Here's a surprisingly common problem that men run into with women: showing TOO much value.
Wait, how can that be a bad thing? The more value you have, the more attractive you are -- right?
Well, yes, to an extent that's true. However, the art of communicating value has a deeper, more subtle level that most men (even the majority of men who spend years learning how best to navigate the social arena) never reach.
Guys go out for different reasons. I find that one of the most common ones, particularly for men new to meeting women on the street, at bars, at clubs, at bookstores and coffee shops, is to “work on their game”.
Totally understandable. It’s where I started out at. And, especially in the beginning, you have a lot of basic stuff you’re trying to get down and specific traits you’re looking to iron out and make a regular part of who you are and the way you interact with women.
Small talk is one of those things in life that it pays well to be good at -- but also pays equally well to move beyond as quickly as possible. When you've just met someone new, dwindling on small talk can be one of the most stultifying "nowhere zones" to end up in. Many a great new connection has been lost by the conversationalists' inability to move past this sometimes daunting formality.
Opening
(or
engaging a woman verbally for the first time) in-and-of
itself is a necessity, something that must be done 96% of the time when
you want to meet a girl (if we imagine that about 4% of opening is done
by women themselves). It’s unavoidable and inescapable. Different types
of openers can net you different results – with direct
openers being of course the flavor of opening that typically offers
the most bang for your buck.
But outside the words used in the opener itself, there are in fact a few other things you can do with your openers to have them serve you far better.
Enter pre-opening. A term I coined to give name to a handful of small nonverbal gestures that net big returns in opening percentages and efficacy.
This is stuff that will get more girls opening for you, more eagerly. If you want women falling all over themselves when you first say hello, outside of making changes to your clothing, hairstyle, posture, eye contact, voice, and other fundamentals, this – pre-opening – is the way to do it.
There are several categories of pre-opening I’d like to cover here, so rather than spend a lot of time talking about the how and why, let’s just dive into them and hash that part of it out as we go.
When I was in high school, I focused really hard on being very still and moving slowly. I thought it made me seem more dominant and powerful, so I put a lot of energy into mastering it.
Nowadays, paying more attention when I'm out and hanging with girls, I'm realizing this is a big thing, nonverbally. Women are very attuned to how still you are. Being still radiates power.
A big thing for me lately is calibrating my conversation. Conversation to me these days is mostly about getting the girl talking, and mostly about getting her talking about her dreams, her relationship history, her childhood, and qualifying herself.
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This is for reasonably experienced guys. Newer guys will struggle with making this effective, I believe – it might even backfire. But for guys who are reasonably adept with women – if girls are easily attracted to you, if you’re good at getting them to follow your lead, if you have sex with different girls on a somewhat regular basis – this is something you want to read.
Referencing scientific research here, but I’m not one to be politically correct anyway, sooo… let’s talk about objectifying women.
One big mistake I see a lot of men make when meeting new women is forgetting to allow for some mystery… a little intrigue. And a little bit goes a long way – it fascinates women, gets them thinking about you when you’re not there, gets them frustrated – in a good way! – trying to figure you out.
Had a cool discussion tonight with a buddy of mine about some cats who are fearless at closing, and close well and often. Same-Night Lays (SNLs) from clubs, bars, no problemo, on a consistent basis.
Sure, SNLs happen, but how many guys have them happen consistently? I know just a handful of dudes who have consistency in that regard.
What I've noticed in these guys, and myself when I'm successful usually, is that closing consists of two parts:
