This is one of those things that, when I figured it out, kinda made me slap my forehead and go, “Duh.” But even still, it took me five years to figure it out. And I’m going to give it to you in one post.
You’re welcome ;)
I figured it out gradually as I realized a number of things:
What do you do when she says, “I love you?” Do you run and hide, or say it too?
There are two near-universal responses to a woman saying those three little words, and they’re pretty much both absolutely horrible and flat out wrong from the standpoint of achieving anything good and healthy in a relationship. They are:
If you’ve ever looked at a pretty girl and suddenly felt a surge of nervousness at the idea of going to say hi to her, you’ll get something out of this article. Because what you were doing when you felt that nervousness was you weren’t thinking in numbers.
Most men who are successful with women have a number of similar traits you can distill and learn from. One of those traits is thinking in numbers. That is to say, thinking to themselves not, “I’m going to go meet that girl… I hope she likes me!” but rather, “I’m going to go meet every cute girl I see, until I find one who likes me.”
Any man who’s had a girlfriend before can tell you that women keep secrets. Quite often, a lot of secrets. Far more than men. In fact, many men have virtually no secrets. But find me a woman with no secrets, and… well, she’s a rare woman indeed.
What kind of secrets do women keep, and why do they keep them? That’s the topic of this post.
When a lot of guys plan dates, they seem to plan them with an attempt to address one specific concern:
How can I make this date fun?
The fear seems to be that if the date isn’t fun, a girl won’t want to go. And how can you move things forward with a girl who doesn’t want to go out with you?
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out and plan “fun” dates early on in my seduction career. I tried to be inventive, and innovative, and come up with engaging, exciting activities that my dates would not have experienced before.
For use with girls who like you a good deal.
So, anyone who’s been following my writing recently knows I’ve been talking a lot about chase frames lately. Along with speed, persistence, and understatement, chase frames are one of the things I’m quite big on these days.
In fleshing out the right description of how chase frames work though, there was one detail I neglected to mention in that first post on them linked to above; namely, that to get a girl to chase, you usually need to give her a little bit first.
Think about it like this. You walk into a bar and go sit down and order your drink. A pretty girl walks in and sits down two seats away from you. How do you get her to start investing in you and pursuing you?
Getting investment from women is a crucial element of your success with them. Men who fail to get investment fail to move things forward with the women in their lives – it’s as simple as that. Investment is vital.
So what happens when you ask for compliance and get a “no”? What happens when you say, “Come with me,” and she just shakes her head and stays put?
A common response from a lot of guys is they back down; they retreat from their compliance requests or compliance demands, and forget about it. The following scenario is typical in a number of guys’ interactions:
Ever notice how fairytales and about ninety-nine out of a hundred romance tales you see or read are about how two people first got together? Cinderella meets her prince, against all odds, and he manages to find her again after he's lost her, against all odds, and the two of them ride off together in the carriage, into the dusky sunset. Prince Charming defeats the evil dragon to free Sleeping Beauty from her hundred-year slumber. Belle falls for Beast despite his unsavory appearance.
How come we don't start the story with Cinderella five years into her marriage with the prince? Why not pick up a decade after Sleeping Beauty woke up and Prince Charming and she made castle together? Why do we never see Belle and Beast after they've had their first couple of half-human, half-animal offspring?
It's because there's nothing exciting about that. We don't care about two people that've been together for years; that's old news. We want to know about the new and exciting things that are going on: those two people who might get together – who should get together – but who still may not get together.
Social calibration is one of the toughest things to learn, because it’s one of those things where if you haven’t yet become aware of a certain aspect of socializing, you may be completely oblivious to mistakes you’re making or people you’re offending or alienating. I want to take a look today at some common mistakes that can get a guy labeled “rude” (or worse) and what he might do about them to correct that.
“Abundance Mentality” is something that’s frequently prescribed as an answer to men’s neediness issues: approach anxiety, having a “weird” or “awkward” vibe, escalation hesitation, failure to invite women home. Anything where a guy comes off as hesitant or is nervous about achieving a certain outcome.
Men who know there are women everywhere, and know they can get women whenever they want, goes the thinking, won’t worry about it.
But in fact, a standard abundance mentality will only get you halfway there.
