Articles by Author | Girls Chase

Articles by Chase Amante

In an Age of Connectivity, Maintain Your Privacy

just you and her
In the Internet age, everyone's cavalier about privacy. But now that people are routinely smeared, fired, and jailed for what they share online, should you still be so cavalier?

Right now, everyone's aware of how little privacy everybody else has in the Internet age.

We're all aware of it, but few of us care. Most people are actually pretty cavalier about their privacy.

Most people are on social media. A lot of people want to be big on social media. Pictures of their lives, videos, and so on. They want to blow up and get all those sweet, transitory thumbs up from random people.

Trading privacy for social approval is an attractive prospect when you are younger. I did it; a lot of people do it.

There is an important thing to understand about privacy though, and it is that the stuff you put out there to help you (by making you look cool, giving you a stage to stand on, and the like) can also come back to bite you.

It is important, especially while you're in your more self-focused, self-aggrandizing period of life (typically your teens and early-to-mid-twenties) to do everything with privacy in mind.

During the Pickup, Do You Make Her Feel Like It's Just You and Her?

just you and her
An intimate feeling during a seduction is crucial to moving forward. Without it, you may never get far with women, no matter how many approaches you make.

Sometimes guys go out to meet girls and girls can tell the guy isn't fully into them.

This may be due to the guy not wanting to throw all his chips in on a girl, to avoid the sting if she rejects him.

Or it might be a consequence of him going around in social butterfly mode, and not being able to commit to an interaction with any one girl.

Regardless, the girl can tell the guy has only one foot in the seduction... and the other foot out of it.

And since he hasn't committed to their interaction, neither too does she.

Thus starts a vicious circle for "one-foot-in" seducers, as they bounce from girl to girl, never committed to their interactions, finding the women they meet do not commit to things either, so that they themselves continue to not commit to their conversations, whether to protect themselves or to keep themselves moving, and on the cycle goes.

Many guys who burn out of nightlife cold approach or day game cold approach are guys who do this... guys who never (or rarely ever) commit to an interaction with a woman.

Women follow your lead (if they like you and accept you as a leader).

If you do not commit to a courtship, women will not commit to it.

Sure, you will occasionally get girls to chase you despite your non-committal nature.

However, the vast majority of the time, with the vast majority of the girls, if you want to get anywhere, you have to go both feet in.

How to Control Your Girlfriend or Wife (in a Society that Frowns Upon That)

control girlfriend or wifeThis Yuletide season, at a time of family, let's talk about maintaining a firm, guiding hand on your own relationships, so they do not slip away from you.

Because that is more difficult to do in our day than it has been at many points in history.

First off, let's address this: being 'controlling' in any sort of direct, overt way is completely forbidden in the modern West.

You aren't allowed to be controlling with friends. You aren't allowed to be controlling with employees. You aren't allowed to be controlling with children. And you especially are not allowed to be controlling with women.

Controlling women in any way is viewed at a societal level as the turf of weak, jealous, insecure men, who are unable to inspire devotion, and instead must use coercion.

Being 'controlling' is the domain of uneducated roughnecks, red necks, and ghetto hoods who lack the ability to communicate or empathize, who don't respect women, and who are, or inevitably will be, 'abusers'.

This article is not really about that kind of jealous, insecure attempt to control. Instead, it is about how to manage your girlfriend or wife in a way she benefits from and responds to, that makes your relationship healthier, and that meanwhile attracts as little social opprobrium as possible.

How to Do a 10-Minute Meditation that Eliminates Bad Emotions

how to meditateI've been meditating since I was 18 years old.

That's half a lifetime ago for me now.

I didn't get into meditation as part of any kind of spiritual belief system.

I prayed as a child when I was a Christian. But by the time I started meditating, I was an atheist.

I'm more spiritual again now, happily (atheism was always an angry, dissonant, lonely belief system for me; I've never liked nihilism, but it's difficult to resist it when your foundation is rejection of the immaterial). That's led my meditation practice to become much deeper, and both more rewarding and also more useful.

However, the kind of meditation I'll talk about with you today is the kind I was doing when I believed in nothing other than the material. It was useful to me then, and I still use it today.

This may not be anything too new if you're a long-time meditator yourself.

But I know many folks aren't.

So today I'd like to introduce you to how to do a 10-minute meditation that clears away toxic thoughts, large pressures, and unhappy feelings.

Tactics Tuesdays: Pawning Girls for Better (or More Into You) Girls

pawn a girlThere's an old seduction tactic called 'pawning'.

When you pawn a girl, you trade one girl in for another.

This is something you'll mostly use in social venues, like bars, parties, and networking events.

Pawning relies on the principles of social proof (people like people whom other people like) and preselection (women find more attractive those men whom other women like).

It also takes advantage of the fact that women usually have much lower guards when approached by a strange man and woman than they when a strange man alone approaches.

What is pawning?

Pawning is when you bring another girl along you've met with you to meet new people... then leave the old girl in the new group, while you pair off with a new girl from the group you've just approached. You have, in effect, pawned your old girl off for someone new. Pawning is useful for trading up to more attractive women, or women who are more attracted to you.

Often in social venues, the prettiest girls there will not be standing around by themselves. Instead they'll be in groups, and you need to find a way into the group to access the girls. Pawning is a way to gain access.

Approach Anxiety: 1 Simple Mindset Flip to Talk to More Girls

approach anxietyYou won't always be super active with approaching new women.

You'll go through stretches where you're focused on work or other things. You might only approach opportunistically, to girls who show a lot of interest. Or you might break off approaching entirely for a time.

After you take a little time away like this, after a while when you want to get back to approaching, the rust comes back... and you have to deal with approach anxiety all over again.

