossible to Be Cool After College

college is your only chance to be cool
What’s it like to be cool? If you went to a 4-year college, you might know. But for those of us who were lame in college – or didn’t even go – is there any hope?

There are guys and girls out there who live normal lives, but to their detriment, they have missed out, and are still missing out on key parts of their lives. Anyone who is even the slightest bit aware of their own existence eventually becomes haunted by this fact: that it’s impossible to be cool again after college.

I live in a major city, was lucky to get a six-figure job after college, and found Girls Chase soon enough after school that I was able to meet sexy girls often – but it isn’t enough. All I’ve been able to think about the past few years is why missing out on the social experience of college haunts me. It really gets to me when my friends and coworkers talk about it, at lunch, during drinks after work, and at clubs when I hang out with them: how awesome their college days were, while mine completely sucked. Even now when I have a hot date in front of me, and she inevitably starts talking about how cool college was, it just sucks.

My life, though, was super different than most. I went through the community college and transfer route, and as a consequence, I missed out on dorm life and all that went with it as I chose to save money and focus on studying. By the time I entered my alma mater in junior year, a great school with a great name, I had realized all the social hierarchies had already formed, and I never had enough time to break in. Now I am heading into my late 20s, and I’m still haunted by what I missed out on.

It made me realize something – that college is THE time to be cool, and it’s pretty much hopeless to get anything else resolved in a guy’s life if he misses out on being cool in college.

Pickup and Seduction Styles: Which Will Work Best for You?

pickup and seduction styles
New to the dating, pickup, seduction world? Are you overwhelmed by the volume of information? This article will help economize your efforts in reaching your woman goals!

In my last article, we discussed how following conventional methods creates conventional results, whereas following an extraordinary method creates extraordinary results.

Too many follow conventional ideas yet expect out-of-the-ordinary results. Often this behavior creates disappointment and frustration.

A bigger issue is fear. People want to try new things but are afraid of taking the right risks to experience success that results from a tried-and-true system.

There are many different methods and systems men can use to meet and have sex with women. In this article, I’ll lay out all of them for you.

There’s been much debate in the seduction and pickup community about what makes for “great game.” Hardcore night gamers and people into one-night stands find the folks that go after online dating and consistent sex with low effort to be repulsive; meanwhile, the latter folks find cold approaching to be inefficient and inconsistent, putting in too many hours or effort for little reward. Then there are guys who commit to social circles and meet women through friends and their groups. And of course there are those who meet women and have sex by paying for it.

But which path is right for you?