Articles by Chase Amante | Girls Chase

Articles by Chase Amante

When Girls Think You're a Player (Then Shut You Down)

girl thinks you're a player
If a girl thinks you’re a player, it can be a pretty uphill battle with her after that. Here’s why she thinks you’re a player – plus how to remove the ‘tells’.

I counseled a friend recently who's struggled with women for sometime. He's a bit of a 'hard case' - a guy who's been in the game a long time, is friends with many very skilled seducers, and is highly skilled at the early part of approaching and meeting women, and even good at getting girls back to his place... but he has lots and lots of trouble sealing the deal with women. After the first kiss at his place, they invariably leave.

Guys like this can be tough to work with, because things that work for almost everyone else stubbornly don't for them. And you run into the issue of the guy not knowing exactly what's wrong himself, and it being hard to diagnose if you don't spend a lot of time with him in-person.

However, one clue recently was his report on a date that didn't pan out. Early on into the date, the girl closed off a bit and made remarks such as "How fast do you usually have sex with the women you have sex with?" and "I'm someone who doesn't just hop in bed right away." This, mind you, was not when he was trying to take her home, or touching her, or hitting on her - this was early into the date, when they'd just arrived at the date location and just began to talk.

This friend gets comments like from other women too; sometimes on dates, sometimes back at his place.

And while it is common to get girls telling you things like "This is too fast for me" or "Do you always move this fast with girls?" once you're back at your place with them, peeling their clothes off, the farther removed you get from that while still receiving these comments, the more of a problem you know you have.

In this case, the problem is the 'player vibe problem'. The problem is she feels like you are a heartless player, and she is only the latest slab of meat to cross your path.

Obviously, for successful seduction purposes, this is one perception you'd like to dispel.

Tactics Tuesdays: Questioning Other Males' Masculinity

undermine masculinity
One highly effective way to eliminate social and sexual competitors: undermine their masculinity. Yet as powerful as this tactic is, you must use it carefully…

Very slightly dark side tech here, but I’m giving it to you purely for defensive purposes.

In some situations, you will discover there is a need to defend yourself against competitor males. There are a variety of defensive measures at your disposal to deflect or declaw your social competitors, including many we’ve discussed before:

Right now I’m going to give you one I’ve always liked personally (but try not to use on Girls Chase... because it’s kind of mean), which is to undermine competitor males’ masculinity.

Now, to pull this off, you have to be reasonably masculine. You don’t have to be a hulking brute who chomps cigars for breakfast. You just need to be a little above average on the masculinity scale. Even if you’re a sensitive man high in verbal intelligence and empathy, it is not hard to up your masculinity to where you’re a bit above average. Focus on being cool, being an asshole, and being dominant, and you’re already at least in the top 15% manliest men.

So long as you’re masculine enough for it not to seem like the pot calling the kettle black when you accuse other men of unmanliness, this tactic works like gangbusters.

You’ll use it for two things:

  1. To directly demoralize social competitors, to their faces
  2. To influence the opinions of women and others against your social competitors

Let’s have a look.

The Phenomenal Seductive Power of Being Present

being present
Presence is a remarkable, awe-inspiring quality. And if you can learn to be present, you can use it to incredible effect with the opposite sex.

‘Presence’ is a difficult concept to write about, because it is so difficult to describe.

It’s an intangible, ephemeral thing.

You know when you are with someone who possesses it. You can feel the force of this person’s attention. It is like his eyes have tractor beams; his words carry magnets. You feel sucked in and humbled by this powerful, awesome individual.

What creates this effect? In part, it’s presence.

There’s a bit more to the overall effect an individual has on you than presence, of course. There’s also confidence, dominance, charisma, social rank, perceived value, and a whole host of other things. The word ‘presence’ often gets used as a catch-all term to mean “all these varied intangible elements on display, in force”, but we’re going to be a lot more specific today.

Today we’re only going to talk about the literal meaning of the word ‘presence’: actually being completely present with another person, right there, in the moment.

It Doesn't Matter What She's Thinking. Stop Chasing Rabbits

what she's thinking
What is she thinking? Before you try to get inside her head, you must know this principle: taking action trumps reading minds.