When you're not in the habit approaching a lot, especially when you're not in the habit of making uninvited approaches (where the girl hasn't signaled you to open), there's anxiety.

  • What am I going to say to her? you'll ask yourself.

  • I'm not warmed up, I don't feel confident using one of my regular openers.

  • I'm not sure what I'll say to her AFTER the opener.

  • She's not in an easy place to get to, if she isn't into me it's going to be awkward to move away from there.

You might go out intending to chat up women, and end up chatting to no one.

Yet, there's something you may have once known... something you forget when you don't approach as actively.

And as soon as you remember it, you can be fine.

You start approaching again in earnest, shake the approach anxiety off, and have no trouble meeting girl after girl.

That one thing you can remember (or learn, if you hadn't previously known it) -- the one great trick you can use to get yourself approaching after a hiatus from it -- is the difference between creating attraction and finding attraction.

Tactics Tuesdays: Telling a Girl You're Disappointed in Her

disappointed in youI had a chat the other day with a friend who'd caught his long-time girlfriend in a big lie.

She had promised him before she would not lie to him about the thing.

Well, she did lie.

And my friend wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He's an easygoing guy. And his natural inclination was to be understanding, and not make it a huge deal.

Even though it was, in essence, a pretty important deal.

On the other hand, he also realized if he let his girlfriend's lie slide, it'd be the wrong call... and he'd only be kicking the can down the road to deal with later (possibly in a worse way).

When we talked, he'd made his mind up to angrily confront her. He'd confront her, summon up some fiery anger, tell her caught her lying, and put the fear of God in her. That was the plan. She had to feel she'd done wrong.

He knew he had to enforce some kind of stricture here, or else his girlfriend would run wild.

And yet... he felt the plan was off.

He just didn't know what else to do.

Never Count on a Woman to Change (& Never Think You'll Change Her)

change a womanI talked to a friend recently and told him about a woman I'd dated with a short fuse.

She was in all other respects perfect.

Physically very beautiful. Very smart and highly educated.

Good career. A happy, positive, can-do person, with a charming personality.

More self-improvement-orientated than almost any woman I've met.

However, she had a very short fuse, and various things would set her off.

Once you set her off, she'd fly off into a (self-)righteous rage.

Her rage would last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, then she would calm back down. A little while later she'd be happy again.

This short fuse of hers was inherited. Her father had it. Her elder sister and younger sisters had it. Others in her family did not have it, but those four did. At a family gathering I attended with them, all four set each other off and flew into rages against one another.

The sisters often tried to avoid talking with each other and their parents, solely because of their tendencies to set each other off like that. Everything else about their relationships were fine, but the anger they all boiled over into did not well mix.

I did everything I could, within reason, over the time I dated this girl to cure her of this fuse.

I thought for a while that with proper operant conditioning, I'd break her of her temper.

I was wrong, and nothing I did was a permanent fix.

The friend I mentioned this to is an optimistic guy who is good at approaching new women, but has trouble bedding them and hanging onto them. His relationships never work out. He's one of the 'hard case' guys I know and have talked about before on Girls Chase. It's hard to put your finger on it with him, but there are many little things it often seems like he does not really 'get'.

When I talked about some of the details of this relationship with him, he told me "Well, it sounds like you set up a pattern early on where this type of behavior was acceptable."

He added that it "sounds like you were encouraging this" or "maybe you subtlely like this."

He then admitted he'd dated a few dramatic women before, but "I quickly showed them I wouldn't tolerate that and they stopped doing it."

It was a little pop armchair psychology that on the surface sounds really good. Somebody does something you don't like? Just make it clear it's unacceptable, and she'll stop for good! Don't be weak or invite it back in, and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But, as I told him, people are a lot richer and more complex than this... and you simply wanting a behavior to change, and putting a few behavior modification procedures in place to try to change it, does not ensure you'll get the change you want.

Especially not long-term.

Far from it.

Rather, while you should do what you can to get your woman to change any undesirable behavior she has, you should never count on a woman to change... and you should never think you'll change her.

Everyone Dates Whoever He Needs to Date

you date who you need to date
Every problem, bit of drama, suffering, torment, or heartache in a relationship is necessary... because people date the people they need to date.

I have a pretty good track record predicting how relationships will turn out.

I can tell, fairly reliably (though I'm sometimes wrong... but not a lot) how a partnership will go after a short time around a couple.

It used to aggravate me, some years ago, how when I'd identify an obviously troubled partnership, no one would listen to me and end the thing before it grew worse.

Time and again, dire warnings to friends of how their relationships would turn out came true.

And still, no one listened.

Yet, these days, people disregarding my advice doesn't aggravate me anymore.

If I see someone headed into an obviously troubled relationship, I will warn him off it.

However, if he chooses to pursue it, it no longer bothers me. I'm not a busybody... what someone is doing with his own life isn't my business, unless he wants my input. I usually won't stay as close with a guy going into a troubled relationship against my advice, because of how troubled relationships tend to affect people (i.e., they turn most folks into needy, emotional messes who bog down everyone around them... and it's not my calling in life to be a shoulder to cry on, nor is it a role anyone would want me in anyway. Really, you are better off not having Chase in that role).

Over time, my understanding of why people date the people they do (as well as do the other things they do) has changed.

I stopped viewing people's choices in mates -- even choices that hurt them, and lead them to suffer -- as 'right' or 'wrong' for them.

Instead, now I look at a partnership and say, "What about this partnership makes it what this person engaging in it needs?"

Because that is the real kicker: people only have the relationships they need to have.

The more you learn to look at relationships as people with exactly the people they needed to be with right then, the more even the very troubled relationships you see start to make a lot more sense.