We talk about female psychology a good deal on Girls Chase. At the meta level, it’s supremely helpful to know how women tick and what goes on in their heads.

However, today, we’re going to look at the granular level. The “what is this one individual girl thinking?” level. We’ll start with part of a comment by Girls Chase reader SZ:

I was also hoping you could explain this interaction to me, I try to be a warm person, but people don’t become warm, they’re cold. I was at the gym, This girl I saw was nice to me and asked me how I was, I told her and asked her the same, I looked at her a few times while we worked out nothing too much, just to check her out, then when I was leaving I said bye to her and she had headphones in, but I felt she heard me, I waited there for a response, then she gave me this attitude way of saying bye, like she was too cool for me. It was like a look of “oh please, I’m too cool for you attitude”. It threw me off because I didn’t make it obvious I looked at her a few times, I didn’t try to ask her out, I made sure she didn’t see me look at her here and there. I was cool, so I don’t understand the coyness. I was just being a man and looking at a girl, I don’t know if she saw me check her out, so I don’t know if that was the reason she acted like that.

So, a girl started off seemingly nice to him. Then ended up seemingly cool toward him. What happened, and what does it mean? Well...

  • It could be she wanted him to flirt with her more and ask her out, he didn’t, and she was disappointed.

  • It could be she was just being polite earlier, and in truth didn’t want to encourage him any more than she needed to.

  • It could be she started off her workout in a sociable mood, but by the end of it she was focused on music and exercise and ‘tuned out’ socially, so just seemed cold.

Maybe it’s none of these, and it’s something else entirely.

The thing is, with an individual woman, in an individual situation, you will not know what she is thinking.

You may have guesses. And sometimes your guesses will be correct. Sometimes they’ll be wholly, completely, laughably wrong, though.

Which brings us to our primary point today: it doesn’t matter what she’s thinking right there, this very moment. Stop worrying about what she’s thinking. Get focused on results, and stop chasing after rabbits.

Tactics Tuesdays: Girl Blinders

girl blinders
Do you want to talk to a girl, but there’re people around and you feel unconfident? Put on ‘girl blinders’, and make your audience disappear.

You’re out in public. Could be on the train, on a street, in a bar, in a café, in a grocery store. You see a cute girl. She gives you a coy glance and you think she’d like to meet.

Only then... you take a glance yourself at all the people around you. There are a lot of them. If you approach that girl, they’ll notice.

You’ve never spoken to these people before. Odds are good you won’t see any of them again. Yet, they’ve immediately become the biggest obstacle to your approach. You may not even talk to this girl you’d like to meet, who looks like she’d like to meet you. All because there are people around, and you’re hesitant to approach in front of an audience.

There’s a simple little trick to get around this specific fear.

I call it ‘girl blinders’.

When Women "Don't Count" Guys They've Slept with Before

guy didn't count
Some guys just don’t ‘count’ for women. They can hook up with them, date them… and yet, the guys still don’t count. Why do women do this, and how can you be a ‘doesn’t count’ guy yourself?

There was a thing I set out to do early on in my journey into seduction. I couldn’t then have put it into words. But I knew what it looked like. I wished:

  • To be a guy women pined for, instead of the one doing the pining

  • To be able to walk into a room and seduce the woman I wanted

  • Women to expect nothing from me yet desire me just the same

  • Women to be genuinely surprised if I chose to keep them as girlfriends

  • To be a man the normal rules of dating did not apply to

There are different ways to name this. One might be to say I wanted all the power in the male-female courtship dynamic. The power to choose, seduce, and decide. And sure, you could say that was true. But that’s true of most people. Most people – men and women alike – look for ways to increase their power in the courtship dance. They want to be more liked, more loved, more adored; to better be able to pick and choose the mates they want, and captures those mates’ hearts and minds.

Another way to name what I wanted, though, was to be a guy who ‘didn’t count’.

The phrase ‘doesn’t count’ can apply to lots of things. However, the way women usually use it when talking about men they’ve had romantic involvements with is to describe men they want to erase from their histories: “He didn’t count.” “That guy didn’t count.” “Oh, Jim? He doesn’t count.”

That was the guy I wanted to be.

The one who ‘didn’t count’.

How to Turn Girls You've Slept with into Friends

girlfriends into friends
How do you turn a girl you’ve slept with into a friend? There are a few rules to follow – but also some pitfalls you must avoid.

Just dug an old topic out of my ‘topic ideas’ grab bag. A member of the Girls Chase forums, some years back, asked another member:

You mentioned keeping these girls around as friends. Would you recommend this for women I’ve already slept with and hung out with for a bit? If so, how would you make that transition?

... and that member responded:

This is beyond my level. Maybe chase can shine some light on this topic. How to turn girls you’ve slept with into friends. Article worthy?

I went into details in my response on that thread, but I’d like to explore the topic more today. How do you turn a girl you’ve slept with into a friend?

I’ve done it several times (I’ll explain why not more than that below), and it is eminently doable. However, there are some nuances involved in it you will have to keep in mind... to not have it blow up in your face, one way or another.

Tactics Tuesdays: 5 Ways to 'Assume the Sale' with Girls

assume the sale dating
You know she likes you, but want to avoid resistance when you ask her to do something? Don’t give her the chance to resist. Assume the sale instead.

"Assume the sale."

It's one of the most recognizable sales mantras. Don't ask the prospect if he wants to buy. Assume he does. Then proceed under that assumption.

This advice has long made the rounds in seduction circles as well.

It's good advice, when timed well and calibrated to the girl and the scenario.

When you 'assume the sale' with an interested woman, you aren't jumping the gun heedlessly, of course. You don't assume "Well, she said 'hello' to me, so now I can take her hand and lead her to the washroom" (what you can do when she says 'hello' to you? Assume attraction). Rather than jump any guns, instead you read a girl's signs of interest and when you can tell she's probably ready for something, you just assume she is... and lead.

That's all well and good. If you don't have any sales training though, how do you do this?

Today's Tactics Tuesdays post arms you with five (5) different ways to assume the sale with women - all you have to do pick the method most suitable for your girl and your situation, and apply.

A Man's Girl Mix and His Jadedness

girl mix
The mix of girls you’ve dated and slept with informs your opinions of women. Different girl mixes can lead to very different thoughts about women.

As you make your way through life, and particularly as you make your way through seduction, you will discover different men at varying levels of ‘jaded’.

There are romantically inexperienced men who are incredibly optimistically naïve about women. There are romantically inexperienced men who are incredibly pessimistically naïve about women. Like all views formed from a distance, these are unrealistic views, punctured by the first few experiences with women in the flesh.

Once a man begins to accumulate romantic experience, his views on women shift toward the middle. The optimist discovers women are not as pure as he’d thought; the pessimist discovers women are not so devious as he’d feared.

Yet, from this intermediate middle point, as men accumulate still more sexual and romantic experience, their views diverge again.

All experienced men’s views on women are ‘realistic’. Yet the tenor of the views can differ wildly from man to man. They range from the experienced man who thinks women are sometimes tricky but mostly sweet, to the experienced man who thinks every woman is a siren, luring men who fall off their guards for even a moment to the rocks.

There’s one single, easy way to predict how jaded about women a man with some experience under his belt will be, though: look at the mix of women he’s been with.

Tactics Tuesdays: Quick Yes-Ladders to Smash Resistance

yes-ladderOne of the biggest obstacles with women is resistance.

If a girl gives you no resistance, you can do whatever you want with her, right?

“Come with me,” and she goes with you. Great. “Spin around, show me your dress,” and she spins. “Let’s head somewhere a little more private,” and she heads there with you. “Take your shirt off,” and she does. Perfect.

Yet the courtship dance is built on resist-persist. She resists, you persist. She resists, you persist. This ‘persistence testing’ women do is a way for them to vet your confidence and romantic aptitude. And confidence and romantic aptitude are signals to a woman of your mate quality. The more confident you are, and the more you know how to handle whatever she throws your way, the higher caliber a mate she judges you to be.

For this reason, handling resistance is one of the big things you must be able to do to get the women you want.

Today we’ll look at one quick, simple resistance-buster that lets you carve through moderate resistance from otherwise interested women: the quick 2-to-4-step flirtatious yes-ladder.